Stiletto Diaries

I’ve been to some really fabulous play parties as of late.  Unfortunately, blogging about such parties and the happenings therein is generally frowned on upon in the kink community at large. As it were, I can’t give out TOO many details, but I will say that much fun was had by V and myself.

At the Halloween party I had the unique experience of being topped by both Deja and V. At first it was a little…strange, having V there, but once she got down to business with a riding crop I stopped giggling. It was a really good, although intense scene. My head went to a strange space and I felt emotional, and I sort of wanted to cry. Not from the pain, it was deeper than that. I was surprised and not entirely sure how to handle it. Fortunately V and Deja were there to coddle and love me and it passed as quickly as it had arrived.

My ass was sore for days after, as you can imagine from these photos, which were taken three days after the party.

Playing with Deja was a lot of fun, and I look forward to scening with her again, perhaps this weekend at the next play party I am going to.

On Saturday Jack and Nia and I went to Fet Fair in Guelph, which is like a craft/trade show for all things kink. I like it because it supports the local community, and the people who hand make all manner of fabulous toys.

It was a really great event! I got to introduce Jack to a number of my friends in the community, and he bought me a couple of new toys.

The bondage belt was of particular interest to Jack, especially as the man who made it buckled it under my breasts and demonstrated how my hands could be fastened at my sides, leaving the o-ring free for leading me about, or tying me to things, etc. Jack was sold on it! The wonderful salesman also threw in a wooden massager (pictured above, top right) which is lovely for sensation play.

Then there was the quirt, which is an easy-to-use alternative to other styles of whip. It may look small, but that thing packs a LOT of sting.

We were entranced by a demo of this portable suspension rig, and I’m rather hopeful that I might entice Jack to purchase one for me eventually (maybe for our anniversary *cough cough*).  I’d be happy with the cross at the very least, but if we had the suspension frame, we could use it for our sex swing as well.

On our way out of the fair, I stopped to enter the raffle draw they were having, which offered several really great prize packages.  Imagine my thrill and surprise when they called me some time later to tell me that I’d won second prize!

In the picture full of assorted implements you can see most of my winnings.  Here are individual photos of some of my favorites.  Although I forgot to get a shot of the whippy rattan cane that was in there and which has proven quite a lovely toy.

That evening V and Nia accompanied me to a play party, at which we had a fabulous time.  Deja was unable to attend but I did run into another Domme friend of mine who beckoned me to play.  The results of which can be clearly seen below (ass photos courtesy of V).

Notice the older bruises on the outsides of the thighs and hips?  Those were leftovers from the Halloween party, still looking rather nasty even a week later.

All of us had a marvelous time, and I’m looking forward to yet another play party this Saturday.  Unfortunately I don’t think it’s going to work out that V can attend, since Jack will be out of town on business, but Deja is going so I won’t be totally on my own (not that I would mind at this point).  It’s been wonderful getting out more in the community.  I seem to make new friends every time I go to an event.

I finally feel as though I’ve caught up on all the recent happenings, despite the lack of explicit detail (not my doing, those are just the rules).  I should have some more gratuitous ass shots to show off after this weekend, but in the mean time, here’s some boobies.  Happy Monday!

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October has been a great month for sexy fun. I’ve been well-beaten and bruised several times over, each incident better than the last!

It mostly began Thanksgiving weekend, after we’d had our fill of turkey. Deja got out her violet wand and used it on Jack, and then let Jack use it on me, which he seemed to enjoy a great deal.

Then it was time for some cupping! I’d never tried cupping before, and Jack seemed very interested. I stripped down and Deja coated my back in massage oil. She applied the first cup and I was caught off-guard by how painful it was. I hadn’t expected it to hurt so intensely. She used the type of cups which are made from plastic, with a one-way valve at the top. You attach a handle to said valve and use it to suck the air from the cup, creating a vacuum that draws the skin into the cup, pulling blood to the surface and creating very deep bruising. There are other cupping sets available which are glass globes, you wipe the inside with alcohol, light it on fire, and then quickly apply the cup to the back. The fire burns up the oxygen, creating a vacuum that is less severe than the manual pump cups.

She encouraged Jack to give it a try. He quite giddily applied cups to my ass and lower back, getting FAR more enjoyment from the experience than I was.

Then Deja did the most horrifying thing ever. She wiggled one of the cups and then slid it across my skin, making me howl with pain. It felt like she’d sliced me open, and then the pain was in a new spot. There aren’t any photos of it, but there were ‘trail’ marks on my back from where she had moved the cups.

It didn’t take me long to hit my limit, and I begged for them to remove the cups. Deja obliged, grudgingly, but not before she slid a few more of them around for good measure.

Jack was thrilled, and now insists that if I want a violet wand, he must also have a cupping set.

Things were quiet for a couple of weeks, until The Everything To Do With Sex Show last Saturday. Jack and I had plans to go on Saturday evening, and I had offered to ’stunt bottom’ to Deja in the dungeon for a while.

I loath going to the show on weekends, because it’s always packed with people! This year was no exception. It was crowded, and I found it difficult to really look at anything.

Since I’ll use any excuse to dress up, I wore a long PVC skirt, which has slits up to mid-thigh on both side. I paired that with a pair of knee high boots and a blue silky top that looks like lingerie. I also wore a pair of cuffs, but didn’t bother with any panties.

Jack and I looked around for a while, browsing past most of the traditional sex toy booths, since we have plenty of that stuff around here. I did find a couple of really hot bras at Maximum Woman (which is where you have to shop when you have ‘plus sized’ breasts). Jack insisted I get them for myself, and I am glad he did, since I am short on attractive bras.

Since I needed to wear panties for the dungeon demo, I also picked up a couple of pairs of those, including these, which I thought were too cute.

Aside from the underwear, the only toy I bought at the show was this whippy crop, which I hope will get some use in the very near future.

Once we’d seen everything we wanted to see, I met up with Deja in the dungeon. I was giddy, but nervous, especially since there was a considerable crowd in there (at least 50 people). She knew that I was feeling a bit awkward, and assured me that she would blindfold me to help with the stripping down in public like that.

We were setting up to play on the cross, which was situated close to a speaker, so I wouldn’t be able to hear anything going on behind us. I was grateful for that as I wriggled out of my skirt, took off my top and bra, and stood beside the cross in my boots and panties. She clipped me to the rings and then started warming me up. I did my best not to think about all of the people watching me. I really wanted it to be a good scene.

I don’t clearly remember the order of things. It wasn’t an especially hard scene, although it must have lasted at least half an hour. There were points where I hollered, where she flogged me so hard it took my breath away, and where I yelped in pain. It was our first ‘real’ scene together, and she was wonderful about checking in with me (especially since she wouldn’t have heard me safeword over the pounding music). She ran her nails over me, many times, and pulled my hair.

Meanwhile Jack was watching from the audience. During the flogging a girl in front of him remarked to her friend “There is no way she is enjoying that” to which Jack volunteered “Oh trust me, she’s enjoying it very much.” The girls looked at him with some confusion, so he explained that I was his wife and that I did indeed like being beaten on.

Deja informed me that the climax of the scene was about to begin, and then she laid into me with two floggers at once. I grunted and strained against the cross. Before I really got my wits about me, it was over and Deja was unhooking me and cursing herself for not having brought a blanket. I wanted to suggest that she ask Jack for his coat, but my brain and my mouth couldn’t seem to get coordinated enough for the effort. She forced me to sit down and then allowed me to get dressed while I pulled myself together. I had some water and exchanged looks with Jack, feeling very happy with how the scene had gone.

When finally I felt steady I went to the rope which seperated the crowd from the equipment and gave Jack a kiss. A man standing nearby, who had been watching with interest, asked me if I was alright. I said that I was, and then he asked if it had hurt. It did, I told him, but in a good way. Obviously, since I was grinning like an idiot.

I thanked Deja for the scene, gave her a hug and a kiss, and then Jack and I wandered over to the foodcourt to grab something to eat.  He told me how very proud he was of me for being so brave.  He knows how I have struggled for years with body issues and insecurity.  It was a serious stretch for me, but I think I am finally starting to find my way into feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

My tank top did nothing to hide the welts that Deja had raised on my back with a particularly stingy flogger of hers.

After another look around I picked up a couple of chocolate penis’ for V and I, as is our Sex Show tradition. Then, tired but satisfied, we headed home. I had V snap a pic of the welts on my rear end before bed.

It was a good show this year. Better than the one V and I went to last year here in Toronto. Maybe that’s just because I got to play this year ;)  The goodie bags left something to be desired (unlike last year, which was great) and as I said, the crowds made me crazy, but all in all, a good time was had.

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Has anyone seen my writing mojo??? I’m considering putting up some ‘Missing’ posters and offering a reward.

I’m still Twittering actively, and recently I’ve started using TwitPic to share photos. Take a look here to see the boots I got over the weekend, the fire wands I made, and a shot of my boobs from above.

Life has been…full, and wonderful, and busy! Deja stayed with us all weekend. She and I went to a shoe party and I got a fabulous and sexy pair of boots. We also put together our costume for Halloween and plotted out our plans for the coming weekend. Jack and I are going to The Sex Show on Saturday, and I have volunteered to bottom for Deja in the dungeon for a little while, so that she can do some demonstrations on me. Then she’s staying the night at our place and we’re going to a kinky Halloween party on Sunday.

V got home yesterday, and it’s been wonderful having her back. We missed her terribly. She and I watched Run Fat Boy Run last night, and what a really great movie. We laughed really hard, and it was very inspiring.

I’m hopeful that I can pick up my laptop today, and then I think I’ll just put up a summary of the time my friend was here, along with some photos and leave it at that. I hate it when I feel as though too much time has passed between an event and blogging about it. At any rate, there WILL be posts and there will be pictures. Of course I’ll get to that after I’ve spent at least an hour cuddling my laptop and apologizing for all of the times I took it for granted or went to bed angry after taking out my frustration on it’s delicate keyboard.

I’ve decided to participate in NaNoWriMo, although on my own terms and not necessarily those set forth by the official website. I’m crap at writing fiction, so rather I plan to pound out 2,000 words of non-fiction per day, every day in the month of November. At the end I will have a rough draft of the book I’ve been talking about writing for ages. Likely I shall post the odd excerpt here on my blog for your perusal during the writing process.

With all of the play parties and kink events happening over the next three weeks, I am certain I shall have plenty of fun and sexy stories to share. Plus I’ll have a proper laptop on which to write them

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Just a note, before I begin my post about the weekend.  You may have noticed that all of the Twitter Digest posts are now gone.  I took a quick poll of my readers yesterday, and since most of you disliked having them on the blog, I removed them.  Personally, I go back and forth between liking them and being annoyed with them.  When is a good time to have them?  When should I turn them off?  Do people even read them?  Etc.  At any rate, they are no more.

Now, on to the good parts!

On Friday evening V and I drove into Toronto and down to the Sound Academy, which is located on a pier, along the shore of Lake Ontario.  I’d never been to this particular venue before, but we were both quite impressed with the interior, and then we wandered out onto the back patio and saw the lake.  After walking down a short flight of stairs you find yourself standing right beside the water, while the waves lap against the pier.  We could see a fantastic view of the Toronto skyline at night, all lit up.  The CN tower was in clear view, and the downtown looked brilliant, towering above the shores of the lake.  Unfortunately I had neglected to bring my camera, so I don’t have photos, but hopefully you get the idea.

The opening bands were great.  V and I had some drinks and really enjoyed ourselves while we waited for Bedouin Soundclash.  Both of the openers were from Ontario here, so it was a 100% Canadian concert, which I like.

We were pumped up and ready when Soundclash finally took the stage.  It was really awesome to see them preform live.  I’ve loved their music for several years now, and it was so cool to hear them play in person.  They did both of my favorite songs, and we managed to get pretty close to the stage (it was a general admission thing with no seating, so the entire audience was crowded together).  We danced and sang and oggled the bassist.  It was a great time!

At the end of the concert we grabbed a hot dog from one of the street meat carts and then headed for home.  We were both exhausted and I hardly remember going to bed.

Saturday passed quietly.  V wasn’t feeling well most of the afternoon, and wasn’t sure if she was up for clubbing.  Nia ended up having to cancel due to having a very long day and feeling much too tired to join us.  Things were not looking good, but then V decided to join me after all, so we got dressed and packed a change of clothes (since we planned to spend the night at Deja’s) and off we went.

We stopped to pick up Deja, who lives far closer to Toronto than I do, which is why we planned to spend the night there.  She and V seemed to hit it off pretty well, and by the time we made it to Goodhandy’s they were better acquainted.

It was really nice to see Todd again, who gave me a big hug when we arrived.  I introduced V and Deja and then I gave them a tour of the club.  They were both really nervous, and I had to laugh when we passed a man vigorously masturbating in the hallway on our way back from the bathrooms.

We got a table and V excused herself to go outside for a cigarette.  An older gentleman whom I’ve talked to at the club during previous visits came over and offered to buy Deja and I a drink.  Deja was obviously reluctant to accept, but since I knew a bit about this man I gladly allowed him to bring me a gin with 7up.  Deja did end up taking his offer as well, and after he brought us our drinks he took off and didn’t bother us again for the rest of the night.

V returned and we all had a few more drinks.  We watched other people, and chatted some.  Nothing too exciting was going on.  This one very unattractive man came over and sat near us.  He began talking to Deja, who was obviously uninterested and more than a tad uncomfortable.

We all went outside together, to get a little air and so that Deja could escape the weirdo.  I didn’t want either of them to have a bad experience there, so I made sure to mention that we could leave at any time.

Back in the club we relocated to a new table with a different view.  One of the regulars (I see him there all the time) was masturbating up on the balcony, which I pointed out to V, who started laughing awkwardly.  We also go to see Naked Dancing Guy, who is another regular, and generally just busts a move in nothing but a black cap and a pair of beat up sneakers.  He was wearing boxers most of the time, for whatever reason, but we did catch a glimpse of him totally nude by the DJ booth and upstairs.

Towards the end of the evening there was a threesome on the balcony.  Two men and a cross dresser.  One was giving her a blow job while the other fucked her up the ass.  That was quite a spectacle, although I wish they had come downstairs to do it so that we could have had a better view.

The creepy man had returned and was hitting on Deja, who kicked V under the table to signal her distress.  V finished her drink quickly and I went to say goodbye to Todd before we left.  The guy seemed pretty disappointed when I beckoned Deja away, but she was relieved to be rid of him.  When we got to the car she told us that he had offered her $100 to flog him, which she had wisely refused.

We drove back to Deja’s place, even though we were all still wide awake and feeling ambitious.  So we had some more drinks and we helped Deja set up her massage table so that we could do a little playing!  I really wanted V to see what fire play is like, and since Jack had given me permission to do fire play with Deja, I thought I would take advantage.

I stripped naked and got onto the table and stretched out on my belly.  I could feel Deja apply a strip of alcohol down my spine, and then a moment later there was heat, and then cool, and then heat, and then cool, until all the alcohol was burned away.

She repeated this process many times over on different parts of my back and legs.  V was really impressed while watching.  It was so cool to be able to share that experience with her.  Deja dripped alcohol down my ass and then lit it, which made me squirm.  Apparently it looked all kinds of awesome with my butt all lit up like that, LOL.

Eventually I turned over on my back and Deja went to work on my chest and breasts and tummy.  It was a tad unnerving watching my front side be set ablaze, but I trust Deja completely, so I just did my best to keep still.  Having my nipples set on fire was totally awesome.

V let Deja do a strip of fire on her arm as well, and then invited her to try doing some fire play on me.

“Do you trust me?” V asked, half kidding, while she stepped around the table beside Deja.

“Of course I do!” I said, grinning.

Deja showed her how to use the fire play wands and her hand to put out the flames after lighting them.  You can’t let it burn for very long or it’ll leave a mark (or worse).  V did a few strips across my chest, and she caught on right away.  It was a neat experience, and I’d like the chance to do a little fire play myself.  I am going to get Deja to show me how to make the wands for it, and give me a lesson.  It would be awesome to be able to do it to other people.

After the fire play, Deja got out her Violet Wand to show V.  I dread the wand, but I also love it.  She turned it on and ran it over my skin, which made me squirm and yelp.  V thought the wand was brilliant, and really loved how it felt.  Deja hooked up the body probe, which is basically a metal rod that one person holds onto and then the current runs through them and into anyone they touch.  V started poking me and shocking me and I pretty much had a giggling fit because that’s what I do when I love and loath something.  Deja gave her these metal fingernail type things, which only intensified the effect.  It was really wild, and I was so glad that V was really enjoying herself and getting into it.  We had a riot.

When I was all out of breath and they were done with me, I got into my pajamas and we all sat around chatting and laughing.  We talked briefly about doing some cupping, but decided to save that for another time.

We started scheming for the last weekend in September.  Jack and I had planned to go to Deja’s for the evening so that she could show him what fire play was all about.  I’m hoping that Nia might be able to babysit for us so that V can come along as well.  I’d like to try cupping then, and also maybe do a little fire play myself on Jack.  He expressed an interest in wanting to try doing it on me, so there will be fun all around!

V and I got to sleep in Deja’s dungeon that night.  It was a really neat experience falling asleep surrounded by paddles and bondage furniture, and every manner of kinky item.  Deja has a beautiful dungeon.  The walls are painted and textured to look like stone, and she has some really creative lighting fixtures and candle sconces everywhere.  I’m highly jealous but maybe eventually I’ll have such a room as well.

We got ourselves rounded up sometime after noon on Sunday and then headed for home.  Before we left I invited Deja to spend Thanksgiving with Jack and the kids and I, since V plans to go back to Calgary to visit for that weekend.  I hope she will take me up on the offer.  It would be lovely to have her over.

It was a really great weekend, and I’m so glad to know Deja, and to be learning so much from her.  I was also really happy that she and V got along so well.  They both agreed that we should all hang out more, so we have plans to go to Deja’s for movie night this Thursday.  I’m really looking forward to that!

*Title Courtesy Of My Spam Folder

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Despite his trepidation, Jack was wonderful at the munch last night.  There was already a good crowd when we arrived, and it was really nice to see everyone.  We sat beside Deja, whom Jack really enjoyed talking to.  I introduced him to a few of my friends and we ordered some drinks.

Varick arrived and spotted Deja and I, so he promptly came over and plunked himself down between us.  We said hello and then I introduced him to Jack.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was a combination of horror, embarrassment, and terror.  He turned 15 shades of red and covered his face with his hand and sort of laughed uncomfortably.  Clearly I’d caught him totally off-guard, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  Jack just grinned, and later on the way home I told him that the only thing which could have made that moment any better is if Jack had remarked “OH!  So YOU’RE the guy who was fucking my wife!”  I think that would have made Varick shit a brick, literally, Hee Hee.

In their usual style, everyone was really welcoming to Jack and glad to meet him (finally).  Varick seemed oddly attentive and interested in talking to me, which perhaps means nothing, but just the way he was acting seemed a little…suspect.  I sort of wonder if Jack hadn’t been there with me, if Varick would have perhaps made a move to get back together.  Who knows really (and I would have declined had he suggested such a thing) but it can be amusing to speculate.

We had a really good time, and I was so pleased that Jack and Deja hit it off.  She is going to join V and I (and hopefully Nia as well if she is over her flu by then) on Saturday night, for our trek to Goodhandy’s.  Jack and I are also planning to go over to Deja’s the last weekend of this month for some fire-play!!!  After meeting her Jack says that I can do fire-play with her whenever I want!  Very, very exciting, since I only really tried that tiny bit on my arm.  I really can’t wait to get the full body experience!

Now that he’s had a taste of what munches are like, Jack says he’s fine going to them with me.  Everyone who met him remarked that they hope he will come back again, and I think he will, provided V is able to babysit for us.  I am so happy that he’s getting more comfortable, and he says that he thinks going to more munches and meeting new people will be really beneficial for him, and I agree.  Who knows, maybe he and I will get to go to a play party in the near future.  I’d really love to go to one, but it would be even better if Jack would come with me, even just to watch.

This Friday V and I are going to the Bedouin Soundclash concert, and then Goodhandy’s on Saturday as I mentioned above.  It’s shaping up to be a really fun weekend!  Speaking of concerts, last night Jack bought us really good tickets for James Blunt, who is preforming here in Toronto on November 27th!  Seeing him in concert is on my list, so I’m really pumped about that.

Happy Hump Day everyone!  Hopefully we all get lucky

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I really, really want to write about my weekend at Forbidden, but it feels like my thoughts are scattered and disjointed.  The entire experience was so surreal…so intense, on so many levels.  It was pleasure and pain and wonder and distress, all wrapped up into a scant 41 hours.

Before I begin, let me say to Red, that you were right.  I was a stupid, stupid girl for not ending it immediately on Tuesday night when I had the opportunity.

A lot of things that happened at the camp will stay private, because there is a certain understanding that what happens in the kinky circles, stays in the kinky circles.

I will tell you, however, that Varick and I did not get along well during the time we were there.  Sadly, I think that we had already decided that we’d had enough of each other, but for some ridiculous reason decided to suffer through the weekend pretending to be together.  It made things uncomfortable for both of us, and aside from a brief 45 minutes of play, we didn’t connect at all.

Friday evening, after setting up and making the rounds to say hello, I retired to bed early while he sat around a fire elsewhere.  At around 2:00am he crawled into bed and I let him cuddle against me to warm up.  I asked him how he wanted his eggs in the morning, and then we fell asleep.

I tend to be a naturally early riser (and I’m also a serious night owl, which is confusing, LOL) so I woke up around 7:30 Saturday morning.  I slithered out of bed and pulled on a bit of clothing and slipped out into the morning sun to use the bathroom and make some coffee.  There were people walking around in the nude already and even though I was barely wearing anything I chuckled to myself about feeling ‘over dressed’.

With Old Crow Medicine Show playing on the little speakers I bought for my iPod, I put water on for coffee and started rounding up breakfast.  It was a gorgeous morning, and I LOVE cooking outside while camping.  It’s one of my favorite things about being out in the woods.

Varick surfaced, wearing only his jeans and runners.  He went to the bathroom and then returned, at which point I told him to go back to bed and that I would call him when breakfast was ready.  He remarked on the music I was playing (apparently he is not a fan) and I replied that if he was the one up first, cooking breakfast, then he could pick the music.

He went back inside the tent and I finished the eggs and sausage and poured him a glass of orange juice.  I wanted the day to go well, so I took him breakfast in bed (a pleasure he’d never received before).  He was at least polite and thanked me for cooking.  We ate and then he got dressed while I cleaned up.

After wandering around and saying hello to people we knew, we ended up at Deja’s camp site for a good part of the morning.  I could tell that something was off with Varick.  While I was making my best effort to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible, he acted as though he didn’t want to be within ten feet of me.  I don’t think that anyone picked up on it, aside from me, but it was hurtful and irritating.

There was a Booze Cruise happening early in the afternoon, hosted by a bunch of the seasonal campers.  Basically anyone who wanted to participate followed the host, who led us from site to site, and at each there was free drinks and food.  I hadn’t planned to drink, since I hoped to play and generally the two don’t mix well.  However, I didn’t see much action in my near future, so I went with Deja and we hit a few of the stops.  It had been a while since breakfast and I drank six shots at one stop (no one wanted theirs because it was WAY strong) so I was feeling lightheaded almost immediately.

I had a great time on the Booze Cruise, and made some new friends along the way.  At some point I had to cut myself off however, before I was totally wasted and therefore useless for the rest of the evening.

Varick and I headed back to our site around supper time to make something to eat.  We ate and then I went into the tent for something (I can’t recall exactly what it was) and he followed me.  Perhaps he was making an effort to dispel the weirdness between us, but we played for a while, unexpectedly really.  It was certainly the most intense scene we’d ever had, in terms of both his choice of implements and how hard he used them on me.

He caned me and paddled me and used the crop and that horrid wheel.  I still have an impressive collection of bruises and cane stripes across my ass and thighs, and I don’t bruise easily.  I wanted him to hit me harder, but he’s still too nervous about hurting the person he is beating on.

When he was finished he wrapped me up in a blanket and held me for a while.  It was certainly the most intimate moment of the weekend, but I could tell that he was still very distant.  Really, it didn’t matter much, I got what I wanted for the most part.

There was drumming at Deja’s camp as the sun went down.  I had thought of bringing my drum and then opted not to, and man was I kicking myself.  On the bright side, there were a couple of massage tables set up, and the submissives were taking turns being drummed on.

I got my turn, although I felt uncomfortable at the idea of getting completely naked in front of no less than 30 people.  Despite my reservations, I stepped out of my comfort zone, slipped out of my tiny skirt and tank top and layed down on my front on the table.

Three people used canes to drum on the length of my body.  My ass was still very sore from the earlier beating, a fact that a particular Dom friend of mine used to his advantage, making me yelp several times with particularly enthusiastic drumming.  It was an amazing experience, being nude in the firelight while people pounded out music on an assortment of instruments, including my skin.

When they were done with me I got dressed and sat down beside Varick again.  He seemed tired, so I suggested he head to bed, which he did, even though it was only 10:00pm.

Some time later I found myself naked on the table again, this time on my back.  Deja and that nice Dom were pouring hot wax onto my flesh while I moaned and wriggled.  There was wax from my neck to my toes and everywhere in between.  The heat wasn’t enough to burn, but it felt like liquid fire when they dripped generous amounts over my breasts and pussy.

278. Have hot wax poured on my naked body

Once I was sufficiently covered, the Dom picked up his long dagger and proceeded to drag the tip over my skin.  I shuddered and did my best to keep still while the blade slipped over my flesh, scrapping the wax away from my body.

When he slipped it between my legs and up between my pussy lips I was panting so hard I thought I might hyperventilate.  Then he rested the tip on my clit and wiggled it, and I wanted to turn myself inside out.  He nearly made me cum with his knife, which in itself was incredible.

291. Experience knife play

When it was done, Deja covered me with a blanket, and I layed there looking up at the stars through the leaves of the trees.  The fire crackled behind me while I processed what had just occurred.  All that was missing was someone to take me in their arms while my head swam with endorphins.  I missed Jack intensely in that moment.  I wished with all my being that I had gone to Forbidden with anyone but Varick.

Only when I was certain I could stand on my own did I sit up and slip off the table, still wrapped in Varick’s blanket (which he’d left with me before going to bed).  I sat down by the fire, naked and covered in bits of wax and baby oil (they put that on first to make it easier for the wax to be removed after) and listened to the conversation around me.  I felt…peaceful, but alone.  It was strange, but a good experience overall.

Later I went back to my tent and stood in the moonlight completely nude.  I rinsed myself off as well as I could, and then went inside to put on some warmer clothing.  Varick woke some and asked me how I was doing.  I replied that I was good while I slipped into my jeans and a hoodie.  I told him to go back to sleep while I zipped the door closed behind me.

Deja suggested we got for a quick swim before they closed the pool.  I hadn’t brought a suit, but everyone was going naked anyway, so we stripped off and took a quick dip.  We didn’t linger too long, since it was nearly 1:00am and the water was rapidly cooling off.

66. Skinny dip in the dark

I dried myself off and bid Deja a good night before going to bed myself.  There was no cuddling that night, Varick stayed on his side of the bed and I stayed on mine.

When I woke the next day the first order of business was coffee, and the second was writing Varick a letter about how I felt.  I wasn’t sure that I would give it to him, but I needed to do something to get it all out.  I tucked it away before he got out of bed, glad to have at least organized my thoughts somewhat.

We ate a light breakfast and then did a little visiting.  I felt hungover, although I had been sober long before I went to bed.  I think it was exhaustion from all the play the day before, and I was emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

He helped me pack everything up and we left an hour earlier than planned because I just wanted to get home and be with Jack.

During the first half of the ride it was uncomfortably quiet.  Finally I couldn’t stand it and just asked him point blank if he still wanted to be together.  He admitted that he didn’t, and that he couldn’t meet my relationship requirements.  I said that it was better this way, and that clearly we were not right for each other.  I wished out loud that he had said something before the weekend, to which he replied that he ‘just wanted us to have a nice weekend together’.

“Well, it WASN’T” I stated flatly.  I felt like telling him that I could think of at least half a dozen people offhand that I would have rather spent the time with, but it’s just as much my fault for not writing him off last week when I had the chance.

“I hope things aren’t awkward” he mentioned “since we will probably see a lot of each other”.

“We’re adults Varick, I am sure we can handle it” I replied.  It’s somewhat unfortunate that we have so many mutual friends in the community, but as I said, we can handle it.  Or at least I can, we shall see about him.

I dropped him off at his place and we hugged uncomfortably before saying goodbye.  I drove towards home, and I cried bitterly because even though I shouldn’t feel replaced, I do.  I also felt rejected, even though I had initiated the sequence of events on Tuesday.  I was angry that I had spent even ONE moment of the weekend feeling awkward over him.

Jack and V and the kids were out, and I didn’t want to be alone just then, so I went to Nia’s.  She hugged me and listened while I explained what had happened.  We talked about communication and how irritating it is when other people don’t seem to get it.  I had wanted to give him the opportunity to prove that he wanted what I wanted, and instead he made up his mind that it was over and then drug it out through our time together.

When I got home I packed some things inside, put away groceries, cleaned the cooler, and then had a long shower.  Jack and V and the kids arrived shortly after I finished, and we had supper together before putting kids to bed and then renting Shortbus.  If you haven’t seen it, and you are into sexually explicit drama/comedies, it’s worth seeing.  I really enjoyed it.

Eventually it was just Jack and I in bed together.  I cried some more, and then we fucked.  It was rough and hard and exactly what I needed.  When I eventually orgasmed, with his hand cupped firmly over my pussy, I wept again from the intensity of it.  I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard.

Afterwards Jack and I cuddled and I thanked every diety I know for what I have with him.  I often question why I struggle through these extra relationships when I don’t have to.  Why do I subject myself to the upset and the potential for pain when I could stay home and be with someone who will love me forever?

I am addicted to the good parts I suppose.  The payoff can be beautiful, and because each time I make a connection with someone I learn something new about myself and about the world.

Finding the value in all things is vital to survival.  I am glad for what I learned from Varick.  I gained some personal clarity regarding the sort of relationships I am interested in, and I think it will be a great while before I get tangled up with someone so immature and inexperienced.  As Jack said to me last night, while he held me so tight and lovingly touched my black and blue rear end, I need to stop looking for a ‘project’ and start demanding partners who already have their shit together and know who they are and what they want.

Even though it really is better that we’ve ended things, I am still mourning the loss of a regular play partner.  It was lovely to be able to indulge that part of myself and experience some things I had been wanting to try.  I hope it won’t be too long before I have the opportunity again.

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I can’t get up the gumption to write much about the days before I left Ontario, but I figure I should at least record the fire play incident, if only for posterity.

Mz. F and Varick accompanied me on Thursday evening (June 26th) to Deja’s house, to watch Secretary and do a little fire play.

Due to Jack’s feelings on the safety of fire play, I regrettably had to bow out of being the practice subject for Varick’s lesson. Fortunately, a friend of Deja’s was willing to put his naked body on the line so that Varick could learn.

Mz. F and I sat on the floor in Deja’s dungeon, while preparations were made. Deja has loads of experience with such things, and the casual attitude with which she handles it all certainly put all of us at ease.

The session began, Mz. F and I observing wide-eyed. If you ever get the opportunity to witness fire play in action, do it. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before.

Varick was extremely nervous at first, and who can blame him? He reluctantly took one of the wands from Deja and gave it a go, and I must say, he did quite well. His confidence grew as both of them applied the alcohol and lit it afire in tandem. It was an interesting and amazing sight.

I’ll admit I was deeply envious of the man on the table. Mz. F encouraged me to give it a try, even against Jack’s wishes, and a couple of times offered to call him to assure him that it is safe.

I could tell that Deja was feeling badly for me, so she beckoned me over and offered to do a little strip on the inside of my arm. I really didn’t think that was a big deal, since I’d done that myself a ton of times back in junior high with hairspray and a lighter (we were often bored, LOL). She used the wand to paint a stripe of alcohol on my skin, and then she lit the wand and waved it over my arm, swooping over the trail of flames as soon as it lit. She did that several times over until all of the alcohol had been burned off. I imagine how the sensation would feel on my stomach, breasts, back, and ass. Mmmmmm. It didn’t burn at all, the final swipe was quite warm, but my skin wasn’t even red afterwards.

419. Try fire play

Deja coaxed Mz. F into getting a little on her arm as well, and she seemed just as enamored as I was. I hope that some day Jack might come around and allow me to experience a little more in the way of fire play, but I certainly won’t push my luck again and just go ahead without asking him.

After the scene was finished Deja gave Mz. F a bit of a demo with the violet wand, which she totally fell in love with. We spent the better part of half an hour playing with that.

Unfortunately Varick and I didn’t get to play at all, due to how late it was. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement, but at least I was able to cross something off of my list.

When I talked to Jack later that evening about the fire play he was quite angry with me, and understandably so. I hadn’t really thought that just a little on the arm would be a big deal, but as he pointed out even breaking the rules a little bit is still wrong, regardless.

I became angry because it seems as though my judgment of the situation isn’t enough for him. I was insulted that he felt I would knowingly engage in something very dangerous just for thrills. I just wanted him to see that it’s not nearly as bad as he thinks it is.

We have of course worked that out since, although he’s still not thrilled over the idea and I don’t intend to dabble again until I have his permission to do so.

It was an interesting experience none the less and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it won’t be my last

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I don’t bruise easily.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, I rarely have to give up wearing tank tops (which are a staple of my wardrobe) nor do I have to explain unusual markings to friends, family, or children.  On the other hand, the moon-shaped red welts which had graced my upper arms, shoulders, neck, and collar bone last night when I arrived home, have now faded away.

Varick’s teeth, only a short time before, had left these unique ‘brands’ on my skin while I whimpered and panted in his lap.

While I’d been preparing my offering for the pot luck, earlier that day, Varick had called to enquire into what time I’d planned to leave.  I told him that I was going to head there early so that I would have time to set up the fountain and melt all the chocolate.  He mentioned hoping we could car pool, since he’s on my way.  We discussed where to meet up, since I’d not been to his house, and then he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

“Well…I was hoping you’d stop by the house to pick me up so that I can lure you inside and have my way with you before we go to the party.”

How could I possibly turn him down?

He gave me directions to his place, and after packing up everything I needed, I was off!  I found his place without incident.  He rents at this really amazing place out of town.  The yard is incredible, with fountains and trees and flowers everywhere.  The house is one of those big old rambling homes, overlooking a meadow.  His room is very nice, giant windows and plenty of room.  He’s a book whore, like me, they were piled everywhere.  Mostly fantasy novels, which I poked through with curiosity.  I asked him if he’d loan me one that he thought I would like, since I’ve never been much for non-fiction.  He rooted through a stack or two and then handed me a big thick paperback. It’s called Fulgrim by Graham McNeill and it looks pretty alright.  I’m willing to give it a read anyway.

Since I’d arrived just as he was stepping out of the shower, he was still getting dressed while we’d had this little exchange about the book.  After I’d tucked it into my purse, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.

“Did you miss me?” I asked, grinning and tilting my head to one side.  He just chuckled and nipped my nose.

“What do you think?” and he pushed his pelvis up against mind and I could feel his rigid cock through his boxers.

He playfully backed me up against his bed and then pushed me down onto it.  He layed down beside me and we kissed and cuddled and groped each other.

“Really we should get going you know” I said, trying my very hardest to be serious while he nibbled and kissed his way down one side of me neck.  He replied by slipping his hand under my skirt and brushing his finger tips over the inside of my thighs and then between my legs.

The party would just have to wait

He managed to coax two orgasms out of me and came in my mouth over the course of the next half hour.  I’d go into detail but then I’d never get the rest of the story told, hee hee.

Finally we gathered ourselves up and dashed to the grocery store to pick up his contribution to the potluck, which was corn on the cob.  He held my hand in the store, and not just that barely-hanging-on-only-doing-it-out-of-obligation hand hold, but a finger-laced and really meaning it holding hands.  I liked that, as you can tell.

We got a lot of corn, LOL, way more than we needed as it turned out, but no matter.  When we arrived at Deja’s, and hour and a half later than I’d originally planned, she just laughed and gave us a rough time.

Varick and I curled up on the couch for a little while while other guests arrived.  It was a pleasure meeting some of Deja’s other friends, all of them kinksters.  It’s such a wonderful and unique experience being in a room with other people, and not having to watch what you say in terms of BDSM or even poly.  I enjoy it a great deal.

I set up the fountain and Deja and her house girl helped me get it working correctly.  The fountain was a huge hit, everyone was very impressed and there was chocolate being licked off cheeks, chins, noses, and fingers.

Deja suggested we watch a movie before supper got started, and she put in an indie film that was made here in Canada, called Walk All Over Me.  Leave it to Deja to find even the most obscure movie about BDSM.  Varick laid on my chest for the duration of the film, which actually wasn’t terrible, although I did cringe a lot with embarrassment for the leading actress, who just seemed to have nothing but bad luck.

When the movie was over, we all sat down around the table and ate supper together.  There was plenty of laughing and great conversation.  Everyone there, except for me, is going to a 5 day kinky camp out in July.  Unfortunately, due to timing, I can’t attend, much to my disappointment (and Varick’s of course).  However, it was exciting to hear about, and I’ve made reservations for Varick and I at Forbidden in August, so I can’t complain TOO loudly.

At one point he pressed his forehead against mine and made a comment about how he wishes I was coming with him.  He promised to learn all sorts of new things (there are a ton of workshops going on there) which he could then do to me when given the chance.

When our bellies were full we adjourned to the dungeon to watch Deja do a fireplay scene with a Dom/sub couple at the party.  Basically he (the Dom) wanted to learn more, and Deja has been trained by one of the finest and most respected tops in the area.  The rest of us mingled at the door quietly while preparations were made and the scene got underway.

It was marvelous and a little nerve wracking to watch them.  I can only imagine how it feels to lay there, naked and blindfolded, while someone paints on you with alcohol and then lights it on fire.  I quiver at the thought, but I want to experience that some day.  Varick wants to learn, and I’d be willing to let him try on me, with Deja’s supervision of course.  Jack feels rather uncomfortable with this however, so Deja suggested that he and I come to her place sometime, just the two of us, and she can show him in person, to see if that puts his mind at ease.  I’m hopeful I’ll be able to coax him into doing that at least, even if he still says no, so that I can cross fireplay off the bucket list at any rate.

We left the players to their scene and wandered back downstairs.  Varick sat down in this over-sized chair and then had me sit down in front of him.  I leaned back into his chest and we cuddled there for quite some time.

Deja came down with her violet wand and did a short scene with one of the male subs in attendance.  He’d never had the wand before, and he seemed to enjoy it very much.

It was getting later into the night, and I was completely relaxed, snuggled up in Varick’s arms, listening to the others bantering.  He nuzzled my shoulder with his cheek, and then I felt his teeth.  I did my best to whimper quietly while he very slowly, very deliberately bit down harder.  Then he relaxed, ever so slightly, only to clamp down again.  The pain was sharp, intense, and then over as quickly as it had begun.

He repeated this process, many times over, making me gasp and pant, while trying to be still and quiet about it.

It would seem I have a real thing for biting.

Before the night was thru I had his teeth marks all over me.

Later, not long before we left, he had me stand in the middle of the room, with my hands behind my head, while he spanked me.  My rear was sore the next day, even though he hadn’t carried on for more than a few minutes.  There was no warm up, just that wonderful stinging heat.

At around 3am we took our leave, thanking Deja for a wonderful time and then hauling ourselves out to the truck.  We talked a lot on the drive back to his house.  Most of it was intensely personal, so I’m not going to share it here, but lets say Varick and I are a lot the same.  Slow to trust, even slower to allow anyone into the confines of those places we keep secret.  Neither of us feel particularly comfortable being vulnerable with other people (especially each other at this early stage).  He expects the worst from people, and I can’t fault him that, I used to think that way too.  He has some pretty deep emotional wounds, and I don’t expect he’ll really open himself up to me unless I’m willing to stick it out for a long haul.

One of the unfortunate drawbacks to the place where he is renting, is that he’s not permitted overnight guests.  Basically, the homeowner has a ton of nice stuff, which he doesn’t want stolen/broken/etc.  Also, he’s trying to avoid having ‘guests’ practically squatting at his place for periods of time under the guise of visiting any of the boarders.  I can understand that, even though it really sucked when I wanted nothing more than to spend the night there with Varick (he was equally irritated).

After a goodbye ‘quickie’ he wished me a goodnight, promised to see me later in the week, and went inside.  I drove back to my place, crawled in to bed with Jack, and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

There’s more to discuss as far as Varick goes, but for now I’ll leave it at this.  I’m quite exhausted and I feel like the last four paragraphs are kind of disjointed as is.  I’m off to bed, and I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

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This evening I am attending a pot luck dinner/play party at Deja’s place, along with Varick and about 10 of Deja’s other friends.

Varick and I were texting back and forth about the party on Wednesday, and the conversation went something like this:

Varick:
I’ll bet you can hardly wait to see me

Shasta:
My, you think highly of yourself

Varick:
Nah, it’s just the truth

Shasta:
And I suppose you’re totally indifferent to seeing me on Saturday?

Varick:
No
I’ll be counting down the seconds

Shasta:
Ok now you’re just being sarcastic

Varick:
No way, I always do that at work

Shasta:
*Rolls eyes*

So I think that’s the closest I’m getting to how he feels about me, LOL. I’ll take it and just be glad that he seems content to continue seeing me. I registered him and I to go to Forbidden in August, which means he and I will be spending two days and two nights camping together, which should be a great adventure. He’s already made mention of tying me to a tree, and who knows what else might be in store for me.

Due to some scheduling issues, and the fact that I’m spending part of July doing a cross-country road trip with V, I don’t think I’ll see him much next month. Forbidden will give us the perfect opportunity to get back in touch with each other. Is it hilarious that I’ve already started a list of gear and supplies we’ll need for that weekend? Mai anal-retentive OCD, let me show eet 2 u.

My contribution to the dinner tonight is a fruit tray and my chocolate fountain. Jack purchased it for me some months ago, since he knows how I love entertaining, and because who doesn’t love a chocolate fountain? Well, besides people who are allergic to chocolate (I actually know three of them in real life). This particular fountain also does cheese and pretty much anything you can melt down to the proper consistency. We’ve used it once so far, and it was a big hit, so I think the guests at the party will really enjoy it. Plus, melted chocolate lends itself to a number of erotic activities, which I’m certain this particular group will appreciate.

Last night Jack and I took the kids out for sushi (yum!) and then went grocery shopping. I picked up strawberries, pineapple, bananas, apples, pound cake, and marshmallows to go with the chocolate. Jack and I don’t often go grocery shopping together, so we divided up into ‘teams’ with the kids (one with each of us) and got the shopping done way more efficiently than I generally do on my own with the two rugrats in tow. It was actually kind of fun, LOL. Luke certainly got into it, helping me hunt down different items on the shopping list.

We’re taking them to Kung Fu Panda in about an hour. I’m looking forward to seeing a movie, and it’s nice to do a family activity together before I go out for the evening. If the weather is warm we’re also planning to take the kids to the beach tomorrow. I think I love the beach even more than they do, and relaxing in the sand after what I hope is going to be a very good night, sounds heavenly. Maybe I’ll break out the picnic basket and pack us some brunch items to eat while we are out there. Hmmmm, that’s a good idea actually now that I think about it

This party tonight should satisfy a couple of items on my bucket list:

256. Play in public at a Kink party

357. Go to a BDSM play party

Speaking of the list, I am working on a post of ‘in progress and upcoming’ items for the rest of 2008. Basically I’ve composed a mini-list of 50 things I want to cross off before this year is over. The two above items are on there, and I’ll be able to cross them off before I even post that list The mini-list is broken down into months, because some of the items area already scheduled, and then there are at least 20 that I just want to get done before the end of December this year. So, that will be posted in the next couple of days and should help me remember which list items I am ‘working on’ so that I don’t miss any opportunities to cross some more off!

Anyway, we’re off to the movies! I hope everyone has a great weekend

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My baby girl was released from hospital this afternoon, much to our joy.

Coming home was a bit odd.  I’d been so focused on her the past couple of days, spending all but a few hours in the hospital with her, when we finally got home I just felt anxious.  Not about her health, since she’s on the mend, which makes me incredibly happy because it could have been worse.  It was more like being unsure what to do with myself now that she did not require my constant attention.

I sat down with my drum for a while while Jack took her upstairs to nap.  There’s something cathartic about loosing yourself in the rhythmic motion and sounds of drumming.  The worries and anxiety seemed to drain away, absorbed by the simple yet primal music I was able to create, all on my own.  It felt really good, since I’d found myself missing my drum while I was in the hospital.  I think discovering drumming has allowed me to connect with something inside myself that I hadn’t uncovered before.

I hadn’t been certain I’d be able to attend the kink munch tonight, but Jack encouraged me to get out for a bit.  Even though it had only been a couple of days, I felt so disconnected from my life, it was a relief to get out and be amongst people who were not wearing scrubs.

Varick was planning on being there and as I drove to the meeting place, I wondered to myself how he would act towards me in public.  Now I certainly do not harbour any illusions that we are a couple or even ‘dating’ per sae, but I also do not tolerate having someone I’m sleeping with completely snub me or pretend otherwise in public.

He was already there when I arrived, and after hugging and greeting the others whom I was familiar with, I arrived at him and he stood to hug me.  As we hugged a conversation was started with someone next to us, and still he kept his arm around me, and not just casually, but tightly, while we had a discussion with this other person.  That was a good sign, although he’d not kissed me and generally he always kisses me when we see each other.

I sat down next to him and his body language was positive and affectionate.  He leaned his head against me, and kissed me several times.  People certainly seemed to get the impression that are ‘together’ in some capacity, as remarks were made about asking his permission to play with me.  He and I looked at each other with a mix of uncertainty and amusement.  There has been no formal establishment of what we are in regards to the BDSM community.  Play partners certainly, but is he my Dom?  Am I his sub?  Who even knows.  I think that incident will be an excellent way to bring this up in the near future, just so that we both feel like we’re on the same page.  Would he appreciate me asking before playing with anyone else, just to be considerate?  Do I expect him to do the same?  Certainly I don’t feel the need for him to ask or inform me of his play with other people, unless it could possibly effect our current arrangement, or the status of our sexual health.  If he has unprotected sex with another woman, I’d like to know that information so that I am better able to make informed decisions about my own involvement with him.

Really I am not making a bit ‘to do’ about this, or feeling anxious, it just presented an interesting question that neither of us had given much thought to (obviously) and something that I feel is worth discussing, even in the context of teaching him more about the nature of kink relationships.

The munch was great fun, and it was nice to see Deja and some other friendly acquaintances.  Varick and I discussed the possibility of going to a kinky camping weekend in August together.  The fact that he seemed keen on making such plans with me leads me to believe that he sees this arrangement as continuing on for at least the next little while, which is quite pleasing.  I just love camping, and the site that hosts this particular event is actual a camp ground specifically for gay males.  The weekend is described as a ‘pansexual event’ which can only mean loads of good things as far as I am concerned.  Varick whispered a few interesting ideas in my ear, most of which included various types of bondage to trees and what he would like to do to me once I was secured out of doors at his disposal.

He and I also made plans to go shopping together very soon for leather gear, since he would very much like a pair of leather boots, and leather anything does it for me.  I think I’ve got him convinced that a pair or leather pants would indeed be a wise purchase on his part as well.  The vision of him wearing them is enough to make my girl bits tingle.  Certainly I am looking forward to this shopping trip.

After we said our goodbyes with a prolonged kiss outside, I headed over to Nia’s for a quick visit and a run to Starbucks.  It was nice to hang out with her some before she leaves this weekend for another part of the province to house sit for her family.  We’re not going to see each other much between now and August due to a lot of craziness in our respective schedules.

I can’t wait for this weekend to really let loose and party with Padme :)  We’ve been counting down forever and now it’s just a day and a half away!!!

Jack is waiting for me in bed so I’m going to hurry up and publish this so I can join him.  Thanks again for the comments and notes I received in regards to our little one.  They gave me lots to smile about when I came home today to check my e-mail

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