Stiletto Diaries

I’ve been to some really fabulous play parties as of late.  Unfortunately, blogging about such parties and the happenings therein is generally frowned on upon in the kink community at large. As it were, I can’t give out TOO many details, but I will say that much fun was had by V and myself.

At the Halloween party I had the unique experience of being topped by both Deja and V. At first it was a little…strange, having V there, but once she got down to business with a riding crop I stopped giggling. It was a really good, although intense scene. My head went to a strange space and I felt emotional, and I sort of wanted to cry. Not from the pain, it was deeper than that. I was surprised and not entirely sure how to handle it. Fortunately V and Deja were there to coddle and love me and it passed as quickly as it had arrived.

My ass was sore for days after, as you can imagine from these photos, which were taken three days after the party.

Playing with Deja was a lot of fun, and I look forward to scening with her again, perhaps this weekend at the next play party I am going to.

On Saturday Jack and Nia and I went to Fet Fair in Guelph, which is like a craft/trade show for all things kink. I like it because it supports the local community, and the people who hand make all manner of fabulous toys.

It was a really great event! I got to introduce Jack to a number of my friends in the community, and he bought me a couple of new toys.

The bondage belt was of particular interest to Jack, especially as the man who made it buckled it under my breasts and demonstrated how my hands could be fastened at my sides, leaving the o-ring free for leading me about, or tying me to things, etc. Jack was sold on it! The wonderful salesman also threw in a wooden massager (pictured above, top right) which is lovely for sensation play.

Then there was the quirt, which is an easy-to-use alternative to other styles of whip. It may look small, but that thing packs a LOT of sting.

We were entranced by a demo of this portable suspension rig, and I’m rather hopeful that I might entice Jack to purchase one for me eventually (maybe for our anniversary *cough cough*).  I’d be happy with the cross at the very least, but if we had the suspension frame, we could use it for our sex swing as well.

On our way out of the fair, I stopped to enter the raffle draw they were having, which offered several really great prize packages.  Imagine my thrill and surprise when they called me some time later to tell me that I’d won second prize!

In the picture full of assorted implements you can see most of my winnings.  Here are individual photos of some of my favorites.  Although I forgot to get a shot of the whippy rattan cane that was in there and which has proven quite a lovely toy.

That evening V and Nia accompanied me to a play party, at which we had a fabulous time.  Deja was unable to attend but I did run into another Domme friend of mine who beckoned me to play.  The results of which can be clearly seen below (ass photos courtesy of V).

Notice the older bruises on the outsides of the thighs and hips?  Those were leftovers from the Halloween party, still looking rather nasty even a week later.

All of us had a marvelous time, and I’m looking forward to yet another play party this Saturday.  Unfortunately I don’t think it’s going to work out that V can attend, since Jack will be out of town on business, but Deja is going so I won’t be totally on my own (not that I would mind at this point).  It’s been wonderful getting out more in the community.  I seem to make new friends every time I go to an event.

I finally feel as though I’ve caught up on all the recent happenings, despite the lack of explicit detail (not my doing, those are just the rules).  I should have some more gratuitous ass shots to show off after this weekend, but in the mean time, here’s some boobies.  Happy Monday!

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October has been a great month for sexy fun. I’ve been well-beaten and bruised several times over, each incident better than the last!

It mostly began Thanksgiving weekend, after we’d had our fill of turkey. Deja got out her violet wand and used it on Jack, and then let Jack use it on me, which he seemed to enjoy a great deal.

Then it was time for some cupping! I’d never tried cupping before, and Jack seemed very interested. I stripped down and Deja coated my back in massage oil. She applied the first cup and I was caught off-guard by how painful it was. I hadn’t expected it to hurt so intensely. She used the type of cups which are made from plastic, with a one-way valve at the top. You attach a handle to said valve and use it to suck the air from the cup, creating a vacuum that draws the skin into the cup, pulling blood to the surface and creating very deep bruising. There are other cupping sets available which are glass globes, you wipe the inside with alcohol, light it on fire, and then quickly apply the cup to the back. The fire burns up the oxygen, creating a vacuum that is less severe than the manual pump cups.

She encouraged Jack to give it a try. He quite giddily applied cups to my ass and lower back, getting FAR more enjoyment from the experience than I was.

Then Deja did the most horrifying thing ever. She wiggled one of the cups and then slid it across my skin, making me howl with pain. It felt like she’d sliced me open, and then the pain was in a new spot. There aren’t any photos of it, but there were ‘trail’ marks on my back from where she had moved the cups.

It didn’t take me long to hit my limit, and I begged for them to remove the cups. Deja obliged, grudgingly, but not before she slid a few more of them around for good measure.

Jack was thrilled, and now insists that if I want a violet wand, he must also have a cupping set.

Things were quiet for a couple of weeks, until The Everything To Do With Sex Show last Saturday. Jack and I had plans to go on Saturday evening, and I had offered to ’stunt bottom’ to Deja in the dungeon for a while.

I loath going to the show on weekends, because it’s always packed with people! This year was no exception. It was crowded, and I found it difficult to really look at anything.

Since I’ll use any excuse to dress up, I wore a long PVC skirt, which has slits up to mid-thigh on both side. I paired that with a pair of knee high boots and a blue silky top that looks like lingerie. I also wore a pair of cuffs, but didn’t bother with any panties.

Jack and I looked around for a while, browsing past most of the traditional sex toy booths, since we have plenty of that stuff around here. I did find a couple of really hot bras at Maximum Woman (which is where you have to shop when you have ‘plus sized’ breasts). Jack insisted I get them for myself, and I am glad he did, since I am short on attractive bras.

Since I needed to wear panties for the dungeon demo, I also picked up a couple of pairs of those, including these, which I thought were too cute.

Aside from the underwear, the only toy I bought at the show was this whippy crop, which I hope will get some use in the very near future.

Once we’d seen everything we wanted to see, I met up with Deja in the dungeon. I was giddy, but nervous, especially since there was a considerable crowd in there (at least 50 people). She knew that I was feeling a bit awkward, and assured me that she would blindfold me to help with the stripping down in public like that.

We were setting up to play on the cross, which was situated close to a speaker, so I wouldn’t be able to hear anything going on behind us. I was grateful for that as I wriggled out of my skirt, took off my top and bra, and stood beside the cross in my boots and panties. She clipped me to the rings and then started warming me up. I did my best not to think about all of the people watching me. I really wanted it to be a good scene.

I don’t clearly remember the order of things. It wasn’t an especially hard scene, although it must have lasted at least half an hour. There were points where I hollered, where she flogged me so hard it took my breath away, and where I yelped in pain. It was our first ‘real’ scene together, and she was wonderful about checking in with me (especially since she wouldn’t have heard me safeword over the pounding music). She ran her nails over me, many times, and pulled my hair.

Meanwhile Jack was watching from the audience. During the flogging a girl in front of him remarked to her friend “There is no way she is enjoying that” to which Jack volunteered “Oh trust me, she’s enjoying it very much.” The girls looked at him with some confusion, so he explained that I was his wife and that I did indeed like being beaten on.

Deja informed me that the climax of the scene was about to begin, and then she laid into me with two floggers at once. I grunted and strained against the cross. Before I really got my wits about me, it was over and Deja was unhooking me and cursing herself for not having brought a blanket. I wanted to suggest that she ask Jack for his coat, but my brain and my mouth couldn’t seem to get coordinated enough for the effort. She forced me to sit down and then allowed me to get dressed while I pulled myself together. I had some water and exchanged looks with Jack, feeling very happy with how the scene had gone.

When finally I felt steady I went to the rope which seperated the crowd from the equipment and gave Jack a kiss. A man standing nearby, who had been watching with interest, asked me if I was alright. I said that I was, and then he asked if it had hurt. It did, I told him, but in a good way. Obviously, since I was grinning like an idiot.

I thanked Deja for the scene, gave her a hug and a kiss, and then Jack and I wandered over to the foodcourt to grab something to eat.  He told me how very proud he was of me for being so brave.  He knows how I have struggled for years with body issues and insecurity.  It was a serious stretch for me, but I think I am finally starting to find my way into feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

My tank top did nothing to hide the welts that Deja had raised on my back with a particularly stingy flogger of hers.

After another look around I picked up a couple of chocolate penis’ for V and I, as is our Sex Show tradition. Then, tired but satisfied, we headed home. I had V snap a pic of the welts on my rear end before bed.

It was a good show this year. Better than the one V and I went to last year here in Toronto. Maybe that’s just because I got to play this year ;)  The goodie bags left something to be desired (unlike last year, which was great) and as I said, the crowds made me crazy, but all in all, a good time was had.

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I really miss having a regular play partner. 

I’ve been reading one of the kink/fetish books I have on my list and it’s only served to remind me of what I’m missing out on.  I haven’t had any time to devote to rectifying the situation, and to tell you the truth, I’m a little tired of looking.

Still, I can’t deny that I crave it.

I’ve been reading said book at work, and on more than one occasion I’ve had to excuse myself to the bathroom to masturbate frantically, which really doesn’t scratch the itch at all, but at least provides a temporary distraction.  Yes, I am a naughty pet indeed.

Recently I was at the dollar store picking up some things for a project that V and I have been working on, and as I browsed the isles I came across half a dozen really wonderful items for playing.  I debated buying them.  Do I really need more toys?  They are just going to languish in my closet for goodness knows how long, perhaps never again to see the light of day!

I bought them anyway.  I mean, really, you can’t go wrong for the price, and I need not be so cynical.  Thus, I brought home a plastic shoe horn, a metal ruler, and three different glove type things for different sensations.  Perhaps they will sit a long time before getting used, but I have to believe that someday it’ll actually happen, because these urges are not going away any time soon.

I lust after the ideal Dominant.  Certainly no one is perfect, but I should hope that there is someone perfect for me, in that our interests and kinks compliment each other and we are able to connect in such a way that facilitates play on the level I am looking for.

The desire waxes and wanes of course, like all things.  After I’d established that Jack and I were just not on the same page in terms of BDSM I went through a long spell of not really caring for it overall.  Over the past year however, it’s resurfaced, reminding me again that I have a need, to find myself on my knees at the feet of someone who takes great pleasure in my submitting to them.  Who has the power and the confidence to inspire my submission, rather than just expecting it automatically.

He also must already know what he is doing.  I’m tired of being the teacher.  I’m tired of being on the receiving end of lackadaisical attempts and half-hearted gestures.  If I’m not playing with someone as eager and excited as I am, then is there any point?  No!

At any rate, it’s easy to feel discouraged when it seems as though everyone is having a good time except for you.

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Just a note, before I begin my post about the weekend.  You may have noticed that all of the Twitter Digest posts are now gone.  I took a quick poll of my readers yesterday, and since most of you disliked having them on the blog, I removed them.  Personally, I go back and forth between liking them and being annoyed with them.  When is a good time to have them?  When should I turn them off?  Do people even read them?  Etc.  At any rate, they are no more.

Now, on to the good parts!

On Friday evening V and I drove into Toronto and down to the Sound Academy, which is located on a pier, along the shore of Lake Ontario.  I’d never been to this particular venue before, but we were both quite impressed with the interior, and then we wandered out onto the back patio and saw the lake.  After walking down a short flight of stairs you find yourself standing right beside the water, while the waves lap against the pier.  We could see a fantastic view of the Toronto skyline at night, all lit up.  The CN tower was in clear view, and the downtown looked brilliant, towering above the shores of the lake.  Unfortunately I had neglected to bring my camera, so I don’t have photos, but hopefully you get the idea.

The opening bands were great.  V and I had some drinks and really enjoyed ourselves while we waited for Bedouin Soundclash.  Both of the openers were from Ontario here, so it was a 100% Canadian concert, which I like.

We were pumped up and ready when Soundclash finally took the stage.  It was really awesome to see them preform live.  I’ve loved their music for several years now, and it was so cool to hear them play in person.  They did both of my favorite songs, and we managed to get pretty close to the stage (it was a general admission thing with no seating, so the entire audience was crowded together).  We danced and sang and oggled the bassist.  It was a great time!

At the end of the concert we grabbed a hot dog from one of the street meat carts and then headed for home.  We were both exhausted and I hardly remember going to bed.

Saturday passed quietly.  V wasn’t feeling well most of the afternoon, and wasn’t sure if she was up for clubbing.  Nia ended up having to cancel due to having a very long day and feeling much too tired to join us.  Things were not looking good, but then V decided to join me after all, so we got dressed and packed a change of clothes (since we planned to spend the night at Deja’s) and off we went.

We stopped to pick up Deja, who lives far closer to Toronto than I do, which is why we planned to spend the night there.  She and V seemed to hit it off pretty well, and by the time we made it to Goodhandy’s they were better acquainted.

It was really nice to see Todd again, who gave me a big hug when we arrived.  I introduced V and Deja and then I gave them a tour of the club.  They were both really nervous, and I had to laugh when we passed a man vigorously masturbating in the hallway on our way back from the bathrooms.

We got a table and V excused herself to go outside for a cigarette.  An older gentleman whom I’ve talked to at the club during previous visits came over and offered to buy Deja and I a drink.  Deja was obviously reluctant to accept, but since I knew a bit about this man I gladly allowed him to bring me a gin with 7up.  Deja did end up taking his offer as well, and after he brought us our drinks he took off and didn’t bother us again for the rest of the night.

V returned and we all had a few more drinks.  We watched other people, and chatted some.  Nothing too exciting was going on.  This one very unattractive man came over and sat near us.  He began talking to Deja, who was obviously uninterested and more than a tad uncomfortable.

We all went outside together, to get a little air and so that Deja could escape the weirdo.  I didn’t want either of them to have a bad experience there, so I made sure to mention that we could leave at any time.

Back in the club we relocated to a new table with a different view.  One of the regulars (I see him there all the time) was masturbating up on the balcony, which I pointed out to V, who started laughing awkwardly.  We also go to see Naked Dancing Guy, who is another regular, and generally just busts a move in nothing but a black cap and a pair of beat up sneakers.  He was wearing boxers most of the time, for whatever reason, but we did catch a glimpse of him totally nude by the DJ booth and upstairs.

Towards the end of the evening there was a threesome on the balcony.  Two men and a cross dresser.  One was giving her a blow job while the other fucked her up the ass.  That was quite a spectacle, although I wish they had come downstairs to do it so that we could have had a better view.

The creepy man had returned and was hitting on Deja, who kicked V under the table to signal her distress.  V finished her drink quickly and I went to say goodbye to Todd before we left.  The guy seemed pretty disappointed when I beckoned Deja away, but she was relieved to be rid of him.  When we got to the car she told us that he had offered her $100 to flog him, which she had wisely refused.

We drove back to Deja’s place, even though we were all still wide awake and feeling ambitious.  So we had some more drinks and we helped Deja set up her massage table so that we could do a little playing!  I really wanted V to see what fire play is like, and since Jack had given me permission to do fire play with Deja, I thought I would take advantage.

I stripped naked and got onto the table and stretched out on my belly.  I could feel Deja apply a strip of alcohol down my spine, and then a moment later there was heat, and then cool, and then heat, and then cool, until all the alcohol was burned away.

She repeated this process many times over on different parts of my back and legs.  V was really impressed while watching.  It was so cool to be able to share that experience with her.  Deja dripped alcohol down my ass and then lit it, which made me squirm.  Apparently it looked all kinds of awesome with my butt all lit up like that, LOL.

Eventually I turned over on my back and Deja went to work on my chest and breasts and tummy.  It was a tad unnerving watching my front side be set ablaze, but I trust Deja completely, so I just did my best to keep still.  Having my nipples set on fire was totally awesome.

V let Deja do a strip of fire on her arm as well, and then invited her to try doing some fire play on me.

“Do you trust me?” V asked, half kidding, while she stepped around the table beside Deja.

“Of course I do!” I said, grinning.

Deja showed her how to use the fire play wands and her hand to put out the flames after lighting them.  You can’t let it burn for very long or it’ll leave a mark (or worse).  V did a few strips across my chest, and she caught on right away.  It was a neat experience, and I’d like the chance to do a little fire play myself.  I am going to get Deja to show me how to make the wands for it, and give me a lesson.  It would be awesome to be able to do it to other people.

After the fire play, Deja got out her Violet Wand to show V.  I dread the wand, but I also love it.  She turned it on and ran it over my skin, which made me squirm and yelp.  V thought the wand was brilliant, and really loved how it felt.  Deja hooked up the body probe, which is basically a metal rod that one person holds onto and then the current runs through them and into anyone they touch.  V started poking me and shocking me and I pretty much had a giggling fit because that’s what I do when I love and loath something.  Deja gave her these metal fingernail type things, which only intensified the effect.  It was really wild, and I was so glad that V was really enjoying herself and getting into it.  We had a riot.

When I was all out of breath and they were done with me, I got into my pajamas and we all sat around chatting and laughing.  We talked briefly about doing some cupping, but decided to save that for another time.

We started scheming for the last weekend in September.  Jack and I had planned to go to Deja’s for the evening so that she could show him what fire play was all about.  I’m hoping that Nia might be able to babysit for us so that V can come along as well.  I’d like to try cupping then, and also maybe do a little fire play myself on Jack.  He expressed an interest in wanting to try doing it on me, so there will be fun all around!

V and I got to sleep in Deja’s dungeon that night.  It was a really neat experience falling asleep surrounded by paddles and bondage furniture, and every manner of kinky item.  Deja has a beautiful dungeon.  The walls are painted and textured to look like stone, and she has some really creative lighting fixtures and candle sconces everywhere.  I’m highly jealous but maybe eventually I’ll have such a room as well.

We got ourselves rounded up sometime after noon on Sunday and then headed for home.  Before we left I invited Deja to spend Thanksgiving with Jack and the kids and I, since V plans to go back to Calgary to visit for that weekend.  I hope she will take me up on the offer.  It would be lovely to have her over.

It was a really great weekend, and I’m so glad to know Deja, and to be learning so much from her.  I was also really happy that she and V got along so well.  They both agreed that we should all hang out more, so we have plans to go to Deja’s for movie night this Thursday.  I’m really looking forward to that!

*Title Courtesy Of My Spam Folder

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Despite his trepidation, Jack was wonderful at the munch last night.  There was already a good crowd when we arrived, and it was really nice to see everyone.  We sat beside Deja, whom Jack really enjoyed talking to.  I introduced him to a few of my friends and we ordered some drinks.

Varick arrived and spotted Deja and I, so he promptly came over and plunked himself down between us.  We said hello and then I introduced him to Jack.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was a combination of horror, embarrassment, and terror.  He turned 15 shades of red and covered his face with his hand and sort of laughed uncomfortably.  Clearly I’d caught him totally off-guard, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  Jack just grinned, and later on the way home I told him that the only thing which could have made that moment any better is if Jack had remarked “OH!  So YOU’RE the guy who was fucking my wife!”  I think that would have made Varick shit a brick, literally, Hee Hee.

In their usual style, everyone was really welcoming to Jack and glad to meet him (finally).  Varick seemed oddly attentive and interested in talking to me, which perhaps means nothing, but just the way he was acting seemed a little…suspect.  I sort of wonder if Jack hadn’t been there with me, if Varick would have perhaps made a move to get back together.  Who knows really (and I would have declined had he suggested such a thing) but it can be amusing to speculate.

We had a really good time, and I was so pleased that Jack and Deja hit it off.  She is going to join V and I (and hopefully Nia as well if she is over her flu by then) on Saturday night, for our trek to Goodhandy’s.  Jack and I are also planning to go over to Deja’s the last weekend of this month for some fire-play!!!  After meeting her Jack says that I can do fire-play with her whenever I want!  Very, very exciting, since I only really tried that tiny bit on my arm.  I really can’t wait to get the full body experience!

Now that he’s had a taste of what munches are like, Jack says he’s fine going to them with me.  Everyone who met him remarked that they hope he will come back again, and I think he will, provided V is able to babysit for us.  I am so happy that he’s getting more comfortable, and he says that he thinks going to more munches and meeting new people will be really beneficial for him, and I agree.  Who knows, maybe he and I will get to go to a play party in the near future.  I’d really love to go to one, but it would be even better if Jack would come with me, even just to watch.

This Friday V and I are going to the Bedouin Soundclash concert, and then Goodhandy’s on Saturday as I mentioned above.  It’s shaping up to be a really fun weekend!  Speaking of concerts, last night Jack bought us really good tickets for James Blunt, who is preforming here in Toronto on November 27th!  Seeing him in concert is on my list, so I’m really pumped about that.

Happy Hump Day everyone!  Hopefully we all get lucky

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I know, I know, I am woefully behind on the blogging front.

I’ve been devoting a great deal of my time to other projects, none of them related to sex or this blog.  Speaking of sex, that’s also taken up a fair bit of my recent attentions ;)  I’ve missed writing here, and I am sure you’re all getting tired of the Twitter posts and nothing really of substance.

Last week V and I took the initiative to cross something small off of my list, and we made fried green tomatoes together.  They had a mild flavour, and we actually quite liked them.

50. Eat fried green tomatoes 

On Saturday afternoon Jack took the kids and I to watch my favorite CFL team play on their home turf.  I’ve been a fan of the Hamilton Ti-Cats since high school, despite the fact that they seem to do progressively worse every season.  Maybe I just have a soft spot for the underdogs, but no matter how badly they play, I keep rooting for them.

Hamilton was playing during the first CFL game I’d ever been to.  Jack took me to my first football game seven years ago, and although I generally don’t get a lot out of watching it on TV, I quite enjoy watching games live.  We used to have season tickets to the Calgary Stampeders, so I’ve been to a number of games since then, and even one very chilly Grey Cup game a few years back.

At any rate, I was looking forward to watching my Ti-Cats play again, especially in their own stadium.  Jack got us great seats.  We were just about dead center of the field, and only a few rows back from the side lines.  It was great!  The kids were having a ball, we all shared popcorn and cotton candy, and the weather was absolutely perfect.

Of course, I’d forgotten to charge the good camera, which promptly died after I captured only a few shots. It’s charging right now, so I’ll have to put up the lower quality ones I shot with my PowerShot.

 

The half-time show was provided by this really awesome marching band from one of the local high schools.  They did a great job, and were very entertaining.

316. Go to a Hamilton Tiger-Cats game in Hamilton

Hamilton lost (no real surprise there) but I’m consoled by the fact that the Edmonton Eskimos (my second favorite team) is somewhere around second place overall in the league.  I hope I’ll be watching them play at the Grey Cup in November (Jack and V and I are making the trek to Montreal for a weekend to party and watch the game).  It didn’t matter that they lost, we had a ton of fun together!

After we got home and put kids to bed, V and I decided to go out for the evening and have a few drinks together.  We got dressed up and caught a cab downtown to our new favorite bar.  It wasn’t too busy yet, so we ordered some drinks and grabbed a table on the patio.  Before long the place was packed, and the line to get in was at least half and hour wait.

We danced and admired the dozens of attractive men around.  It was a really great time.  You know, I am SO SO glad that V ended up moving out here.  There is nothing like having a best friend to go out with whenever you feel like it.  Nia was away for the weekend, and although she is a most excellent partner in crime, before V moved, she was my only pal really.  If she was away, I basically had no one local to go out with.  Now that V is here, we provide each other with constant entertainment.  Another bonus is that she and Nia get along and like each other, so we have gone on several outings together.  I’m actually hoping that this weekend Nia will join V and I at Goodhandy’s for the evening.  I haven’t seen Todd in ages and I miss the club and the people I have met there.

Last night I went on a date with another new Dom.  We enjoyed each others company, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.  I am sure we shall become good friends, which is never a bad thing.  I’m not discouraged.  I’ve had two dates recently with really smart and interesting men, and even though the attraction hasn’t been there, it’s been great to meet new people and feel like I am back in the dating game.

Tomorrow night is the kink munch and Jack is planning to come with me.  I am excited to introduce him to my friends and aquaintances there.  I think Nia is going to attend as well, so at least he will know her as well, which helps when you’re on the shy side.

I’ve got some great toy reviews coming up (finally!) and I am hoping that since school has started again and things are settling into some semblance of routine again, I’ll have more time for regular blogging.  Thank you for bearing with me during the last few weeks.

*Title Courtesy Of My Spam Folder

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Despite my serious bout of the flu, we decided to go ahead with our trip to the states over the weekend.  I was feeling mostly better, and I didn’t want to pass up the chance to see more of America, and to cross a thing of two off of my bucket list.

After some discussion, we decided to camp out, rather than spending a ton of money on a hotel.  We found a KOA in Lewiston, just across the border from Niagara Falls, and north of Buffalo.  Since all of our camping gear was still together from my weekend at Forbidden, it was fairly quick and painless to pack up.  We planned to eat out the entire time as well, so I didn’t need to worry about groceries or cooking.

We didn’t get on the road until late in the day, but it didn’t matter as we were not in any rush to get there.  If I have daylight for setting up the tent, I am generally content.

Getting across the border took only moments.  The security officer asked us a few questions and basically waved us on.  That makes two really easy border crossing experiences for me.  I’m going to keep up with manifesting that it will be easy every time, since it seems to be working, LOL.

When we got to the KOA it was dusk.  Jack and I made quick work of setting up, although he has never had to set up this particular tent before, and I have (many times now) so I may have been a tad short with him.  At any rate, once it was up and our stuff was inside, we got the kids ready for bed and I took a quick shower.  We got them bundled into their sleeping bags and then Jack and I sat down and breathed a collective sigh of relief.

I got the fire going, and we sat together for a while and just relaxed.  We were both exhausted from the packing and then unpacking and wrangling of gear and children, so we didn’t linger long.  We were glad to crawl into our bed together and cuddle up to the sounds of the frogs and the crickets outside.

Our children do not believe in sleeping in, so morning came painfully early.

Once we were all dressed and assembled for the day, Mags (the GPS) showed us to the nearest Denny’s.  We all had a satisfying breakfast (and plenty of coffee for Jack and I) and then it was off to Target to do a little shopping.

I fell in love with a black leather hobo style purse, which Jack insisted I purchase (between that and the tickets for Bedouin Soundclash and Blue Man Group I think my birthday gifts are covered).  We picked up a few clothes for the kids while we were there, and a backpack for the littlest one, since she starts school this fall.

There were more stores, but we mostly just browsed.  We were not so much there to shop, as to see if it’s really worth it to cross the border for future purchases.  On some items it certainly is, which is useful information, since it’s only an hour to Buffalo from where we live.

For lunch we headed into downtown, to Anchor Bar, which is the home of the original buffalo chicken wing.  Apparently, before they turned them into the now-popular pub fare, chicken wings were only used in soups or discarded entirely.

The place was busy, a testament to its popularity.  The inside of the bar itself is divided into two halves, one being the original and the other being the addition which was built to accommodate the growing business.

We were seated in the original part of the building, the walls lined with photos of celebrities, everyone from Willie Nelson to Hillary Clinton, most of them signed.  There were also countless newspaper articles, awards, and other recognitions bestowed upon the bar, framed and hung on the walls.

Jack and I decided to split a bucket of mild wings (which is really less of a bucket, and more of a platter) which is 50 wings, served with their signature homemade bleu cheese dip.

When the wings arrived we were impressed with the size of them.  Some pubs serve wings that you swear must have come from a miniature chicken because of the diminutive size.  Not so at Anchor Bar.  We also noticed that the wings didn’t have any sauce on them, but instead appear to have been dusted with some sort of a spice blend.  I appreciated that, because it’s less messy, and makes it easier (and less slippery) to eat them.

We dug in enthusiastically.  Now, I’ve eaten chicken wings at a LOT of restaurants and pubs over the years, and I’ll say right now, the wings at Anchor Bar truly ARE the best I’ve ever had.  In fact, I am craving them as I write this.  Jack and I both feel that driving an hour and some into Buffalo to eat there again is not an unreasonable date night idea.  In fact, we will likely use any excuse we can from now on to go to Buffalo for wings.  SOOOOO FREAKIN DELICIOUS!

The mild were good, but hardly spicy, which I suppose is the idea.  Next time we shall go for medium and see what those are like.  I am not a fan of food that is so hot I can’t taste anything but pain in the mouth, so I was glad that they offer a mild that is actually mild and not just one step down from wanting to claw my own tongue out.

453. Have buffalo chicken wings at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, where they were invented

Jack and I couldn’t finish the whole 50.  He quit at 23 or so, while I wussed out at only 11.  They were just too huge and I just wasn’t starving enough.  Next time we’ll order a bucket again, but I’ll make sure I have an appetite!

We picked up some coolers on the way out to our campground, and some marshmellows and watermellon for the kiddos.  It had been a really full day, and we were looking forward to relaxing after the kids were in bed.

Back at camp the kids played ball and chased each other around while we sorted out our purchases and put the coolers on ice.  I set up the iPod and the speakers on the picnic table so that we could listen to some music.  As dusk fell I got the fire started so that the little ones could roast a few marshmellows before bed.

After sticky fingers had been washed, pajamas had been buttoned on, and tucking in had been completed, it was just Jack and I by the fire.  We started in on the coolers, and roasted a few marshmellows ourselves.  Then Jack got out the travel chess set we had purchased earlier that day and we sat across from each other at the table and set it up.

Since it was already dark, we were playing in pretty low light, LOL. We didn’t mind though. It was so peaceful being together by the fire with drinks and my slow songs playlist going on the iPod.

The picture above was taken with the flash on, and here’s one taken without the flash, by the light of the headlamp we had perched over the board.

Jack was a good teacher, and we actually played for quite a while before he win the game. I look forward to many more chess games with him in the future, and hopefully my skills will improve and I can win a few times

189. Learn to play chess

After we put the chess game away, we played yahtzee, another mutual favorite. It was a close game, but Jack won again, by three points.

We’d had enough games, and we were getting sore from sitting, so we slow danced by the fire, under the stars. I laid my head against Jack’s chest in the dark while we wrapped our arms around each other and swayed to the soft music.

I left Jack to tend the fire while I trotted off to the showers to have a quick rinse down. I’d been sweating all day in the heat and I don’t like going to bed feeling sticky and gross. The cool water was a welcome relief from the humid warmth of the evening. Once I was sufficiently refreshed, I wrapped myself up in a towel and walked back to our campsite. I remarked to Jack that I missed the freedom I’d experienced at Forbidden, and that being naked outside is something I’d like to relive again as soon as possible.

He took his turn having a shower. While he was gone I got the munchies and opened the package of leftover wings from Anchor Bar. I don’t like cold chicken, but how to reheat it? I stuck one of the marshmallow sticks through a wing and held it over the fire until it began to sizzle a bit. It was actually pretty good, if not time consuming, LOL.

When Jack returned we had another drink or two and then headed for bed. Once we were settled in, we very quietly fooled around (there is a divider in our tent, but it’s certainly not sound proof) until he made me cum with his fingers. That put me right to sleep until the following morning.

The kids were sad to leave after we packed up our gear and loaded it all back into the van. We took them to a Bob Evans restaurant for breakfast, which was awesome! I had these pancakes that were stuffed with vanilla cream (it claimed to be cream cheese, but it was more like a pastry cream) and then topped with pecans and banana caramel syrup. OMG to die for!

Jack had blueberry french toast with the same vanilla cream and regular syrup and that was delicious too.

Once breakfast was finished it was time to head back to Canada. We hardly had to pause to speak to the border patrol, and he waved us through. Man I am just awesome good luck at border crossings or something.

We were going to take the kids to Niagara Falls, but it was a bit overcast and we wanted to have supper at Earl’s in Mississauga that evening, and Jack needed to stop at home for something, so we decided to save it for another day.

After stopping at the house to use the bathroom and check on the animals, we went to Mississauga for dinner (also amazing, but that’s a given, since we love Earl’s) and Jack showed me where the Princess Auto store is there because I had been wanting to go. Sadly it was closed, but at least I can find it now. Princess Auto is a brilliant source for cheap BDSM stuff if you have some imagination. Cable ties, all sorts of straps and winches, chain, and lots of other little goodies to be found there.

Last week I picked up a fibreglass ’snow pole’ at a farm supply store. It cost me just under five bucks, and it’s a brilliant cane. Jack used it on me last night and it leaves an ouch. It’s heavy, so it’s like a stingy thud, not at all like the bamboo cane I have which is lightweight, even though they are similar thickness. It bruises deep, although it doesn’t welt as much as a traditional cane. I like it a lot, although I think it requires a warm up.

At any rate, it was lovely curling up together last night and getting a good rest together. I woke up feeling really refreshed today.

This evening I have a date with a new man I’ve been chatting with recently. At 49 he’s old enough to be my father, but I don’t put a lot of weight on age anymore. I’m tired of dating boys my age. They are too immature, too moody, with none of their shit together and not enough experience. Older men are just…simpler. They are generally comfortable with themselves, know what they want, and don’t get all caught up in drama. Certainly there are exceptions on both sides, but this man is exactly what I am looking for.

He’s already poly, and kinky, and he’s self contained and confident. He enjoys seduction for the sake of it, and we share a lot of the same thoughts and feelings on BDSM and power exchange. He lives alone, and has several other partners at the moment, which means he won’t be demanding too much of my time, and that he can have guests whenever he wants.

I’m hopeful we will connect as well in person as we have online. It would be lovely to have a play partner again. I feel like I’m already totally over Varick, so this isn’t a rebound situation, it’s just another potential friend and lover.

So I am sure I will have details to share tomorrow I will let you know how it goes!

Also only seven more sleeps until my 26th birthday!

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In my rush to get my entry about Forbidden written and posted, I forgot to talk about a few interesting aspects of the weekend that I particularly enjoyed.

The first was the nudity.  I have had serious body issues for years, and I am none too keen on taking my clothes off in front of people in private, never mind a couple of dozen strangers.

However, at Forbidden, it was amazing.  I’ve never felt so free to just be myself, without any concern over being judged.  On Saturday night when I stood outside under the moon, completely naked, and not caring at all if anyone saw, it was the most incredible feeling.  It was the first time in a great while that I’ve been at peace with my physical self, and I felt…beautiful.

It’s a fascinating experience, being amongst people who are being utterly and completely themselves.  No social masks to keep up with.  If you wanted to prance around nude, leading your heavily restrained and blindfolded partner up and down the road, you could do so.  If you wanted to be fucked up the ass over a picnic table in broad daylight, you could do that too.  The energy surrounding the whole place was somewhat magical in that a feeling of camaraderie and acceptance abounded.

Leaving was depressing, despite what happened between Varick and I.  It was difficult to go from the freedom and excitement of that far off place, back to the ‘real’ world with all it’s social taboos and judgements.  I came home wearing only a tank top and a tiny skirt.  When I parked in my driveway it occurred to me that I’d better get in the house and into something more decent before one of the neighbours saw me, and I was instantly saddened.  How unfortunate it is that we can’t embrace ourselves and each other for who we are.

Granted I wouldn’t want to possibly scar any neighbourhood children with my practically bare and heavily bruised rear end, but I’d like to think that if someone saw me darting into the house dressed in so little, they wouldn’t recoil in horror.

Being at camp was so special, if only for the reasons listed above.  It was like a little bubble where we could hide away from the rest of the world, let our guards down and just have a wonderful time with each other.

I will return to camp, hopefully at least once a year, so that for a few days I can remind myself that there ARE people in the world who don’t sneer at the odd stretch mark.  People who find both bodies and souls lovely and unique, regardless of the shape, size, or color.  They put their money where their mouths are and honour whatever pieces of yourself that you care to share like you are giving them a special gift. 

I miss it already.

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I really, really want to write about my weekend at Forbidden, but it feels like my thoughts are scattered and disjointed.  The entire experience was so surreal…so intense, on so many levels.  It was pleasure and pain and wonder and distress, all wrapped up into a scant 41 hours.

Before I begin, let me say to Red, that you were right.  I was a stupid, stupid girl for not ending it immediately on Tuesday night when I had the opportunity.

A lot of things that happened at the camp will stay private, because there is a certain understanding that what happens in the kinky circles, stays in the kinky circles.

I will tell you, however, that Varick and I did not get along well during the time we were there.  Sadly, I think that we had already decided that we’d had enough of each other, but for some ridiculous reason decided to suffer through the weekend pretending to be together.  It made things uncomfortable for both of us, and aside from a brief 45 minutes of play, we didn’t connect at all.

Friday evening, after setting up and making the rounds to say hello, I retired to bed early while he sat around a fire elsewhere.  At around 2:00am he crawled into bed and I let him cuddle against me to warm up.  I asked him how he wanted his eggs in the morning, and then we fell asleep.

I tend to be a naturally early riser (and I’m also a serious night owl, which is confusing, LOL) so I woke up around 7:30 Saturday morning.  I slithered out of bed and pulled on a bit of clothing and slipped out into the morning sun to use the bathroom and make some coffee.  There were people walking around in the nude already and even though I was barely wearing anything I chuckled to myself about feeling ‘over dressed’.

With Old Crow Medicine Show playing on the little speakers I bought for my iPod, I put water on for coffee and started rounding up breakfast.  It was a gorgeous morning, and I LOVE cooking outside while camping.  It’s one of my favorite things about being out in the woods.

Varick surfaced, wearing only his jeans and runners.  He went to the bathroom and then returned, at which point I told him to go back to bed and that I would call him when breakfast was ready.  He remarked on the music I was playing (apparently he is not a fan) and I replied that if he was the one up first, cooking breakfast, then he could pick the music.

He went back inside the tent and I finished the eggs and sausage and poured him a glass of orange juice.  I wanted the day to go well, so I took him breakfast in bed (a pleasure he’d never received before).  He was at least polite and thanked me for cooking.  We ate and then he got dressed while I cleaned up.

After wandering around and saying hello to people we knew, we ended up at Deja’s camp site for a good part of the morning.  I could tell that something was off with Varick.  While I was making my best effort to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible, he acted as though he didn’t want to be within ten feet of me.  I don’t think that anyone picked up on it, aside from me, but it was hurtful and irritating.

There was a Booze Cruise happening early in the afternoon, hosted by a bunch of the seasonal campers.  Basically anyone who wanted to participate followed the host, who led us from site to site, and at each there was free drinks and food.  I hadn’t planned to drink, since I hoped to play and generally the two don’t mix well.  However, I didn’t see much action in my near future, so I went with Deja and we hit a few of the stops.  It had been a while since breakfast and I drank six shots at one stop (no one wanted theirs because it was WAY strong) so I was feeling lightheaded almost immediately.

I had a great time on the Booze Cruise, and made some new friends along the way.  At some point I had to cut myself off however, before I was totally wasted and therefore useless for the rest of the evening.

Varick and I headed back to our site around supper time to make something to eat.  We ate and then I went into the tent for something (I can’t recall exactly what it was) and he followed me.  Perhaps he was making an effort to dispel the weirdness between us, but we played for a while, unexpectedly really.  It was certainly the most intense scene we’d ever had, in terms of both his choice of implements and how hard he used them on me.

He caned me and paddled me and used the crop and that horrid wheel.  I still have an impressive collection of bruises and cane stripes across my ass and thighs, and I don’t bruise easily.  I wanted him to hit me harder, but he’s still too nervous about hurting the person he is beating on.

When he was finished he wrapped me up in a blanket and held me for a while.  It was certainly the most intimate moment of the weekend, but I could tell that he was still very distant.  Really, it didn’t matter much, I got what I wanted for the most part.

There was drumming at Deja’s camp as the sun went down.  I had thought of bringing my drum and then opted not to, and man was I kicking myself.  On the bright side, there were a couple of massage tables set up, and the submissives were taking turns being drummed on.

I got my turn, although I felt uncomfortable at the idea of getting completely naked in front of no less than 30 people.  Despite my reservations, I stepped out of my comfort zone, slipped out of my tiny skirt and tank top and layed down on my front on the table.

Three people used canes to drum on the length of my body.  My ass was still very sore from the earlier beating, a fact that a particular Dom friend of mine used to his advantage, making me yelp several times with particularly enthusiastic drumming.  It was an amazing experience, being nude in the firelight while people pounded out music on an assortment of instruments, including my skin.

When they were done with me I got dressed and sat down beside Varick again.  He seemed tired, so I suggested he head to bed, which he did, even though it was only 10:00pm.

Some time later I found myself naked on the table again, this time on my back.  Deja and that nice Dom were pouring hot wax onto my flesh while I moaned and wriggled.  There was wax from my neck to my toes and everywhere in between.  The heat wasn’t enough to burn, but it felt like liquid fire when they dripped generous amounts over my breasts and pussy.

278. Have hot wax poured on my naked body

Once I was sufficiently covered, the Dom picked up his long dagger and proceeded to drag the tip over my skin.  I shuddered and did my best to keep still while the blade slipped over my flesh, scrapping the wax away from my body.

When he slipped it between my legs and up between my pussy lips I was panting so hard I thought I might hyperventilate.  Then he rested the tip on my clit and wiggled it, and I wanted to turn myself inside out.  He nearly made me cum with his knife, which in itself was incredible.

291. Experience knife play

When it was done, Deja covered me with a blanket, and I layed there looking up at the stars through the leaves of the trees.  The fire crackled behind me while I processed what had just occurred.  All that was missing was someone to take me in their arms while my head swam with endorphins.  I missed Jack intensely in that moment.  I wished with all my being that I had gone to Forbidden with anyone but Varick.

Only when I was certain I could stand on my own did I sit up and slip off the table, still wrapped in Varick’s blanket (which he’d left with me before going to bed).  I sat down by the fire, naked and covered in bits of wax and baby oil (they put that on first to make it easier for the wax to be removed after) and listened to the conversation around me.  I felt…peaceful, but alone.  It was strange, but a good experience overall.

Later I went back to my tent and stood in the moonlight completely nude.  I rinsed myself off as well as I could, and then went inside to put on some warmer clothing.  Varick woke some and asked me how I was doing.  I replied that I was good while I slipped into my jeans and a hoodie.  I told him to go back to sleep while I zipped the door closed behind me.

Deja suggested we got for a quick swim before they closed the pool.  I hadn’t brought a suit, but everyone was going naked anyway, so we stripped off and took a quick dip.  We didn’t linger too long, since it was nearly 1:00am and the water was rapidly cooling off.

66. Skinny dip in the dark

I dried myself off and bid Deja a good night before going to bed myself.  There was no cuddling that night, Varick stayed on his side of the bed and I stayed on mine.

When I woke the next day the first order of business was coffee, and the second was writing Varick a letter about how I felt.  I wasn’t sure that I would give it to him, but I needed to do something to get it all out.  I tucked it away before he got out of bed, glad to have at least organized my thoughts somewhat.

We ate a light breakfast and then did a little visiting.  I felt hungover, although I had been sober long before I went to bed.  I think it was exhaustion from all the play the day before, and I was emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

He helped me pack everything up and we left an hour earlier than planned because I just wanted to get home and be with Jack.

During the first half of the ride it was uncomfortably quiet.  Finally I couldn’t stand it and just asked him point blank if he still wanted to be together.  He admitted that he didn’t, and that he couldn’t meet my relationship requirements.  I said that it was better this way, and that clearly we were not right for each other.  I wished out loud that he had said something before the weekend, to which he replied that he ‘just wanted us to have a nice weekend together’.

“Well, it WASN’T” I stated flatly.  I felt like telling him that I could think of at least half a dozen people offhand that I would have rather spent the time with, but it’s just as much my fault for not writing him off last week when I had the chance.

“I hope things aren’t awkward” he mentioned “since we will probably see a lot of each other”.

“We’re adults Varick, I am sure we can handle it” I replied.  It’s somewhat unfortunate that we have so many mutual friends in the community, but as I said, we can handle it.  Or at least I can, we shall see about him.

I dropped him off at his place and we hugged uncomfortably before saying goodbye.  I drove towards home, and I cried bitterly because even though I shouldn’t feel replaced, I do.  I also felt rejected, even though I had initiated the sequence of events on Tuesday.  I was angry that I had spent even ONE moment of the weekend feeling awkward over him.

Jack and V and the kids were out, and I didn’t want to be alone just then, so I went to Nia’s.  She hugged me and listened while I explained what had happened.  We talked about communication and how irritating it is when other people don’t seem to get it.  I had wanted to give him the opportunity to prove that he wanted what I wanted, and instead he made up his mind that it was over and then drug it out through our time together.

When I got home I packed some things inside, put away groceries, cleaned the cooler, and then had a long shower.  Jack and V and the kids arrived shortly after I finished, and we had supper together before putting kids to bed and then renting Shortbus.  If you haven’t seen it, and you are into sexually explicit drama/comedies, it’s worth seeing.  I really enjoyed it.

Eventually it was just Jack and I in bed together.  I cried some more, and then we fucked.  It was rough and hard and exactly what I needed.  When I eventually orgasmed, with his hand cupped firmly over my pussy, I wept again from the intensity of it.  I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard.

Afterwards Jack and I cuddled and I thanked every diety I know for what I have with him.  I often question why I struggle through these extra relationships when I don’t have to.  Why do I subject myself to the upset and the potential for pain when I could stay home and be with someone who will love me forever?

I am addicted to the good parts I suppose.  The payoff can be beautiful, and because each time I make a connection with someone I learn something new about myself and about the world.

Finding the value in all things is vital to survival.  I am glad for what I learned from Varick.  I gained some personal clarity regarding the sort of relationships I am interested in, and I think it will be a great while before I get tangled up with someone so immature and inexperienced.  As Jack said to me last night, while he held me so tight and lovingly touched my black and blue rear end, I need to stop looking for a ‘project’ and start demanding partners who already have their shit together and know who they are and what they want.

Even though it really is better that we’ve ended things, I am still mourning the loss of a regular play partner.  It was lovely to be able to indulge that part of myself and experience some things I had been wanting to try.  I hope it won’t be too long before I have the opportunity again.

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Yesterday morning Nia came over to watch the young ones while V and I went shopping with Varick.  More specifically, to a leather store, in the hopes of finding him some suitable fet wear for this weekend.

That earthy smell of tanned animal skin nearly knocks you over at the door.  I just love that smell, because I generally associate leather with bondage, which I associate with being beaten on, which makes me happy.

V wandered off to try on some jackets while Varick and I looked over the leather pants.  I picked out a couple of pairs and sent him to try them on.

He was a good sport, and I must have made him put on half a dozen pairs of them.  None of them fit right, which isn’t too surprising since (A) it wasn’t a fet wear store per sae (B) he is shorter and really slender.  Not shorter as in shorter than me, but shorter as in shorter than most males.  Plus the cut of the leather pants was designed to provide comfort while riding a motorcycle, not for prancing around at kink events.  They were too big in the ass, or too loose in the thighs, or whatever else.  It was disappointing.

We gave up and decided to grab lunch before we dropped him off and went home.  There was a really cute little cafe where we stopped for a bite.  I could tell that V was less put off by him than she had been the first time they met, which was a relief.  I really appreciate having her support and encouragement while he and I work at sorting ourselves out.

Nothing heavy was discussed, and although he wasn’t his ‘usual self’ he certainly was a lot better.

Tonight we are going to Forbidden, and I am really excited.  Yesterday V and I stopped by Wal-Mart so I could pick up a few things for camping.  Such as bug repellent and a set of mini speakers for the iPod so that we can have music out in the woods.  I am charging up my phone, camera, and GPS in preparation.  This morning Jack helped me lug one of my big storage lockers, full of bondage gear and the like, down from our room and into the back of the van.  According to Varick, Deja has a number of items on the list to teach him this weekend, so in his words, I am in for ‘quite a workout’.

Later today I am picking up groceries for camping.  Varick just told me to get whatever I liked and he’d split the cost with me, so I have a rough meal plan figured out which should suit him just fine (he’s a tad picky that one).  I’m going to ask him to pitch in for gas as well, since I am bringing ALL the equipment.  I am also seriously suppressing my usual penchant for feeding everyone within five miles.  Usually I bring enough food for 30 people, but I have promised myself that I will only bring reasonable quantities, and only as much as I think Varick and I will eat in two days.  You have no idea how difficult this is for me, since I often like to make extra in case people wander over to be fed.

At any rate, this weekend should give me a much better idea as to where things are going with Varick and I, if anywhere.

I won’t be posting this weekend, but I am taking my phone, so I shall see about Twittering as much as I can.  I will probably be tied up a good portion of the time there (both literally and figuratively) but I shall do what I can to keep you all posted!

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