Stiletto Diaries

Random Vegan Friend:
Why is it easier to watch Cold Case Files (about dead people with graphic photos) than it is to watch Rachael Ray talk about meat?

Shasta:
LOL, because people are annoying
And animals are cute

Shasta:
Dead People = Meh
Dead Animals =

Random Vegan Friend:
Yeah, and also the detectives have no intention of eating the dead people

Shasta:
HA HA
If they did, would you still watch it?

Random Vegan Friend:
Um, no

Shasta:
Because I totally would

Random Vegan Friend:
Ewwwww!
Blog that conversaton you sick fuck

V:
Do you smell diarrhea?

Shasta:
Not really, but one of my nostrils is plugged

V:
That’s lucky for you. I’m gettin the full flavour over here

Shasta:
I just wanna make love to a block of ice right now

V:
Yep, slow and passionately

Shasta:
Totally

Jack:
Look at how cool our new credit cards look!

Shasta:
I know. I licked mine

Jack:
…..

Shasta:
It tasted like plastic

Random Friend:
Also WTF? and PORN go together a lot on the Internet

Shasta:
Last night I watched a clip of a woman being sodomised with a turkey drumstick

Random Friend:
See?

Shasta:
Indeed

Shasta:
Immediately preceding oestrus, your female cat may become unusually affectionate, by sidling up and rubbing her hind quarters against furniture, stuffed toys, other cats, and/or her favorite human.
She may spend excessive time licking her genital area.

Random Cat Owner Friend:
Well that’s just her all the time

Shasta:
The Queen (name for female cats of breeding age) will vocalize loudly. This “calling” may go on for several days, unless she mates.
She will assume a mating position: head down, forelegs bent, rear quarters raised to expose the perineum (this raised posture is called lordosis), with the tail raised and held to the side of the body. Her rear legs will tread rhythmically, as if walking in place.

Random Cat Owner Friend:
And constantly wanting her ass scratched, in which she puts her ass up in the air
This makes her purr very loudly

Shasta:
Try fucking her with a q-tip, that should shut her up

Random Cat Owner Friend:
Did you seriously just suggest that?

Random Friend:
I WORRY

Shasta:
WHY???

Random Friend:
It’s what I do, I am a professional worrier

Shasta:
What do you worry about?

Random Friend:
People, things, bugs, my cat, if I bought the right size shoes…stuff like that

Shasta:
How does that relate to nudity and web cams?

Random Friend:
Everybody wants cake

Shasta:
Yes
Cake while naked

Random Friend:
I guess

Shasta:
I prefer cake that way

Random Friend:
I can see that

Shasta:
Mhmm

Random Friend:
glug glug lgu glug

Shasta:
slug slug slug

Random Friend:
Ahh slugs, that reminds me of a disgusting story.

Shasta:
My favorite kind!

Random Friend:
Not this one.
I shall spare you.

Shasta:
It can’t be any worse than my drunken brother, cooking and eating his own vomit

Shasta: Laundry on the go, one sink of dishes done and a second one soaking right now.
Are you excited about tonight at all?

Jack: Yes, I am eating minimally so I can enjoy a $140/person night LOL

Shasta:I’m going to send you the map to Susur so you can print it :)  So we don’t get lost.
Love you!

Jack: It’s going to be great!

Shasta: I sure hope so, or I am going to be some pissed, LOL

[Begin Amusing Sarcasm]

Shasta: Are you telling anyone that we are eating there?  So that they can think we’re really snooty and extravagant

Jack: I haven’t yet. I don’t want them to think I am a snob. LOL
I might drop it to my boss though.

Shasta: You totally should!  By the way…there is a bottle of wine for $3,000 on their wine list.  I nearly choked, LOL

Jack: Let’s get it!!!

Shasta:The Dom Perignon is only $1,000 so lets get that instead, and then I can cross TWO things off the list!!!

[/Sarcasm]