Stiletto Diaries

A summary of our Saturday, spent preparing for our week-long road trip can be found here and here.  I won’t bother going over everything that happened that day, but needless to say, our trip was off to an interesting start, LOL.

Sunday marked Day One of Shasta & V Do America.  We said our goodbyes and off we went, south of Calgary towards the Alberta/Montana border.

Neither of us had really driven into the states, so we didn’t know what to expect at the border. Fortunately the line up was fairly short, and we didn’t have to wait long. The cute customs officer was very sweet, and rather than search our trailer, they just gave it a quick scan and sent us on our way. It was a relief to be in and out of there without any trouble.

Cut Bank, Montana was the first stop of the evening, to see the World’s Largest Penguin. We wandered around looking for it, before finally stopping at a little casino to use the bathroom and ask where we could find said penguin. The bartender was kind enough to direct us and allowed us to use the facilities.

We found the penguin just where he said it would be. We parked the truck and trailer in the lot of an abandoned drive-in diner (you know, the kind with the car hops that came out to take your order). The penguin was indeed very large, as you can see from the above photos.

283. See the World’s Largest Penguin

That accomplished, and the sun going down, our next item of business was finding a place to sleep. Our GPS (nicknamed Mags) informed us that there was a camp ground nearby, and so we headed over there, only to find the supposed location populated by houses, and a hill.

Not sure what else to do, we drove east towards Chester, hoping to see a sign for camping. We did see a sign, although the facilities were not exactly what we had in mind. The ‘camp ground’ was basically a park in the middle of town, like a playground, with a grassy area. It was well after nightfall by this time, so we said to hell with it, parked, and set about putting our tent together. Thank gods we bought head lamps before we left Calgary.

There was a hole in the air mattress, and so we made up a bed the best we could, although we were seriously lacking for blankets. It had been so hot that day we didn’t think it would get too cold at any rate. In fact we didn’t bother putting the fly over the tent, so that the entire ceiling was open to the stars above.

167. Sleep under the stars

I heard a tiny meow outside, and decided to investigate, only to find a small kitten huddled next to a tree beside our tent. I approached slowly, V close behind me, but he started up the tree, and when I reached out to touch him, he spat and hissed furiously. So much for that. He was stuck up the tree and continued to cry until after we fell asleep, but there was nothing we could do (he did manage to get down on his own, I checked the next day).

I woke up in the wee hours, freezing to death, cuddled as close to V as possible. We were both curled up tightly, but there wasn’t much hope for sleep. It felt like the night may never end, and I don’t think that I really slept again until the sun began to rise and warm us up.

On the morning of Friday, July 25th I found myself on the back of a motorcycle, headed east of Calgary towards Bragg Creek.  A friend of mine had offered to take me for a ride out to Elbow River, followed by lunch somewhere together.

Since I’d already seen the Elbow Falls, he took me a short distance upriver, to an area less frequented by tourists.  It was a gorgeous day, the perfect temperature for a ride in the country and basking by the river.

I took a few photos from down in the river valley, before we took a bit of a hike up the side to a sort of a ridge.

The following photos were taken from up on our perch above the river.  My friend had the good sense to bring a blanket, which he spread out on the grass for us.

We laid on our backs under the warm summer sun, and it felt like we had the world to ourselves for a while.  He ran his hands over my shoulders and gave me a massage, which was exactly what I needed after nearly four weeks with family.

After a bit of playful banter he stripped off his clothing and managed to coax me out of mine as well, with some persuasion (and plenty of foreplay).  It was magnificent being nude outdoors in the sunshine, in the company of a handsome and intelligent man who was quite set on making me cum.  I could feel the heat of the day on my bare breasts and belly while he played my body like the keys of a fine piano.

“Do you want me inside of you?” he asked, while I was lost in the afterglow of a wonderful orgasm.

“Yes” I sighed, while his fingertips traced lazy lines over my skin.

He settled himself between my thighs, and although we were on something of an unfortunate slope, we managed a fairly comfortable sort of entanglement.

He fucked me slowly, taking his pleasure from prolonging the experience.  I do adore a man who takes his time and really savors every moment as if he may never have sex again.  When he was close to climax he sped up, taking me hard and fast until he came with a groan and several ‘Oh-Gods!’

We remained there for a short while, touching softly, until we decided we were peckish enough to get dressed and head back towards the city.  I wish we could have spent the rest of the day there, or perhaps several of them, but one must take what they can get when it comes to such things.

He took me to a little diner for the best Montreal smoked meat sandwich I’ve ever had in CowTown.  Afterwards we sat outside enjoying the warm weather until he had to depart.  I hope it won’t be so long this time until I see him again, as our last get together was well over a year ago.

A series of bad directions on my part, and important appointments on V’s part left me somewhat stranded down on 17th ave for the better part of an hour.  It was strange being down there alone, only because I realised that I felt like I didn’t belong anymore.  My cell phone had died so I couldn’t even call LD to let him know I was running late.

Eventually I managed to hail a cab and arrived at LD’s late enough that he’d begun to wonder what had become of me.  It was lovely to see him, and we had a really nice visit before I dragged him into his bed and had my way with him.

After we’d gotten each other off, we gathered ourselves together and went out for Vietnamese food before V’s big going-away soiree later that evening.  LD knows where all the best sort of restaurants are in Calgary, and after we ate we caught a cab over to Marda Loop where everyone was meeting for the party.

It was a really great night, aside from running into Q, who never called me again after we fucked during the May long weekend.  He saw me in the pub and approached me, which resulted in several moments of very awkward conversation.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m good, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good.  So are you in town visiting?”

“Yup, just out for V’s send off party tonight.  She’s moving out to Toronto with me.”

“Oh, nice”

Then we stood there, uncomfortable, until we sort of wandered apart.  I did my best to completely ignore and avoid him for the rest of the evening.  He didn’t approach me again, much to my relief.

It was so much fun seeing everyone that night.  We stayed up late into the night, only making it into bed shortly before the sun began to come up. 

I’d been carrying the same plain black, yet functional wallet for years.  In fact, I can’t even tell you with any certainty when I bought it because I’ve had it so long.  I fell totally in love with this pocketbook style wallet by ESPE when I came across it at Krickets, in Calgary.  ESPE is a Canadian cruelty-free accessories company, and this bright and cheerful wallet makes me feel less emo goth kid, and more ‘pocket full of sunshine’.

A couple of months ago I had some business cards printed with VistaPrint (great service, awesome price, I highly recommend) and since then I’ve been looking for something to carry them in, so they don’t get all bent out of shape in my purse. I stumbled across this cute and stylish Glam card holder in Krickets, during my recent trip to Calgary, and it’s just right!

While I was in Calgary over the weekend we did a little shopping. Krickets down on 4th St in Mission is filled with funky and stylish accessories and gifts. Be warned, there are so many fabulous things in that store your head may explode. Knowing how I love quirky pins, V gifted me with this totally suitable little gem. I think it pretty much says it all.

I had wanted to write a post yesterday before we left for Calgary, but I didn’t have time. Ah well. It’ll wait, churning about in my brain, until I have the time to get it all out here.

I’m writing this from V’s computer, while we get geared up to head out for the evening. Tonight we’re going for drinks with friends at one of our regular hangouts here in the city. I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen some of them, and I’ve missed them all terribly.

Yesterday I stayed awake for 22 hours, and last night I got 3 hours of sleep. I’m running on Starbucks and Spanakopita, which is a pretty hilarious combination really. This morning I spent some time with K, and bought a few new beads for my dreads. V and I had lunch together (she had to work today) and then I buggered around a little, taking a little solo tour of the city and rediscovering all the familiar places.

I’ve been taking some photos that I’ll be able to share once I get home. Mainly things I miss around Calgary which may be of no interest to anyone but me.

Tomorrow or Sunday I really want to eat at Globefish, since it’s my favorite restaurant ever. I have plans with LD in the evening which will hopefully involve some full-frontal nudity. Tee Hee. Certainly there will be interesting blog posts to come.

Nearly time to head out so I’d better get a move on. I hope everyone is having a truly fabulous weekend, wherever you are!

Ex-Lovers can often be a precarious topic, particularly when there is a lot of complicated history involved, and especially when one wishes to write about them, knowing they will read it.

I mentioned in a recent post that K and I had been working on getting past some of the bitterness and bad feelings left over from all that happened towards the end of our romantic relationship. We’ve remained somewhat friends over the past year or so, although it often felt strained, and I kept him at arms length or further. I really did not want him to get the impression that I had anything more than a passing interest in him or his life, which is totally rude, and I’m a bit ashamed to even admit it. It would have been kinder and more honest to just cut him loose completely, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t seem to do that.

Recently I’ve been working a lot on myself, and on changing things that I am dissatisfied with in my life. My attitude towards him was near the top of the list because I didn’t want to continue the way we had been. It wasn’t fair to him, and that’s not truly the sort of person I am, so something had to give.

I’ve let the walls down…confiding in him again, a little at a time. Allowing myself to feel closer to him, to be open, and to act like the kind of friend I really am. We’ve had some really good conversations and I stopped feeling like I had to push him away constantly.

And then something unexpected happened. I realised that the reason I’d been holding him off so vigilantly, the reason I’d bothered building the walls at all, was because there were still some feelings there that I didn’t want to have to deal with. In spite of all that has gone on, I guess those sorts of things never really leave you completely. I pushed them so far down I had assumed they were gone completely, which was naive and unrealistic, especially for me.

I think that keeping my distance saved me from having to admit it to myself, or to even acknowledge it. Really it all started because I was determined to be done with him, and it’s difficult to detest someone when you also love them. Rather than just accept that I would probably always feel affection for him on some level, it was easier for me to just be angry and bitter and hold on to all of those negative feelings. It wasn’t a conscious effort on my part, and it evolved that way over a stretch of time, so that I didn’t really realize it was happening.

So, now that I’ve decided to let go of the past and all of the unpleasantness of that time, these other feelings are making their way back to the surface. Really I wasn’t prepared for it, and I am not entirely sure how to handle it or what is considered ‘proper behaviour’ in these situations.

Clearly we cannot get back together, and I don’t think I really want that because it would be pointless and frustrating with the distance. I don’t think that our friendship is headed into that territory at all, so it’s not a concern.

I think we’ve come to a mutually agreeable arrangement that can best be described as good friends, with occasional benefits. To be perfectly honest, I miss the sex, which was always quite satisfying. I’ve been feeling discouraged and annoyed with the lack of new connections out here, which perhaps adds to the attraction. K is familiar and comfortable and we’ve already seen each other naked more times than I could count. I know that he knows how to make me purr, and we certainly had a ton of sexual chemistry back when we were a couple.

He’s hoping to come out for a visit in April, to attend a party I am throwing, and to see some of Ontario. By then it will have been 10 months since the last time we saw each other, so it will be nice to hang out again. Especially minus all the drama that seemed to never end when I lived back in Calgary.

Please spare me the “Don’t get involved with him again” since it’s not going to be like that. How involved can we get living 2,000 miles apart and perhaps only hanging out in person once a year? I don’t do long distance romance, and I’m just relived that we can have comfortable conversation again.

Writing this post actually makes me all kinds of nervous, but I needed to get it all out in order to better examine where I am at with myself.

*Howard Waldrop

Some of you may have noticed that when my favourite holiday of the year rolled around, I did not post a list of resolutions or goals for 2008. That was intentional on my part, since I decided this year was going to be slightly different.

No more January promises that barely last into the third week of the New Year. No more lists of good intentions, forgotten as soon as the first moment of temptation, or laziness occurs.

This year I decided that when I was good and ready to make changes in my life, I would do it. I have the late-January guilt that always comes of breaking your promises to self. That was not the way I wanted to start off 2008.

When February 1st rolled around, I figured it was about time to start reorganizing a few things in my life. My priorities for one thing. I’ve been spending too much time online and not enough of it on maintaining order in my house and in my mind. Nia and I recently decided that since we are very similar when it comes to both mental and physical clutter, we would commit to meeting weekly to discuss our progress and encourage each other. This may sound ridiculous to some, but she and I are both procrastinating perfectionists who have a difficult time making improvements in specific areas of our lives. In meeting once a week we can create a certain amount of accountability, not to mention support and understanding.

I’m also renewing my commitment to take better care of my mental and physical health. Going back to the gym hasn’t been easy, but I know the payoff is going to be fantastic. Nia and I did a yoga class together today, and she has decided to join me on a regular basis, so that we can be gym buddies. This evening we sat down with the class schedule and picked out four classes per week that we are committing to participate in. This is going to be a wonderful thing because having a workout buddy, who you know is expecting you to show up, is an excellent motivator. I’m looking forward to becoming more toned and fit between now and summer time.

March will also be the month of home improvements. I have some projects lined up, which I know will bring a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. My home is going to be personalized and unique. New paint and some new furniture. Bright colors and better lighting. Jack will finally install his home theatre system, and a place to display his sport memorabilia. Having the time and the means to do it all is an exciting prospect, and despite the fact that it’s going to be a lot of hard work, I can hardly wait.

My trip back to Calgary has been booked for April, and I’m really looking forward to seeing my friends there again. V and I are discussing organizing a group get-together at a pub or something for one of the evenings I’m there, to save me having to run all over the city visiting a dozen different people. There is a short list of individuals whom I wish to spend a little one on one time with, but for the most part I really prefer group socialization.

We’re also planning a trip out to Ottawa some time in the next couple of months, which I think will be brilliant. I look forward to visiting the National Art Gallery and Parliament Hill.

On a more surprising note, K and I have been on better speaking terms as of late. He has changed some over the past year, to the point that I think we may be growing close as friends once again. We’ve been discussing him coming out for a visit, perhaps soon, so that I can show him around Toronto and the area. He’s never been outside of Alberta so it would be a wonderful opportunity for him to see another part of the country. As optimistic as I am, I shall also remain cautious because I know there were certainly wounds left in the wake of our relationship. There are times when he still rubs me the wrong way, but I’ve begun to realize that he’s making a genuine effort, and that needs to be encouraged and rewarded.

Life continues to become increasingly entertaining and enjoyable. I’m finding my happiness here in Ontario, making more friends, forming connections and partnerships in unexpected and wonderful places. The time of transition is smoothing out gradually, unfurling into a comfortable phase of both the familiar and the yet to be discovered. I’m creating and cultivating a certain amount of productive routine, punctuated with spontaneity and adventures. I’m now quite certain that moving here was the right decision, and that we will be content here.

With all difficult things, time is often the most necessary ingredient. That and patience, and perhaps a good bottle of wine.

Oh dear! I hadn’t realized I’d gone so long without posting. My apologies, followed by brief explanation and update.

A lot of my time over the past week and some days has been devoted to a large and time-consuming project (not blog related). It has been eating up most of my days, and a lot of my evenings for that matter, although I don’t mind since the payoff is going to be amazing.

Loki and I still haven’t managed to get together for coffee or a movie. Last weekend I had to cancel due to feeling like a heap of poo. Perhaps this weekend we will finally manage it.

Speaking of this weekend, Nia and I have plans to attend the Toronto Erotic Arts Festival on either Saturday or Sunday. We are both looking forward to that, I know I am at any rate.

Next week, on Valentine’s Day, she and I will also be judging the talent portion of a T-Girl Pageant in Toronto. I was quite flattered by the invitation, and I look forward to the event, as it’ll be something totally new for yours truly. Not to mention I get to hang out with Todd Klinck (from Season 2 of KINK) who makes my fangirl knees feel all wobbly, LOL.

Jack and I are also discussing a trip back to Calgary for me sometime between now and summer holidays. I am dying to get away for a weekend and see my friends. I miss LD and X and of course V, who is my main reason for wanting to go back so bad. Her and I can only be apart for so long before insanity sets in. Honestly just the thought of getting to see everyone makes me so excited I could pee on the carpet, HA HA.

It’ll likely be mid April, so all of my CowTown peeps, keep that time frame in mind and if you want to hang out at some point during my visit get in touch ASAP since you know I’m already working on an itinerary, LOL. I want to make sure I don’t miss anyone.

Things have been busy, but quiet around here lately. Now that I am over that hideous head cold and the project is under control, I should be back to updating regularly. Thanks for your patience, and Happy Hump Day!

If you have been over to K’s blog in the last day or two you will know that we had a really good time on Friday night. To be honest with you, initially I was dreading it. In the later afternoon K and I were talking a bit on IM and he was not in the best mood. I think his last message to me was “We need to talk later, and it’s gonna be a long one”.

So I am thinking “Ok, well, hopefully V and K’s roommate hit it off because K and I are probably going to be having a private conversation for most of the night.” I had that sinking feeling in my stomach.

I got to V’s place and we started to get ready. I was up in her room when she brought me my phone and said “It’s K, he wants to tell you he loves you.”

He and I talked briefly. He wanted to tell me that he was doing his best to be understanding, but that regardless of all this stuff, he still loves me anyway. To say I was relieved is a huge understatement. I told him that I loved him too and that I was looking forward to seeing him.

V and I finished getting beautiful and then headed to the bar. K and his roommate were there, along with a few of their other friends. It didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable, V and I sat down with them and ordered some drinks.

A little later K and I left for a bit so that I could give him his gift (belated birthday presents) and we could have a chat without having to scream over the music. He wanted to make some requests about my seeing other people and I was more than happy to hear him out. I think that basically he just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to be replaced, that I wasn’t going to parade around any other guys in front of him, and also that he would not be kept in the dark. I am really glad that he brought up his concerns. I know that sometimes (ok, most of the time) he isn’t really sure about his place, and he is sometimes reluctant to make requests of me because he doesn’t always feel entitled to do so. All in all it went really well and neither of us got overly upset/defensive/emotional.

We went back into the bar after a bit and I commenced trying to catch up with V as far as drinks (yes, I still stubbornly maintain that we are not alcoholics in any way, shape, or form). Usually I drink faster than her, but she got a head start on me while I was talking to K.

We were all having a great time. V and K’s roommate did hit it off. Well, to be more accurate he was putting the moves on her shamelessly and she was just being her normally friendly self. Her and DF are still together after all, even though he is out of town for work.

The four of us danced, the band was descent, and a few hot guys were checking me out, which was nice. However, I was more interested in playfully teasing K with a little dirty dancing (although like he said in his post, it was still pretty tame, especially for me who has practically had sex on a bar dance floor in the past). All it really served to do was make up both hot and sexually frustrated, but we behaved ourselves (rather I molested V and hit on girls in the bathroom in the hopes of getting some play, LOL). One night of fucking would not be worth killing any chance that we can be together again, so I kept that in mind and tried not to think about him naked too much, LOL.

The night wore on and eventually my guzzling gin and 7up like it was my final hour took it’s toll and my stomach politely informed me that it would not tolerate any more abuse. To prevent some rather disgusting gastric acrobatics, K and I told V and the roommate that we’d meet them outside, and headed across the street to 7-11 for something to eat. I had some sort of imitation luncheon meat sandwiched between two slices of what felt and tasted like thick wet cardboard, and damn it was delicious. Dirt tastes appealing if you drink enough.

We sat on the curb and yapped, I tried to convince K to let me climb a tree that was behind us. He stopped me (luckily) so I am not writing this from the hospital. After a while I got impatient with those drunks we had been waiting for (:P LOL, kidding V, kidding). So K went back in and told them that we would meet them back at K’s place. It was nice that we only had to walk across the street to get there.

I was hitting “Must Pass Out” zone, so I gave Jack a call to tell him I was ok and that I was at K’s place waiting for V to get back. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation really. I wished him a goodnight and told him that I love him and then V and the roommate came down the stairs. V came and plunked down beside me in K’s bed and we chatted for a bit. K came in to make sure we had blankets, and to grab his extra comforter to go sleep on the couch. V did her usual pass out method where I am talking to her and she just goes silent mid-sentence. I pretty much followed immediately after.

K’s ‘bed’ (you can’t even call it that) is horrendous to sleep on. I woke up every 20 minutes with some part of me in stabbing pain. I am used to a softer sleeping surface, LOL. I woke up far too early and drug myself out to the kitchen for water.

K was crashed out on the couch but he woke up somewhat when I passed on my way to the bathroom. After I peed and got water I sat down on the couch with him and we chatted away for a while. Then his roommate got up, and eventually V. We debated going for breakfast but I figured I’d better not push it being out all day. We opted to go to Second Cup and grab some ‘coffee’ (except none of us drank coffee, LOL, I had one of their Chocolate Chillers, which is basically chocolate milk blended with ice, YUMMY!). The four of us sat on the grass and BS’d for a bit. Then we parted ways and I took V back to her place and headed home.

The rest of the weekend was also awesome. Got to spend some more time with V and then made Jack a fantastic dinner for Father’s Day. He took the kids to the park and watched a movie with them. He is such a great dad, I felt like I should have done more to make his day special, but according to him it was pretty perfect. I was sad that the weekend had to end.

My mother will hopefully be taking our kids for a few days in the near future, so that Jack and I can get some landscaping done. I am looking forward to having some free time with him, and even though we will have to spend all the days working in the yard, I hope we can go out at least one night and have dinner or something.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying

P.S. Go Edmonton Oilers!