Stiletto Diaries

I’ve been to some really fabulous play parties as of late.  Unfortunately, blogging about such parties and the happenings therein is generally frowned on upon in the kink community at large. As it were, I can’t give out TOO many details, but I will say that much fun was had by V and myself.

At the Halloween party I had the unique experience of being topped by both Deja and V. At first it was a little…strange, having V there, but once she got down to business with a riding crop I stopped giggling. It was a really good, although intense scene. My head went to a strange space and I felt emotional, and I sort of wanted to cry. Not from the pain, it was deeper than that. I was surprised and not entirely sure how to handle it. Fortunately V and Deja were there to coddle and love me and it passed as quickly as it had arrived.

My ass was sore for days after, as you can imagine from these photos, which were taken three days after the party.

Playing with Deja was a lot of fun, and I look forward to scening with her again, perhaps this weekend at the next play party I am going to.

On Saturday Jack and Nia and I went to Fet Fair in Guelph, which is like a craft/trade show for all things kink. I like it because it supports the local community, and the people who hand make all manner of fabulous toys.

It was a really great event! I got to introduce Jack to a number of my friends in the community, and he bought me a couple of new toys.

The bondage belt was of particular interest to Jack, especially as the man who made it buckled it under my breasts and demonstrated how my hands could be fastened at my sides, leaving the o-ring free for leading me about, or tying me to things, etc. Jack was sold on it! The wonderful salesman also threw in a wooden massager (pictured above, top right) which is lovely for sensation play.

Then there was the quirt, which is an easy-to-use alternative to other styles of whip. It may look small, but that thing packs a LOT of sting.

We were entranced by a demo of this portable suspension rig, and I’m rather hopeful that I might entice Jack to purchase one for me eventually (maybe for our anniversary *cough cough*).  I’d be happy with the cross at the very least, but if we had the suspension frame, we could use it for our sex swing as well.

On our way out of the fair, I stopped to enter the raffle draw they were having, which offered several really great prize packages.  Imagine my thrill and surprise when they called me some time later to tell me that I’d won second prize!

In the picture full of assorted implements you can see most of my winnings.  Here are individual photos of some of my favorites.  Although I forgot to get a shot of the whippy rattan cane that was in there and which has proven quite a lovely toy.

That evening V and Nia accompanied me to a play party, at which we had a fabulous time.  Deja was unable to attend but I did run into another Domme friend of mine who beckoned me to play.  The results of which can be clearly seen below (ass photos courtesy of V).

Notice the older bruises on the outsides of the thighs and hips?  Those were leftovers from the Halloween party, still looking rather nasty even a week later.

All of us had a marvelous time, and I’m looking forward to yet another play party this Saturday.  Unfortunately I don’t think it’s going to work out that V can attend, since Jack will be out of town on business, but Deja is going so I won’t be totally on my own (not that I would mind at this point).  It’s been wonderful getting out more in the community.  I seem to make new friends every time I go to an event.

I finally feel as though I’ve caught up on all the recent happenings, despite the lack of explicit detail (not my doing, those are just the rules).  I should have some more gratuitous ass shots to show off after this weekend, but in the mean time, here’s some boobies.  Happy Monday!

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My regular laptop is in the shop having it’s LCD screen replaced, and I’ve been lacking the patience to pick my way through a blog post on the tiny keyboard of my Asus Eee PC.  However, I figured I’d better put something up here before I lost all of my readers, heh.

The friend from Alberta whom was out for a visit left on Tuesday night.  We had a really good time together and I was sorry to see her go.  I really hope she’ll come out again, and she invited me to stay with her the next time I go back to Calgary for a weekend to see my friends, which I appreciate.

I do have lots of photos and adventures to share, once my laptop comes home, since this tiny thing will not support my camera software nor allow me to upload any pictures from it.  That will have to wait.  Besides, I feel as though I am still recovering from the whirl-wind week that she was here, so having a few days to gather my thoughts isn’t the most unfortunate circumstance.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Nia.  We went shopping for Thanksgiving/Halloween decorations and then she came over for a late lunch and coffee.  It was so nice spending some time with her, we have a lot of similarities when it comes to depression and OCD, and so she can relate to me on that level, which is just what I needed.  We had a really good conversation and I feel so lucky to have both her to talk to.

Today Jack and I had our weekly lunch date.  I am really happy that we are able to meet during the day and spend some time together, just talking.  Often, even at home after the kids are in bed, we are so worn out that we just cuddle up and relax.  When we meet for lunch we’re both more energetic and we have no distractions like laundry or dishes or bills.  I know that I really look forward to having lunches with him, and he’s told me that it’s the highlight of his week, so I’m glad we decided to start having weekly dates.  It also gives me an opportunity to ask him questions about how things are going at work, and to listen to all of the issues and people he’s dealing with.  I genuinely enjoy getting a glimpse into that part of his life, and his work can be fascinating if you’re interested in such things, which I am.  Naturally he also wants to hear all about whatever I want to share, generally getting him caught up on the kids school-related things and whatever grandiose idea I’ve got stewing.

Tomorrow I begin serious preparations for Thanksgiving.  I’m doing a turkey and trimmings and the whole nine yards.  I actually bought pie pumpkins so that I could make one from scratch, LOL.  Yes, there are special pumpkins for pie-making, not just any old pumpkin will do.

Deja is joining us for Thanksgiving dinner, and I’ve invited Nia and one of her boyfriends, if they end up wanting to join us (HINT HINT Nia, ditch the ‘rents and come over here for tofurkey and homemade honest-to-god-not-from-a-can pumpkin pie).  I’m also baking some autumn themed cookies for the kids to take to school next week, and also as a treat for some of my pals at the kink munch on Tuesday.  I’m already having fantasies of Varick asking me if I have cookies for him and then saying “NO!” while rolling my eyes.  I’m going to make up some little packages of cookies for my most favorite people and he certainly isn’t one of them.

Once I get my laptop back we’ll be back to regular posting.  Hope you can wait around until then

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I don’t know about all of you, but I had a really great weekend!

On Friday night Jack and I drove down to Hamilton to see The Blue Man Group preform there. We were thrilled to get out for a date, and we’ve both wanted to see these guys preform for years.

We had fairly good seats, and we really enjoyed the opening performer, David Garibaldi, who paints portraits to music. He did the most amazing paintings of Bono, Jimi Hendrix, The Blue Man Group, and Mick Jagger. You can see what I mean by checking out the Performance Videos here. The paintings he did were for sale after the show, which Jack and I considered purchasing because they were just so awesome. I wanted the Blue Man Group one, or the Jimi Hendrix painting, but at the moment we couldn’t really justify dropping $1500 on a piece of art when we don’t even have a place to hang it yet. When we do have a place, I’d like to buy this painting, if it’s still available.

The Blue Man Group is almost indescribable. Their sense of discovery and child-like curiosity is completely enchanting, and they are certainly some of the best and most innovative musicians I have ever seen. Their show is entertaining for all ages, but they tossed in some subtle adult humor which made me laugh so hard I nearly peed. It was without a doubt the best live show I’ve ever been to, and I will gladly buy tickets for their next tour when they come around this way again.

Sadly, no photos, since I forgot to bring my little PowerShot and instead grabbed the big SLR camera, which was not allowed in. They didn’t search my purse, so I am sure I could have gotten away with it, but I didn’t want to risk missing part of the show just to run my camera all the way back to the parkade, so I left it in the car. I did attempt a couple of shots with my Blackberry, but they are just awful. Oh well

Here’s some official video of the Megastar Tour. Click the link and then select the ‘Your Attention’ video.

222. See the Blue Man Group perform live

We drove home with throats sore from yelling, feeling totally elated by the entire experience. Honestly, GO SEE THEM if you possibly have the means.

On Saturday we spent most of the day relaxing. The kids played outdoors with the neighbourhood children and we did a bot of tidying and organizing in the house. It was nice to take it easy and spend some time as a family.

After the kids were in bed, we opened a bottle of wine and sat down for our regular family meeting. We have family meetings once or twice a month in order to touch base with each other, express our feelings, and brainstorm ideas for keeping the household running smoothly. This particular meeting was a great success, and we all felt great after hashing things out and coming up with a plan of attack for finishing things up in the house.

While I’d been rooting through boxes that day, I’d come across a box of cigars that Jack had been given as a gift some time ago. Since smoking a cigar WAS on my list, and we were already into our second or third bottle of wine, I decided to open one of these up and have a go.

It was an interesting experience. Not really like smoking a cigarette, but something to try at least once I suppose. V and I shared it on the deck, under the stars, while we sipped our wine. Not sure what I’ll do with the rest of this box, LOL, but I was glad to find it and cross something else off the list.

450. Smoke a cigar

Jack had to call it a night sometime after the third bottle had been emptied, so V and I ended up drinking until around 5am. V invited me to spend the night at ‘her place’ in the basement, since we haven’t had any sleepovers for a while. We drug ourselves into bed and passed out almost instantly.

On Sunday morning a phone call from Nia roused me from bed just in time for me to start getting ready for the gathering she had invited me to later that day. I got showered and dressed and pulled together a dish for the pot luck and headed over to her place.

She and her friends were kind enough to invite me to be a part of their fall ritual, to celebrate the second harvest, say goodbye to summer, and welcome autumn. It was really wonderful to spend an afternoon in the company of such welcoming and friendly people. I had a great time, and I hope to attend other such gatherings in the near future. Thank you SO much Nia for letting me join you guys. It was a really special experience, and I was so glad to be allowed to celebrate with you guys.

288. Participate in a Pagan celebration/ritual

After I got home from my outing V and I dashed over to Staples to pick up some supplies for making the house and our schedules run more smoothly. We bought a big office-style calendar and different colored markers for each of us. We also bought notebooks for the correspondence courses we are starting next month in preparation for University. I also picked up items to make a reward chart for the children so that they can earn TV time, outings, and other treats. The system has worked very well for us in the past, and now that they are old enough to understand rules and such a lot better, we are sure this is going to go over well.

Before supper Jack and I went grocery shopping while V took the kiddos to the park. Jack and I really enjoy going grocery shopping together. With three adults and two rapidly growing kids in the house, we generally have to restock the fridge, freezer, and pantry once a week. I’m becoming very into meal planning and eating as healthy as possible. At least 2/3 of our groceries are fresh items which only last us the week anyway, and we hardly eat anything processed.

By the time we got home the kids had eaten supper and were almost ready for bed. I grilled up steaks for Jack and I, and then he had to run to his office to pick up some paperwork before his trip out east this week.

While he was out V and I sat down with the calendars and laid out all of our upcoming events and ‘To Do’ items. It can be very precarious with Jack working and now I work some, and V is getting a job, and then she and I are taking these classes and will have a lot of homework, and the older kid has homework…it’s mind-boggling after a while. Now that we have it all down on paper, it seems far more manageable, and it’s easier to schedule date nights for Jack and I, and outing for V and I, and family things.

Jack left this morning for a business trip, which is lucky for him since I started my period late last night, LOL. I didn’t have hardly any PMS, and only a few cramps on Friday night after we got home from Blue Man. Periods have been SO much easier since I’ve started eating right and exercising more.

At least now that V is here, I don’t have to sleep alone while Jack is away

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While we were browsing at the Toronto Erotic Arts Festivallast spring, Nia picked out this pin for me, which of course I loved!  I think it adds a certain touch of class to my purses.

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Despite his trepidation, Jack was wonderful at the munch last night.  There was already a good crowd when we arrived, and it was really nice to see everyone.  We sat beside Deja, whom Jack really enjoyed talking to.  I introduced him to a few of my friends and we ordered some drinks.

Varick arrived and spotted Deja and I, so he promptly came over and plunked himself down between us.  We said hello and then I introduced him to Jack.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was a combination of horror, embarrassment, and terror.  He turned 15 shades of red and covered his face with his hand and sort of laughed uncomfortably.  Clearly I’d caught him totally off-guard, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  Jack just grinned, and later on the way home I told him that the only thing which could have made that moment any better is if Jack had remarked “OH!  So YOU’RE the guy who was fucking my wife!”  I think that would have made Varick shit a brick, literally, Hee Hee.

In their usual style, everyone was really welcoming to Jack and glad to meet him (finally).  Varick seemed oddly attentive and interested in talking to me, which perhaps means nothing, but just the way he was acting seemed a little…suspect.  I sort of wonder if Jack hadn’t been there with me, if Varick would have perhaps made a move to get back together.  Who knows really (and I would have declined had he suggested such a thing) but it can be amusing to speculate.

We had a really good time, and I was so pleased that Jack and Deja hit it off.  She is going to join V and I (and hopefully Nia as well if she is over her flu by then) on Saturday night, for our trek to Goodhandy’s.  Jack and I are also planning to go over to Deja’s the last weekend of this month for some fire-play!!!  After meeting her Jack says that I can do fire-play with her whenever I want!  Very, very exciting, since I only really tried that tiny bit on my arm.  I really can’t wait to get the full body experience!

Now that he’s had a taste of what munches are like, Jack says he’s fine going to them with me.  Everyone who met him remarked that they hope he will come back again, and I think he will, provided V is able to babysit for us.  I am so happy that he’s getting more comfortable, and he says that he thinks going to more munches and meeting new people will be really beneficial for him, and I agree.  Who knows, maybe he and I will get to go to a play party in the near future.  I’d really love to go to one, but it would be even better if Jack would come with me, even just to watch.

This Friday V and I are going to the Bedouin Soundclash concert, and then Goodhandy’s on Saturday as I mentioned above.  It’s shaping up to be a really fun weekend!  Speaking of concerts, last night Jack bought us really good tickets for James Blunt, who is preforming here in Toronto on November 27th!  Seeing him in concert is on my list, so I’m really pumped about that.

Happy Hump Day everyone!  Hopefully we all get lucky

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I know, I know, I am woefully behind on the blogging front.

I’ve been devoting a great deal of my time to other projects, none of them related to sex or this blog.  Speaking of sex, that’s also taken up a fair bit of my recent attentions ;)  I’ve missed writing here, and I am sure you’re all getting tired of the Twitter posts and nothing really of substance.

Last week V and I took the initiative to cross something small off of my list, and we made fried green tomatoes together.  They had a mild flavour, and we actually quite liked them.

50. Eat fried green tomatoes 

On Saturday afternoon Jack took the kids and I to watch my favorite CFL team play on their home turf.  I’ve been a fan of the Hamilton Ti-Cats since high school, despite the fact that they seem to do progressively worse every season.  Maybe I just have a soft spot for the underdogs, but no matter how badly they play, I keep rooting for them.

Hamilton was playing during the first CFL game I’d ever been to.  Jack took me to my first football game seven years ago, and although I generally don’t get a lot out of watching it on TV, I quite enjoy watching games live.  We used to have season tickets to the Calgary Stampeders, so I’ve been to a number of games since then, and even one very chilly Grey Cup game a few years back.

At any rate, I was looking forward to watching my Ti-Cats play again, especially in their own stadium.  Jack got us great seats.  We were just about dead center of the field, and only a few rows back from the side lines.  It was great!  The kids were having a ball, we all shared popcorn and cotton candy, and the weather was absolutely perfect.

Of course, I’d forgotten to charge the good camera, which promptly died after I captured only a few shots. It’s charging right now, so I’ll have to put up the lower quality ones I shot with my PowerShot.

 

The half-time show was provided by this really awesome marching band from one of the local high schools.  They did a great job, and were very entertaining.

316. Go to a Hamilton Tiger-Cats game in Hamilton

Hamilton lost (no real surprise there) but I’m consoled by the fact that the Edmonton Eskimos (my second favorite team) is somewhere around second place overall in the league.  I hope I’ll be watching them play at the Grey Cup in November (Jack and V and I are making the trek to Montreal for a weekend to party and watch the game).  It didn’t matter that they lost, we had a ton of fun together!

After we got home and put kids to bed, V and I decided to go out for the evening and have a few drinks together.  We got dressed up and caught a cab downtown to our new favorite bar.  It wasn’t too busy yet, so we ordered some drinks and grabbed a table on the patio.  Before long the place was packed, and the line to get in was at least half and hour wait.

We danced and admired the dozens of attractive men around.  It was a really great time.  You know, I am SO SO glad that V ended up moving out here.  There is nothing like having a best friend to go out with whenever you feel like it.  Nia was away for the weekend, and although she is a most excellent partner in crime, before V moved, she was my only pal really.  If she was away, I basically had no one local to go out with.  Now that V is here, we provide each other with constant entertainment.  Another bonus is that she and Nia get along and like each other, so we have gone on several outings together.  I’m actually hoping that this weekend Nia will join V and I at Goodhandy’s for the evening.  I haven’t seen Todd in ages and I miss the club and the people I have met there.

Last night I went on a date with another new Dom.  We enjoyed each others company, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.  I am sure we shall become good friends, which is never a bad thing.  I’m not discouraged.  I’ve had two dates recently with really smart and interesting men, and even though the attraction hasn’t been there, it’s been great to meet new people and feel like I am back in the dating game.

Tomorrow night is the kink munch and Jack is planning to come with me.  I am excited to introduce him to my friends and aquaintances there.  I think Nia is going to attend as well, so at least he will know her as well, which helps when you’re on the shy side.

I’ve got some great toy reviews coming up (finally!) and I am hoping that since school has started again and things are settling into some semblance of routine again, I’ll have more time for regular blogging.  Thank you for bearing with me during the last few weeks.

*Title Courtesy Of My Spam Folder

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I haven’t allowed myself time to blog as of late due to wanting to make the most of the final week of summer, not to mention my birthday weekend, which was all kinds of fabulous really.

Tickets to Bedouin Soundclash and Blue Man Group for September comprised part of my birthday gift from Jack.  He also went halfers with me on a new bicycle, so that V and I could start riding together.  I’d seen a specific model in the states that I really wanted, but we couldn’t find it here and I didn’t want to wait until our next trip to America, so I went with my second choice, a Raleigh Matterhorn.

106. Buy a bicycle

V and I went for a spin last night.  Probably my first bike ride in almost ten years.  We rode down to the nearest 7-11 and picked up a jug of milk, which I carried home in the crate we rigged up on the back carrier rack.  It was pretty funny, and even though the ride wasn’t all that long (around half an hour total) my legs were burning by the time we got home.  Clearly I am WAY out of practice.  I am really excited about biking more while the warm weather lasts though, and it’s certainly going to help me get back in shape.

On Friday night Jack took me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday.  V was kind enough to watch the kiddos for us so that we could have a date and some time to ourselves.  We decided to try this Japanese place I’d heard good things about.

I decided to seize the opportunity to accomplish a list item, and ordered a hot sake before our meal.

 

It tasted a bit like vodka, and plum, and finished very much like a strong wine.  It was interesting to try, but I don’t think I’ll make a habit of drinking it, LOL.

435. Drink sake

It was really nice to get out together and have a date.  After we had eaten we went to a local pub and had a drink together.  We were actually planning on spending a few hours there together, but the service was so dreadfully slow we gave up after our first round and went home to drink instead.

The three of us stayed up late into the night of course, talking and laughing and playing Yahtzee.  It was a very good way to begin my birthday weekend!

On Saturday we celebrated with cake and with buying my bike and some accessories (like the aforementioned rear rack, and a kickstand).  Later that evening V and I went out to a bar I’d been wanting to check out, and we had a great time there.  The atmosphere is right, the drinks are cheap, and there are plenty of attractive males to look at.  We danced some, but spent most of the night sitting on the patio, enjoying the very warm night, and meeting a number of new people.

When we stumbled out into the street after the bar closed, the first mission on our minds was street meat, followed by finding a cab ride home.

We wandered through a sea of people downtown, until we came across a hot dog cart.  I loaded my sausage down with sauerkraut, bacon bits, ketchup, and mustard.  We wandered down the street in the hoped of hailing a cab while we ate.  Eventually we found one that wasn’t occupied and made it home, where we discovered that neither of us had house keys.  I called Jack on his cell phone and he came down to let us in, and then promptly went back to bed.  I followed soon after, falling into bed beside him around 4am.

Sunday was a laid back kinda day.  V and I went to Mississauga in the afternoon to do some shopping.  I picked up some things at Lush, including shampoo for my dreads and some skin care items.  V picked up shampoo at the Aveda store, and we looked at shoes and clothes together for a while.  When the mall closed we got a table at Earl’s and had a martini while we waited for Jack and the kids, who were meeting us there for supper.

It was dusk by the time we finished eating, which was perfect since we were going to the Chinese Lantern Festival that evening in Toronto.  It was a fairly quick drive to Ontario Place from where we were, but traffic and parking nearby were horrific due to the exhibition in Toronto.  We found a spot sort of nearby, and we didn’t mind the walk at any rate.

The lantern festival wasn’t cheap by any means (we had a coupon for $3 off per person and they let our littlest one in free, and it still cost us $83) but it was SO worth it.

 You can click on any of the following photos to see them full sized.

250. See the Chinese Lantern Festival in Toronto

Honestly, if you have the opportunity to see it, GO!  It’s not the kind of thing you go back to every year, but certainly a ’see it once’ at least.  Also, the kids had a ball, and loved every minute of it.

We all grabbed ice cream at the end before we headed home.  The little ones were exhausted, so we bundled them into bed as soon as we got into the house, and then us adults sat up watching re-runs of 90210 until 3:00 in the morning.

On Monday, my official birthdate, we all went for brunch buffet around noon, and then V and I put the final touches on her bathroom and unpacked most of her things.

That evening we opened a bottle of Ice Cuvee that I’ve been saving, to celebrate.  That bottle was followed with a few glasses of Merlot, and by the end of the night V and I were feeling pretty good, LOL.  It certainly wasn’t as wild or busy as past birthdays, but it was lovely just the same.

Nia gave me the most hilarious pin and magnet, which I will feature here in future Favorite Things.

This Friday Jack and V and myself are going to the Journey concert in Toronto, and then on Saturday Jack is taking to see the Hamilton Ti-Cats (my favorite CFL team) play on their home turf.  Sunday I have tentative plans to go for drinks with a new potential Dom, so lots to look forward to for the weekend!

Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes or left comments here!  It was much appreciated

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So, last night as Nia and I are driving to the pub where the munch is held, my phone starts ringing. Varick’s ringtone is currently Hot N Cold by Katy Perry, because the first line “You change your mind like a girl changes clothes” pretty much sums up my perception of him recently. If you are not familiar, go download it here, for free!

Anyway, I knew it was him, so I answered and he was all “Hey, are you coming to the munch tonight?” and I said that I was, and that I had just pulled into the parking lot. Nia saw him and said “Oh he’s cute” as we were getting out of the truck.

“Yup, he is, fuckin asshole” I said under my breath with a chuckle. He strolled over and I introduced them. Then he turned to me and asked if I was planning to give him a hug. I obliged, although it felt awkward, and it didn’t include any kissing because I pulled away quickly.

We all sauntered into the pub and headed to the room where the group always meets. Greetings and hugs were exchanged with many people, and then the three of us sat down at a table together.

“I was thinking we should discuss the camping trip this weekend, and what all we have to bring” Varick said to me. I just nodded and shot Nia a glance. She sort of smirked knowingly.

Since she and I hadn’t seen each other in almost two months, we spent a good part of the evening swapping stories, while Varick listened. He kept touching my leg under the table or running his fingertips up my side. I basically ignored his attentions, and he seemed to get the hint after an hour or so and abandoned his attempts.

Later into the evening, while Nia was having a conversation with this other nice pair of people, Varick looked at me and asked what was going on. I told him that I needed to talk to him but now was not the time. He looked a little nervous and asked what he’d done wrong.

“We will talk about it later” I said, not wanting to get into it right there at that moment. A short time later we were all outside, and Nia was all “Uh, I think I am going to take a walk…over there!” and she wandered away. I wanted to tell her to stay so that I wouldn’t have to get into it with Varick, who was looking at me expectantly.

Getting started wasn’t easy, but once I stumbled through the first few sentances, I managed to spit out exactly what I wanted to say. I told him that I had been disappointed with the way that he acted when he came over the day I got home from America.

“You KNOW I have a really hard time around new people though” he said, referring to meeting V that evening. “You should know that I was just feeling awkward.”

“But I don’t know that Varick. I mean, I know you have anxiety in social situations, but I don’t know you well enough to always accurately interpret your behaviour. You’re so difficult to get close to, I can only figure out what your actions mean based on my own perceptions.”

He seemed to get what I was saying. So I continued on, telling him that I want to be with someone who is interested in my life and who cares about what is going on with me. He admitted he was pretty crappy about that sort of thing.

I also mentioned not knowing where I stand with him, and that I need him to be more forthcoming with his feelings. I told him that I know it’s hard to be vulnerable, because I have a real struggle with it too. He was looking at the ground by this point, his jaw was clenched and he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

So he does have feelings after all, he just suppresses the hell out of them, but I seem to have found the key to opening that door (and it actually didn’t have anything directly to do with me).

I asked him if he wanted to break up, and I told him that I had intended to end it that evening. If he hadn’t grasped how serious I was, he did then.

“I don’t want to break up” he said softly. “I know you want an answer about where we stand, but I think I need some time to figure myself out.”

During the course of the conversation I also found out that he has never had a serious relationship before. He’s even LESS experienced than I though, and I get the impression he’s never been in love. Good Gods what am I getting myself into.

As the conversation came to a close he said he had a lot of things to think about. He seemed to be feeling really dejected, and it took everything in me not to coddle him and take it all back. I generally do not enjoy inflicting discomfort on people I care about (if I don’t care about them, well, that’s another thing, LOL) so it was hard to see him like that.

When we were saying goodbye he asked me for a hug, which I gladly gave him. Then he asked if I was expecting him to kiss me.

“I only want you to kiss me if you WANT to kiss me” I said. So he did, and then he pressed his forehead against mine and sighed softly. We stood like that for a moment, and then hugged again, and kissed again, and then went our separate ways.

We are still going to Forbidden this weekend, and I know it will be a good experience. This is our first ‘big heavy’ relationship talk, so if we make it, I think we’ll be fine for a while. If we don’t, well then that is as it should be. Once he’s had some time to figure his shit out, we can discuss it some more. While he is doing that Jack suggested I decide specifically what I want in this relationship so that I can spell it out for him. Since he has no idea what he is doing, just trying to muddle through could prove frustrating. Plus if I lay it all out now he can decide if he wants the same/similar things from this.

Perhaps I am foolish to give him any opportunity to prove himself, but honestly, I don’t think it’s a matter of him being a dick, I think he just has NO freakin idea how to act in a relationship. The conversation we had last night was revealing in a number of ways, and I get the sense that he really does care for me in some capacity.

Despite the potential weirdness, I am really looking forward to the weekend! Hopefully I can get Varick or Deja to take some photos of our play (or just my bruises) for posting once I get back, but no promises

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I think I am done with Varick.

It’s unfortunate really, especially since Forbidden is this weekend and he and I were/are going together.  I may hold off breaking up with him until then, if only so that I don’t have to go alone.

Things have changed between us since I have been back.  Or perhaps they haven’t actually changed and I’ve just had a few things pointed out to me which sparked further investigation and analysis of past interactions.  After five weeks apart, perhaps neither of us feel particularly attached any more, and that is likely as it should be.

He is also seeing someone else, and perhaps her single status makes her more appealing in his eyes.  Us married girls always get the shaft it seems.  Most men don’t want a long term relationship with someone who already has her ‘white picket fence’ with another dude.  I am certainly not whining about it, since I can totally understand, simply pointing out an observation I have made.

K, for all his asshatery, would have licked the ground I walked on.  He loved me completely; a fact that he made perfectly clear in the way he treated me.  Varick gives off the impression (at least in front of my friends) that I am simply a play thing.  He acts oddly in front of other people, distant and standoffish when in private he is very affectionate, at least physically. 

I need more than just a good fuck when he has the time and inclination.

I want to be with someone who is interested in me and in my life.  Someone who isn’t so closed off emotionally, or packing so much baggage.  At first I wanted to weasel my way into those places he keeps so private, but the more I look at it objectively, the more I think “OMG not another project, please”.  That’s what you get when you date people who are not whole and self-contained, a project, a whole heap of hard work, and I just don’t need it right now.

My heart won’t let me keep it casual and fluffy.  I want to, because I really do like him, and he’s very attractive (and while I am not shallow, I can certainly appreciate looks).  He just isn’t really what I am looking for personality-wise.

Tonight is the kink munch and I am debating talking to him about it there (not right there, as in with people around, but at some point in the evening, when I can pull him aside).  Part of me wants to wait until Forbidden, because I know there would be time to talk about it, and perhaps he would earn himself a second chance.  The other part of me just wants to have it done and over so that I can go to Forbidden and be open to perhaps meeting someone more suitable.

I expected myself to be sadder over the prospect of ending my relationship with him.  I think perhaps I came to the realization and acceptance quite some time ago that this was not meant to last, and the process appears to be unfolding as it should.  Varick doesn’t want poly long-term and I don’t want to invest in changing his mind.

We’ve had a good run, but I just don’t think he is who I should be with right now.  I think had things not started off as a Dom/sub relationship we might have been different, but his emerging attitude that my submission entitles him to treat me with indifference while expecting me to accept it quietly just won’t do.  Please don’t get me wrong, he’s a great kid, and it’s been wonderful watching his confidence grow.  The fact is, he’s young, and there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he hasn’t mastered the balancing act quite yet.

I don’t think that he will allow himself to love me, and perhaps that’s the biggest deal breaker of them all.  Certainly I don’t expect him to love me now, or even in a few months time, since putting expectations on people is stupid.  I just get the impression that he has already decided he won’t let himself go there with me, and while I understand it, I can’t accept it.  I deserve someone who is open with their emotions and who isn’t going to confine our relationship to some tidy and convenient box.

Nia and I have been discussing it this morning and she thinks I should save myself the wasted time (and perhaps missed opportunities)  and just break it off before this weekend.  She makes a good point, and it’s not like he’s really emotionally invested, so the whole thing should be relatively quick and painless.  I can just pull him aside and be all “It’s not working out, I like you but you are not what I want.  I hope we can still be friends.  By the way, you might wanna ask Deja if you can bunk with her this weekend because I think it would be awkward if you stayed with me.  Bye!”

Ok really I am not that rude.  I’ll be gentler, in case he actually does have feelings after all, LOL.

On a separate note, life has been good since getting home from my extended vacation.  V is getting settled in and we are getting a shit-ton of stuff done around the house.  We are also spending a lot of time talking and laughing and drinking too much wine (ok it was just that one night, and only three bottles, LOL).

Jack and I were able to go out for a date on Saturday evening, since V and I had gone out the night before.  It was really wonderful having some time to ourselves.  We went to see The Dark Knight, which really IS as good as everyone is saying it is.  I would kind of like to go back and see it again actually, since it’s amazing on the big screen.

We held hands the entire movie, and it was so nice to just be together, without any distractions.  I am looking forward to more dates and perhaps even the occasional overnight away.

Next weekend is V’s birthday and the weekend after that is mine, so there is tons of fun to be had in the very near future.  We also have tickets to the Journey concert in Toronto on the 5th, and the three of us are going together.  V and I aren’t big Journey fans, but Heart is opening and we really like them, so it’s all good.

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We got up bright and early on Saturday morning, since we wanted to have a full day in Toronto before our evening out at Goodhandy’s.

Since we were going to be staying the night in the city we packed up a suitcase of clothes, toys, and whatever other paraphernalia we thought we’d need that night and the next day.  We grabbed coffee and breakfast at Tim’s on our way out of town, since Padme and I both require copious amounts of caffeine for survival.

We made great time getting into the city, and the first order of business was to find parking at Eaton’s Center, and then go shopping in the mall.  If you’ve never been to this particular mall, basically the attraction is that it’s really big, with lots and lots of great stores.  My favorite part of the mall is the display of 50 Canadian geese, suspended from the atrium ceiling.

Not my best photography (by far!) but these should give you an idea of what I’m talking about:

At the mall we went into Indigo, where Padme and I browsed the sexuality section, and she picked up a book of memoirs written by a submissive.  I imagine it would be a great read.  If I wasn’t already up to my neck in books that need to be read, I may have been tempted to pick up one of the books on tantric sex, since I’ve been wanting to learn more about that much talked-about style of intimacy.

We also made a stop at one of our all time favorite stores, Lush.  We browsed all of the wonderful smelling products they offer, torn between what to buy just then.  I ended up treating myself to a Big Blue, a Geo Phyzz, and then decided to try something new with one of their bubble bars, Bathos.  I’ll be sure to let you know how I end up liking it

Padme and I are both chocolate junkies, so we couldn’t resist making a little purchase at Godiva.  Since the summer specials aren’t available all year long, I splurged on a box of six truffles from their new collection.  I had a few later that evening, and let me tell you, SOOOOOOO delicious.

Since we’d seen pretty much all we wanted to see at the center, we made our way out to the truck, and then up the street to NorthBound Leather.  Now, I’ve been reading about this place and drooling over their website for YEARS, and finally I was actually going there to check it out.  Padme and I were both beside ourselves with excitement.

Really it was everything I expected it to be, and more.  That earthy leather smell never fails to give me tingles, and the outfits…totally exquisite.  It took every ounce of will power I had to look through everything and not spend every dime I had.  I drooled over this dress, but I didn’t even try it on for fear I wouldn’t have been able to leave there without it.  There were boots and collars and all manner of fetish gear and toys.  If I ever win the lottery, I think I’ll go back there and just purchase one of everything, LOL, it’s that amazing!  I’m thinking I’ll have to take Varick there and talk him into buying a pair of leather pants.  Mmmmmm…

We managed to drag ourselves out of there, however reluctantly, without crippling our bank accounts.  There were a couple of other adult/fet wear shops nearby, so we decided to take a look around before we headed to Queen St for lunch.  I found a long, black PVC skirt, with slits up both sides, which I decided to pick up for future nights at Goodhandy’s.  It looks pretty hot on me, I must say :P  Perhaps I’ll get around to taking some photos for posting here sometime soon.

Padme picked up some more stockings (you would not believe how many different nylons and stockings that girl has, seriously) although she was still on the hunt for a new skirt or something similar to wear out that evening.

We left Yonge St and made our way over to the ’shopping district’ of Queen St. W.  On our way we cruised past Much Music, which was setting up for the MMVA’s.  The street was an absolute zoo, and I was relieved that our destination was quite a bit west of there.  We found parking near to Banu, which is where we planned to have lunch.

It’s a really sleek little place.  Trendy couch-type chairs to relax on, and tables tiled with small turquoise squares.

Padme and I both ordered vodka, 2 oz each, on the rocks.  She had the Stolichnaya Elit (Russian) and I had Zubrowka Bison Grass vodka (Polish).  We were also brought a bowl of seasoned pistachios, which helped tide us over until our food arrived.

I’ve never been keen on drinking spirits straight up, so that was an experience in itself.  Had it not been such fine vodka I doubt I could have managed it without gagging, LOL.  At any rate, it was satisfying to cross yet another item off the bucket list:

263. Do Vodka shots at Banu

And that wasn’t all!  For lunch Padme ordered Joujeh (grilled chicken wings in a saffron citrus marinade) and I ordered Zaban (braised cow tongue in a tomato saffron sauce) followed by Dom balan (‘Urban Oysters’, lamb testicles marinated in vodka) for us to share.  Scroll over the photos to see what they are in case you’re not sure.

The beef tongue sandwich was really tasty.  The tongue was done perfectly, juicy and tender, and it went so well with the pickle chutney on the side.  Padme even tried a nibble and agreed that it was delicious.  Her chicken wings were fantastic, and I think should I ever go back to Banu, that’s exactly what I would order.  She let me try one and it was seasoned so perfectly and grilled just right.  Yum!

When the lamb testicles arrived, I was excited to try them.  They were surprisingly soft, easily cut with the side of a fork, with a very mild flavour.  I suppose you could compare it to liver, except not disgusting.

47. Eat something really bizarre (like animal testicles)

I think I’d even go so far as ordering these again, particularly if I was in the company of someone else who wanted to try them, but who didn’t want to commit to have to eating them all.  Padme tried a bite, but wasn’t exactly enamoured with them.

We debated ordering a hooka while we were there, but decided against it since we still had shopping to get done and we wanted to leave ourselves lots of time to get ready for Goodhandy’s later that evening.  The chef had never cooked the cow tongue before, and I praised him highly on it, which apparently paid off because he’d omitted it from the bill (or perhaps it had been an accident).

Our bellies full, we strolled up Queen St. and visited a few shops.  Padme found a VERY sexy, short PVC skirt at MissBehav’N.  I was so glad she found something because I know she’d been itching for a new skirt.  It looked fabulous on her, and she’d brought a little white top that ties in the front, to go with it.

We also stopped at Come As You Are, and browsed their impressive collection of toys and books.  Honestly I could have come home with dozens of books, I saw so many that I wanted, but I managed to restrain myself, somehow.

358. Spend a day shopping on Queen Street W in Toronto

Dufflet Pastry was our last stop of the day.  I wanted to take home a treat for Jack, to thank him for watching the kids for the weekend so that I could go out.  I picked up a baby truffle for me, and a blueberry buttermilk euro tart for him.

267. Take home a pastry from Dufflet

Padme picked out a coconut cream tart, and then off we went.  Our hotel was nice and close to the club, and we checked in with plenty of time to get ready, which was good, since it had been a hot day and we both felt like having a shower before going out.

We had some coffee, and then each of us had a shower.  I debated back and forth about what to wear, and we got into the vodka and gin we brought with us.  We were really excited about going out for the night and partying.  I was well on my way to drunk by the time we left the hotel.  I was wearing a very short, very see-through, bright pink and black tutu, and a black tank top.  I was carrying a riding crop, and giggling maniacally.  Padme said I fairly sprinted across the lobby, laughing my fool head off the entire way, and drawing far too much attention to myself in the process.  Ah well.

Goodhandy’s was still fairly quiet when we arrived, which I’d planned on, since I wanted us to have time to chat with Todd before he got terribly busy.  I introduced Padme to him and we had a chance to sit down for a chat together.  She showed him her new tattoo, which he seemed to like.  He also treated us to a round of drinks, which was so very sweet of him.  He asked if the rest of my ‘entourage’ would be making an appearance that evening, and I told him I wasn’t sure.  Nia was out of town for the weekend, so I didn’t know if Flavia and the rest of the bunch would show up.

When the club started to fill up, Todd had to excuse himself to keep an eye on everything.  I had noticed one of the spanking benches was up on the stage, but behind a curtain which they close to provide an area for women and trans people to get away from the drooling mass of males.  I asked Todd if it would be ok to drag the bench out to the front of the stage later, which he said would be fine.

Padme and I danced some, grinding against each other and putting on a bit of a show.  I sat down and she gave me a sexy lap dance, which was very hot, and it seemed like the guys were enjoying what we were doing.

421. Receive a lap dance

At some point Padme started talking to this attractive gentleman.  He bought us a round of drinks and the three of us ended up dirty dancing together.  It was great fun having a girl-guy-girl sandwich.  Padme and I made out some, but I was right in the middle of my period of course, which was kind of a downer.  Still, I wanted her to have a great night and get lucky :P  She asked me if I thought she should hook up with the guy.  He seemed very nice and he was totally good looking, so I encouraged her to do so.

She and he and I all went upstairs after we’d had enough dancing.  We staked our claim in one of the larger booths upstairs, although it didn’t have a curtain.  No matter, I was happy to sit by the doorway, riding crop in hand, to keep back the masses, and boy did I have my work cut out for me.

Padme and the guy started getting into it with each other.  Clothes started to come off and almost instantly there was a crowd gathered at the door.  I asked a few of them to step back, flicking my crop and then using it as something of a barricade.  One of them, a much older man, who was masturbating, put his hand on my leg and I shot him an unimpressed look.  You’re not supposed to touch without an invitation at Goodhandy’s, and he’s lucky I didn’t call over security to have him removed.  He pulled his hand away and then asked if he could touch me.

“Only if you want a serious ass kicking” I said, glaring.  He took a step back, and I was glad the the rest of the group heard me because none of them made a move on me after that.

Padme and her friend were really enjoying themselves.  They were fucking and groaning and kissing and licking each other.  It was quite a sight.  I was very pleased that she was having such a great time.

I noticed a somewhat familiar face in the crowd that was gathered at the door.  I recognised her as a cute cross-dresser whom I’d spoken to there once before.  Smiling, I invited her to sit down beside me on the bench while the others looked on enviously.  She thanked me for letting her sit down and we made some jokes about me guarding the entrance.  In fact the running joke between Padme and I for most of the evening was that I got to be the gatekeeper, and would only grant access to those whom I favoured.

One of the men watching was masturbating very close to one of my feet, because I had my legs crossed which put my foot almost directly under his exposed junk.  I remarked to my new friend (the cross-dresser, who probably needs a name, so I’ll call her Nikki) that if the guy came on my shoe I was going to crop him, hard, right on the cock.  He must have heard me because he seemed a little flustered and not sure what to do.  Nikki giggled and told me I should tap him on the cock with it anyway, and we both laughed.  She’s a bad one, she kept telling me to do it and I kept saying “No way!  You’re terrible!!!” and then we’d giggle some more.

Padme and her friend eventually got finished, after the whole club heard her screaming I am sure.  She’s a LOUD cummer, LOL.  While she went to get cleaned up, Nikki and I went downstairs and I pulled the spanking bench out from behind the curtain.  Nikki stripped down to her adorable bra and panties and up on the bench she went.

Having never played with her before I made sure to warm her up good.  I also paused to ask her how she was doing and if she wanted it harder/lighter, and that sort of thing.  She really seemed to be enjoying herself, and it wasn’t long before Padme returned and joined me in the exquisite torture of our willing victim.

There was also some play which involved Padme bent over, side by side with Nikki, and I was spanking them both simultaneously.  That was pretty neat really, LOL, and they seemed to enjoy it.  My concept of time was a little off, so I’m not sure how long we played like that, but we had drawn a bit of a crowd.  Eventually Nikki was finished her turn, and after she got off I jokingly swatted the bench with my crop and shouted “Who is next?”

Well this little old Asian guy standing near the stage stripped so fast I barely had time to realise what was happening.  Up on the bench he jumped in all his half-naked glory, with his man bits exposed for the whole room to see.  I just chuckled and started in on him.  I had my crop and also a small leather flogger, plus I used my hands.  Padme was complaining that she wanted a turn but I made her wait for it.  The guy seemed to really be enjoying himself, although it was a little too tempting to really go to town on his dangly parts with my crop, HA HA.

423. Spank a total stranger

When I grew bored of beating on his ass, I dismissed him, and he slinked away to get dressed again.  Padme was next on the bench, and I didn’t even bother with a warm up, I just laid into her with the crop and the flogger.  While I was doing this, a kind of odd guy came up, and he stood near her back end where I was working and looked generally confused.  He seemed to be trying to edge in as close as he could without getting the the way of my crop.  I was standing to one side of Padme’s ass, up on the stage, and he was standing on the floor directly across from me, on the other side of her.

Then, he reached out and put his hand on her leg, and I reacted in a split second, smacking him across the face with my crop.  Like literally, right on the cheek.  Not too hard, but certainly he made an impression.

“Do NOT touch without asking” I growled.  He stepped back, clearly startled.  I just glared at him, I wanted it to be completely clear to him and anyone else who was watching that I would not tolerate that sort of behaviour.  There are signs all over the club which clearly state that touching is not allowed unless there is a clear invitation, and in this case, there certainly was not.

He backed away, but returned later to pester us some more.  I shooed him away after he asked Padme to suck his dick.  Seriously buddy, get a clue!

I was getting played out from all the beatings I’d been giving, and finally decided to take a break.  I left Nikki and Padme while I headed outside for some air.  Who should I run into out there?  The clueless guy, of course!

“You know what the trouble with this club is” he said, clearly annoyed “the women don’t participate!”

I just chuckled.

“Sure they do.  Just not with YOU” I replied with a smirk.

He just shook his head and wandered off, dejected.  You know he was good looking too, so it’s a shame he was such a moron.  I mean what does he expect?  To go to a club and have women falling all over him and just fucking anything that moves?  Does that really happen anywhere in real life besides carefully organised private parties??  Somehow I doubt it.  99% of the women I know are a little more discriminating than that.

The night was winding down when I went back inside.  We gathered our things, said our goodbyes, and then Padme and I staggered back to our hotel, totally exhausted.  We barely made it up to our room before we collapsed.

However, we were STARVING, so I began searching online for pizza joints that still delivered at 3:30am.  Finally I found one, ordered a large chicken and cheese, and then promptly passed out.  Padme was already mostly asleep in bed, but she nudged me awake some time later, saying she thought the pizza was there.  I staggered to the door and took the pizza, paid, and then brought it into the room.

“Pizza is here” I said, then set it down on the chair.  Padme didn’t stir and I thought to myself “I’ll just lay down for a minute and then eat something”.  A minute tuned into four hours, and before I knew it, we were rolling out of bed to get the next day started.

Wild Weekend Posts:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

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