Stiletto Diaries™

Being A Crabby Bitch Is Part Of My Charm

Posted on September 19th, 2009 in Does All Her Own Stunts, Emotional Angst, Mating And Relating, Polyamory

So in just under two weeks, I’m going to get an IUD.  A Mirena IUD to be precise.

This is not a decision I came to lightly.  In fact, when I entered the sexual health clinic a week ago, I was already of the mind that I wanted my tubes tied.  Not right then of course, but I was hopeful whoever I saw would give me a referral.

As it were, everything ‘under the hood’ looked great.  HIV tests came back negative.  By the end of next week I should know the results of the other tests, but I’m confident that I’m clear and healthy.  During the examination I spoke with the nurse practitioner about birth control options, as well as tubal ligation.

Despite the fact that I already have two children, she was reluctant to give me a referral for surgery.  Instead, while she was poking at my cervix with her 12 inch q-tip, she informed me that I would be an excellent candidate for an IUD.

Now I’d really only heard a lot of bad things about IUD’s.  A woman in my Mommy Group bounced her infant son on her knee, and with a chuckle said “I went in and got an IUD, and 2 years later, came home with this!”  My grandmother was forced to have a hysterectomy after her IUD grew into her uterus and they were unable to remove it.  The idea of a foreign object taking up residence in my body wasn’t an attractive offer.

Since that exchange at the clinic I’ve poured over volumes of information on birth control and sterilization.  More traditional forms of hormonal birth control are out the question for me.  My depression kicks in and turns me into the most horrendous pile of self-pity you’re likely to encounter.  I just don’t go fucking around too much with the delicate balance that is my sanity.

The information I found on tubal ligations wasn’t exactly encouraging either.  Having it done before you are 30 can be an uphill battle due to a higher rate of “failure” and an increased likelihood of regret later on.  There is also the entire realm of possible complications that accompany ANY surgical procedure.  Not that I’m even faintly afraid to go under the knife, but it is something I must consider.  If I have a difficult recovery, who will look after the kids?  Suppose I get an infection?  Jack can only take so many days off of work.

I don’t want to be sentenced to condom use for all eternity*, or even until I hit the big 3-0.  Condoms can break (and they have) and with typical use are actually only 86% effective, which isn’t exactly compelling.  I already have this thing about supplying all of the condoms myself, because the person I’m going to have sex with may not have stored their condoms at an ideal temperature, and OH MY GOD, I sound like a weirdo, I know.  However, I’m not trusting any banana-flavoured vending machine condom, that has been traveling about inside of a wallet for 18 months, to prevent me from having unplanned offspring.

I want something more reliable and less fussy, that isn’t going to make me into The Dragon from the 7th Circle Of Hell.  It’s almost 2010 people, you’d think there would be better options out there.

When I began more seriously considering an IUD, I found no shortage of information online.  A blogger friend of mine heard my pleas on Twitter, and sent me a note assuring me that all would be well, as she loves her IUD.  She generously counselled me over e-mail, and didn’t laugh when I brought up my concern regarding the IUD threads and Aiden’s piercing.  He has, for the record, agreed to change his jewelry, without any fuss at all, should it interfere or present a risk.

On Thursday I called and made the appointment.  I was instructed to stop by the clinic early next week to pick up some medication, which will dilate my cervix in preparation for having the IUD installed.  I’ve also arranged for Nia to come with me, for moral support and just in case I am delayed or not feeling up to fetching the younglings from school.

I’m a little nervous, as Mirena still releases super-low doses of hormones.  Not the same kind that are in the pill, nor are they designed to actually get into your system, but rather reach no further than your ovaries.  Most women do not report depression as a side-effect, which at this point, is my main concern.  There is also a good chance that eventually I won’t even menstruate, which sounds pretty awesome to me!

If anyone wishes to share their IUD experience with me, I’d love to hear it.  I will be sure to let you guys know how it all goes.

*Please Note:  I am in no way planning to give up condom use when it comes to new partners, current partners with whom I have no discussed fluid bonding, or current partners who may have additional partners.  This IUD is purely pregnancy prevention, not a ‘Free For All’ pass.