Everything In Moderation, Nightly
Posted on April 13th, 2009 in Emotional Angst, Ethics And Morality, Featured, Mating And Relating, Polyamory
After my last post about The Virgin I consulted a close authority on the subject of anxiety, Nia. She makes a good argument for each side, and I really appreciated her feedback and insights.
On one hand the boy clearly needs someone with patience and experience. Someone who can understand and appreciate the difficulties that anxiety can bring. Really, and I don’t say this to brag, I’m a very good ‘first serious relationship’ girlfriend. I seem to have a way with these sorts of men. I draw them out of their shell, helping them to feel comfortable with themselves, and showing them the finer points of dating. Trust me, I realize that I’m no treat all the time. I can be difficult, and I’ll be the first person to say so. I’m not the perfect girlfriend, but I do feel that most people who have dated me come out better at the end of it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not destined to be that transitional person for some of them. Gently pushing them to work through whatever is holding them back, so that they can go on to healthier relationships in their lives. That seems to have been a bit of a trend anyway.
No matter how I try to word that last part I feel like I always come across as arrogant, which wasn’t really my intention. My friend X had this to offer when I was talking to him about this post:
“I’M COMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU AND I AM ANXIETY LORD”
Coming from him that’s a very high compliment. He also stated that it’s due to the fact that A) I am not an idiot, and B) I’m as attentive as possible, which apparently is a rare thing these days.
The ground work is already being laid when it comes to The Virgin. Just last night he mentioned that talking to me puts him at ease, and that I make it simple for him to talk about subjects which would normally cause him discomfort. This is exactly how it always starts, and he’s already told me that he’s interested in me.
On the other hand, as Nia so wisely pointed out, the relationship is likely to be rather one-sided. I already know most of the dance moves, while he hasn’t even stepped out on the floor. That probably wouldn’t matter if I didn’t get attached, as I could go into it with no real risk of being hurt, but we already know that I fail in that department. I certainly don’t mean to say that he’s useless or that I wouldn’t enjoy dating him, but like anything you’re learning for the first time, he’s probably not going to be very good at relationships right out of the gate. Communication, honesty, romance, and the ability to effectively deal with complicated emotions are not skills that one learns over night. The learning curve may be significant, or he may take to dating like a duck to water, there isn’t any way to know for sure at this point.
He’s not in a hurry for sex, which is actually the primary reason I continue to consider dating him. It will be better for both of us to go very, very slowly. I won’t get attached prematurely and he’ll have plenty of time to catch on to this relationship business, without some of the complications that sexual pressure can bring. Plus it’s been a while since I was involved with someone whom I didn’t sleep with pretty early on, and I’m kind of excited by the prospect of going through it all gradually and working up to sex at a more ‘old fashioned’ pace.
He really is sweet. He remembers details about me and what I’m doing/have planned. He shows genuine interest in really knowing me as a person, and he flirts without being overtly sexual. It’s actually rather charming. Maybe I just have very low expectations, LOL.
I don’t want to keep calling him The Virgin, so I’m going to give him a proper name: Kade. Rhymes with spade, and laid, heh.
At any rate, I’ve decided to spend some time with him in the ‘real world’ before I make any solid decisions on the direction I should go. He asked me out for coffee on Thursday, and I’ve agreed to meet him. I’m looking forward to meeting him, and I’m certain he feels the same about me. More stories to come I’m sure