I had a BIG long blog post written out just moments ago. I was editing it and adding hyperlinks when my computer crashed and I lost it all. Apparently my bad luck is not over.
See, I have been having a rather annoying streak of misfortune recently. Car issues at the WORST possible times, Jack and I having a misunderstanding that caused me to cancel my Birthday Party, and a cake that I slaved over for hours plummeting off the edge of my counter to it’s death.
The car can be fixed, I can re-write this wretched blog post, Jack managed to salvage all my party plans, and V brought the backup cake. None of these events are catastrophic, they just make me roll my eyes and sigh with frustration. I take it in stride as best I can.
My party was the most FanFrickinTastic success. It was everything I had hoped for and so much more. I got to meet some of the most interesting and fun people that I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. I basked in the affection of everyone and felt so loved, it was intoxicating.
O was a generous and thoughtful hostess. She made me an ice sculpture of a koi fish and it was beautiful (it melted down to look more like an impotent phallus, much to our amusement). She also gave me sparklers and sang me Happy Birthday. She fed me fancy teas and fine chocolate and let me peruse her collection of unusual and erotic books.
The sushi I made was excellent, everyone complimented me on it, which of course was thrilling.
K gifted me with the collar and cuff set that I asked for on my list, which I loved. I am hoping we will get a chance to use it in the near future. LD and I flirted with each other, to our mutual amusement. He certainly makes it challenging for me to tell when he is serious or joking, or both. I find my pursuit of him, if you can call it that, to be quite exciting.
I stayed at the party until the wee hours of the morning, and then I drove LD home before heading home myself. I feel so content this morning, despite all the bad luck of late, last night was totally perfect in every way.
Have you ever felt a certain way about something, even though you know better than to feel that way? In my opinion feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are, and you chose your feelings based on your perspective of events, people, situations, etc.
I have found myself feeling jealous lately, even thought I am ’supposed’ to be an Enlightened Poly Person. K has been seeing that new woman, and there have been moments where I have felt myself getting possessive of him.
Imagine that, even being intelligent and well-read on jealousy management, apparently I am still susceptible, LOL.
Fortunately it was easy for me to identify the source of the jealous feelings. This new woman spent the night at K’s place on Monday, and that rubbed me the wrong way for reasons that were not immediately apparent. After I examined it more closely I realized that I was annoyed because I rarely, if ever, get to spend the night at K’s. So here is this other person, doing something with him that I can’t usually do, and it made me angry.
Being stubborn and pig headed I didn’t let on to K that anything was amiss. After all the lectures I have given him about his jealousy towards my other relationships I guess I felt like I hypocrite. I thought he would throw that in my face and I didn’t want to hear it. Of course I know that open communication is important, but I also believe that there is no use making my issues someone else’s issues until I figure out the source and if it’s worth making a fuss about.
By yesterday morning I felt neutral about the whole thing. Jack suggested that I should stay the night at K’s this Saturday, but I don’t know if that’s really the solution (still he is so sweet for making me feel better).
Last night as K was leaving the party he told me that he and this other woman ended up having sex while she was there Monday night. I was not expecting that at all, and I was rather annoyed that he blind sided me with it at such an inopportune time. Since I was still in the middle of my party I pushed it from my mind and forgot about it. Once I got home last night I mulled it over for a while and tried to decide how I feel about it.
Part of me feels like being small and bitter. I wasn’t given any notice that something like this was going to happen, despite K insisting that I let him know before I engage in any sexual activity with anyone else. I have told K many times that I do not require him to reciprocate those considerations, but I did not expect everything to happen all at once. I am slightly disappointed in him for just jumping into bed with her before really getting to know her, but it is not my place to dictate how he should conduct his other relationships. If I were spiteful I would call H and ask him to have sex immediately. My relationship with him has been going at a snails pace in order to allow K to get more comfortable. Of course it has also been because I want time to get to know H before we become sexually intimate.
I don’t feel threatened by his relationship with her. I know that he will experience New Relationship Energy with her, and I would never begrudge him that because it is such a fun phase of relationships. It’s her turn to be the main focus for a while and I know that it really won’t compromise his affections for me in the long run.
I do have a few concerns about the situation. She is not comfortable meeting me at this point, primarily (in my opinion) I think that she is living in denial on some level. She has issues with the poly arrangement, and I think that as long as she doesn’t know who I am, she can pretend that I don’t really exist. If she were to meet me it might make it too real.
It’s early yet, I can’t say what the future holds. I hope that things go well, I honestly do. It pleases me to see K happy, and if she adds to his happiness, then it pleases me that he is seeing her.
I have some pictures to post. K and I took in one night of the International Fireworks Competition in Calgary last week. It was AMAZING, truly one of the most fantastic experiences. I have a special setting on my camera for fireworks, and it did a pretty good job of capturing the visual aspects of the sensory experience. I’ll get those posted sooner or later.
My actual Birthdate is this Friday, so I will be posting a summary of my zodiac sign, as has become the Birthday tradition here on SD.
Today is Hump Day and my period just ended, so I hope that a wildly sexy male will ravage me when he gets home from work.