Stiletto Diaries

I’m Not A Whore. I’m A Relationship Technician.

Archive for November, 2005

Ok, so I hooked up and had hot anal sex with R. All very steamy and wonderful.

Except for the next day, when I started to feel…bad.

I wasn’t really sure why I felt bad, so I started in on some intense personal reflection, and much talking with my amazingly understanding husband.

Firstly, I was suffering hard-core infatuation for R. Being separated from him made me sad, and I wasn’t dealing with it well at all.

Secondly I felt immense guilt over my feelings for R. I thought that I should be able to have totally emotionless sex with a stranger and not feel the tiniest hint of affection for him.

How wrong I was, so very very wrong.

I talked about it with Jack, I thought about it some more, and then I told myself something:

It’s ok to get attached.

Wouldn’t you know it, I’m only human! Affection is a normal human emotion, it is to be expected (at least for me) when I share intimacy with someone.

It doesn’t mean that I love my husband any less. It doesn’t mean I am a bad person. I just means I happened to connect with R, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

And as soon as I accepted that, my bad feelings went away. Of course I still felt sad that I might never see R again, but it wasn’t about to be the end of me. I also realized that infatuation really will pass with time.

Now, up until then, I had been totally closed to the idea of sharing Jack with anyone. A little unfair of me some might say, but I believe it is better to say ‘No’ than say ‘Yes’ and then have it become the end of my marriage.

What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander, especially if the goose feels scared or insecure.

While I was going through my very intense self-examination I started to feel more comfortable with the idea of opening up our marriage. I started to realize that if I had the capacity to have sex with someone else and still love my husband more than life itself, doesn’t that mean that he should have the same capacity?

I know that on an emotional level men and women relate differently. We have different reactions to sex and love, and we have different ways of connecting with the opposite sex. At the same time I know my husband, and I have no doubt that he loves me, and that just because he has recreational sex outside of our marriage, does not mean that he loves me any less.

So, I asked him to read the article that you can find in my sidebar under Resources, and then we had a long talk. It was my idea for him to also have the option to have sex with other women. We started discussing some ‘rules’ so that each of us would feel more comfortable with the new arrangement, and thus our current list of rules was born.

My best friend is the only ‘real life’ friend that knows about this new development. She is so very happy for us and wonderfully supportive. I am so glad that I have her, and actually she was along for the ride during my last two escapades (although she is attached and in a monogamous relationship, we still love to get out and party once in a while).

I am still surprised that I got to this place. In the past the very idea of Jack even flirting with another woman made me green with jealousy. I felt so insecure and afraid to lose him. I didn’t want him to have feelings for anyone but me.

And then I just let it go.

I am coming to realize that Jack isn’t with me because he has to be, he is with me because he wants to be. A ceremony and our signatures on a piece of paper doesn’t change the fact that we both have free will. We still choose to stay with each other each and every day. We love each other, that is what keeps us together, not being married under the eyes of God and our Government.

I also came to the conclusion that just because monogamy is the ‘popular’ way of life, doesn’t make it the right way or the only way. I happen to enjoy very kinky sex, including all the whips, chains, and other trappings. That isn’t the only way to have sex, or even the popular way, but I happen to enjoy it. Just like I happen to enjoy having the occasional fling with men outside of my marriage.

So here we are today. As of yet, Jack has not had the opportunity to meet someone new, but that is only because of time limitations and serious restrictions on leisure time. It is the holidays after all, and Jack’s work has been rather overwhelming lately. I do expect that sometime in the New Year he will have an encounter with another woman, and I suppose we will see how that goes once we get there.

Things may be slow around here over the Christmas Holidays, but I promise many interesting tales to come in the New Year. Between now and then I will try to fill space with more thoughts on monogamy, polyamory, and open marriage.

So Jack was very eager for me to fool around with another strange man.

I was reluctant, due to my emotional turmoil over the entire thing.

I was so against this sort of thing, so unsure about how to deal with my feelings that seemed to be totally hypocritical.

On one hand I really believed in monogamy. On the other hand I really liked sex, and I really liked the feelings of exhilaration I got from pursuing and being pursued by men other than my husband.

It was all so wrong and wonderful at the same time.

What was a girl to do?

Well, when the opportunity to hook up with a VERY sexy man presented itself, I decided what the hell!

We shall call him ‘R’ from now on.

We went back to his friends place, exchanged pleasantries, and then stories about our lives, and eventually bodily fluids.

Later R coaxed me into the bathroom, slowly undressed me, and worshipped my body with his hands, lips, and tongue.

In return I sucked his rock hard cock, which was probably the thickest cock I have ever had the pleasure of blowing (it was rather long as well).

It was TOM [aka: my period] for me, so he bent me over the sink and very gently pushed his cock up my ass. I didn’t think I would be able to take it, and to tell you the truth I am sure the drinks I had enjoyed earlier in the evening were doing their part, not to mention the 20 minutes he had spent licking me there.

He went so slowly and he made sure that I was comfortable. Once I assured him a few times that all was well and that I was enjoying myself, he started fucking me harder. At some point he pulled the towel bar off the wall. He lasted about 10 minutes before he came.

Afterwards he convinced me to get into the tub with him and we kissed some more and talked for a while. He was very sweet and I was reluctant to get ready to leave. But the sun was coming up, and we were both so exhausted that I was sure I would pass out if I didn’t head for home (and Jack wanted me to get home).

We dried off and got dressed and said our goodbyes. I called for a cab and he walked me out. We kissed and made half-assed plans to see each other again (he lives out of town and won’t be back until sometime in January). We didn’t exchange numbers, which really was silly of me, but he did tell me where to find him the next time he is in town.

Luckily I found a way to get my number to him, and I know where he will be staying in January so that I can try to hook up with him again. I would very much like to go a round with him when I am not being cursed by TOM.

So that almost brings us to how we got to the point we are at now, but the rest will have to wait for another post. Right now it is bed time. Sweet Dreams all.

Note: I should have been more clear to begin with. Jack and I had not established our current set of rules when this occurred, which is why I had a bath with R. Had I know that it would make Jack uncomfortable, it never would have happened. Sorry for the confusion.

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I don’t think that too many couples wake up one day and say to each other “I think we should start sleeping with other people”.

So how did we get to this point? And to starting this blog?

Well it all started a little while ago when Jack said that it would really turn him on to see me with another man. This is not an uncommon fantasy, and by far not the most shocking thing I have ever heard.

At the time I was totally against the idea of fucking anyone but Jack. I shrugged it off, and although he mentioned it once in a while after that, nothing much came of it.

Until a couple of months ago.

I was enjoying a girl’s only weekend with two of my closest pals. We were out on the town for the third night of our weekend-long bender. Earlier in the evening Jack had called and was encouraging me to hook up with a stranger and have some fun. I didn’t really think that it would happen, but then I started talking to a very attractive young man, who we will call ‘S’ for the purposes of this post. S was very good looking, and we hit is off alright. My girlfriends know what kind of a relationship I have with Jack so they were encouraging me to take this guy back to where we were staying (they had their own plans with a few other nice men).

Finally I just decided what the hell, and took him to the place where we were staying. We talked, and then kissed, and then I sucked his cock (twice). It didn’t go any further than that and we parted ways without exchanging numbers or anything.

Afterwards it took me a few days to reconcile my feelings. I had become a tad infatuated with ‘S’ and I also realized that it was impossible for me to separate some level of emotional attachment from sexual acts. At the time I decided that it might be better not to venture into those waters again, for my own well being.

But Jack found it so hot that he was very eager for it to happen again…

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Before you write me an e-mail regarding advertising on my website, please read the following:

Policies For Advertising

1. I do not do link exchanges. If you are a commercial website, please do not e-mail me asking for a link from my blog, even if you are offering one to me in return. If I said yes to every company that e-mailed me with this request, my sidebar would be five miles long.

2. If you would like to advertise on my site, I will generally offer you the option of submitting one (or more) products to me for review. I will try out said product and post a review of it. I promise to do this within a reasonable period of time. The review will contain appropriate link-backs to your website, and the specific product page. A permanent link to your site will be added to my sidebar.

I chose this arrangement because I know that reviews provide consistent traffic to your website for a long time to come. Half of the visitors that my site receives come from search engine queries for sex toy reviews. Even months after a review is posted, it continues to attract attention.

Reviews also draw attention to your links, as opposed to having them just sit in the sidebar and collect dust.

I benefit from this arrangement because it provides me with products to feature, and my readers enjoy them a great deal. People who are considering investing in a specific toy get the information about it that they need. My visitors get to check out toys that they otherwise may never have considered.

Please read the section specific to reviews below for more details.

3. I reserve the right to terminate an ongoing partnership at any time. I will not do so unless you give me a very good reason, and you will receive feedback about any issues I am having long before I take such extreme action.

4. I allow advertisers to submit one graphic to me, to be used as a link back to your website. This graphic must comply with my size restrictions (no larger than 250×250 pixels). Nudity or sexual content are not an issue.

Do not hesitate to contact me regarding your website and advertising here on Stiletto Diaries. I am open to suggestions. You can reach me at stillettodiaries [at] gmail [dot] com

Policies For Reviews

If you wish to submit products, which will be featured on my website, please read the following:

1. I do not mind if you ask me to try specific items, but I do enjoy having at least some input when it comes to products that I test out. Penis pumps for instance are on the NO list because Jack is not willing to try one of those out. I like to bring diversity and variety to my readers. I don’t want to be testing a dozen different vibrators that are similar in shape and function. If you have something new and exciting to offer, I definitely want to hear from you!

2. The reviews I write are HONEST opinions of the product. If the item in question is the worst thing I have ever seen, I will not edit or otherwise misrepresent my experience with it.

3. I have total control over the content of my reviews. This is non-negotiable. If you chose to use all or part of my review on your website, I ask that you provide a link back to me, to prevent any manipulation of my words.

4. Each review will contain at least one image of the product in question, and often include additional photos of the product in use.

5. I make my very best effort to post reviews in a timely manner. If you have submitted multiple products to me, I generally guarantee that the first review will be up within two weeks of receiving them. Please understand that sometimes life gets in the way. If I have to delay a review I will always e-mail to explain, apologise, and give you a time frame in which you can expect the review to be done. I am very professional when it comes to my dealings with commercial websites, and I feel a very strong sense of responsibility towards keeping my ’sponsors’ happy. If I am having problems getting a review done, I will let you know so that you are not waiting around and wondering what the hold-up is.

If you have any comments or questions, please e-mail me.

Shasta Gibson


Shasta Gibson (SG) [25 yrs old] - The star of this blog show, me!

Well, for starters I am married (yes, happily). I also have a boyfriend. My husband and I are polyamorous and we both see people outside of our marriage. Some people find this very strange, but it works for us and makes us happy. I am totally willing to answer any questions you might have about this arrangement.

To answer the most common one and get it out of the way: No, I will not have sex with you. Really, I mean that. Polyamory does NOT equal being ‘easy’.

I consider myself intelligent, fun, and very open minded. I enjoy a very wide variety of hobbies and activities. Clubbing, Quilting, Scrapbooking, Blogging, Poetry, Hiking, Fishing, and Horseback Riding (to name only a few).

I have a serious PASSION for cooking. I have some incredible skills in the kitchen. I like to invent complicated and pretentious recipes, the more difficult to make the better. I enjoy good food and good company, and I LOVE to entertain people. I prefer to challenge myself by making new and exotic dishes as often as possible.

I also love to write, and blogging in particular seems to suit me well.

I also enjoy working with my hands. I will use any excuse to buy a new power tool, and few things give me as much satisfaction as creating something from nothing.

I collect art glass and books. I enjoy exploring strange little shops filled with unusual things not found anywhere else. Travel is something I want to do more of.

I spend most of my time chasing around my children, or spending time with the important men in my life.

I am also evolving as a person. Really, we all should be. I would become terribly bored if I ever discovered everything there is to know about myself.

Recently I have been contemplating spirituality and where it fits into the bigger picture for me. When I come to any solid conclusions on that I’ll let you know.

I suppose I am also seeking total happiness and satisfaction with my state of being. I don’t know that I will ever find it, but the journey has been fantastic so far, and it seems to keep getting better.

I spend a lot of time thinking. Some might say I am overly analytical. I just love to think and think and think, especially about emotional issues. I think about my family, my interests, things I want to do in the near future and far off into my life. I think about sex, A LOT.

I don’t know that I am philosophical, but I enjoy a good conversation about the nature of people and society as a whole. I also think heavily on morality and ethics, and I enjoy turning concepts around in my head, taking them apart and putting them back together in a way that suits me.

I am a very sexual person. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, nor do I try to deny it.

Does this mean I will have sex with just anyone? Of course not. In fact I do believe that sex is beautiful and sacred, so I am rather picky about whom I chose to share it with.

Jack [32 yrs old] - My loving and wonderful (not to mention SEXY) husband. There are no words to describe how happy he makes me. He is my soul mate, my best friend, and the love of my life. I can’t imagine being without him. We have a strong marriage, he is my rock, and no matter what happens I know that I will never be without him. I could not ask for a better husband, nor a more fantastic father to our children. He’s one in a million and I am so grateful that he chooses to be a part of my life journey.

LD [42 yrs old] - He is fulfilling my curiosity with older men, although he hardly fits the bill. His boyish fascination with life and his carefree ways add to the appeal. He loves Thai food and vintage furniture, and he’s the sort of artsy type you would expect to find in an upscale coffee house pouring over a book of French poetry.

V [25 yrs old] - My bestest best friend in the world. We always joke about her being my ‘other husband’ because she and I are so close. I love her like family, and I think that without her I would live a less fulfilling and authentic existence. She is also known as my Heterosexual Life Partner.

P [20 yrs old] - Former girlfriend of K and now best friend of moi and love interest of Jack. A truly sweet and thoughtful young woman, she and I can spend hours and hours talking and laughing over coffee. I adore her a great deal and I am hopeful that our friendship will be long-lasting.


Luke and Saydie [5 yrs and 3 yrs old respectively] - Our two children.

A [24 yrs old] - Another bestest best friend of mine. She is going to school in a different province, so sadly I don’t get to see her much.

F [21 yrs old] - One of Jack’s closest female friends. She is also a good friend of mine. I envy her ability to speak in front of people and admire her refusal to adhere to the commonly accepted standard of ’sexy’.

H [27 yrs old] - A really well educated young man whom I consider a good friend. We dated briefly but we make better friends than anything else.

M [26 yrs old] - V’s ex from quite a while back. He is still a good friend of both Jack and I, and we try to get together as a group for socializing when schedules allow. He’s really attractive and funny, and pretty much a computer genius.

Q [33 yrs old] - Sort of a strange situation with this one. We run into each other in bars, hang out, have a great time. Hooked up once and I haven’t heard from him since. Typical.

DF [25 yrs old] - V’s ex-boyfriend. Only on the list for reference purposes.

R [28 yrs old] - My first ‘real’ sexual fling outside of my marriage. Basically he was a memorable one night stand.

T [25 yrs old] - V’s roommate and a good friend of mine. She’s fun and fabulous and I adore spending time with her!

K [24 yrs old] - The first guy I dated seriously during the Polyamory Experiment. Now we are just casual friends, nothing more.

O [29 yrs old] - She and Jack dated casually for a while and we were friends. For reasons that are unclear she stopped speaking to us one day.

In an effort to ensure that both of us are comfortable and understand the restrictions we wish to place on this arrangement, we are posting our personal set of rules. They are, of course, subject to change:

1. We must always be home by dawn when we are in the same city.

2. No bathing with partners (something we consider too intimate at this time); showering together is ok.

3. No *sleeping* with partners (again, too intimate); cuddling is ok.

4. We must always be totally honest with potential partners about my/our marital status.

5. Only give out personal cell phone number for contact information.

6. A maximum of three solo ‘dates’ are allowed. After that, partners must be introduced to the spouse.

7. Each of us has total veto power over the other.

8. No hooking up in our hometown (don’t want to get the neighbor’s talking).

9. Never bring home a partner while the kids are at the house, *even if they are sleeping*.

10. No threesomes+ unless the spouse is present.

11. For safety, I will always make a call to my husband at an agreed-upon time during my ‘date’ (just to assure him that I am ok). In hindsight I think it would be wise for him to also place a safecall to me during his dates. Men can be victimized too.

12. No hooking up with anyone from work.

13. Condoms will be used *every time* (oral sex being the exception).

14. We must always *call* the spouse before We engage in sexual activities with anyone.

15. In the event that a date is brought to our home, there will be no sex with him/her in our bed. There is a guest room for those purposes. Exceptions can be made if both of us are present and it is a threesome/group sex situation.

16. No hooking up with ex-lovers (they are ex’s for a reason remember).

17. No hooking up with strippers.

18. Photos of potential partners are encouraged and when possible should be shared with the spouse before any sexual activity occurs.

19. No online dating.

Some of these might seem strange or irrational to some of you, but we created this list together in order to help each of us feel more comfortable. It will likely change and/or be added to over time.

Open+Marriage Rules

So, you want to know about me.

I always hate writing these frickin things. They always turn out sounding so mental.

But, if you insist.

I am a married 20-something, living in a small city in the southernish part of Alberta.

My husband, Jack, is the love of my life. We have been together for nearly five years and we have a very good marriage.

We have two kids, but you won’t hear too much about them here.

We both enjoy good food, good wine, and fantastic sex. Recently we have decided that it might be fun to have sex with other people.

I am not talking about conventional ’swinging’ as most of our encounters will probably occur separately from each other, and we’re ok with that.

We don’t know how it will work out, or if we will like it, or if the entire thing will blow up on us.

But you get to come along for the ride, so now you know about as much as we do.

Open Marriage, SWINGERS