I’m Too Drunk To Taste This Chicken
Posted on October 4th, 2010 in Emotional Angst, Featured
There is something of a back-burner guilt that goes along with neglecting ones blog. Often it will occur to me to write something here, and lately I’ve been pushing it off in favor of vanilla projects, such as other blogs I write, or amassing backpacking gear and Warhammer miniatures. Truth be told, I haven’t had much to say in this particular forum as of late, simply due to the fact that there is much I feel uncomfortable sharing so publicly.
However, the older I get, the less and less I care about what other people think. Particularly people I know in “meat space” as I’ve never been inclined to put much stock in the opinions of internet strangers (being called a whore enough times on this blog will do that to you). So I find myself at something of an impasse, where I am compelled to spill out every thought and angsty emotion that I’ve experienced over the past month (and there have been quite a number of them) and yet, I still wish to remain respectful of the feelings of others, and of their privacy, so I hold back.
I do get tired of feeling as though I have to cater to other people. It makes me resentful, and the lure of sharing my experiences here becomes too much of a hassle, due to the difficulty I face in minding my mouth. Much easier to abandon the blogging altogether, and instead scratch out my thoughts in my paper journal, or better yet, talk to other people about them.
September saw me wile away many an hour talking to V, both over the phone and in person. Jack and I also shared several incredibly open, honest, and truly life-altering conversations that have shaped the direction that we are going as both a couple, and as a family. A family that includes a third adult. Jack and P’s relationship has shifted in direction, but I feel uninclined to comment beyond that, as I don’t feel it fair to share a story that isn’t mine to tell (see what I mean?).
I’m sure some of you feel that I’m getting too caught up in all of this courtesy, but there were times when things I’ve written here have extracted a high price on my daily life, and sometimes it just isn’t worth the backlash.
Still…is there a point to carrying on when so much is lost along the way?
Who knows really. At the end of the day I just remind myself that the whole point of this blog was and is to provide myself with a place to spread out my feelings and thoughts, and take a look at them more objectively.
I think I forgot that somewhere along the way.