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Posted on November 22nd, 2009 in Collar And Cuff, Emotional Angst, Mating And Relating, Polyamory

Topamax For Sale, Some days it's really, really hard to be a good slave.

Ok, Topamax natural, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, in my case, it's just about every day, Topamax results, Topamax for sale, but cut me some slack, I'm a beginner, Topamax without prescription. What is Topamax, I forget to follow the rules, or sometimes I just don't feel like it and disregard them on purpose, order Topamax online overnight delivery no prescription. Topamax without a prescription,  I don't really want to be disobedient, I just have a difficult time letting go of making my own decisions, buy Topamax from mexico. Generic Topamax,  I'm stubborn, and sometimes I'd rather just do what I want and take whatever punishment that entails, get Topamax.

There's really nothing that Aiden can do to FORCE me to obey him, Topamax For Sale. Topamax schedule,  No punishment he might inflict on me can make me do what he says if I decide that I really don't want to.  That's not what this is supposed to be about, Topamax pictures. Topamax from mexico,  I made an agreement to obey him when we entered into this contract and he fastened this collar around my neck, and I'm not holding up my end of the bargain, buy cheap Topamax. Buy Topamax without prescription, He shouldn't have to fight me every step of the way when this is something I wanted, something I asked for, Topamax wiki, Topamax dosage, and agreed to. Topamax For Sale, I do want it, by the way.  I just didn't really expect it to be so difficult, Topamax reviews. Topamax mg,  I know perhaps I haven't been totally clear about the nature of this relationship, but Aiden and I are, buy Topamax online no prescription, Topamax no rx, for all intended purposes, in a 24/7 power exchange, Topamax canada, mexico, india. Taking Topamax,  The collar never comes off.  There are times when the expectations and the rules change a little (such as when I am with Jack) but for the most part, online buy Topamax without a prescription, Online buying Topamax, I am to be obedient at all times, even when Aiden isn't present, no prescription Topamax online.

For us that means that I do the tasks that he assigns me, WHEN he assigns them and not "when I feel like it", which is something I have a hard time with, Topamax For Sale. Buy Topamax from canada,  It also means that I have to notify him before I leave the house, let him know where I am going, Topamax no prescription, Buy generic Topamax, and in some situations I must ask permission before I can go.  I must ask permission to masturbate, Topamax use, Doses Topamax work, and to stay up past my new bedtime, which is 10:30pm, online buying Topamax hcl. Canada, mexico, india,  There are more, and there are also rules regarding everything from what time I must eat breakfast to how many times a week I must write in my journal, fast shipping Topamax.

It likely sounds horrible to some of you, and I wish I could adequately put into words why exactly I want it that way, but I do. Topamax For Sale,  As bratty and disobedient I am, I really, really, really want things this way.

Having a Dominant is sort of like having a really hardcore personal trainer.  All of us have the capacity to read up on nutrition and exercise and put those things into practice.  Many of us, however, lack the long-term motivation to stick to it if we don't have any external guidance or encouragement.  So we give someone money to kick our asses when we don't think we have the drive to keep at it ourselves.  That's kind of how it works in D/s relationships, in the most basic sense of it all, and the best 'vanilla' way I can explain it, Topamax For Sale.

When Jack and I first began our polyamorous relationship, we drafted a list of rules.  Some of you, who have been reading here since the beginning, probably remember how very bad I was at following those rules.  Even though I had agreed to them and understood their necessity, I just couldn't seem to force myself to follow them.  A few of my commenters speculated on my rebellious nature, drawing conclusions about my ability to comply with even the simplest of restrictions. Topamax For Sale, Eventually I "outgrew" the rebellious phase and realized that breaking the rules was only hurting myself, and that my reasons for breaking them, no matter how I justified them in the moment, were stupid.  Then I stopped breaking them, and things got much easier and less strained around here.

Now that I've drawn that parallel, I hope it will remind me that whatever my reasons for not obeying the rules which Aiden and I have agreed upon, they are probably stupid.  When I feel ridiculous for following simple instructions, I must remember that it really isn't up to me, and he's not asking me to do anything even mildly difficult.  When he asks me to do something, it is not for me to ask why*, but to simply obey to the best of my ability.

Where this need to push the envelope came from, I'm not certain.  Perhaps it's simply part of my nature to test the boundaries to be certain that they really exist.

*While I always reserve the right to ask "why" when I don't agree with, or understand an order, there are many, many times when I ask "why" and it's not necessary.

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