Stiletto Diaries™

The Sex Toy Cemetary

Posted on June 25th, 2007 in Bedroom Bling, Sex Toy Care

Eventually all of our battery (or otherwise) operated friends reach the end of their pleasure-providing lives. Some are here for a good time, not a long time, and some of them see us through years of frantic masturbation and sex. Since I feature so many products on my site I thought I would share with you how long (or short) some of the lasted me. This list will be updated as needed.

LayaSpot: Ah my darling LayaSpot. How I loved you while you were working properly! Sadly you only lasted about 5-6 months before you began acting oddly. If I left batteries in you (something I do not recommend) you would turn on spontaniously, as if calling me to use you. Eventually your controls became stuck on one speed and I was unable to turn you up, down, or off. What a sad day when I plunked you into the garbage like so much soiled tissue. Thanks for the good times my little elastomed wonder.

Cock Ring: You had so much potential, and yet you crapped out before we even got to use you once. Such a disappointment that you were barely active a few moments before your vibrating bullet sputtered to a stop and never started again. I wish you had been better because I looked forward to your arrival for several weeks, only to be let down by the lack of performance.

Ultime: You were so unique when I saw you amongst all of those other G-Spot vibrators. I wished for you for months, pining away over your image late at night, wondering how you would feel nestled snugly between my thighs. It was nearly a dream come true when you arrived on my doorstep in your classy frosted plastic box. Eagerly I pulled you from the packaging to caress your soft blue curves. I put batteries in you and flicked you on. It was just like I imagined as you hummed to life in my hand. We had one amazing night together. I won’t forget the internal and external stimulation you provided all at one. It was like heaven. Certainly you had flaws. Your hard plastic body and the germ-collecting seam that ran along your length, but it was nothing a condom couldn’t fix. The next time I went to turn you on I got no response. No longer would you purr for my attention. There was something wrong inside of you that could not be fixed. At least we had that one amazing night.

Tilt Master: What fun we had with you. My party guests loved to imitate lewd acts on you, and my children found you a brilliant and fun piece of furniture. I loved your soft velvety feel under my naked ass, I loved that you had handles which I could grasp in the heat of an earth quaking orgasm. You were so odd to look at, sort of like an enormous black packing peanut, but inside you were so much more. In the end the strain of our relationship became too much for you and you exploded under the pressure. I will always have fond memories of you and our times together.

I hope you found this list amusing. Click on any of the images to check out my review of that product.