- Posted by Shasta on August 13th, 2007 filed in Are You Gonna Eat That?, Bucket List, Does All Her Own Stunts, Made In Ontario, Mating And Relating, Polyamory
Since my last few posts have been a little…melancholy, I thought you would all be glad to hear that I had my very first date here in Toronto yesterday!
It was wonderful.
Since I am hopeful that the male in question will become something of a regular around here I have been contemplating an appropriate letter. Then I was wondering if I should abandon the ‘letter’ thing and start giving people some other identifying designation, because I’m getting low on letters and what happens after that? Combinations? Well then I might as well give them names. Since we’ve moved and it’s all ‘Turning Over A New Leaf’ and that, I’ve decided to leave letters alone and designate some sort of label for new people. That may also ease any confusion about when/where people are from in relation to this blog (The Calgary Period vs The Toronto Period).
So my friend from yesterday shall be called The SmartAss, because he’s often full of amusing and witty comments. He’s also very intelligent, not to mention quite attractive. I don’t intend to tell him about this blog, but I somehow feel that he would approve of the name, LOL.
The SmartAss and I have been talking for weeks now via messenger. We met on a dating site and have been getting to know each other while I tried to carve out some free time during which to meet him. Finally last week Jack said that Sunday would be as good a day as any, so arrangements were made and at the appointed time I met him downtown near Union Station.
He wanted to take me to the St. Lawrence Market, but being Sunday, it was closed. He suggested his favorite French restaurant, which apparently has crepes to die for, but I felt under dressed (read tank top and a cotton mini-skirt made out of that sweatpants material). It was then that he remembered Taste Of The Danforth was happening and suggested we hop the subway down there.
I had never ridden a ‘real’ subway before so that sounded super cool to me! We found the nearest station while he told me all sorts of interesting things about Toronto. He explained where the Gay Village is and pointed out at least half a dozen awesome restaurants I might like (making notes to me as well about which were kid-friendly, such a thoughtful man!) and I did my best to soak it all in.
We went down to the subway and he gave me a token, which is about the size of a dime. Makes sense when most people buy 20 of them at a time, LOL. We plunked our tokens into the machine and went through those rotating bar things and onto the platform. Since I’d never been on a subway he led me to the end of the platform, where the front of the train is. I found this sweet because he wanted to make sure I could see out the front of the subway car and really experience this subway thing.
Our train arrived and we hoped on and found some seats. All this time we had been chatting about life, various relationship-related things, etc. I enjoyed the subway very much. Eventually we made it to Danforth (which is a neighbourhood in Toronto) and started walking through the festival. The street was blocked off and there were dozens of tables and booths set up on the sidewalks. There was food everywhere, and people, and music. It was so awesome. The SmartAss pointed out a few other great restaurants he likes, including an all-you-can-eat sushi joint.
We stopped and got chicken souvlaki on a pita, which was amazing. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Then we picked up a 10-piece plate of assorted deep-fried seafood, which was really delicious as well. I could have really gone over-board there but I kept my healthy eating plan in mind and curbed myself. I did splurge a little on an ice cream sundae for dessert, but with all the walking we did I figure it about balanced out.
It started to rain as we were walking along, which felt wonderful. The day had been so hot and a little rain cooled things off nicely.
After much looking around and eating of the food we decided to head to his house so that he could pick up his car and take me on a drive. I think he was hoping (at least to some extent) to get me back to his place for some tail, but I had already decided that I was not going to sleep with him on our first date. I have to at least give the illusion of having some class HA HA
We caught the subway back to his area and he took me for a lovely walk in the rain through a beautiful scenic area. I found him so thoughtful and easy to talk to. My first impressions of him online have been somewhat different. He’s a bit of a pessimist which generally turns me off immediately, having dealt with enough moody people who complain all the time and generally do nothing to improve their situation. However, in real life I felt that his pessimism comes mostly out of frustration with failed relationships and with some of his current life circumstances that he can’t yet afford to change. He’s quite mature for a male his age (he’s 24) and yet I can see places that he could do things to improve himself which would likely make him less skeptical. However, we’re not quite close enough for me to start pointing them out yet.
I greatly enjoyed our stroll in the rain. I haven’t done that with anyone in ages. He led me into his house (I desperately needed to use the bathroom) and then showed me around his place. He rents a basement suite in the summer months and lives on campus during the school year while he is getting his degree. It was modest yet functional. Not tidy but certainly not dirty (I wasn’t disgusted when I used his bathroom) and rather average as far as male dwellings go.
He showed me some funny short movies on his computer that he thought I might like (and I did) before we got into his car and took a drive around Toronto. That’s when we stopped for ice cream at this really nice place over-looking a valley with lots of trees and a river. It was quite nice to be spoiled a little and shown around his favorite places. He’s the first guy I’ve dated in a great while who has his own transportation (although he generally takes transit since it’s easier than finding parking). I loved the break from having to drive places and I loved taking transit with him because it’s so new and different for me. I’ll take the bus any day if it means I don’t have to drive about!
We talked a lot about sexuality and he asked rather shyly if I might educate him on some of the basic aspects of BDSM. This was not a come-on from him but a general curiosity and desire to learn something different (all of his previous girlfriends have been fairly vanilla). I offered to loan him some books on the subject (my copies of Screw The Roses and SM 101) and he said he would like that very much. I don’t think I have the time or patience to teach someone from scratch, so if I can get him to learn a bit himself it’ll be far easier to help him practice a few techniques in real life.
I think that we hit it off very well. He told me that he found me exceedingly charming in person and quite a wonderful date as he felt comfortable and unawkward in my presence. I love that I seem to have that effect on people.
He drove me to where Jack was picking me up (I haven’t braved downtown on my own yet, in terms of driving) and despite feeling somewhat uncomfortable, decided to meet Jack and get that out of the way. I introduced them and they shook hands. The SmartAss commented on how totally adorable my kids are (and they are you know) which I found adorable, since most of the males I’ve dated feel uncomfortable around my family.
The SmartAss and I hugged goodbye with the promise of another date in the very near future. I felt really great about our date and had a wonderful time.
I can really only identify one problem with this going forward into a very satisfying Friends With Benefits arrangement, and that is the issue of birth control, which I should maybe save for a post of it’s own.
Nah, because then I may never get around to writing it, LOL.
So, Shasta can’t do birth control pills/anything hormone based at all. I have very sensitive hormones and tampering with them even a little bit generally pushes me over the depression deep end. I’ve tried many different kinds of pills, I also tried Depo which was HELL ON EARTH! They all fucked me up, made me feel like crap, and it’s basically come down to having to go on Prozac if I want to take birth control. Considering I’ve managed to avoid depression meds for over three years now I’m not in a hurry to go back on them. While I am not against them at all, and would happily go back on them if it became necessary again, I won’t put myself in that situation on purpose.
So the female version of birth control is out, which generally leaves condoms and sponges as the most convenient methods available. That’s all well and good for the most part.
Why not an IUD you ask? Lets just say my family has a history of uterine issues and I am not eager to have my entire reproductive system removed before my 30th birthday. Am I being paranoid? Perhaps, but I’d rather be safe than sorry and keep my girl-parts where they are.
I’ve been debating a diaphragm, but do people even use those anymore? Being without a family doctor at this juncture I want to figure out what exactly I need before I make an appointment at a walk-in clinic. Please give me advice about diaphragms if you use them.
This wouldn’t all be such a problem if I didn’t have a specific set of personal ethics which would prevent me from having an abortion in the event of accidental pregnancy with someone other than Jack. I don’t believe in it, I never have, and I will never change my mind. That is NOT up for debate here so if I get a bunch of Pro-Choice comments happening I’ll just delete them. I have my personal morals and beliefs, I do my very best not to shove them in anyone else’s faces, please respect that and don’t try forcing yours into mine.
I also will not take a morning after pill as it’s essentially the same IN MY OPINION. Also not up for debate. Please don’t try to educate me, I am not one to go around having beliefs based on things I haven’t done any research about. I already know how it works, not for me, but thanks anyway.
These circumstances understandably make most men nervous to become involved with me. I can appreciate that, which is why I am upfront about it (now, I’ll admit I was oblivious in my first few poly relationships) so that they can make an informed decision about having sex with me. I won’t compromise my personal beliefs just to get laid, and I won’t compromise another person either. They need to know where I stand on this even if it means we don’t hook up.
The SmartAss is understandably reluctant. Since Jack and I do not want any more children I am debating having my tubes done. Obviously not just to prevent pregnancy with others but to prevent any other pregnancies within my marriage as well. The idea of having it done makes me a tad nervous (not because I am afraid of going under the knife but because I’ve heard some horror stories about how it can mess up your hormones). Can anyone share some experiences with that? I’d love to hear them for sure. Also I am well aware that Jack could easily get fixed but that still doesn’t solve my problem with outside relationships.
Jack and I have discussed what we would do as a couple should I become pregnant with a child that isn’t his. While I suggested adoption as a solution Jack would not be comfortable with that and would prefer to raise the child as if it were his (unless the father in question wanted to be involved in some way) and there would be no expectations of support either emotionally or financially from the other male. That might sound fucked up, but it’s how we have decided to deal with it in our situation. Jack knows and supports my feelings on abortion, and after some reflection I decided that I agree with him about the adoption thing being less than ideal in our situation. I am fully supportive of adoption (being adopted myself) and if I was not in the stable and secure situation I am, which would easily allow me to take on another child, I likely would not opt to keep any unplanned babies.
Soooooooooooooooooo that is the dilemma of the moment. I need better methods of pregnancy prevention (STI issues aside, because we already have the whole testing thing and knowing your partners sexual history, seeing test results to back it up, etc covered). Give me some advice here!
All in all we had a brilliant time together and I like this guy quite a bit already. I’m hoping we can find some middle ground so that we both feel comfortable and safe being intimate together. I’ll keep you all updated no doubt.
Hope everyone had a great weekend and all!