As I mentioned in my review yesterday, I have been devoting every waking moment recently to either homework or working out.  Preparation for Christmas, shopping, and having Jack’s parents here for the holidays have also contributed to the lack of postings in this neck of the woods.

Jack was off work the last part of this week, due to coming down with the flu, so I’ve been doting on him.  I’ve also greatly enjoyed the presence of my in-laws, who are the polar opposite of my own mother.  They are completely content to sync seamlessly into the natural rhythm and ways of our home, rather than fighting against it.  They encourage me and praise me constantly, assuring me that they will gladly entertain the child(ren) while I scratch my way through course assignments and notes for hours at a time.  They don’t act put out when I go to the gym, leaving a youngling or two in their care for an hour or so.  They just…are SO nice to be around!  It’s making this holiday season easier to cope with, rather than more difficult.

You’d think with all that help at hand, I’d have a ton of time to devote to writing, and I have, but I’ve used every second of it to catch up on homework.  While my mother was here I felt as though I needed to entertain her constantly, which meant I got next to no homework done, and I got behind a couple of assignments, so I’ve been working to catch up ever since.  This has left me virtually no time or inclination for blogging.  As much as I miss writing for pleasure, I really need to put this course first, because it’s going to help me get into University when I (hopefully) apply in February.

I still have Christmas shopping to do, and plenty of gifts to wrap, so a wise person would likely declare a hiatus for the holidays, and not worry about writing until after it’s all over.  I’m not going to do that, however, I’m also not going to pressure myself to post here, because it’s creating resentment in me towards this blog, and that’s not at all what I want.  I never want this place to become yet another chore on my ‘to do’ list, and recently that’s exactly what it’s begun to feel like.  I need to remind myself that the purpose of this site is not to entertain readers, or to attract a ton of traffic, although both of those things are awesome side benefits.  The purpose has always been to give me an outlet for thoughts, feelings, and events as I am inclined to write about them.  It’s my personal space for writing whatever I want, and I feel that I have been loosing sight of that and getting caught up in catering to an audience, which I swore to myself I would not do again.  That way of thinking led to the termination of my first sex blog, when I became too focused on producing posts that I hoped people would want to read, rather than posts that actually meant something to me.  This site deserves better than that, and so do I, and so does anyone reading this.  There are plenty of sites that put up really awesome content and articles about sexuality, tailored to inform and educate, and while I like to do my part in contributing to that, I also don’t want to let go of this blog being uniquely me.

All of the exercise and healthy eating and vitamins are certainly paying off.  I feel better, more energetic, and I look better, at least in my opinion.  I was evaluating myself in the mirror the other day, and I notice a difference in myself.  I am certainly leaner, although I refuse to weigh or measure myself more than once every six weeks, on the advice of a personal trainer friend of mine.  The other day I went through my closet and tried on a bunch of clothes that I bought when I was in better shape, and I can actually pull off just about all of them!  You have no idea how this thrills me.  By spring I will be able to wear every single piece of clothing I own, I am certain of it.

I’ve been keeping a food journal, which is not designed to help me count calories, or to induce guilt, but to create accountability.  I find that I reconsider eating junk food or holiday goodies when I know that I am going to have to write it down.  It’s also teaching me a lot about my eating habits.  This isn’t the first food journal I’ve kept, and the last time I was diligent about writing down what I ate, I lost 20 lbs without even exercising, over a period of about 3 months.  I know that it works for me, and my philosophy on healthy living is to find what works for you, and then stick to that.  Bouncing from fad diet to fad diet will only lead to disappointment and getting fatter.  I’ve shifted my thinking on weight loss as well.  In fact I’m reluctant to even use those words in relation to what I am doing.  This isn’t about peeling off the pounds for me.  It’s about being able to keep up with my kids, about setting a good example for them.  I want to be able to teach them how to ski, to swim, and to be active and healthy individuals.  I also want a long life expectancy, and to feel good for the rest of my existence.  I want to feel as strong physically as I do mentally, with the energy to tackle every day with enthusiasm and excitement.  I want to have periods that are cramp and PMS free.  I want to live a healthy life.

Sticking to this way of looking at food and exercise is not easy to do during a holiday that seems to revolve around excess, but I’m doing it.

While I felt far more prepared for Christmas last year, than I do now, it’s coming together better than I expected.  Five more nights until this crazy holiday is behind us.