In A Crooked Little Town, They Were Lost And Never Found
Posted on September 25th, 2008 in Emotional Angst, I Touch Myself, Mating And Relating, Polyamory, Tie Me Up
I really miss having a regular play partner.
I’ve been reading one of the kink/fetish books I have on my list and it’s only served to remind me of what I’m missing out on. I haven’t had any time to devote to rectifying the situation, and to tell you the truth, I’m a little tired of looking.
Still, I can’t deny that I crave it.
I’ve been reading said book at work, and on more than one occasion I’ve had to excuse myself to the bathroom to masturbate frantically, which really doesn’t scratch the itch at all, but at least provides a temporary distraction. Yes, I am a naughty pet indeed.
Recently I was at the dollar store picking up some things for a project that V and I have been working on, and as I browsed the isles I came across half a dozen really wonderful items for playing. I debated buying them. Do I really need more toys? They are just going to languish in my closet for goodness knows how long, perhaps never again to see the light of day!
I bought them anyway. I mean, really, you can’t go wrong for the price, and I need not be so cynical. Thus, I brought home a plastic shoe horn, a metal ruler, and three different glove type things for different sensations. Perhaps they will sit a long time before getting used, but I have to believe that someday it’ll actually happen, because these urges are not going away any time soon.
I lust after the ideal Dominant. Certainly no one is perfect, but I should hope that there is someone perfect for me, in that our interests and kinks compliment each other and we are able to connect in such a way that facilitates play on the level I am looking for.
The desire waxes and wanes of course, like all things. After I’d established that Jack and I were just not on the same page in terms of BDSM I went through a long spell of not really caring for it overall. Over the past year however, it’s resurfaced, reminding me again that I have a need, to find myself on my knees at the feet of someone who takes great pleasure in my submitting to them. Who has the power and the confidence to inspire my submission, rather than just expecting it automatically.
He also must already know what he is doing. I’m tired of being the teacher. I’m tired of being on the receiving end of lackadaisical attempts and half-hearted gestures. If I’m not playing with someone as eager and excited as I am, then is there any point? No!
At any rate, it’s easy to feel discouraged when it seems as though everyone is having a good time except for you.