In A Crooked Little Town, They Were Lost And Never Found

Posted on September 25th, 2008 in Emotional Angst, I Touch Myself, Mating And Relating, Polyamory, Tie Me Up

IdiotI really miss having a regular play partner. 

I’ve been reading one of the kink/fetish books I have on my list and it’s only served to remind me of what I’m missing out on.  I haven’t had any time to devote to rectifying the situation, and to tell you the truth, I’m a little tired of looking.

Still, I can’t deny that I crave it.

I’ve been reading said book at work, and on more than one occasion I’ve had to excuse myself to the bathroom to masturbate frantically, which really doesn’t scratch the itch at all, but at least provides a temporary distraction.  Yes, I am a naughty pet indeed.

Recently I was at the dollar store picking up some things for a project that V and I have been working on, and as I browsed the isles I came across half a dozen really wonderful items for playing.  I debated buying them.  Do I really need more toys?  They are just going to languish in my closet for goodness knows how long, perhaps never again to see the light of day!

I bought them anyway.  I mean, really, you can’t go wrong for the price, and I need not be so cynical.  Thus, I brought home a plastic shoe horn, a metal ruler, and three different glove type things for different sensations.  Perhaps they will sit a long time before getting used, but I have to believe that someday it’ll actually happen, because these urges are not going away any time soon.

I lust after the ideal Dominant.  Certainly no one is perfect, but I should hope that there is someone perfect for me, in that our interests and kinks compliment each other and we are able to connect in such a way that facilitates play on the level I am looking for.

The desire waxes and wanes of course, like all things.  After I’d established that Jack and I were just not on the same page in terms of BDSM I went through a long spell of not really caring for it overall.  Over the past year however, it’s resurfaced, reminding me again that I have a need, to find myself on my knees at the feet of someone who takes great pleasure in my submitting to them.  Who has the power and the confidence to inspire my submission, rather than just expecting it automatically.

He also must already know what he is doing.  I’m tired of being the teacher.  I’m tired of being on the receiving end of lackadaisical attempts and half-hearted gestures.  If I’m not playing with someone as eager and excited as I am, then is there any point?  No!

At any rate, it’s easy to feel discouraged when it seems as though everyone is having a good time except for you.

Published by Shasta

6 Responses to “In A Crooked Little Town, They Were Lost And Never Found”

  1. padme amidalaNo Gravatar Says:

    I’m glad we got a chance to chat today. I hope you are feeling better soon. *hugs* I understand a lot about how frustrating it can be trying to find a play partner. I feel like to have Master Anakin but I had a hard time searching for someone else to play with also. Please don’t give up! Sometimes it can happen when you least expect it. Reading the bdsm novels can be hard when you are not playing.
    I wish you lived closer. I would introduce you to a few of the Doms around here in Vancouver that I have met. I met a few that I think you might like and would be what you are looking for. :)
    Hang in there!!
    luv padme

    Reply To The Above Comment

  2. niaNo Gravatar Says:

    i’m so sorry that you’re just not finding that right person right now hun :( i wish i had some suggestions about other avenues for tracking down a dom/me, but my search has only made me cynical about it too. it would be so nice if there were someone out there for each of us who meets all our needs, but at least we can take comfort in being polyamorous, and having wonderful partners who allow us to keep looking…

    big hugs,

    Reply To The Above Comment

  3. AmiiNo Gravatar Says:

    Yay Billy Talent lyric title. Love it and love your writing from over here in the UK. Your views and life choices are so opposite to mine but that only serves to interest me more as its refreshing and thought-provoking. I’ve been addicted to your blog for ages and ages and as long as you write I’ll be here to read. Thank you.

    Reply To The Above Comment

  4. RupertNo Gravatar Says:

    OK…this line cracked me up:

    I’ve been reading said book at work, and on more than one occasion I’ve had to excuse myself to the bathroom to masturbate frantically

    I just had this image of you standing up, and telling your fellow co-workers “Excuse me. Have to head to the bathroom to play with myself. Back in a second. Oh, and don’t pay any attention to the strange noises you might hear. It’s all good.”

    Is that how it went down? If so, I really need to move to Canada!

    Reply To The Above Comment

    ShastaNo Gravatar reply on September 26th, 2008 7:27 am:


    You totally DO need to move to Canada, or at least come visit :P

    Actually my job is fairly solitary. I don’t have any co-workers in the same room as I am, and I only deal with a few select customers, so no one knows if I am off in the bathroom having a good ol’ time with myself :P

    Still, your vision is better ;) Maybe next time I’ll just announce it over the PA system.


    P.S. I’ve missed your comments around here. Hope you are well my friend.

    Reply To The Above Comment

  5. niaNo Gravatar Says:

    omg, you should tewtally announce it, or put up a sign that reads “currently out of the office wanking, BRB”, hahahaha!

    oh, and p.s., i bought your (belated) birthday present waaay before this post, and in no way intended to contribute to your frustrations. if, however, i’ve contributed to workplace diddling, i am a happy cat indeed :)

    Reply To The Above Comment

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