Everything In Moderation, Nightly
Posted on April 13th, 2009 in Emotional Angst, Ethics And Morality, Featured, Mating And Relating, Polyamory
After my last post about The Virgin I consulted a close authority on the subject of anxiety, Nia. She makes a good argument for each side, and I really appreciated her feedback and insights.
On one hand the boy clearly needs someone with patience and experience. Someone who can understand and appreciate the difficulties that anxiety can bring. Really, and I don’t say this to brag, I’m a very good ‘first serious relationship’ girlfriend. I seem to have a way with these sorts of men. I draw them out of their shell, helping them to feel comfortable with themselves, and showing them the finer points of dating. Trust me, I realize that I’m no treat all the time. I can be difficult, and I’ll be the first person to say so. I’m not the perfect girlfriend, but I do feel that most people who have dated me come out better at the end of it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not destined to be that transitional person for some of them. Gently pushing them to work through whatever is holding them back, so that they can go on to healthier relationships in their lives. That seems to have been a bit of a trend anyway.
No matter how I try to word that last part I feel like I always come across as arrogant, which wasn’t really my intention. My friend X had this to offer when I was talking to him about this post:
“I’M COMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU AND I AM ANXIETY LORD”
Coming from him that’s a very high compliment. He also stated that it’s due to the fact that A) I am not an idiot, and B) I’m as attentive as possible, which apparently is a rare thing these days.
The ground work is already being laid when it comes to The Virgin. Just last night he mentioned that talking to me puts him at ease, and that I make it simple for him to talk about subjects which would normally cause him discomfort. This is exactly how it always starts, and he’s already told me that he’s interested in me.
On the other hand, as Nia so wisely pointed out, the relationship is likely to be rather one-sided. I already know most of the dance moves, while he hasn’t even stepped out on the floor. That probably wouldn’t matter if I didn’t get attached, as I could go into it with no real risk of being hurt, but we already know that I fail in that department. I certainly don’t mean to say that he’s useless or that I wouldn’t enjoy dating him, but like anything you’re learning for the first time, he’s probably not going to be very good at relationships right out of the gate. Communication, honesty, romance, and the ability to effectively deal with complicated emotions are not skills that one learns over night. The learning curve may be significant, or he may take to dating like a duck to water, there isn’t any way to know for sure at this point.
He’s not in a hurry for sex, which is actually the primary reason I continue to consider dating him. It will be better for both of us to go very, very slowly. I won’t get attached prematurely and he’ll have plenty of time to catch on to this relationship business, without some of the complications that sexual pressure can bring. Plus it’s been a while since I was involved with someone whom I didn’t sleep with pretty early on, and I’m kind of excited by the prospect of going through it all gradually and working up to sex at a more ‘old fashioned’ pace.
He really is sweet. He remembers details about me and what I’m doing/have planned. He shows genuine interest in really knowing me as a person, and he flirts without being overtly sexual. It’s actually rather charming. Maybe I just have very low expectations, LOL.
I don’t want to keep calling him The Virgin, so I’m going to give him a proper name: Kade. Rhymes with spade, and laid, heh.
At any rate, I’ve decided to spend some time with him in the ‘real world’ before I make any solid decisions on the direction I should go. He asked me out for coffee on Thursday, and I’ve agreed to meet him. I’m looking forward to meeting him, and I’m certain he feels the same about me. More stories to come I’m sure 
April 13th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
This is the reason why I love you !!!
Your intellect,compassion and community service. Being a person who recently just went through a series of anxiety attacks. It can be devastating to your emotional and physical health. Emotional and spiritual support is crucial for the reintegration back in their circle of contact. I applaud your befriending Kade.
But I please caution you in the development of the relationship. Shasta Shoot me for being a little protective.
My spider senses are tingling.
I too feel like my lot in life regarding relationships is the transitional surrogate relationship technician.
I am the real version of ” Good Luck Chuck” http://www.goodluckchuckthemovie.com/
I date them teach them love and too love themselves emotionally and sexually.
They move on too extremely healthy and long term relationships.
And I got back to being single and open for the next candidate. LOL
After much thought ..it’s not such a bad gig…
Bless yah…big hugs …your biggest fan.
LD
Reply To The Above Comment
nia
reply on April 14th, 2009 8:32 am:
i’m totally stealing your title “transitional surrogate relationship technician”. at one point i decided (with an ex) that we’d be great first lovers for people, and that we could make money being professional de-flowers. unlike Shasta, however, i tend not to get attached to everyone i fuck.
while i think we provide a valuable service to the world, i /do/ feel that Shasta deserves a totally mutually fulfilling relationship with someone who is poised to give as much as we all know she will.
also, i am flattered to be an anxiety authority XP
Reply To The Above Comment
LD
reply on April 14th, 2009 9:20 am:
Nia- use the term ( t s r t ) with my blessing. Maybe we should seriously start a consulting biz together. LOL. I also feel that Shasta deserves a mutually fulfilling relationship….but I am very selfish about the happiness and contentment of my friends.
Reply To The Above Comment
Shasta
reply on April 14th, 2009 12:21 pm:
Nia,
I suppose I’m more willing to invest in a somewhat one-sided relationship due to the fact that I already have an incredible and always fulfilling marriage. Yes, there is still great risk of being hurt in the end, but I’ve never been one to shy away from a risk now and again
Still, I do not intend to take this on lightly, if at all.
I know you are always looking out for what is best for me, and I’m so, so fortunate to have you as a friend.
XOXO
Shasta
Reply To The Above Comment
Shasta
reply on April 14th, 2009 12:17 pm:
LD,
I would never be upset with you for being protective
That’s what friends are for, after all!
I agree that it’s not a bad gig, although I’m certainly more aware of it at this point, and plan to go into any relationship with my eyes wide open
Thank you for always being so wonderful. I appreciate your love and support in all things.
XOXO
Shasta
Reply To The Above Comment
LD
reply on April 14th, 2009 2:44 pm:
Shasta -no problemo…anytime !!
Reply To The Above Comment
April 14th, 2009 at 1:15 am
Goodness, that’s a lot of analysis to do over a relationship that hasn’t even begun!
Reply To The Above Comment
Shasta
reply on April 14th, 2009 12:22 pm:
Perakath,
Well you know how I am
I love me some analysis!
XOXO
Shasta
Reply To The Above Comment
April 16th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
So I hear the VIRGIN date went well…details !! You might have the opportunity to tell me them in person..call me :)) or
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