Stiletto Diaries

Give Me A Break

Posted on February 25th, 2006 in Mating And Relating, Polyamory

The past 12 or so hours have been interesting to say the least.

Last night Jack talked to K on IM and whatever was said apparently made Jack feel better about this whole situation. He came and talked to me and told me that he felt it was ok for the break to be over. I can see K again, and talk to him, and we can continue to have an intimate relationship.

I’ll admit I was skeptical. We all know sometimes Jack is not very decisive, he tends to change his mind a lot.

He and I talked a little more about priorities and so on. I have promised to be more aware of my time spent talking to K and not let it cause me to neglect other things (like Jack, or housework, LOL). I am also going to put in a lot more effort as far as spending quality time with Jack (starting with finding some reliable child care so that Jack and I can get in some much needed alone time).

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about the situation and I feel good about it now. I know that K and I need to slow it down. I mean what the hell is the hurry? I realized that I was so upset by the break because I am afraid that I will somehow lose K. Well maybe that will happen regardless, break or not, and I know that K has to do what is best for him. All I can do is continue to care about him and enjoy the time we have together, not worry so much about what’s going to happen down the road. After I got that to sink in I felt a lot better. It really helped to just have time to think things over for myself and be objective about the situation (see Jack, I can be objective LOL).

Anyway, the other thing that happened was that Jack made plans to meet up with a young woman he has been chatting to! Organizing that and also the talk about the end of the break was all happening at the same time, so it was a little bit crazy, LOL.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Jack going to meet her, especially on such short notice. I didn’t have time to prepare myself mentally at all, and I was emotionally exhausted already thanks to the situation with K. I didn’t want to stand in Jack’s way though, so I told him I was fine, even though in the moment I wasn’t. I figured I just need to calm myself down and not feed into my insecurities, even if that meant gritting my teeth and being sick the entire time he was gone.

Jack departed for his meeting with the young lady (she doesn’t deserve to have her own letter of the alphabet yet, LOL). I got on the computer to tell K that the break was over. Five minutes into the conversation I was freaking out about Jack, and K was trying to make me feel better. So he called me and we talked for quite a while. He reminded me that everything is ok, and I have no reason to worry. He made me laugh, and I felt so much better. He made me promise I would call him back if I got upset again, so I promised and thanked him for making me feel better and said goodnight.

Jack arrived home shortly afterwards. The woman in question didn’t arrive at the meeting place so he decided to come home. I am hoping that it was just a case of her getting too nervous rather than something happening to her (it’s been snowing here for days and the roads are not in very good shape). Jack wasn’t too disappointed, and he was glad that I talked to K and that I felt better about it, although naturally he was disappointed that I didn’t tell him I was upset before he left.

Anyway, Jack and K might be going out together tonight for some male bonding time. That will be good I think, and they’re going to the strippers so I am sure they will have fun.

I want to thank all my wonderful readers and commenters who have been so supportive of me during this time. You really helped.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I plan to post a couple more of my poems in the coming days so I hope you enjoy!