Stiletto Diaries

My Bestest Best Blogger Friend, Padme, is having a PARTY over at her and Anakin’s Blog this weekend!

It’s guaranteed to be a HAWT time I will try to make an appearance.

In celebration of our one year blogging anniversary we are having another Star Wars spanking party!! THIS Sunday, Sept. 3rd at 6 pm PST/9 pm EST!! This time we will be watching Episode IV-A New Hope.

Here’s the rest of the post with other info about this sexy virtual gathering.

All the cool people will be there Cum on, you know you wanna

I had a BIG long blog post written out just moments ago. I was editing it and adding hyperlinks when my computer crashed and I lost it all. Apparently my bad luck is not over.

See, I have been having a rather annoying streak of misfortune recently. Car issues at the WORST possible times, Jack and I having a misunderstanding that caused me to cancel my Birthday Party, and a cake that I slaved over for hours plummeting off the edge of my counter to it’s death.

The car can be fixed, I can re-write this wretched blog post, Jack managed to salvage all my party plans, and V brought the backup cake. None of these events are catastrophic, they just make me roll my eyes and sigh with frustration. I take it in stride as best I can.

My party was the most FanFrickinTastic success. It was everything I had hoped for and so much more. I got to meet some of the most interesting and fun people that I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. I basked in the affection of everyone and felt so loved, it was intoxicating.

O was a generous and thoughtful hostess. She made me an ice sculpture of a koi fish and it was beautiful (it melted down to look more like an impotent phallus, much to our amusement). She also gave me sparklers and sang me Happy Birthday. She fed me fancy teas and fine chocolate and let me peruse her collection of unusual and erotic books.

The sushi I made was excellent, everyone complimented me on it, which of course was thrilling.

K gifted me with the collar and cuff set that I asked for on my list, which I loved. I am hoping we will get a chance to use it in the near future. LD and I flirted with each other, to our mutual amusement. He certainly makes it challenging for me to tell when he is serious or joking, or both. I find my pursuit of him, if you can call it that, to be quite exciting.

I stayed at the party until the wee hours of the morning, and then I drove LD home before heading home myself. I feel so content this morning, despite all the bad luck of late, last night was totally perfect in every way.

************

Have you ever felt a certain way about something, even though you know better than to feel that way? In my opinion feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are, and you chose your feelings based on your perspective of events, people, situations, etc.

I have found myself feeling jealous lately, even thought I am ’supposed’ to be an Enlightened Poly Person. K has been seeing that new woman, and there have been moments where I have felt myself getting possessive of him.

Imagine that, even being intelligent and well-read on jealousy management, apparently I am still susceptible, LOL.

Fortunately it was easy for me to identify the source of the jealous feelings. This new woman spent the night at K’s place on Monday, and that rubbed me the wrong way for reasons that were not immediately apparent. After I examined it more closely I realized that I was annoyed because I rarely, if ever, get to spend the night at K’s. So here is this other person, doing something with him that I can’t usually do, and it made me angry.

Being stubborn and pig headed I didn’t let on to K that anything was amiss. After all the lectures I have given him about his jealousy towards my other relationships I guess I felt like I hypocrite. I thought he would throw that in my face and I didn’t want to hear it. Of course I know that open communication is important, but I also believe that there is no use making my issues someone else’s issues until I figure out the source and if it’s worth making a fuss about.

By yesterday morning I felt neutral about the whole thing. Jack suggested that I should stay the night at K’s this Saturday, but I don’t know if that’s really the solution (still he is so sweet for making me feel better).

Last night as K was leaving the party he told me that he and this other woman ended up having sex while she was there Monday night. I was not expecting that at all, and I was rather annoyed that he blind sided me with it at such an inopportune time. Since I was still in the middle of my party I pushed it from my mind and forgot about it. Once I got home last night I mulled it over for a while and tried to decide how I feel about it.

Part of me feels like being small and bitter. I wasn’t given any notice that something like this was going to happen, despite K insisting that I let him know before I engage in any sexual activity with anyone else. I have told K many times that I do not require him to reciprocate those considerations, but I did not expect everything to happen all at once. I am slightly disappointed in him for just jumping into bed with her before really getting to know her, but it is not my place to dictate how he should conduct his other relationships. If I were spiteful I would call H and ask him to have sex immediately. My relationship with him has been going at a snails pace in order to allow K to get more comfortable. Of course it has also been because I want time to get to know H before we become sexually intimate.

I don’t feel threatened by his relationship with her. I know that he will experience New Relationship Energy with her, and I would never begrudge him that because it is such a fun phase of relationships. It’s her turn to be the main focus for a while and I know that it really won’t compromise his affections for me in the long run.

I do have a few concerns about the situation. She is not comfortable meeting me at this point, primarily (in my opinion) I think that she is living in denial on some level. She has issues with the poly arrangement, and I think that as long as she doesn’t know who I am, she can pretend that I don’t really exist. If she were to meet me it might make it too real.

It’s early yet, I can’t say what the future holds. I hope that things go well, I honestly do. It pleases me to see K happy, and if she adds to his happiness, then it pleases me that he is seeing her.

*****************

I have some pictures to post. K and I took in one night of the International Fireworks Competition in Calgary last week. It was AMAZING, truly one of the most fantastic experiences. I have a special setting on my camera for fireworks, and it did a pretty good job of capturing the visual aspects of the sensory experience. I’ll get those posted sooner or later.

My actual Birthdate is this Friday, so I will be posting a summary of my zodiac sign, as has become the Birthday tradition here on SD.

Today is Hump Day and my period just ended, so I hope that a wildly sexy male will ravage me when he gets home from work.

Grrrrrrr Baby

I added a few more books and some random IKEA items to my birthday wish list today. Just to add a little variety to it. Especially now that O is hosting a Birthday Party for me at her house next week!!! Isn’t she a darling? I’m kidding about the gifts though. I don’t need anything except the joy of having my friends together for some fantastic food and tea.

I wish that all my friends could be there. H can’t make it and Jack is burned out from work and doesn’t think that he will be up to joining us for it. It feels wrong to me that he won’t be there. LD says he will try to make it and I really hope that he does. I want V to meet him, since she will be there for sure However, he offered me a consolation prize of taking me our for dinner or coffee at a later date if he really could not get to the party.

I told O that I would bring all the food and cake for the gathering. Mainly because it just started out that we were planning a dinner and it evolved into a party for me, so I was going to bring the food anyway. I intend to make several platters of various sorts of sushi as well as prawn and veggie tempura. I’m also going to make the most amazing cake ever, but the details will have to remain a secret for now

My period is due quite soon and I am feeling slightly out of sorts and a tad anxious (for no good reason of course). At least this time I am not a raging bitch or some over-emotional mess. I have decided that just because I menstruate does not give me the right to be horrid to everyone for a week every month.

K has recently started seeing another woman. I am actually very thrilled for him, and I think I even surprise myself with the lack of real jealousy about it. Not necessarily because I don’t feel it, but because I refuse to feed into it. I look at it from the perspective that I can’t spend very much time with K, and he needs someone who can be there for him more. This other woman can fill some needs that I cannot, and that will only serve to make everyone more content. Not to mention that I love him and to love a person truly is to not try and hold onto them so tightly.

Anyway, I have some housework waiting for me that I’d best finish up. I wish everyone a great week

At the request of certain people I am composing a gift list of things I would not mind receiving for my birthday, which is rapidly approaching. Now, I do not expect to receive gifts, but I will admit that I like getting them as much as the next person.

I may be adding to it over the next few days

Without further ado, for your reading (and clicking) pleasure, my wish list:

Books

Nobu The Cookbook - By Matsuhisa Nobuyuki

Nobu Now - By Nobuyuki Matsuhisa

The Potter’s Book Of Glaze Recipes: Potters Bk Of Glaze Reci-rev/e - By Emmanuel Cooper

Making Scented Soap: Recipes for Over 60 Handmade Soaps - By Linda Hamblen

The Art Of Seduction - By Robert Greene

Anatomy Of Love - By Helen Fisher

The Myth Of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People - By David Barash Ph.D

When Someone You Love Is Kinky - By Dossie Easton

Flogging - By Joseph Bean

The Seductive Art Of Japanese Bondage - Midori

Random

Freeport Tote - Sunflowers [This bag would be awesome for carrying all my stuff back and forth for work]

SOTA (Jar with lid) [One or two of these in each size would look awesome in my kitchen]

SALONG (Vase) [More pretty glass for my collection, I don’t even care about color]

BRODD (Decoration, horse)

FRUKOST Cup and Saucer (sold seperatly)[A set of two of each of these would be lovely for when I have a friend over for tea and biscuits]

KORT (5 art cards with envelopes) [Art for my kitchen, and cheap too!]

Stainless Steel Dog Bowls (2)

It might seem lame, but I LOVE getting gift cards in any denomination from any restaurant, book store, hardware store, craft store, fabric store, shoe store, or pet store.

Power Tools (Honestly, I am not kidding, I LOVE power tools)

Dewalt 10″ Compound Miter Saw

Dewalt Heavy-Duty 20″ Variable-Speed Scroll Saw

Dewalt Heavy-Duty 16 Gauge 1-1/4″ - 2-1/2″ Finish Nailer Kit

Dewalt Floor Tile Lazer

Shoes

Cosmo’s (Size 9)

Domina’s (Black, Size 9)

Electra’s (Black, Size 9)

High Life’s (Black Leather, Size 9)

Fun Stuff

The Original BadAss 17″ Tire Paddle (I’ve been DYING for one of these!)

I-Vibe Rabbit

Ying and Yang Lubricant (This is the most fantastic lubricant known to mankind)

Collar and Cuffs Set

3 Ring Collar

Metal Eggs

Heartbreaker Vibrator

There seems to be a problem with blogging, at least for me. When my life is not very exciting I have loads of time and am inclined to blog at great length. However, when my life is exciting and I have loads of interesting things I could write about, I am just not in the mood to do so.

I am writing this entry under duress inflicted by myself because I don’t want all my reader’s to abandon me.

Recently I have just been having the most thrilling times. Last weekend K took me to a wedding and we danced and salivated all over each other like a couple of love-struck teenagers. It was actually quite wonderful and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

I had gone a little overboard with my scheduling of the weekend, and arranged a VERY early morning date with H for Saturday. By the time I got home from the wedding I only had two hours before I needed to leave to see H. I skipped sleeping and made sure to grab some coffee on my way to H’s house.

He had told me that he would likely still be in bed when I arrived, and instructed me to just let myself in. I felt like a stalkerish burglar, but I found him still asleep in bed, so I said “Good morning” and laid down on the bed next to him (with all my clothes still on, and on top of the blankets). We talked and cuddled for a while, eventually I ended up partially unclothed and under the blankets with him. He sleeps naked by the way Tee Hee.

After lounging about in bed for a couple of hours we got up, did a bit of running around, grabbed some breakfast to go and went and ate in a park. I was a really great morning.

Then I had to rush home, pick up our sitter, and Jack and I took off to meet some friends of ours. We had lunch with them and a great chat, but all too soon we had to race home because we were having V and DF over for dinner.

We BBQ’d and BS’d until the late evening. DF fell asleep in a chair so V took him home and after 38 hours straight of being awake, I collapsed into bed beside my husband and went to sleep.

Sunday was no less eventful. Jack had a two hour massage appointment after which O had invited us and the kids to a picnic BBQ in the city. I spent the morning gathering enough food to feed 20 people (as per my usual way of doing things). K, H, and LD were also invited. Read the sentence over again. All the males I am either dating or have recently kissed were going to be at the same place at the same time.

Jack left for his appointment and I packed up three coolers, my little BBQ, and several bags worth of food into the van and headed into the city to pick up K and H. It was a little odd to be in a vehicle with K, H, and my two kids, but odd in the amusing way. We got to the park and my big strong guys packed all the gear to the picnic area. LD, O, Jack, and a couple of other people were there already. I set up my grill and proceeded to indulge my unhealthy desire to feed anyone who gets within ten feet of me. Everyone ate and talked and got along surprisingly well. I think even K, who is usually quite uncomfortable in new social groups, did exceptionally well.

After everyone finished supper we built a fire and roasted marshmallows and made smores. It was excellent, I had a wonderful time. Thank you O for inviting us and allowing me to just take over and play hostess.

On Tuesday after I got off work I had a surprising desire to go clothes shopping. This is unusual because normally I LOATH shopping for clothes for myself. I rarely ever buy anything for myself unless I need it for something specific.

I called Jack and told him I felt like shopping and he was like “GO! Go NOW! Buy all the clothes you want!”

He knows better than to discourage me if I am inclined to shop, since I may not feel in the mood for it again until 2009.

So I went to one of my favorite stores and literally tried on racks worth of clothing. I ended up leaving the store with two pairs of pants and 11 tops, for a mere $200.00 (I love sales!) And I felt FABULOUS! I am really pleased with everything that I bought.

That evening I had a date with K. We went to one of my absolute favorite restaurant, Open Sesame. It’s a fusion restaurant that features Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Indian dishes. They are most popular for their made-to-order stir-fry bar. Basically you order your meat selection, as well as rice or noodles, and they bring a you an empty bowl and direct you to the stir-fry bar. There you find a wide selection of vegetables, lentils, and sauces. You fill your bowl as high as you can manage and then leave it for the chefs who cook behind an open counter. You can wait and watch them cook it or return to your table and your stir-fry will be brought to your table.

The food was amazing and we had a great time. Even K, who is primarily a carnivorous creature, enjoyed the stir-fry. After dinner we went back to K’s for a couple of hours. By the time I headed home it was well after midnight.

LD and I have been e-mailing back and forth the past few days. Much to my disappointment he is not interested in having any sort of relationship with a married or otherwise involved woman. I understand and respect that, and while part of me has a sick desire to try and seduce him, I won’t indulge that since I think he would likely find it insulting. I shall have to be content being his friend and flirting shamelessly with him. Don’t worry, I’m not holding out any hope of changing his mind, although I would be most pleased if I managed it unintentionally.

This weekend we are going out of town so I won’t be blogging. I am sure I’ll have more exciting stories in the near future.

I want to wish Padme a great vacation and I hope to talk to you when you get back darling I’m thinking about you and I miss you terribly.

So many marvelous things have happened to me lately, I have scarcely had time to blog. I have been basking in the attention from a number of interesting people. I have been feeling fabulous.

Jack and I have been getting along better than ever, wiling away many an hour wrapped up together in bed talking and dreaming together. We feel so close and well connected to each other again. Really, it’s so good it feels like a dream.

Saturday night I had a late evening date with a beautiful woman. We spent several hours in a hot tub, in the company of an intriguing and very naked man. O and I had such a good visit, soaking in the water and discussing all manner of deep and also fluffy topics of conversation. The naked gentleman will now be referred to as LD (at his own request, I warned him that he would be blogged about). I admire someone who is so comfortable with himself, or else so crazy, that he can comfortably hang out in his birthday suit with a woman who he met only half an hour earlier.

He and I exchanged back rubs. It was sort of unusual to be so close to a naked man in a very non-sexual sort of way. I was sitting in front of him and he was gently rubbing my lower back when I felt his lips brush the skin between my shoulder blades. I did not discourage his attentions since I found him fascinating and wondered vaguely about his intentions, if he indeed had any.

Eventually the evening drew into the wee hours of the next day. O was tired and had a long day ahead of her. The hot water had lulled me into a tired and relaxed sort of trance. I dressed, gathered my things, gave LD two very good hugs, and then O and I started to head across the lawn to the gate. Just as we were about to exit LD asked if one of us could help him put the cover back on the tub. I set down my things and went back to assist him. We re-covered the tub and then he hugged me again, commenting that he really liked me and could just eat me up.

Then he paused and asked me if he could kiss me. I said yes. It was unexpected but definitely not unpleasant. I smiled to myself as I drove home in the dark. LD is nothing like the men I usually date. That in itself piques my interest. He is older, I guessed him to be mid-thirties, and have found out since then that sometime in the not-so-far-past he celebrated his 40th birthday. He is heavily involved in the theatre and well-known amongst the arts community in our city. I am sure that he has many interesting facets that are unknown to me, and which I would like to learn about no doubt. I am hopeful that he would want to go for coffee sometime, but I am too shy to ask him. Perhaps he will read this and indulge me.

The excitement of the long-weekend was far from over however. Yesterday I took K to IKEA to pick out a new bed for him. I threatened to never spend the night at his house again if he did not replace the two futon mattresses he was sleeping on which made me wake up feeling like I had been hit by a truck.

It was thrilling, we picked out a nice bed frame and a new mattress, then new bedding. I will admit that IKEA really does not have a lot of tasteful duvet covers. I was tempted to check out Linen N Things instead but K is less picky than I, and chose the “least ugly of the ugly” colors that they had to chose from. He thinks that he has better taste but actually I only suggested duvet similar to this [except in bright greens] because his room is small and I thought that the bright colors would make it feel less like a closet. Instead he ended up with a navy set with a square pattern. Then I tried to convince him to buy a sateen sheet set (NOT A SINGLE SHEET K, A WHOLE SET :P) for $80.00 [actually pretty reasonable in my opinion]. But nooooooooooooooooooooo we had to get the $12.00 sheet set, you might as well be sleeping in a burlap sack! And they will be covered with those wretched little ball thingys after one wash. Ah well, I can’t be too hard on him I sleep on 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets so I am heavily biased.

We got all the purchases through the till and I think K nearly choked. It was probably the second biggest purchase of his young life (the total came to just under $700.00). Clearly I need to teach him how to spend money. I was satisfied though, and we had great fun.

As we were leaving the store I let it slip that Jack had recently announced to me that all of our sexual restrictions were lifted. That came with a warning that if another rules was broken the next ‘break’ would be permanent. Not more screwing up, we used our last ‘get our of jail free card’.

We unloaded all the bed parts at K’s place but before we could get started putting it together we were tugging each others clothes off and gave his futon one last round It was intense and passionate…and sweaty. We both came, me first and him shortly there after. Months worth of sexual frustration finally unleashed. It was HAWT!

I then assembled the bed, as K said in his blog, I like to just put things together on my own so I did most of the work at my own insistence. No sooner did we get the mattress onto the frame and there was more frantic animal sex. We thoroughly tested the bed, several times I think it’s pretty sturdy. I am sure most of the block heard my screaming and moaning. We were slick with sweat and out of breath by the time we finished. I made the bed before I left and commented that I should take a picture of it like that since I am sure that I will never see it made again, LOL. I was in a hurry at IKEA so we ended up with a couple extra pieces that we didn’t need, so we’ll take those back whenever I see K again. There was also a couple of screws leftover, but I’ve put together three or four beds from IKEA and trust me, they aren’t vital

I left K’s feeling like things with him and I are heading in a more positive direction. Lately I have been impatient with him, sometimes provoking him on purpose just because of frustration. I think that I needed to remind myself that he loves me and would do anything for me, and all he needs is some time to adjust. He is entitled to that.

I stopped in at V’s on the way home and had a good chat with her. Hoping that her, DF, Jack, and I can go for dinner on the weekend coming up. A bit of a double date. I am also drafting a list of people that I really want to get together with in the near future.

I hope that everyone had a weekend as good as mine. Tomorrow is Hump Day so make sure you shag if possible

Posted by Tacit on LiveJournal, here. Re-posted with permission.

Nobody can “make” another person be special.

There is a fatal flaw in the course of action that you suggest. A person whose sense of specialness comes from outside himself, a person whose specialness comes from the things his partner does, can never be secure.

Any sense of specialness that comes from someone else is a sense of specialness that can be lost. If he relies on what she does in order to feel special, if his sense of specialness comes from her behavior and her actions, then he will lose that specialness if she changes her behavior. A thing that can be lost by someone else’s decision is not a thing that you can ever be completely secure in.

Real security comes from within. Real specialness comes from within. If I believe I am special because of what my partner does, then if my partner does not do those things any more then I won’t feel special any more. If I believe that I am special because in a world of six billion people I am unique and the experiences I offer my partner can never be replaced, then i can be secure in that specialness, because nobody can take it away from me.

I haven’t really been in the mood to blog at all lately. Not because I’ve been unhappy, quite the contrary I’ve had a fantastic week. Had a really fun night out on Monday with K, V, and a couple of other people. K hosts a weekly get together every Monday at this pub near his house. Basically all the people he knows are invited and whoever shows up, shows up. V and I went, I did NOT have any drinks because I’m on antibiotics, we played pool and had a good time. V and I lost a couple of times to K’s roommate and his friend, LOL.

Afterwards K and I had a long talk out in the parking lot and a homeless guy hit on me. It was funny. I felt that K and I had a really good chat and I think that whatever has been causing me to feel off or standoffish has passed because I was certainly feeling more affectionate, and K kept nibbling my neck *shivers*. Too bad we didn’t get a chance to be alone much, but hopefully very soon.

Last night I went out with H for a few hours very late in the evening. We grabbed coffee at Tim’s and then drove up to this park/viewing area that overlooks part of the city. We talked for a while, and then decided that we should find someplace that was open to get some sort of snack/dessert type item. Sadly we were pretty much totally out of luck because it was a little late and Calgary is notoriously pathetic for shutting down earlier than most residents would prefer. We settled on Denny’s and shared a piece of blueberry cheesecake. It was not great, nor terrible, but it was cheesecake.

Then I drove him home and we sat outside of his house in the car and he watched me squirm nervously. He enjoys that very much, I can tell. I don’t know why, but only in the moments when I am anticipating kissing him do I get nervous. It’s sort of unsettling in an amusing way. I could tell that he was going to force me to initiate any goodbye kissing that was to occur. I giggled and blushed and fidgeted while he smiled at me with amusement. Finally I just went for it and kissed him. There was tongue involved and a little hair pulling Tee Hee. It was the sort of kissing that leaves you a little tingly and breathless afterwards, and of course wondering what is in store for next time…

I headed home and went to bed. Today I have been having some rather risque chats with Padme as well as a few other internet friends of mine. It seems sexual arousal is in the air today. Hmmmmm, here’s hoping I will get lucky over the weekend!