I just wanted to cover a couple of blog-related additions/tweaks I’ve made around here lately

First, you may have noticed a couple of daily posts recently called “A Little Birdie Told You”.  These are daily digests of my Twitter updates.  Why bother having them post every day when they already appear in the sidebar you might wonder?  Well for one because the sidebar only displays the most recent three tweets, so if you aren’t checking the blog several times a day, chances are you’ll miss some.  For another, because I now have my Twitter synced up with my phone, which means I can update it while I am out and about, which will really be more exciting during events like Padme’s trip out here, my nights out at Goodhandy’s, or my drive across the country with V.  Basically, even when I can’t sit down and blog, I can still keep track of what I am doing every day, which should also reduce the number of hiatuses I take here at SD.

The Twitter digests have their own category in the sidebar, under Daily Microblogging

Another interesting feature of adding Twitter to my phone, is that people can send me text messages without me having to give them my cell number.  Basically if you have a Twitter account, simply post a message in your update that begins with @ShastaGibson and it will come straight to my phone, even if we don’t follow each other.  If you don’t have a Twitter account, now it a great time to get one!

There was also that Password Mailing Listpost a couple of days ago, which was basically an explanation of how this password protection system was going to work, and a sign up sheet for people who want access to those posts.  This is working out very well so far.  I’ve done a test run of it, to make sure that the passwords were working for people and that no one could see any of the other e-mail addresses on the incoming messages.  Rest assured that your private information will remain totally confidential, and that you won’t receive any mail from me that is not directly related to a posts on this blog.

I will be posting ‘reminders’ every month or so, for the benefit of new visitors, or readers who didn’t sign up the first time, and who change their mind later on.  If you have already commented to be added, please do not comment again on these future posts regarding the mailing list.  Once is enough :)  The list is already 40 people long, so it will be difficult for me to keep track of who is added and who is not, which means if you sign up twice, don’t complain if you get two e-mails from me that say the same thing, LOL.

I also respectfully request that you not share passwords I send to you with anyone else.  Your significant other is one thing, but I’d prefer that you not send it to friends.  If I discover that too many people are entering the password (Wordpress has internal stats on such things) I will shut down the mailing list and password posts will only be open to immediate, real life friends.  If there is a password post that you think your friends would like to read, encourage them to come and get on the list.  When I send out new passwords, I generally include ‘retro’ passwords as well, for people who may have missed out on them previously.

I think that’s about it for now :)  If you have any feedback you wanna share about the site, navigation, widgets, etc, please feel free to share!  I appreciate thoughts and ideas that might make the blog more functional and easier to use/enjoy.

*Steven Meretzky

Recently, a question arose that has us at odds with each other, and in an effort to perhaps gain perspectives that hadn’t occurred to me before, I’m putting it out there to my readers.

So here’s a basic overview of the situtation we can’t agree about:

Jack befriends girl.

Girl is dating a married man.

Married man’s wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl.  Girl obviously knows that wife doesn’t know and doesn’t seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her.

Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife.  Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him.

Girl casually expresses interest in Jack.

Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical.  Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships.  Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl.

Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn’t married herself, she really wasn’t doing anything wrong.  Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

Sorry if that was confusing, LOL.   It boils down to the fact that I personally feel you are just as responsible for an affair as the married person, if you knowingly participate in deception of that persons spouse.  I would never, ever date someone who I knew was married unless they could provide me with proof that their partner was ok with it.  Even if it’s just a brief conversation on the phone, or something of that nature.

Even though she perhaps didn’t directly participate in the lying, it seems to me that someone willing to get involved with someone under those conditions isn’t the most honest or trustworthy of people.  Yes, Jack and I are polyamorous, so is there any reason for him (or her) to lie?  Maybe, maybe not.  She could lie about all sorts of things, like her sexual history or her STI status.  I trust Jack completely, but he’s also only human, which means she could manipulate him or otherwise create a whole mess of trouble.

I also doubt I could handle getting to know her, or even meeting her.  I’ll admit, I’m judgemental, and suspicious, particularly when it comes to things like this.  I don’t want to be her friend, I don’t want to be in the same room as her, I don’t care how ‘nice’ she seems.

Jack feels that this is a little unreasonable on my part.  After all, I’ve broken the rules, and I’ve cheated (not when we were married mind you, since I took my initial vows of monogamy very, very seriously) so shouldn’t I try to be at least a little understanding?

Perhaps I should be, even though I think it would be seriously difficult to understand where she is coming from, especially since I don’t get the impression that she felt badly about what she was doing, or that he was cheating on his wife.  The only reason she dumped him is because she wanted him for herself, and he wouldn’t leave his wife.  That doesn’t inspire a lot of understanding in me, it just makes me think she’s a home-wrecking wench.

What do you guys think?  Should I cut the girl some slack and give Jack my blessing to at least have coffee with her?  Do you think I am right to be suspicious of her and her ability to be part of a responsible, ethical, non-monogamous relationship?  I’m curious to hear any thoughts my readers feel like sharing

Note: Often I don’t make the time to respond to comments, however, since I want to create discussion and dialog, I will be responding to every comment on this post and expanding on thoughts or answering questions.

Today I decided to crack open one box that I haven’t looked inside since I was a girl.  It collected dust at my mum’s place after I left home, and then for a couple years in our last basement, and finally today I opened it and looked inside.

The box contained a lot of trinkets and ornaments that I’d collected as a child, some of them more than 20 years old (which is a long time when you’re only 25).  I held each one for a moment before sorting it into a pile of ‘give away’ or ‘keep’.  I let go of many of them, reminding myself that getting rid of an object does not mean getting rid of the memories.

In a small tin box, amongst rocks and some notes from junior high school, I found a shard of broken glass.  Unextraordinary to most, but it elicited a strong emotional response from somewhere deep inside of me.  As I turned it over in my fingers I went back to a very painful time of my life, when cutting myself seemed to be the only outlet I had.  I recalled drawing this particular piece of broken glass over my skin, watching a line of blood well up in it’s wake, and the strange sense of relief that would wash over me.  Cutting was hard to let go of.  Even now, as completely absurd as this sounds, I remember how good it felt.  It took everything I had in me, for years after I put that piece of glass away in that box, not to mutilate myself again.

A picture of myself and my father, taken when I was 12 or 13 years old, forced me to stop and reflect for quite a long while.  It’s a photo from a time when he and I were still close, although that chapter was drawing to a close and in the years that followed, our relationship would become strained and distant, and then as of 4 years ago, completely non-existent.  For a moment I wanted nothing more in the world than to go back to those times, when he was my dad, and not a stranger.  I rarely ever feel any emotions towards or about that man anymore, but that photo made me wish I could talk to the girl I was then, to tell her to really appreciate the time she had left with him, because the days were numbered.

There was a considerable pause while I tried to decide if I should throw it away or keep it.  As much as I don’t miss him (as the person he is now, I miss the dad he was then) I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out.  I don’t hold out any hope that he and I will ever speak again, since I was the one who chose to burn that bridge at the bitter end, however a part of me still needs a reminder that he wasn’t always the miserable and toxic man he is now.  I don’t know that I’ll keep it forever, but it’s put aside for now.

Purging through old things is a difficult process, however, once it’s over, or I’ve managed to clean out yet another carton of memories, I always feel cleansed, and my soul feels lighter.  I often relate emotional ‘baggage’ to having a mental closet full of boxes, which you must open and face and then keep or discard.  Sometimes the physical boxes force you to drag out one of those boxes in your head and look inside it.  Often the memories held inside are happy and filled with joy, but I still have the odd one filled with angst and sadness.

Here’s to boxes, and cleaning out our closets, and taking a moment to remind and congratulate ourselves on how far we’ve made it.

There is also the fact that I really don’t always want everyone to know what I am writing about.  There are times when I want to be able to rant, or share senstive feelings about specific people that they have no business reading.

So, we’re going to do a test run of a password mailing list.  Some of you know about and have already joined the regular Stiletto Diaries mailing list, but I’m going to  create a separate one specifically for passwords.  The only time you will receive mail on this particular list, is after I’ve posted a pass-worded entry.

If I find this method becomes too difficult to manage or doesn’t work out as I had planned, I will look into alternative options.  For now, if you would like to have access to posts which I protect with passwords, please comment on this entry, using a valid e-mail address.  Adding a note about why you wish to be added is not necessary, but would be appreciated.  The e-mail addresses are not visible to anyone except for me, and I will be compiling them into a mailing list using my Stiletto Diaries Gmail account.  Messages will be sent out in blind carbon copy, to ensure the privacy of everyone is respected.

On a personal note, I realize that most of my real life friends are likely going to join this list.  If there comes a time when a pass-worded post has been put up and you do not receive a password, please do not take it personally.  It can be very difficult to blog at times, knowing that so many of my friends are reading, and if I feel that I need privacy from a specific person, I think it’s only fair that I be allowed to take that.  If you are feeling hurt or upset by it, please come and talk to me about it and I’m sure we can work it out

EDIT:  I’ll be re-posting this notice once a month or so, for the benefit of new readers.  If you’ve already signed up, you don’t need to comment on the future posts