Stiletto Diaries

I’m Not A Whore. I’m A Relationship Technician.

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Fuck The Pain Away

Happy CatDisappointment is a funny thing. You can only feel disappointed if you’ve set yourself up for such things through beliefs and expectations. I’m fond of saying that expectations are dumb, and are the fastest route to general unhappiness.

For the most part I make a very conscious effort to avoid expectations. I realize that sometimes it happens without a lot of thought, but really, I do my best not to have them.

Last night I somehow slipped, formed an expectation in the back of my mind, and as a result was thoroughly and completely disappointed.

I don’t feel like getting into details, but lets just say a last minute get together did not go at all like I had wanted it to. This wouldn’t have been so terrible had the result not been a bit of a blow to my ego.

Other than that, the weekend was brilliant. I got to have coffee with my friend Rob, who wrote that excellent book I reviewed some months ago. We swapped stories over lattes in Starbucks, discussing writing and relationships and the party I’ve mentioned here (which he will be attending, along with his lovely girlfriend).

We eventually had to bid each other a good day, since I had other commitments. It was a lovely way to start off Sunday at any rate.

Off to Miri’s house for diner lunch and coffee, followed by relationship discussion and much venting about males and how inconvenient they often are. We snuggled some, since she was nursing a hangover and I was nursing my slighted pride. It was good to have a girls bitch session and some fairly innocent cuddling :P

Around supper time I figured I’d better head home. I hadn’t slept well at all (I rarely do in unfamiliar places) and it was a long haul back to our house. Reluctantly I wished her a good evening and off I went. Thank god for Tim Horton’s and satellite radio.

Self-inflicted disappointments aside, it was a pretty alright weekend. My period is starting today, and I didn’t have ANY PMS, thanks to my regular working out and drinking lots of water. I’m going to keep on my gym schedule this week, and I have a waxing appointment on Saturday, which is always more painful around this time, but I can take it.

Blogging may be light for the next week or so. I bought paint for our house interior over the weekend, which means I will be spending a lot of my time scantily clad with a roller in my hand. I like to paint in my underwear. Perhaps I will grace you with photos.

February is almost over, which hopefully means spring is upon us. I’ve had enough of the snow. On to the nice weather!

Friday has finally arrived, and with it, the beginning of what I expect will be a very good weekend.

To get ourselves into a weekend kind of mood, Nia and I did a yoga class this morning, followed by a nice hot shower at the gym and about 15 minutes in the sauna together. Nia says she is bringing the towels next time though, since the ones I grabbed were hardly larger than a dishcloth and really offered no coverage, LOL. It was a stretch for me to sit down in the sauna totally nude and relax. I’m certainly not bashful in front of Nia, since she’s seen me naked plenty of times on web cam. However, there was another woman in there when we went in, and although I was feeling self-conscious, I made myself let it go.

The sauna was heavenly, and we left the gym feeling energised and refreshed (as opposed to dragging our sore and sweaty asses back to the vehicle like we usually do). It was an excellent way to kick off the weekend.

Earlier this week K booked his plane ticket out for April. It’s all very exciting, between him coming out, and the party that we’re having, I wish it was April already.

I’m going to be spending some more time in the kitchen this weekend, melting chocolate and pouring it into little penis shaped moulds. I’ve decided to get them all made now, well ahead of time, since I want to give a little bag full to each guest. Had I wanted to be really fancy, I could have made them with cream filling :P Tee Hee

Speaking of chocolate, Padme put up a photo today of the chocolate handcuffs I sent her for Valentine’s Day! I also want to congratulate her and Master Anakin on their 1,000th blog post, and thank them for the awesome gifts they sent me for Valentine’s Day as well. You can go check out the neato Webcam Porn Star pin which I have attached to my purse. Very, very cool! They also sent me a super awesome bumper sticker, which I can’t seem to locate on the store site just now.

Tonight I am hoping Jack and I can rent a movie and kick back with some drinks and snacks. It would be nice to relax and cuddle a bit. Maybe even test out the new toy that arrived on my doorstep yesterday :P

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

*David Brin

It feels like I’ve had a lot going on this week, until I actually stop and think about it, and then I start wondering, “What the hell have I been so busy with?”

Monday was a holiday here in Ontario; their first ever Family Day long weekend. Family Day is luxury I’d been accustomed to in Alberta for as long as I can remember. We went out for breakfast as a family, lounged about in the afternoon, and then went out for supper as well. It completely threw off my regular schedule however, and so today only feels like Tuesday, which means I feel behind in my week already. Not that I am complaining about the extra day with Jack :)

Nia and I have been hitting the gym four times a week now, which seems to eat up at least a couple of hours on those days. It feels so good to be working out again. I needed to get out of the house this evening, so I treated myself to a new yoga mat and some sexy workout gear. One can never have too many good sports bras or lycra booty shorts.

This weekend I have a couple of dates lined up. Sunday I am having coffee with a friend who I’ve mentioned here before, but who has not been assigned a name as of yet. I did photos for her one Saturday afternoon not long ago, and we’ve hit it off quite excellently. I shall call her Miri, which means ‘mine’ and you can read into that however you will *sly wink*.

Afterwards, I am getting together with Nelek, for coffee and more lascivious things. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I likely won’t be able to spend any time with him again until well into March. Thus, I am going to make the most of Sunday, as they say.

Today was spent indoors, tidying the house while I listened to episodes of Polyamory Weekly on my iPod. Nothing like being elbow-deep in dishwater while Minx purrs on about responsible non-monogamy. She may yet inspire me to try doing a podcast of my own.

Before I leave off for the evening and crawl into bed with Jack, I have a favour to ask! I need some dare suggestions for an adult party. I know I’ve asked for this before, but this time I need them to be short and easily applied to a group of people who don’t know each other well. We’re going to be writing them on slips of paper and giving one to each guest at random. We’ve got things like “Show some skin” and “Introduce yourself to an attractive stranger” but I need quite a few more. So, think about going to a sexy adult party where you might not know anyone all that well. What sorts of dares would you like to see people do? What would you be willing to do? Leave me some comments please :D

Some of you may have noticed that when my favourite holiday of the year rolled around, I did not post a list of resolutions or goals for 2008. That was intentional on my part, since I decided this year was going to be slightly different.

No more January promises that barely last into the third week of the New Year. No more lists of good intentions, forgotten as soon as the first moment of temptation, or laziness occurs.

This year I decided that when I was good and ready to make changes in my life, I would do it. I have the late-January guilt that always comes of breaking your promises to self. That was not the way I wanted to start off 2008.

When February 1st rolled around, I figured it was about time to start reorganizing a few things in my life. My priorities for one thing. I’ve been spending too much time online and not enough of it on maintaining order in my house and in my mind. Nia and I recently decided that since we are very similar when it comes to both mental and physical clutter, we would commit to meeting weekly to discuss our progress and encourage each other. This may sound ridiculous to some, but she and I are both procrastinating perfectionists who have a difficult time making improvements in specific areas of our lives. In meeting once a week we can create a certain amount of accountability, not to mention support and understanding.

I’m also renewing my commitment to take better care of my mental and physical health. Going back to the gym hasn’t been easy, but I know the payoff is going to be fantastic. Nia and I did a yoga class together today, and she has decided to join me on a regular basis, so that we can be gym buddies. This evening we sat down with the class schedule and picked out four classes per week that we are committing to participate in. This is going to be a wonderful thing because having a workout buddy, who you know is expecting you to show up, is an excellent motivator. I’m looking forward to becoming more toned and fit between now and summer time.

March will also be the month of home improvements. I have some projects lined up, which I know will bring a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. My home is going to be personalized and unique. New paint and some new furniture. Bright colors and better lighting. Jack will finally install his home theatre system, and a place to display his sport memorabilia. Having the time and the means to do it all is an exciting prospect, and despite the fact that it’s going to be a lot of hard work, I can hardly wait.

My trip back to Calgary has been booked for April, and I’m really looking forward to seeing my friends there again. V and I are discussing organizing a group get-together at a pub or something for one of the evenings I’m there, to save me having to run all over the city visiting a dozen different people. There is a short list of individuals whom I wish to spend a little one on one time with, but for the most part I really prefer group socialization.

We’re also planning a trip out to Ottawa some time in the next couple of months, which I think will be brilliant. I look forward to visiting the National Art Gallery and Parliament Hill.

On a more surprising note, K and I have been on better speaking terms as of late. He has changed some over the past year, to the point that I think we may be growing close as friends once again. We’ve been discussing him coming out for a visit, perhaps soon, so that I can show him around Toronto and the area. He’s never been outside of Alberta so it would be a wonderful opportunity for him to see another part of the country. As optimistic as I am, I shall also remain cautious because I know there were certainly wounds left in the wake of our relationship. There are times when he still rubs me the wrong way, but I’ve begun to realize that he’s making a genuine effort, and that needs to be encouraged and rewarded.

Life continues to become increasingly entertaining and enjoyable. I’m finding my happiness here in Ontario, making more friends, forming connections and partnerships in unexpected and wonderful places. The time of transition is smoothing out gradually, unfurling into a comfortable phase of both the familiar and the yet to be discovered. I’m creating and cultivating a certain amount of productive routine, punctuated with spontaneity and adventures. I’m now quite certain that moving here was the right decision, and that we will be content here.

With all difficult things, time is often the most necessary ingredient. That and patience, and perhaps a good bottle of wine.

i iz blogginz / leef I alonzeIt’s been a while since I felt the need to write and yet had NOTHING TO SAY. Generally in that situation I just do exactly what I am doing right now. I start typing and hope that the subsequent rambling makes sense.

Ok that’s all I’ve got for today.

Kidding, LOL, sort of.

Jack and the kids and I are all good as can be. On the weekend we lounged, rented Transformers, and went shopping. When we are out shopping with the kids, we have this game that we play. When we get to the vehicle, both Jack and I grab a kid and race to see who can get said kid buckled into their car seats the fastest, and then he and I race to see which one of us can get into our seats and buckle in the fastest. Usually he and I end up having to call a truce because we both end up in the front seat, biting and shoving each other in order to prevent the other person from getting their seat belt done up, while at the same time trying to do up our own belts. You have to see it to believe it, and we’re laughing madly the entire time and the kids think this is just THE GREATEST GAME EVAH! They squeal and giggle and carry on, just like us. Yup, a van full of kids is what it is. No adults here.

We also spent a fair amount of time in bed cuddling, and making love. It was heavenly. I adore being close to Jack, especially when we are both naked. I could just lay there, pressed against, him all day. I can’t ever get enough. Sometimes we will talk softly, while I rub his back and give him a scalp massage. Or we will giggle and laugh and goof around. Most often we just stroke each other and doze, half-conscious and yet reluctant to leave dreamland and the comfort of our soft, white sheets.

This is why mornings are my favorite time of the day people.

Sometimes it amazes me how deeply in love we still are. This month marks the 6 year anniversary of our engagement. We’ve been together almost 7 years and yet, I feel like I love him more and more each year that passes. I’m saving a bottle of Ice Cuvee for our celebration, and we have arranged sitting so that we can go for dinner some place more ‘grown up’ than Denny’s or Boston Pizza.

When I look at him, I can’t help but think “How lucky am I? I get to be married to the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. We get to be together FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Seriously. That’s exactly what goes through my head. I get so happy and excited about it I could pee my pants.

It’s like winning the lottery, becoming famous and adored world-wide, and winning the Nobel Prize, all rolled into one. Only, a million times better.

Hee Hee

In other news, I’ve been some what slacking on the healthy living front. My eating habits have been questionable, at best. Although, I have worked out a couple of times in the last few weeks. I need to make it a more regular occurrence. I’ve become friends with a personal trainer and a dietitian at the gym I go to and we are perhaps going to work out an arrangement where I provide babysitting services in exchange for workout/eating advice. Hooray!

Over the weekend I bought myself some new dread care stuff. I haven’t talked about my hair here in months, but I still totally adore my dreads. They are maturing nicely, and I’ve gotten quite a number of great compliments on them. These days I can wash them regularly (generally once every few days, just because having them wet all the time can cause them to smell like mildew) and I basically ignore them otherwise. That’s the best part of having dreads. I never have to do anything with them and they still look awesome. Most days I throw them up in a loose bun, or wear them down with a head band. The stuff I bought on the weekend is bar soap/shampoo that I found at a natural foods store. It’s fair trade, organic soap, made with hemp, coconut oil, palm oil, and other natural ingredients. I bought a bar of the lavender scented, and a bar of the tea tree scented soaps. I can’t wait to try them! They smell amazing, and I like that it’s natural, organic, and fair trade. Also I’ve become very fond of shampoo bars over liquid.

Hmmmmm, what other topics can I add to the hodge podge I’ve got going on here?

Still searching for a good esthetician out here. I went to one young woman so far. She was very sweet, charged a reasonable price, but didn’t do the sort of job I am accustomed to. There were hairs left behind, and she only went over the area once with wax, rather than twice like Selma used to. Also, she didn’t wax between the cheeks, which maybe sounds nasty, and I don’t have like a bush of ass hair, but it’s nice to be smooth all over. That way when someone has their mouth down there it doesn’t go from silky soft to suddenly slightly hairy. I think I’ll try somewhere else next time, which will be soon so I’d better get on that.

Nothing at all to report on the polyamory front. I’ve not had a date or even talked to anyone lately (since The SmartAss really). Jack barely has free time between work, me, and the kids so nothing going on there. We aren’t really thinking/talking about it much because there just isn’t anything to think/talk about. Life has a totally different focus for the time being. When that changes, I am sure you’ll know :)

Other than that…I’ve got nuthin. Basically just as happy as ever and generally enjoying life.

Tomorrow is Toy Lust Tuesday, so make sure to check back for a hot product review.

Get Off The Scale!Edit: You may have noticed the title change on this post. When I have posts sitting in draft, I generally assign them an arbitrary title until I post them. I put this one up so late last night that I forgot to insert the new title I wanted to use, LOL. Just wanted to avoid any confusion about it.

Most people here know that I am currently working at losing weight and getting fitter. Over the past three months I’ve dropped 20 pounds and I am feelin hotter than I have in ages. I wanted to share some of joy and success here with you.

Am I the thinnest or healthiest I’ve ever been? Hell no. Then again, 95% of what makes a woman sexy is confidence, the courage to be herself, and her attitude about HERSELF in general. Believe me ladies, no guy ever wants to listen to you gripe about your weight, your skin, your cellulite, or any other self image issue you have. As much as they might love you, the only person who can fix it is YOU!

I’ve not had an easy time losing the weight thus far. Jack is a notorious snacker, and my kids have to have access to a lot of things I can’t eat (no, not junk, but a lot of starches like corn, potatoes, and pasta) They need full-fat foods since they are still growing and very active, unlike their mum, LOL. That means I have food right in my face that I love but I can’t have. Guess what? I didn’t bitch and gripe about it, since it’s not THEIR fault their mother/wife has an issue with food. Why do you need to punish everyone around you just because you want to eat like a piggy? I don’t believe in that. I believe in being in control of my life and what I put in my mouth (don’t get pervy on me here).

The keys to success at weight loss are simple, at least the ones I use:

A) Put junk food into perspective. It was not designed to be eaten all the time. I still eat junk food, ice cream, chocolate, deep fried anything, etc and yet I still manage to lose weight. The trick is not to tell yourself that you can never eat those things again, it’s to tell yourself you can only eat them in moderation. If you have a chocolate habit, allow yourself one small piece of chocolate per day. The 80 or so calories will NOT kill you, or make you get fat. If you love fried food, once a week eat as much of it as you want in one sitting. Had a really crap day? Go ahead and have a piece of cheesecake or a fudge sundae. That’s my way of thinking. I don’t feel deprived, I know I can eat any old thing I want as long as I keep it in moderation! Let’s say I want to go out for dinner this week someplace I really love. I will set that meal up as my big splurge and eat really responsibly the rest of the week (both before and after). During that meal I give myself permission to have anything I want, without guilt, because I know I am making really healthy choices for all of the other 20 meals I had that week. I lose weight this way, and I don’t have to be obsessing over all the things I’m ‘not supposed to have’. Deprivation (either perceived or real) is the fastest way to fail.

B) I eat all the vegetables I want, whenever I want. I hate diets that try to restrict you down to very specific amounts of everything. Never restrict your veggies, eat as many as you possibly can, and eat them raw or cooked with little to no fat. I eat lots and lots of fresh cucumber, yellow and orange peppers, tomatoes, and greens. The only vegetables I restrict are corn, potatoes, and beans/legumes due to the high starch content. Otherwise I eat as much as I please.

C) Starches and carbs are not your enemy. They are vital to your survival. Go ahead and eat 1 or 2 starches per day, just make them Smart-Starches. Whole grain breads, whole wheat tortillas, garbanzo beans, black beans, corn, wild rice. All of those are great dietary options, and you can enjoy them without the guilt because they are good for you! Moderation remember, you don’t need to eat 5 servings a day. Repeat after me: Two Will Do. That is my motto on starches and carbs.

D) Protein is good. You need to have some with every meal. I eat three servings of lean protein a day. Cut back or cut out red meat and pork. Eat more fish and seafood. Chose white meat chicken, and start eating turkey! I really love buying turkey cutlets at the grocery store and grilling them. Or I cut them up and make a little stir fry with some bok choy and bamboo shoots. Yum!

E) Fresh fruit is awesome. Eat it, twice a day, and I make sure I’ve had both servings before supper time. Apples, peaches, grapes, you name it. If you really feel you can’t manage that, have some fruit juice. Make sure it’s 100% real juice though, made from concentrate is OK but fresh squeezed is better. Buy juice that has to be refrigerated, that’s your best bet to avoid preservatives and added junk. I often have a cup of juice in the morning with breakfast, especially if I am on the go.

F) Dairy is good, especially for your bones. I have two servings a day, optimally one for breakfast and one for lunch. I drink 1% milk, because skim is icky, and I buy light cheeses to add to wraps or other dishes. Although I don’t quibble too much over reduced fat dairy, since I don’t eat a ton of it and for the most part it’s the healthy kind of fats. No processed cheese!

G) To make it really simple, go out and buy yourself a plate that looks like this. For breakfast just imagine it’s divided into four and put one serving of each food group on it. For lunch I fill a small section with protein, the other with a starch and the remaining half with vegetables. For supper have a small section of protein and the rest should be veggies. That’s just how I work it but you can mix it up. Basically I try to stick to the formula that supper should be the lightest meal of the day, consisting of only veggies and protein.

H) Drink your WATER! I cannot stress this enough! I easily retain 5 or 6 pounds of water alone when I am not getting in 64 oz per day. If you have a hard time drinking water get some Crystal Light. I prefer to add lemon myself. Make a point if drinking at least 16 oz of water per meal, and then add in the other two whenever is most convenient. DRINK YOUR WATER!!!

I) Reward yourself, but not with food. I generally set up big rewards at regular intervals (lets say for every 10 or 20 pounds you lose). Treat yourself to a day at the spa, a new set of gel nails, having your hair done or colored, a night out, or whatever it is you have been wanting and felt you didn’t deserve. Clothes are also awesome, a new outfit to show of the awesome new body, or fun accessories to go with stuff you already have. Make it be just for you, spoil yourself a little. Avoid putting a tight time-frame on when you have to reach these goals. That way, if you don’t make it to the goal in time you don’t feel frustrated and disappointed with yourself, which will cause you to back-slide. Losing weight takes a LOT of time. Have some patience. I also like to reward myself for other healthy lifestyle changes. Say if you consistently go to the gym, three times a week, never missing a week or going less than three times. Reward yourself at the end of each month you do that. Get yourself a new purse, a book you’ve been wanting, or a coffee date with your best friend. Do something nice for you when you are sticking to your schedule!

J) Keep a food journal, or just a weight loss journal in general, or both! I write down every single thing I eat, every single day. This creates accountability, for me, your mileage may vary. I also track my water per day, and any extras I’ve had (like coffee or a treat). Having a written record will also help you identify areas you need to work on. Maybe you’re not getting enough fruit, or skipping meals, or having too many ‘treats’. Keeping a journal or blog to talk about your feelings or struggles you are having encourages success. You can also use it to write down rewards for yourself, short and long-term goals, and any other healthy living stuff you may want to remember. I also use mine for those great recipes you cut out of a magazine and may never look at again. There are lots of possibilities.

So, those are the 10 things I do in order to lose weight. I know it seems like a lot at first, but I wrote it all from having ingrained it into my lifestyle over the past three months. Eventually, you’ll just ‘know’ and you won’t have to be reading or focusing on your weight all the time. Hopefully I’ve inspired some of you! I know a number of my blog friends are working on weight issues right now so I wanted to post some help and encouragement for them.

Keep at it gals (and guys) because we’re all in this together. I’m pullin for ya! We can do it!

My excellent week is winding down to an end.

Fun was had, bizarre food was eaten, and as always there was much laughter (and nudity!).

I got to try shark fin, jelly fish, and soft shelled crab. I treated myself to a couple of pints of Keith’s and a pound of wings at Bob The Fish.

I got to spend time with many of my favorite people, such as the Vivacious V, LD, and X.

Unfortunately my date for the Transformers movie had to reschedule, so we are going next week.

Stampede is just around the corner!!! P and I both have our unlimited ride passes and we are ready to go :D I can’t wait, I just love the rides and finally I have a friend who doesn’t get motion sickness or nervous about heights! You can tell that it’s Stampede Week in CowTown. I saw six people on horseback drinking beer in front of a hitching post at a pub downtown. There are cowboy hats EVERYWHERE, and hay bales and false ’store fronts’ set up on nearly every street. Every window is painted with Western and Rodeo themes, and our city is over-run with tourists. It annoys many of us people who live here and get tired of the hype, but I have to admit, since it’ll probably be my last Stampede for a long time, I am getting into the spirit of it all. Sadly my cowgirl hat won’t fit over my dreads, LOL.

Jack and I are thinking of having dinner at The Steak Pit one more time before we move. We went there for our anniversary in January and mmmmmmmmmmmm, the food was expensive but SOOOOOO fantastic. I look forward to that.

My eating has not been as good as I would have liked (my own fault of course). However, on the days that I splurged I did work out, so hopefully that will balance out. I intend to get in some more exercise this weekend as well, in preparation for next week and Stampede food.

I hope that all of my sexy readers enjoy the fabulous weekend! If you’re in the Calgary area come on down and enjoy some of the Stampede!

Yee Haw Cow Girl!

Ok Gang,

Here’s your warning, this post is not going to be sexy or funny. It’s going to be about weight loss and my struggle with body issues. If you aren’t interested in that, wait a day or two and I’ll likely have something more enticing to you. For the rest of you, here we go:

I haven’t always been a ‘chubby’ girl. In fact during my brief stint in college I was quite lean. I could wear pretty much anything I wanted, even low-rise jeans and there was no muffin-top©*. I owned a lot of those cute little t-shirts and tank tops and even a pair of leather pants which I looked hot in :P

Possibly that was the only phase of my life that I didn’t have body issues.

Early on I learned that if you’re upset, eating helps you feel better. If I was distressed over something my mom was right there with the food. Actually a lot of our family interaction centered around food and eating. Big meals, everything cooked in butter (my mom and grandma actually gave me hell for not feeding my kids more butter!?!??!?) or dripping in cream sauce or batter. My grandma loves to bake. Even to this day if she is having guests she makes pies, and not the kind where the filling comes from a can. I mean honest-to-god homemade pies from scratch!

In inherited the love of cooking, baking, and eating. I was cursed with a normal metabolism that would happily keep me within the healthy weight range if only I wasn’t drowning it in chocolate and potato chips. It couldn’t keep up with all that rich food and in junior high (at the WORST possible age to be fat) I was a plump little dumpling.

When I started playing sports in high school it all got back under control. I dropped a load of body fat and replaced it with lean muscle. I was under the acceptable average for body fat percentage in women my age/weight/height. It continued into college, like I said earlier I could shop where I wanted and no muffin-top©.

And then it happened. I got a car and a job and started eating out, all the TIME! I stopped walking everywhere as I had been doing, and I started driving. Oh the joys of drive-thru grease grenades at all hours of the day.

I put on over 30 pounds in seven months. I Was Fat.

At the end of that seven months on the road to Bulge Belly, I became pregnant with my son.

Oh joy of joys! Now I had an excuse to eat anything I wanted!!! Well not everything, I actually kept it within reason and gained exactly the recommended amount of weight. I had the most healthy and text-book pregnancy ever.

After my son was born I dropped all the baby weigh in two weeks and was back down to pre-pregnancy fatness. What will be referred to from now on as Virgin Fat© (meaning the original weight I was before I got pregnant and had kids and all the stuff that caused me to get even bigger!).

That did not last for long as I slipped into Post-Partum Depression and began trying to eat my way to happiness. This did not work. I just became more negative and miserable. I went on anti-depressants which helped with the mood swings and made me more tolerable.

After a year and some of that, which was awful, I became pregnant with my daughter. I lost weight with her at first, as I was eating healthy and she was content to use up all that stored fat I had been saving up for her (how generous of me). Again I stayed well within the normal weight gain and again I dropped down to pre-pregnancy weight right away after she was born. Sadly pre-pregnancy weight was still 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant with my son.

However, it was like her conception flipped a switch in me and I was happy and myself again. Even though I was still heavy and disliked my body, I had a great attitude, was no longer depressed, and didn’t need the medication. This has continued since then. Sure I have my moments, we all do, but they are not constant and not as severe.

Once I finished breast feeding I kicked myself in the butt and started eating right and working out. I got down to Virgin Fat© for the first time in three years and I felt great!

Sadly, something happened that shook my conviction and I was distracted by life and slid back into old habits. I started gaining weight back, a little at a time, until I reached an all-time high just over a month ago and I knew something had to be done.

Here I am now, 11 pounds lost and feeling really really awesome about the changes I am making for myself. I believe that the key is finally being at a place in my life where I finally matter enough to myself that I am succeeding with my goals and decisions.

Thank you to those of you who took the time to read this. I’ll keep you updated on my progress as needed!

*Muffin-Top© refers to the excess skin/fat/rolls that hang over the top of ones pants. This would indicate that the pants are TOO SMALL.

I <3 My New Bag!I lost 6 pounds last week! Hoorah for me :D As a little reward I treated myself to some shopping this afternoon. I picked up a really cool messenger bag at Sunridge Mall in the Bentley store. I am addicted to that place! Purses and luggage are a slight weakness of mine, LOL. I haven’t bought myself a new bag in ages, and since I have done so well on my weight loss, I figured why not. I also thought with all the time I am going to spending on airplanes in the future, it would be nice to have a medium sized carry-on bag for books, music, my journal, and such.

I also picked up a couple of super cute baby-doll type strapless tops. They look adorable with jeans and flip flops. If you have no idea what I am talking about, picture this minus the straps.

A really good looking guy stopped me to admire my tattoo and inquire as to where I got it done. I gave him the name of the shop and my tattooist and he wrote it down in his phone. Apparently he recently moved here from Edmonton and is looking for a good artist. He showed me an existing tattoo which he feels was poorly done and he doesn’t want to make that mistake again. I was happy to show off my fabulous art and to refer him to the place that I went. He seemed quite pleased, I hope he goes to her, she’s fabulous.

The kids enjoyed the impromptu shopping trip as well. It was raining hard here today so they couldn’t play outside anyway. I got them each a little treat at Tim Horton’s on the way home since they behaved very well.

This week is shaping up to be quite wonderful. I have a number of yard projects to do around here, and several reviews to post. I hope everyone is having a great Monday! I know I certainly am.

Mmmmmmmmmmm Pussy!I don’t know about the rest of you, but I had an excellent weekend!

Friday night P and I went to the store now known as Little Shop Of Sins (formerly Adam N Eve’s) and browsed around. Basically nothing has changed except the name apparently. We looked at all manner of cute clothing in lace, latex, pleather, leather, and lord knows what else! There were lots of amazing shoes and boots to lust over, and naturally a selection of sex toys (several of which I already own!) to browse. It was a good time, and I don’t think P felt too uncomfortable despite it being only her second time in an adult store.

After that we made our way over to the Vicious Circle. She had her first martini and we enjoyed a fabulous dinner on the patio, enjoying the nice weather.

We finished off the evening at Wolfman’s Pub in Marda Loop, where we enjoyed a couple of gin and 7’s while listening to the live band playing. They were actually very good, Big Yellow Van was the name and the singer really impressed us both. The guitarist was a hottie, and the bar seemed to be unusually full of good-looking men.

Saturday Jack and I took the kids out for a day of quality family time. We had a total blast, the kids loved all the activities we did and all the stuff we saw. They are still talking about it. Jack and I enjoyed ourselves a great deal, it was one of the best days I’ve ever had.

Saturday evening I went in to get my tattoo finished. It only took another hour for her to get the shading done, although it didn’t seem that long. My tattoo is…beautiful, gorgeous, detailed, magnificent, and so much more than I could have ever hoped for. I wish I could show you pictures, but alas it’s a one-of-a-kind and I run around with it in full view most of the time so I can’t risk it. I am so totally in love with it, and I’ve already received a number of compliments on it. I think in the future I will be tempted to fly back here just to get the rest of my tattoos done by the same artist.

V picked me up from my tattoo appointment and then joined us for supper. We had a great visit before she had to head home. Jack went out for a couple of hours with a good friend of his and then came home around 12:30am and we cuddled in bed and went to sleep.

Today has been relatively low key. I have been devoting a lot of time and energy to my weight loss and the weight loss blog. I am quite proud of it, and of myself. I’ve stuck to my goals and plan perfectly this week and I am looking forward to the official weigh-in tomorrow morning.

Life just feels wonderful at the moment. Everything is just falling into place and I am incredibly happy. I can’t wait to move out to Ontario and get settled there.

So many new things happening that sometimes it’s hard to believe.

*Title courtesy of my junk mail folder