Dear Jack
Posted on March 22nd, 2011 in Featured, Mating And Relating
I hope you never have to know what it feels like to be in my shoes.
I hope you never think that your kids would be better off with someone else, someone who can give them the best of everything, because you failed them. Because you failed yourself.
I hope you never have to hear your parents tell you how ashamed they are of you. Or what a disappointment you’ve become.
I hope you never have to feel as scared and alone and hopeless as I have.
I hope you really appreciate your good job and having a great education. It’s no small accomplishment earning a degree and amassing 15 years of experience in your field. I don’t have either of those things and it makes life more difficult than you can imagine.
I hope you never have to struggle to find a decent job.
I hope you never have to give up everything in order to support someone else’s dreams and goals.
I hope you never lose your way.
I hope that you never have to chose between buying something that you really need or spending that money on something fun for your kids.
I hope that you can always afford to take them on trips, to the movies, and out for meals.
I hope you never have to worry about how you will keep a roof over your kids heads.
I hope you never have to wonder how you are going to afford groceries AND gas for the week.
I hope you continue to be successful.
Most of all, I hope that you find some happiness again.
on 
March 22nd, 2011 at 2:27 pm
One advantage of marriage (at least in the U.S.) is that divorce offers an orderly (and hopefully fair) way of compensating you for the loss of earning potential from when you were supporting your household rather than being out in the workplace accumulating experience. But I don’t know how similar Canada is in this regard.
(This is one of the reasons why the U.S. denying same-sex marriage sucks so much.)
Good luck!
Reply To The Above Comment
shadowL
reply on March 22nd, 2011 3:18 pm:
really?
didnt happen in MY divorce.
I got PUNISHED by the courts for trying to go to college AND be a single parent AND work full time. My EX gets to claim BOTH kids as dependants on his taxes every year.
In a divorce where the woman has been a caregiver instead of wage earner, a woman will have a 75% loss of quality of life where a man in that same marriage will take a 35% increase.
nothing about divorce is a benefit to women.
Reply To The Above Comment
literalman
reply on March 22nd, 2011 5:56 pm:
All the more reason that Shasta needs a good lawyer. In my state, the person with the money (e.g. Jack) would have to pay for most of the lawyer.
Reply To The Above Comment
March 22nd, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Shasta (((((hug))))
I could cut and paste this exact message to my ex as well.
I’m right there with you. I am still unemployed (since mid feb) living on foodstamps, struggling to give my kids a childhood.
it is coming up on 6 years for me and its not getting any better.
Reply To The Above Comment
March 22nd, 2011 at 3:30 pm
oh, i so don’t understand.
i have been following you (and Jack and Aiden) through your blog, twitter etc
i’m really saddened, but truly don’t understand what happened in this seemingly happy triad.
Reply To The Above Comment
March 22nd, 2011 at 11:33 pm
While the end of the relationship hasn’t surprised me (and no, it hasn’t) – the theatrics between both partners isn’t hard to imagine. Both sides need some distance from each other, and before they throw their money at lawyers should petition the courts to intervene. Money has little to do with custody, and usually the courts will make the right choices on the children’s behalf. In this case, however, I completely pity the children being in the middle of your personal drama fests – they deserve better. Grow up and get this to court – both of you!
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