I’m one lucky girl

On Saturday morning around 6 am I reluctantly extracted myself from the warm cocoon of my mummy sleeping bag, in order to, um, answer the call of nature as it were. The first indication that it was going to be a rough start to our second day was the fact that the ground was covered in half an inch of frost, and ice crystals (the result of frozen condensation) fell on my head as I unzipped the fly of our tent.

Fantastic.

As our boots (and really most of the clothing we’d worn the day before) had been soaked, we had left them outside of the tent. That was something of an unfortunate mistake, as the temperature had dipped to around -8°C overnight and my boots were now frozen solid. Literally. I couldn’t have gotten my feet into them if I’d wanted to (which I didn’t really want to, seeing as they had become blocks of ice).

So, that meant sprinting bare-foot for about 50 feet (mostly uphill) on the frosty ground in order to use the privy. At least the view from the toilet was excellent:

Click on any of the following to view full-size

By the time I dove back into the tent, I could no longer feel my toes.

“Maybe I’ll wait a bit longer to get up” Aiden remarked, while he watched me scramble to get socks on and wriggle back into my sleeping bag.

“You know who comes up to the mountains this late in the season?” I said, rubbing my feet in an effort to jump-start the circulation again “CRAZY PEOPLE! That’s who.”

The view from our tent somehow justified all of the cold and craziness:

We fell back asleep until somewhere around 9 am, Aiden could hold it no longer and had to go outside.

“GAH! The ground is still frozen!”

Indeed. Apparently I had failed to mention that it doesn’t really get decently warm up there until nearly noon. Meaning it would be a while longer before the ground or our boots were bearable.

We didn’t leave the tent again until around 11 am or so. By that time the sun had managed to rise over the eastern side of the ridge and melt the ice from our tent, and from the ground and foliage that it touched. We elected to stay in our pajamas, since they were as warm as anything else we had, and changing out of them meant exposing our skin to the chilly air, which was not the most appealing prospect.

Fortunately we were in good humor, and the day looked to be mostly sunny. Aiden packed our boots off and put them in a sunny spot, and we draped everything else in the most well-lit areas we could find and hoped that things would dry before the weather changed.

The lake was even more magnificent in the sunshine than it had been the night before.

The first order of business was coffee, and then a breakfast of logan bread and jam. The cooking area and fire pit are located a good distance from the tenting sites, in order to (hopefully) prevent bears from eating campers while they sleep, heh.

It was kind of wonderful and strange being the only two people out there, and knowing that civilization was so far away. I didn’t have cell phone service (although my phone does allow for emergency calls out there) and there were no other campers for at least 9 km in any direction. It was totally and completely peaceful.

After breakfast we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon basking in the sunshine and wandering across the logs in the lake. We even saw a couple of fish swimming along slowly in the shallows. That was really amazing (unfortunately no photos).

Having dealt with wet wood the night before while trying to start a fire, Aiden thought it would be a good idea to collect now-dry deadfall for burning that evening. The clouds overhead warned that there might be more precipitation, so while we still had sunshine, we trekked off along the lakeshore to forage.

We gathered as much as we could carry, and then stacked the wood in the driest spot we could find and then collected a little more until we were satisfied that we had enough for that night (and a little extra, because Aiden thought it would be polite to leave some for the next people who came).

Then we re-filled our Platypus bags and walked along the waters edge for a while, just when it began to hail. We ducked under some trees to watch for a while. It’s difficult to really capture it in photos, but the apparent “haze” in the following pictures is actually hail.

Fortunately it didn’t last long, and shortly after it quit, I heard someone shout in the distance.

The woman who had issued us our wilderness passes on Thursday had mentioned that another party was booked to arrive at our site that day, and sure enough, it was them. Two older men, an older woman, and a boy who was around 20. The men and then woman were all siblings and the boy was the son of one of the men. They were a jovial group, and had come up to the lake to do a little fishing.

Shortly after they arrived and began to set up camp, it started to rain, and so Aiden and I retreated to our tent and snacked on chocolate-covered coffee beans, beef jerky, and trail mix while we waited for the clouds to blow over.

When the sky cleared up a little the men went off to fish, just as Aiden and I were crawling out of our tent. We chatted with them briefly, and told them to let us know if they caught any fish that they didn’t want. I was wishing that I’d brought tinfoil or some other means of cooking said fish because they caught three of them that evening, but I couldn’t be bothered to muck around with cleaning and somehow cooking the damned things, so they went back into the lake.

We all ate dinner, and sat around the fire talking and laughing. They were thrilled that we had gone to the trouble of collecting firewood, and it was rather nice to be warm and dry before bed for a change. It was a great time. They are all avid hikers and regaled us with stories of The West Coast Trail (I think we might try it ourselves next summer) and visiting Lake Luellen in their youth. We learned a lot of useful things by listening to them.

Somewhere around 10 pm we reluctantly headed to bed, as we wanted to get an early start in the morning. We had 18 km to hike out the next day and although it was going to be mostly downhill, we wanted to allow ourselves plenty of time to make it out.

So the long-awaited and much-anticipated hiking trip went off with only minor glitches.  Namely, Jack became too ill to join us, and so it was just Aiden and I, and 36 km of heavily wooded trail.  Oh, and a grizzly bear.

We pulled into the trailhead parking lot after purchasing out wilderness passes in Banff.  Basically you pay a very reasonable fee to use the backcountry camping sites (it’s about $10/night/person) so that the trails and sites can remain maintained.  We decided to sleep in the back of the van, rather than unpacking all of our carefully organized gear at a campsite.  It was cramped, and sort of chilly, and I am pretty sure I only slept in sporadic spurts, adding up to no more than four hours in total.

Friday morning came very early.  We boiled some water for oatmeal in a bag (I’d packed instant oatmeal, pecan bits, and dried cranberries in heavy duty ziplock bags, which you then add boiling water to, stir, seal, and let sit for five minutes) and instant coffee.  A local construction worker drove past us, poked his head out of his truck window, and with a chuckle shouted “I like your kitchen”.

I’m sure we looked pretty funny with our tiny backpackers stove in the middle of the parking spot next to us, decked out in our rain gear and toques.  It was already drizzling and the forecast was abysmal, and Jack didn’t feel up to hoisting on his 50 lb backpack, so he reluctantly bowed out of the expedition.  So with somewhat reserved optimism, Aiden and I set out on the first leg of the hike, which was a 2.7 km stretch of catwalks and paved trail that led past a series of waterfalls.  We hit the trail at 8:30 am.

Click on any of the following to view full-size

After the paved portion of the trail came to an end, the uphill climbing became considerable.  The next goal was the ink pots, which were another 3.2 km in, and during most of that distance we were gaining elevation.  It was somewhere around 10:30 am when we arrived at the ink pots, and we were making good time (around 6 km in two hours).  Unfortunately it began raining quite hard, and we had to pause at the far end of the meadow to put on our rain gear.

As you can see, the clouds were pretty low, and we were getting progressively closer to the snow line.  At that point we were at 1645 m of elevation (or 5,397 feet) which means that we had gained around 700ft of elevation.  For every 1000ft of elevation gained, the air temperature drops approximately 6.5°C and it certainly felt like it.

After making our way through the valley, we continued upwards, although it wasn’t as steep.  We planned to break for lunch at the first set of backcountry camping spots, commonly known as “Larry’s Camp” which was roughly the half-way point of the hike (around 8.5 km in from the trailhead).  We made it there around 11:30 am, which was right on schedule.

We selected a spot and settled in for a rather chilly lunch.  We boiled water and ate freeze-dried hiking rations, followed by hot chocolate and changing our socks, which had been soaked through for some time.  It was cold and we were both tired and damp, but Aiden was determined to make it to Lake Luellen and who was I to argue?  We broke camp around 1 pm and hit the trail.

The next 4 km were relatively easy to navigate, and only took us an hour and a half to complete.  The climbing was gradual, and we were in better spirits, having warmed up due to moving around again.  A warden’s cabin indicated that we were just about 3/4 of the way through our journey, and we stopped for a bathroom break and to soak up a bit of the sun, which was shining intermittently.  The scenery we encountered was breathtaking.  Photos really do not do it justice.

Shortly after we left the warden’s cabin, somewhere around 2:45 pm, Aiden shouted from in front of me “What the fuck is that?!?!  I almost stepped on it!!!” and when I peeked around his gigantic backpack, on the trail in front of us was a mother grouse with several chicks.  Apparently he’d nearly squashed the poor thing while she had been foraging on the trail, because they didn’t seem the least bit bothered by our presence, nor in any particular hurry to get out of the way.

Grouse are delicious, by the way, but these ones were safe, as hunting is not permitted in the park.

Not long after we passed the grouse, I heard something to the left of the trail, making quite the racket.  After a moment of searching the forest, which was not particularly dense, I spotted something climbing a tree.  Initially I thought it might be a porcupine, but it was rather large.  A longer look resulted in the discovery that it was, in fact, a grizzly bear.  We must have startled it, because it shimmied up the tree, decided that it still didn’t feel particularly safe, scooted down the tree, and ran for it’s life.  It was still a cub, likely born sometime in March, and still under the care of it’s mother, so we didn’t bother to linger very long.  Neither of has opted to carry bear spray, and I didn’t fancy having an encounter with his parental unit.

The trail began to climb more steeply, and the hail began to fall on the already-muddy maze of rocks and tree roots we were navigating.  The next 2.5 hours were some of the longest of my life.  We pushed on, at times I was certain I couldn’t move another step, but Aiden encouraged me, and we took quite a few breaks along the way.  It was incredibly challenging, and there were moments when I wanted to just lay down and die, but we eventually made it to the junction where the trail breaks off to the lake, or continues on to Badger Pass and then some.

There was only 1 km left to go, but it turned out to be almost completely uphill, and very, very steep.  Aiden and I looked at each other and sighed.  We were both exhausted, but we dug deep and trudged up the trail, slowly, but steadily.  I can’t begin to describe to you how difficult and discouraging it all was.  We were both ready to cry when finally the trail turned a bend, and over the crest of the hill, we saw the blue-green depths of Lake Luellen.  That last km took us 45 minutes.  From beginning to end we’d gained a total of 2,200 ft of elevation.  The air was thinner, and the temperature was significantly lower, but we were happy to be there none the less.

The hike in took us 9.5 hours in all, which includes the 2.5 hours worth of breaks we took, so 7 hours of actual hiking.

We were soaked and cold and more exhausted than we’d ever been before in our lives, but we pitched our tent, and got a rather small fire going.  The lake was a smooth as glass, save for a pair of loons, which were gliding over the surface.  They came close to the shore to check us out, before resuming their business of diving for food.

I cooked poached eggs for supper, which we ate with logan bread by the fire.  The lake is not very far below the snow line, which means it gets bloody cold in the evening.  We didn’t linger long outdoors when it began to get dark, especially when dry clothes and our sleeping bags were waiting.

Stay tuned for tales from our second day in the mountains…

We are taking 10 meals worth of freeze-dried fare, in addition to dried fruit, trail mix, couscous, beef jerky, oatmeal, fresh eggs, and Logan’s bread.

Logan bread (named for Mount Logan, the highest peak in Canada) is a dense, calorie-packed bread that lasts for up to a week in your backpack.  It was developed by climbers before the age of power bars and pre-packed hiking food.  There are plenty of variations to the recipe (I myself modified ours to taste) but the end result is always a durable and highly nutritious bread that will sustain you during long treks.

I loved that this recipe is all made in one-bowl, and is extremely easy to throw together the night before you depart on your adventure.  Baking does take two hours, and be certain to allow time for the loaves to cool completely.

Logan Bread

(Recipe courtesy of The Canadian Hiker’s & Backpacker’s Handbook, by Ben Gadd)
*Adaptations I’ve made are added in [ ]

3½ cups whole wheat flour [or 3 cups whole wheat flour and ½ cup wheat germ]
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon (optional)
1/3 cup dried milk powder
1/3 cup molasses
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup honey
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup sunflower seeds [or 1/3 cup flax seeds]
1/3 cup sesame seeds
1 cup (more or less, depending on consistency) water

Grease two standard loaf pans [or one cookie sheet, if you wish to form you own loaves] and preheat oven to 300° F.

Mix everything together in order listed. Knead by hand until it is thoroughly mixed (and holds together).

Divide into loaf pans [or divide equally into four portions and roll into slightly flattened, round loaves] and bake for at least one hour (or until it feels firm when you push on the top with a finger). Then lower the heat to 200° F and dry loaf for an additional hour [or 45 minutes if you made smaller loaves].

Allow to cool completely before wrapping tightly in two layers of plastic wrap, and a ziplock bag. Freeze any loaves you won’t be taking with you.

Keeps for at least one week.

They turned out really well, and are tastier than I anticipated. I doubled the recipe so that we would have eight loaves, six for the trip and two to taste-test. They are a bit on the heavy side, but well worth the weight in the pack I think.

Dropping the kids off with my mum this afternoon, and so I’d better get a move on.  Keep an eye on my Twitter and TwitPic accounts if you are curious about how our backpacking adventure is progressing.

445. Walk on the beach under the moonlight with someone I love

We hiked every day, completing around 12 kms (or 7.5 miles) worth of trails by the end of our trip.  The hiking grill and firebowl I bought some months back worked out extremely well.  We found remote rocks, right on the water, where we could cook our meal and enjoy a beer, without another soul in sight.  I wish I had known about Killbear months ago, as I am certain that Jack and the kids would have had a ball there with us.  It would have been lovely to have all gone together.

Over the course of the weekend we took over 400 photos, and on Monday I compiled the 200 best ones into a DVD slide-show set to music that we listed to during the trip.  Out of those 200, I’ve selected some of my favorites to include in this post, enjoy!

Sometimes I forget I took them, or they get tucked into a folder, never to be seen or heard from again.

For instance, my good friends Anakin and padme sent me this excellent mug some time ago, from their store Darkside Digital Arts.  I love this mug, for obvious reasons, and I’ve been meaning to put it up here for ages, as one of my Favorite Things.

I think that this next photo speaks for itself.  And I mean, really, who DOESN’T love cuties?

It wouldn’t be a proper Thursday without a little skin, so I’ll just slip this in here if you don’t mind.

Very recently I received a lovely surprise when Aiden brought me flowers for no reason at all. Or maybe they were to thank me for doing his laundry. Who really knows.

Finally, this morning I woke up in a bad mood, and do you know what cures crankiness? Tedious tasks preformed with pliers. This charm bracelet took me about 20 minutes to make, and now all it needs are charms.

I actually did feel a little better by the time it was finished. The coffee probably helped too.

On Friday night Aiden went and picked up our friend, Dex, and the three of us went to see How To Train Your Dragon.  It was a SUPER cute movie, and we all really enjoyed it.  Jack and P took the kids to see it during her visit last month, and they kept telling us how fantastic it was, even for adults.

Saturday was comprised of cleaning out the garage and packing up boxes.  Not the most fun job ever, but Aiden and Dex pitched in while Jack occupied the children and worked on things in the house.  It was nice to make some progress anyway.  After cleaning up Jack wanted to take Dex out for dinner to celebrate his recent birthday, and so the six of us went for sushi at our favorite Japanese restaurant.  The food, as always, was delicious.

After dinner Aiden took Dex home while Jack and I watched part of a movie on TV and then went to bed early.

Sunday was Luke’s first communion, after which Aiden and I took the kids to meet his family for the first time.  I was anxious over the entire affair, but the kiddos were exceptionally well-behaved, and didn’t say anything awkward.  Aiden’s mother seemed thrilled to have them, and they got to meet his siblings and grandparents as well.  Everyone complimented me on how cute and well-behaved they were.  It went better than I expected, and I’ve had to promise that I would bring them back again.

The rugrats fell asleep in the back seat on the way home while Aiden and I talked about the impending move and how poorly I have been dealing with the stress of it all.  Jack remarked recently that he has been concerned about how sad I’ve seemed lately, and the only explanation I can come up with is anxiety over everything we need to get done before July gets here.  I haven’t been sleeping enough either, which negatively impacts my ability to deal with anything.  It’s getting pretty bad.  I feel like if I am not fighting with one of the guys, I am fighting with the other.  The kids grind my nerves much easier than usual.  I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed.  The first day I began packing, I literally stood there with an empty box and was at a loss for where to begin.  Just looking around made me tired.

I am glad that after pacing around a little, I just opened a drawer and began purging and sorting.  It seems as though it got the ball rolling, and I feel like I have more direction and a better game plan now.  Working on the garage helped, because we made a VISIBLE dent, which adds to the good feelings of accomplishment.  It’s difficult to get really excited about having done something when you can’t even tell that there was a lot of hard work poured into it.

I feel badly that the guys have been suffering through the brunt of my crazies.  I know I haven’t been easy to live with.  I am going to work on keeping my emotions in check, and taking better care of myself, because both of those things have been seriously lacking.  We only have 65 more days until the new house is ours, and I would rather have 65 days of hard work and pulling together as a family than 65 days of ripping peoples heads off at the slightest provocation.  I don’t like myself when I get like this, which only adds to the aggravation and frustration I feel.

Hopefully I can make it up to them, and remain extra-conscious of my emotional state over the next two months.  For now I am off to fill some more boxes.  Every time I tape one shut and add it to the growing stack, I feel a little bit better about everything

Friday was sort of chaotic, due to the fact that last week was kind of rough and I completely neglected my normal routine of packing and preparing everything WELL in advance.  Aiden and I were both finishing up costuming on Friday morning, and then there was a mad dash to load everything and get out of here on time.

My costume is comprised of a really big brown cloak, which I made myself, brown or black draw-string pants, and whatever combination of tank top/t-shirt/long-sleeved sweater I can arrange.  Aiden and I are now both playing the same race (Darklings) which requires any visible skin to be painted black, and then yellow or gold veins are to be painted on top of the black.

Here is a photo of us from the event we just attended (I would be the shorter one with the shield):

The strange protrusion on the one side of my cloak is my sword.

At one point over the weekend Aiden and I went into a local Wal-Mart, in full costume, because I needed drier footwear.  You should have seem the looks we got, particularly from little kids, who seemed to be either afraid or in total awe.  It was funny.  Oddly enough, people don’t often seem to stop us to ask questions about why we are dressed up.

It was really fantastic getting away for a weekend and totally escaping from real life.  I didn’t have to answer any phone calls, check any e-mail, and I even turned Twitter off on my cell phone, so that I wouldn’t have to plow though dozens of updates the two times I day I bothered to check it.  I still carried it with me, in case Jack had an emergency, but I forgot it was even with me most of the time.

Friday night was a lot of fun.  We went adventuring with out friend Dex, and built a fire, and met some new people.  Aiden and I are playing a married couple in game now.  A very unhappily married couple I might add, so there was a lot of fun role play fighting and cursing at each other.

We turned in at around 4am and it was damned cold.  Fortunately it warmed up in the morning, and we were up by 10am to start the day.  Darklings are damaged by the sun, so there was a lot of wandering around with our hoods up.  We ended up adventuring a lot of the day with Aiden’s ex-girlfriend, which was unexpected, but actually a lot of fun.  I am glad that she and Aiden seem to have buried the hatchet as it were, because she LARPs with us and now it won’t be awkward.  We joked and laughed a lot, and I think were we not moving, she and I would likely become good friends eventually.

On Saturday night there was a major battle, after which Aiden and I happily went to bed.  It wasn’t as cold the second night, and I woke up feeling really well rested, even though I was stiff and sore from the night before.  When you are at LARP there generally isn’t a lot of time for cooking, and so we lived on bottled water, cold hot dogs, and granola bars pretty much the whole weekend (oh, and quite a few coffees) but next time I will be better prepared with sandwiches and whatever else I can make up ahead of time that we can eat without a lot of fuss.

I also learned that taking the time to stretch after battle is probably in ones best interest.  As is packing adequate blankets, and clean socks.  OMG you have no idea how many pairs of socks Aiden and I went through in just two days.  I would say that bringing five or more pairs for each person is about right.  No fewer than five, that’s for sure.

On Sunday there was one more battle, and then it was time to pack up and go home.  It’s kind of a rude shock going back to normal life after spending the weekend in a fantasy world.  I was really excited to have a shower though.

Aiden and I hadn’t really been intimate all weekend, for one because we were both beat tired whenever we were in bed, and for another because my period was just ending.  There’s also the matter of being covered in mud and black make-up, it just doesn’t inspire a lot of sexiness.

Fortunately once we were back home, and in the shower and mostly cleaned off, we were able to make up a bit for lost time, and had some fun under the hot water, and then later in bed together.

I can’t wait for the next event, in four more weeks.  I am planning to make another cloak in the mean time, because my brown one is lovely for the night time, being a super heavy wool blend, it kept me warm and cut the wind, but it was hot in the day time.  Particularly with having to keep the hood up all the time in the sun, it got a little warm.  I would like to make something a little lighter weight, maybe in dark grey or forest green, for day wear.  Plus one can never have too many cloaks in my opinion.

Anyway, it’s time to stop procrastinating and turn my attention to the remaining smelly laundry that needs washing and the camping gear that needs to be put away.  I’m hoping that Aiden and I can make it out to the local kink munch this evening, but it may be awkward if I don’t have any clean pants to wear.

If I had a nickle for every time that Jack and I have exchanged such messages in the last few days, well I’d have at least a dollar.

Then it breaks down to the numbers.  Percentages to be exact.

“I think I’m 95/5 at the moment.  You?”

“60/40 maybe”

“Really?  Not 80/20?”

“Ok, maybe 75/25″

These are the obscure methods we use to express how we feel about moving back to Alberta.

We need more details before we can make an informed and solid decision, but the fact that Jack and I spent over an hour last night looking at houses in our old neighborhood perhaps gives some indication of which way we would like to go.

Likewise Aiden and I are already mulling over plans to start up a LARP in the Calgary area, since to my knowledge there are no existing games that we can join.

As much as I like Ontario, I miss home.  I miss V, and the mountains, and my friends.  There are things I will miss very much about Ontario, but the lure of the place where I grew up is stronger than anything holding me here.

I’m doing my best to keep my excitement in check until we find out what exactly the offer is.  Jack is going to discuss the specifics with the higher-ups on Monday.  In the mean time, our weekend will likely be spent making the first moves towards preparing the house for sale.  The garage needs organizing, Aiden still has some boxes of possessions that need sorting, things of that nature.

V and I have a phone date planned for this evening.  We spoke for a short while last night, so that I could fill her in a bit on what is going on, but we didn’t have time to talk about everything.  She has already offered to do whatever she can to help with the move, including making a trip out here to help me pack or get organised or anything else we might need.

Hopefully by early in the week this will all be a done deal.  I hate the not knowing.

Ugh, I hate how my period makes me moody and extra sensitive.

Perhaps the pinky-purple daisies (in the photo above) that Aiden brought me on Tuesday were a preventative measure.  You know, so that I wouldn’t rip his face off at the most minuscule of provocations.

I loathe women who use their cycle as an excuse to act like total nutbars, but I can’t deny that it does have some effect on my ability to deal with my emotions.  I take everything extra personally, I am more easily agitated, and I feel like bursting into tears every five minutes.

*Sigh* Stupid hormones.

Thanks to my IUD my periods are nearly non-existent.  The last one was light enough that a pantyliner was sufficient to do the trick (and I was a “super-plus mondo pad” kind of girl prior to the IUD).  Yesterday I had a tiny bit of spotting, and so far today, nothing.  I wouldn’t even know it was that time of the month if I didn’t keep track on my calendar, or feel like disemboweling one of the guys every time they ruffle my feathers.

I wish that the changes in my mood had stopped along with the monthly bleed, but if I have to take one or the other, give me the cranky-pants any day.  At least I can quell my inner dragon with exercise and eating right, but there is nothing to be done about blood gushing from your vagina except wait it out.

Speaking of eating right and exercising, with the recent development of nicer weather I dug my bike out of the garage this morning.  After pumping the tires back up and locating my helmet, I took it out for a 30-minute spin around the neighborhood.  It’s a gorgeous day, warm enough for bike shorts but still cool enough to prevent getting excessively hot and sweaty.  Now I just need to practice plenty and then nag… I mean, ENCOURAGE one of the boys to get a bike, so that I don’t have to ride alone all the time.

As it turns out, this weekend Aiden’s mum is out of town, and so instead of going to visit his parents for dinner, we are planning to take a hike together, weather permitting.  I should also start working on a cloak for LARP, and perhaps finish up the long sword I started.  I know, I know, I subject you to suck geekery these days.  Speaking of which…

The paper is just there as a size reference. The shield and the short sword I built myself, and the longbow was my Valentine’s gift from the guys.  The short sword is rather massive and heavy, but I love it.  Eventually I will save up for some fancy Calimacil weapons, but for now these will do.  I still have to build a long sword and two daggers (my characters is a fighter/warrior, so I need lots of things to hit people with).  More pictures to come, I am sure.  I know you guys are dying to see photos of my costume once it’s done

Hmmm, from photos of blow jobs and fucking, to duct tape weapons and LARP gear.  Could it be that my blog is going downhill?  Perish the thought *Cheeky Grin*

Last night after we got the kids to bed she sat and chatted with me while I worked on Aiden’s chainmail (the green and black, shown below) and has offered her assistance in weaving it.  I was pleased that she appreciated my project, although I did tell her that I was getting paid to make it, and if there is anything that my mom can understand, it’s money.  Regardless, her enthusiasm and compliments on how beautiful it is were a welcome surprise.  I showed her the anklet I made for myself as well (the orange and silver piece) which she totally loved.

I wonder if she is setting out to kill me with kindness, because not only does she like the chainmail, she also supports my LARPing.  She asked plenty of questions about it and seemed genuinely interested.

“You know, you could have just taken up quilting if you needed a hobby.  I would have an easier time explaining it when I get home” she said, and we both laughed.  In fact we laughed a lot during our time together last night.  She kept me company while I built a LARP shield as well (oh the joys of putting together my first set of gear).  Her and Jack commentated on my skills with foam and duct tape, while we joked and had a good evening together.  She cleaned my kitchen, and I had the good sense not to object, and then offered to help with the shield too.  Could it be that she’s a little cooler than I give her credit for?

When it comes to the cleaning, as much as it bothers me to watch her do it, I have come to realize that it’s her way of showing me that she loves me.  When I make a big deal of keeping her from helping out, she takes it as rejection, and that causes strain.  As much as her way of doing some things offends my OCD, I am exercising my ability to gracefully accept that my mum needs to be able to DO things for me, so that she feels needed, and to express her affection.

When my shield was finished she even went so far as to call it awesome.  This morning when I was showing it to Aiden she teased him about having “shield-envy” because I made a better one than he did.  The three of us sat at the counter and had coffee together and talked, and I think that she likes Aiden enough, considering he’s a total stranger that she’s only just met.  I don’t think she suspects anything out of the ordinary at this point either, which is how I am hoping it will stay.

I’m sure it seems minimal to most of you, but she so rarely takes much of an interest in the things that I do, that I’m practically elated to have her be supportive of this.  Particularly because LARPing seems to carry kind of a negative stigma.

She still doesn’t care for my dogs, but at least she tolerates them well enough.  She hasn’t used that tone even once so far, and today I took her out shopping and she seemed pleased as punch to be spending some one on one time with me.  We had a good outing, and suddenly it doesn’t seem as though this week will stretch on for eternity.

I do miss Aiden a little bit.  By that I mean I miss being able to be affectionate with him.  We managed to sneak a few kisses today while mum was in the shower, but there was no cuddling, and I feel somewhat on guard when he is around, in case I slip up, or look at him too lovingly, or Gods know what else.  It’s kind of unfortunate, but hopefully we can remain inconspicuous for another six days.  On Saturday he and I are going to pick up as many of his remaining possessions as we can, so we will have a bit of alone time.  I’m looking forward to that, if only because I think taking small breaks from her will make it easier to keep things rolling smoothly.  Right now, for example, she is watching a movie with the kids, which is giving me some alone time for blogging.

As much as I was dreading her arrival, when she is acting so awesome, I can’t help but enjoy her company.  I am certain that the week will fly by, and as much as I love her, I will be just as happy to see her go so that we can get back to our own version of normalcy around here

I also remember $2 bills, Atari, and rotary telephones.

That really has nothing to do with this post, except to point out that gaming systems have come along way since the early 80′s.

In 1982 we did not have cell phones, or the Internet, and we walked 3 miles to school each day, uphill, both ways.

What we DID have were coin sets, and Jack just so happened to receive one that year, which I discovered and confiscated from him on the grounds that what is his, is mine.

371. Collect a set of coins that were minted in the year I was born

• Metal shoehorns will leave bruises with hardly any effort at all

• People get kind of excited when you serve Cornish hens and leave them whole.  Like “We get a WHOLE bird?  Each?”

• Kolach, while the most beautiful of breads, is less like bread and more like a giant pretzel

• Even candles that are 100% paraffin wax are sometimes still too hot for wax play

• You have to start really early in the morning to watch all six Star Wars movies in one day

• If you push hard enough on a Wartenberg wheel, it will totally draw blood

• My kids know that babies come out of the vagina, but have no idea what butter is

As you can see, we had no shortage of fun around here.

Our Ukrainian Christmas celebration on Friday night was a wonderful success.  Nia and Muse were able to join us for dinner, and the five of us enjoyed the meal at a leisurely pace.  The kutia, although kind of strange looking, was really tasty.

Making traditional Ukrainian Christmas bread was probably my favorite part of all the preparation, and it allowed me to cross something off of my list.

109. Bake homemade bread

It turned out beautifully, and although it does take a bit of time, making bread from scratch without any assistance is really satisfying.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get around to making fudge over the weekend, but there is always this coming weekend.  We were short on both time and snow, but it’s not the end of the world.

On Saturday morning I got up and left Jack to sleep in.  After feeding the kids and the dogs, I made coffee for Aiden and myself and took it down to his room to wake him.  He’s generally not much for mornings, so I crawled into bed beside him for a cuddle, and tried my best to suppress my obnoxious “IT’S MORNING!!! THIS IS THE BEST TIME OF DAY EVAR!” attitude.

We snuggled, and then we started kissing.  We hadn’t seen each other all week, and due to having company and dinner the night before, we hadn’t really spent any time alone together.  Aiden normally doesn’t wake up “in the mood” so I was kind of surprised, in the best sort of way, when kissing led to him pulling my pajamas off while I stroked his cock under the covers.

I took him in my mouth for a few moments while his fingers were between my thighs.  His cock was incredibly hard, and I was aching for it, so I begged him to fuck me.

When he slid into my pussy my breath caught in my throat.  I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer, so that his pubic bone was rubbing against my clit with each thrust.

It felt like we hadn’t been together in ages.  Everything but our panting, and the feel of his skin on mine just sort of faded into the background.

I bit down on his shoulder to keep from whimpering too loudly while he fucked me, until he groaned into my ear and I felt his cock twitch in my pussy while he came.

We cuddled a while longer, and drank our coffee, and then got up and put some clothes on before heading upstairs.  Jack got up too and I made breakfast, and we all ate together before Aiden and I headed out to run some errands.

While we were out we got Aiden’s passport photos done and then we stopped at this weird little store in search of a curved barbell for his PA piercing, which we found.  We also found a set of metal thumbcuffs there, which Aiden decided he should have, LOL.  We haven’t had a chance to try them yet, but I’m looking forward to it.

In the afternoon we all settled in to watch the Star Wars movies.  Unfortunately we started way too late in the day to watch all six of them.  The kids were up for the first two, and then they went to bed.  Aiden and I watched the third one with Jack and then we begged off to play a little before bed.

There was flogging and then a little strapping and then a lovely massage followed by a bit of wax play that unfortunately had to end quite prematurely as these are really not suitable for such applications.

After he had scraped off the worst of the wax with a knife, I had a quick shower and then returned to his room for snuggling and a bit of fooling around that ended with him coming on my face.  As tempted as I was to shower for a THIRD time that day, I was tired, and so excused myself to wash my face and then we cuddled up in bed and went to sleep.

Sunday morning came far too early.  I got up before either Jack or Aiden, fed children and hounds, and then made coffee and went back downstairs.  Aiden and I cuddled a little and then drank our coffee and got up for the day.

Breakfast was made once Jack was up, and then we watched Mantracker (such a good show!) before Aiden and I planned to leave for his place.

When we got into town we went to his place, and I tried to coax Tank to eat one of the mice that is currently living with him.  Stubborn little shit wouldn’t eat though, even as I herded the mice towards him and they crawled over his head.  I really do need to remember to take my camera one of these days to get some pictures of him.  Apparently at some point yesterday he killed one of the mice but didn’t even eat it.  He’s kind of a strange snake.

Aiden called his mom and she invited us over for dinner, and since we hadn’t really made any firm plans yet, we went over and had chili (it was delicious) and visited for almost three hours.

Then we picked up some groceries, and went back to his house to hang out until I had to leave.  I changed his PA jewelry for him, and this barbell isn’t really the answer, but it will do until something more suitable can be found.  Then we crawled into bed and cuddled, which somehow led to him fucking me with something like this until I thought I might make a terrible mess all over his bed.  Unfortunately being too concerned about the mess prevented that from happening, but I did have such an intense orgasm that my abdominal muscles were sore the next day.  After I had recovered, I sucked his cock until he came in my mouth, and then we cuddled for a few more minutes until I had to go.

All in all it was a really good weekend.  I’m looking forward to this coming weekend as well, since Aiden and I are going to a play party, and I have plans with friends, and Jack and I are going out on Sunday to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.

It’s difficult to believe that January is already almost half over!

I still very clearly remember the day that K bought it for me.  We were at the Calgary Stampede, and while browsing a lot of gorgeous amber jewelry, he told me to pick something out and that he would get it for me.  Our relationship was already on the downhill slide, but we’d had a wonderful day together, and I had really hoped that things were going to be ok. I decided on this ring, which originally had three stones, because it suited me and because I am kind of a sucker for lame symbolism (three stones and the whole poly thing, yes, I know, it’s stupid, leave me alone, LOL).  I wore it everyday, even through the fights and the grand finale, right up until last April, when it broke.  Oddly enough it broke almost exactly a year after I’d told K that I was finished, for the last time.  We hadn’t spoken in a year, and yet, instead of tossing it out, I just looked at it for a while and then dropped it into a drawer.

Call me sentimental, or maybe just mental, but I felt like maybe I should hang onto it.

When I found it again yesterday, I indulged in a few moments of remembering the really good things about K, because regardless of how it ended, he did have a few redeeming qualities.  It sometimes makes me sad that my dominant memories are generally not of the great times we had, but of the times he acted like a douche.  I’m not sorry that I walked away, and I don’t miss him anymore, and I’m glad we were both able to move on and find more fulfilling relationships than the mess we were in together.

I turned it over in my hand a few times and remembered that day at the Stampede, and I smiled.  Then I snapped a photo of it, and tossed it in the garbage.

I don’t feel like I need to keep it any more.

Rather than go into a long and complicated explanation I will refer you here, to a page on D/s dynamics, and here, which is for those of you not familiar with BDSM in general.

For the past month or so, he and I have been negotiating something a little more serious than simply being play partners who also happen to be in a romantic relationship with each other.  I don’t remember exactly how it began, but I think he asked me if I’d ever considered being collared, which is essentially when a Dominant claims a submissive for their own, and that submissive more or less becomes property of the Dominant.  Commonly a collar is given to the submissive, as a mark of said ownership (hence the term collared or collaring).  The agreement surrounding the collaring is unique to each couple/group.  Sometimes the agreement is formalized in the form of a written contract.

Due to the nature of our arrangement the negotiation process has been a little longer and more involved for us.  The contract is currently in it’s third draft, and Jack has been involved in the process the entire time, as his feelings in this are perhaps the most important of all.

Today the collar itself arrived, after much anticipation on my part.  Aiden and I couldn’t come to an agreement on a collar, so I get my choice for ‘everyday wear’ which is this gorgeous circle of steel, care of House Of Collars.

Eventually he will also choose a second collar, more to his taste, that will be for me to wear to events and when he just feels like parading me around in something flashy.

Neither of us are entering into this lightly, and I feel like we’ve both reflected a great deal on what we are getting into.  The initial contract is going to be valid for a term of no longer than three months, during which we shall ‘work out the kinks’ (pardon the pun, LOL) and figure out where our balance is, and what works for us and what doesn’t.  After the three months has ended, we will re-negotiate and decide if we are ready for something a little more long-term, or if perhaps the ‘trial period’ needs to be extended.

The paper journal that I’ve mentioned writing in is part of our D/s dynamic.  I’m generally better at organizing my thoughts on paper, and I know sometimes Doms require their subs to keep a journal as a means of more open communication, which I suggested to Aiden.  He liked the idea, and though there aren’t a ton of entries yet, I feel like it is and will be a good method of sharing my thoughts with him, particularly when I can’t really talk to him because he’s at work or I’m away, etc.

While I’ve identified as kinky since I was 18, and I really enjoy playing and the dynamics of casual power exchange, I have no experience with being a “full-time submissive” or in our case, as close to full-time as is mutually agreeable to everyone.  I’m not accustomed to rules, or to having to ask permission for anything, or letting someone else make decisions for me on a regular basis.  It’s going to be a massive adjustment, and I have no doubt that I’m going to struggle, and make a lot of mistakes, and probably get angry and pissed off and frustrated as well.  I hold no delusions that we are going to live happily ever after in kinky bliss.  D/s relationships, like any other kind, require dedication, hard work, patience, and a good sense of humor.  At the same time, the rewards are worth it, and as bull-headed and terribly stubborn as I am, there is a desire in there somewhere to submit myself to the will of another, even though I’ll probably fight it, a lot.  Fortunately Aiden is prepared for that.

I’m sure the best and the worst of this new chapter will make it onto the blog.  I feel satisfied that I have, and continue to be, forthcoming about the struggles and the successes of our poly relationships, and I would like to share in a similar way when it comes to this new dynamic we are about to experience.  With Aiden’s permission I may share a copy of our contract here, and perhaps some of the entries from my journal along the way, if I feel like they would be of interest.

If BDSM and D/s relationships aren’t really your thing, worry not, there will still be lots of regular goodness around here too.

I got on the wrong one, but at least going the right direction, and took it to the next stop.  I figured out which train I needed then and caught the right one on my second attempt.  The skytrain ride was good.  I drank my coffee, sent some pictures to Aiden, and watched people getting on and off at various stops.  Eventually I got to where I was headed and waited at the station for padme and Master Anakin to pick me up.  I was a little nervous as we hadn’t seen each other in over a year, and also I wanted to make a good impression with Master Anakin.

I only had to wait a short time before they arrived and padme and I exchanged hugs, loaded my stuff into the back, and then off we went to the mall.  Padme had an appointment to get her makeup done in preparation for Rascal’s that evening, and so after Master Anakin dropped us off at the mall we visited for a few minutes before she had to go to her appointment, and then I wandered around the shops while I waited.  I came across a Body Mods kiosk, which is my absolute favorite place ever to buy body jewelry (even though I don’t currently have any piercings).  I looked at some of their captive bead rings for Aiden’s PA piercing because he mentioned wanting to go up a gauge.  The sales girl and I dug through three different boxes worth before I picked out a black ring that I felt would be the appropriate size, and what I thought was the right gauge.  Unfortunately as it turns out his current ring is NOT a 14g, but a 10g, which is what I bought, and so he really needs an 8g.  Irritating.  Anyone need a 10g captive bead ring?

After her appointment padme looked even lovelier than normal  She and Master Anakin took me back to their house for a bit before we headed out to do a little sight-seeing.  They surprised me by taking me to the Harbor Center, which is a tall tower in downtown that overlooks Stanley Park and the city, and the ocean, and the mountains.  It wasn’t the clearest day, but it didn’t matter, the view was beautiful.

Every time I am back out west I really enjoy seeing the mountains again. You have no idea how badly I miss living close to them.

We didn’t linger too long in the tower, as they wanted to take me to see Stanley Park while we still had daylight. Master Anakin drove us over to the sea wall and although it had started raining the leaves were still beautiful and the city looked kind of charming through all the mist.

After we’d driven through the park and seen everything we wanted to see, we went to a different part of the city where we planned to do a little shopping and have dinner. It really started coming down while we were walking up and down the street. Eventually we escaped the rain inside a sushi restaurant for dinner. The food was excellent and we all had a really good time eating and talking. We laughed a lot too.

After we were all full and happy, we skipped next door to The Cupcake Store, which padme and I were very excited about. I got myself a red velvet cupcake, which is my favorite kind, and had it boxed up to eat later on. We dashed through the rain and back to the car. Padme wanted to take me to Little Sisters, which is an adult store, before we went to Rascal’s. Let me tell you that Master Anakin is an excellent driver in the city. Driving in Vancouver seems a lot like driving in Toronto. It’s kind of an extreme sport unto itself, and even worse in the horrendous rain that was pouring down. The streets were like lakes and there were people running through water that was deeper than their shoes, it was kind of funny actually.

We browsed through the things at Little Sisters, and I saw about 20 books that I want to buy (of course) and some neat toys as well. They had quite a few BDSM toys there, and I was happy that Aiden wasn’t with me because I found the most horrible looking paddle, made out of a lexan-type material. It was really long and narrow with those holes that reduce wind resistance. I was almost compelled to call yellow just standing there looking at it.

It was getting close to time for Rascal’s so we dodged rain drops on our way back to the car and jumped in. Fortunately as we were driving we either got out of the rain or it stopped, because by the time we got to the appointed place, it had stopped.

We were a little early, so we waited outside and then in the entrance until we were allowed inside. They sure do an amazing job of decorating for Halloween there! It was really awesome I was super impressed!

The three of us found a table and then padme and I dashed off to the bathroom to get changed into our outfits. I was wearing a pink bob wig that she had bought for me to go with my pink tutu. Plus I had on a black top and stiletto heels. I wasn’t dressed AS anything specific, but I don’t think that matters. I also wore a leather collar that locks closed, at Aiden’s request, so that nobody would pester me about playing with them. We hadn’t really clearly negotiated my playing with others, but he did express discomfort with anything of the sexual nature, so I thought it best to stick to the safe side.

Padme looked really cute and sexy in her goth schoolgirl outfit. She and Master Anakin are so cute and sweet together. It’s completely clear to anyone who has spent any time with them how very in love they are with each other, even after almost 13 years together, and it’s inspiring to see

I was able to meet some of padme’s friends in the community, and we all had a drink together and checked out everyone else’s outfits and costumes. There was a vendor there selling some really nice looking toys, and Master Anakin bought one for padme as a birthday gift. It’s a small paddle with leather on one side and some sort of textured rubber on the other side. Apparently it’s quite stingy!

Eventually the two of them went to play, which I was so hoping they would, since I can certainly relate to not having sitting that often and wanting to take advantage of kid-free time. I chatted with one of the people I’d met that evening, and we watched a lot of the scenes and discussed BDSM in terms of the differences between communities from city to city. Rascal’s reminded me a lot of the play parties I’d been to here.

One scene was particularly beautiful to me. I won’t go into details, as it’s not mine to share, but at the end the Dom was sitting in a chair and she was knelt between his knees with her head against his stomach and he was holding her in his arms and stroking her hair. It was just a really special moment for them and I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse. That’s what it’s all about, if I had to sum up why I like this lifestyle with one image, it would be something like that. Then he made her lick his boots and that was pretty awesome too

Padme and Master Anakin played for quite a while, and from where I was it looked like she got quite a beating! Boy was her ass red when they eventually came back to the table!

We all sat and chatted some more, and watched some of the other people playing. Padme was busy telling me the names of people she knew, or that I might have heard her make reference to. It was nice to be able to put a few faces to names.

Eventually she begged Master Anakin to play a little more, and they set up on a spanking bench only a few feet from our table. I have to tell you, they play way heavier than anything I’ve ever done, and it was fascinating to watch. They were both clearly enjoying themselves though!

Once they were finally finished, we lingered a little longer, enjoying the atmosphere and then finally decided it was time to head home.

When we got back to their house we took some photos of our costumes and ate our cupcakes. NOM! Master Anakin had offered earlier to take the couch so that padme and I could sleep in their bed, but after their intense scene I thought it would be more polite to let him have his own bed. I also felt like I wanted to do some writing in my paper journal before I went to sleep, and I didn’t want to keep padme awake or seem rude. After they were upstairs in bed I scratched out a few pages of thoughts on the party that evening, and then fell asleep on the couch, which was very comfortable.

As an aside, it is funny to me in hindsight that I felt super comfortable around Master Anakin, even though I’d never met him before. I didn’t feel the least bit awkward walking around the house in just panties and a tank top (hopefully that didn’t make him feel awkward either). It’s just interesting how well I feel I know him after being best friends with his wife for so long and hearing so much about him, and talking online and on the phone a few times over the years.

Sunday morning came bright and early! Master Anakin made us some of the most delicious eggs I’ve ever eaten, and padme enjoyed a rare treat of not having to cook. It was just lovely sitting around the table having breakfast and coffee with them. One of my favorite moments of the trip really.

We all got cleaned up and dressed and I packed up my things. They wanted to take me to White Rock Beach before dropping me off at the airport that afternoon. The drive there was really nice, and just as I had wished, it was the one beautiful sunny day I had there. The whole time I had been saying that “I don’t care if it rains the whole time, as long as it’s nice on Sunday” because I really wanted to enjoy the beach. It was even warm enough to wear just a t-shirt.

They took me down to the pier and I looked out on the ocean. Even though I’d seen it other times on my trip, this was the first time I was close to it. “You know I haven’t seen the ocean in 10 years” I mentioned as we walked along. I actually hadn’t even realised that until just then. It made me sad in a way, because I love the ocean, I always have, and yet I rarely ever get to see it. Someday I’m going to live next to it though, it’s on my list.

Near the pier were a pair of seagulls, and one of them (the brown one) was really squawking and kept swimming in front of the other one and getting in his face and biting/pecking him. We watched them for a minute and then I said “Look, she’s hassling him, HA HA. Hmmm, reminds me of another brat I know” and I shot a meaningful look at padme. We all laughed at that, and padme gave me a hard time about getting her in trouble with Master Anakin a few times recently.

We took tons of photos. Master Anakin even snapped a picture of me taking a picture, which is so funny to me. He also took a picture of me the day before sending a photo to Aiden on my cell phone, LOL. I really appreciated that actually because I’m usually always the one holding the camera, so I hardly ever have photos of myself.

He took pictures of padme and I together at the pier. Then we went down to the beach and strolled along. They helped me collect shells and pretty rocks to take home with me.

529. Collect sea shells on the beach

It was a really wonderful time, and I never wanted it to end. I think I would be at the beach all the time if I lived closer. There is something so calming about the air and the waves.

After our walk on the beach we went for fish n chips at a place right there by the pier. The food was excellent, and we had a great conversation over our lunch. I knew it was getting closer to when I had to go, and as much as I missed Jack and Aiden and the kids, I was very sad to be leaving. I love Vancouver, I wish I could have stayed longer, but had my favorite people there too. Maybe some other time.

When we arrived at the airport some time later, they came in with me and we had a coffee together and watched the planes landing and taking off. Padme and I were both a little quieter, and the mood was a little sadder. Eventually they needed to go pick up their kiddos and I needed to get to my gate. We hugged goodbye, and I thanked them both profusely for their hospitality, and that was that. I went through security without issue and found my departure area. It seemed unreal that I was leaving when in many ways it felt like I’d only just gotten there. I missed padme and my siblings already, and it was painful to go.

The flight home was nice enough. I did some reading, worked on some writing for Aiden, and napped a little. When I landed in Toronto, I was glad that my luggage came down quickly. Aiden was waiting for me at the gate, although he had his back to the door, so I was able to sneak up and pinch his bum before he realized I was there.

It was so much colder in Toronto! I told him about my trip during the drive to my house, and then we talked about what he’d gotten up to over the weekend. I was happy to see him again, and I couldn’t wait to see Jack and the kids and my hounds.

I had such a good time on my trip, and I hope I don’t have to wait long to get back to Vancouver and the mountains and the ocean.

The 24 Inch Deluxe Leather Riding Crop (also known around here as ‘the long-tip crop’) is, as you may have guessed, not really intended for use on horses.  Except perhaps of the human variety, but that’s a topic for another post  It is built differently than a standard crop, in that the tip is long and narrowish.  This, in my opinion, covers more area on impact.

This particular toy is made my Spartacus (one of my favorites for BDSM toys) and features an attractive handle and an extremely well-made leather tip.  It seems a bit shorter than most standard crops, just due to the length of the end, but it’s actually longer than many.

Crops are generally known for their sting, and this one is no exception.  It can be used quite gently, but as you can see from the photographs, Deja was really not that interested in being ‘gentle’.  Please note that the bruising is caused by the crop while the scratch marks were care of her lovely nails.

We had a good time testing this crop, and believe me, she could have inflicted more serious bruising with it.  This is Deja’s idea of a ‘light’ scene, LOL  I feel like this toy is likely to cause more bruising than a standard crop due to the shape and length of the tip, but we have yet to do a more detailed study.  Perhaps in a follow-up post

If you’re into stingy, or perhaps just have a thing about riding crops, you will probably really enjoy this toy.  I know I did!

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Despite some traffic issues, we made it with time to spare.  He kissed me goodbye, and into the terminal I went to check my bag and get through security.

While I waited at my gate I chatted with Kade from my CrackBerry.  I haven’t seen him since the beginning of July, and we only talk sporadically.  There really isn’t much of a relationship there, I’d barely even call it a friendship.  It feel like it’s over as far as I am concerned, but certain remarks from him make it obvious he doesn’t feel the same way.  V, Aiden, Nia, and probably Jack think it’s time to write him a “Dear John” letter and just let him know this isn’t really working for me, and most likely I will, I just hate this sort of thing.  More on that some other day.

The flight was five hours long, and pretty uneventful.  I had somehow forgotten my iPod and headphones, but fortunately had not failed to pack plenty of books and writing tools.  I also managed to doze a little for the last hour of the flight, which was good, because by the time I landed in Vancouver, it was 2am my time (11pm local).

My sister and one of my brothers met me at the airport and then we caught the skytrain to their part of the city.  It’s kind of a shitty part of town, but their apartment itself is kind of nice.  Or it would be if any of them believed in cleaning.  My other brother was waiting for us at home.  Obviously everyone is going to need names:

Brother 1 – (Second Oldest, after me) will be called Brody

Brother 2 – (Third Oldest) will be called Kaz

Sister – (Youngest) will be called Rory

Brother 2′s Girlfriend – will be called Jena

Jena lives in the apartment as well, with the rest of them, and she’s been dating Kaz for two years, so it was nice to finally meet her.  I love my brother, but I don’t know what she sees in him as she’s my age and he’s like a 12 year old in a 22 year old body.  Anyway, she’s a sweet girl.

We all hung out and talked and eventually the boys went to bed, leaving Rory and I to visit.  In Summer ’08 I had accidentally told her about the poly when we were out drinking one night, and so she wanted to know how things were going with that.  I had already mentioned “my friend Aiden” several times in conversation during the evening, and she guessed that perhaps we were more than friends.  We stayed up talking until 3am their time, and then she went to bed.  I was sleeping on the couch, right beside a window that is so close to the skytrain track you could almost jump from one to the other.  As it was 5am Ontario time, I knew that Aiden would be getting up for work momentarily and so I logged onto MSN from my phone, sent him a message, and then snuggled down under the blankets.  Eventually he messaged me back and told me to go to sleep.  We chatted briefly before he had to leave, and then I managed to doze off some, before the trains started running again and kept waking me up.  It wasn’t the most awesome first night, LOL.

I slept until 8am Vancouver time, and then woke up and could not get back to sleep.  I poked around the kitchen and managed to make a pot of coffee.  Then I did some reading until the other members of the house began to wake.  Rory had to go to work, as did Jena, but the boys are both currently focusing a lot of time on their music, so they don’t have regular work hours and planned to hang out with me for the day.

They were very pleased with my coffee making skills, and so I showed them how to not brew toxic sludge of the molasses consistency.

Eventually the three of us wandered out into the street in search of breakfast.  We walked a long way up Commercial Drive, to a little place called The Reef where they like to go.  The food was indeed excellent, particularly the Johnny Cakes which are basically balls of deep-fried batter served with a kind of flavored butter.  They would be the most perfect hangover food, especially at .50 cents each, and being the size of a tennis ball.

While we were waiting for our food, they cornered me about poly.  Apparently the walls in that apartment are thinner than I thought, and they had overheard parts of my conversation with Rory the night before.  They were curious, asking many questions about how our arrangement works, and if it makes us happy, and are we sure this isn’t just screwing around?  I was as honest as I could be with them, without being too open about my personal sex life which just isn’t any of their business, LOL.  At the end, they said that as long as I am content with my choices, they support me.  It was one of the best moments I’ve ever had with them, as we didn’t have a very close relationship until quite recently when they started to grow up a little.

They also want to meet Aiden, and I’ve promised them and Rory that they will get a chance.  Either the next time I go there, or when they come here, whichever comes first.

It’s really pretty amazing to be ‘out’ to my siblings.  They are the only family members that know, and it feels like now that it’s all in the open, I can be more normal with them.  Eventually our parents will be gone, and it will be just the 4 of us, and they actually accept me for who I am.  For the first time ever I don’t feel like I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life hiding.

Brody is convinced that I should write a book (they don’t know about this site, for obvious reasons) and that if I could find a way to make money off of being poly, our parents would accept it.  If there is one thing my parents understand, it’s money, and he thinks that they would have a hard time condemning something that is putting food on the table, even if it’s morally offensive to them.  He’s probably right.  If I became successful and famous, and it was somehow related to this unusual lifestyle we lead, they would be inviting Aiden over for dinner immediately.  Ok maybe not immediately, but it would certainly make them FAR more receptive.

Who knows if that is ever to be (I doubt it, and I’m not banking on it) but I’m not as scared of coming out as I used to be.  Even if my parents disown me, I know my siblings will still have my back, and that means more to me than anything.  I will never be totally cut off from my family.  My kids will never be without extended family to love them.

After breakfast, we all had a coffee on the patio of a nearby JJ Bean.  We shot the shit for a while, and then caught a train into downtown.  We walked around for a while, and then half-way over the bridge to Granville Island.  It was a great view.  I’ve missed seeing the mountains terribly since moving away from Alberta.

It was over-cast and kind of dreary, so I didn’t take a ton of pictures.

For dinner we met up with Rory, her boyfriend, and Jena at The Eatery.  The boys and I nommed through almost $100 worth of sushi, but IT WAS THE BEST SUSHI I’VE EVER TASTED!  The atmosphere was awesome, although it was a bit of a yuppie hangout.  We were probably a little grunge as compared to their usual crowd, but I’d totally go back there any time.  It was delicious.  Sorry for the crappy camera phone pic, but it’s better than nothing, I think.

After we were all full and happy, Rory’s boyfriend drove us back to the apartment and we sat around talking until the wee hours again.

Friday morning was much like Thursday morning.  I was awake first, made coffee, did some reading.  Jena didn’t have to work, but Kaz didn’t feel like eating, so she and Brody and I went out to breakfast together at a little cafe around the corner from their place.  It was decent food for the price.

After breakfast (which, by the way, didn’t occur until 1:20 pm) we mostly just hung around the apartment and bullshitted.  I ventured out on my own for a while to pick up some postcards and souvenirs, and to get some fresh air.  It was raining out so I didn’t really wander too far.

That evening my cousin came over and we all had drinks together.  I hadn’t seen her in over two years.  When Rory got home from work we all got ready and caught the skytrain downtown to go to The Cambie.  The line was long, however.  Rory and my cousin and Jena all decided to just pay the cover charge instead of waiting.  The boys and I were going to stick it out and wait, but after an hour we got annoyed and decided to go look for something else to do.  After checking out a couple of pubs we decided to grab pizza and go back to the apartment and have a beer there.  It was actually really nice, because you can’t really talk in a loud bar like that and I was mostly there to spend time with them.

I feel like my brothers and I bonded for possibly the first time ever.  We weren’t at all close growing up, and then I left home when they were just entering their teens, and never lived with them again.  I sometimes envy the close relationship the three of them have.  Sometimes I feel like I grew up as an only child, just due to our complicated family dynamics (I was the only child of my mom’s first marriage, I don’t have the same ‘dad’ as they do).  They have always been really good pals, and I didn’t really know them as people until the last couple of years.  They were always just ‘the kids’ to me.  If for no other reason, the trip was worth it because I feel like my brothers and I are friends now, which is awesome.

Eventually Rory and her boyfriend and Jena got home from the bar and we all went to bed exhausted.

Day 3&4 will have to wait for another post