The past 12 months have seen Aiden move in with us and become a part of our family.  Then there was another move of epic proportions, taking all five of us, and the two dogs, over 2,000 miles back across the country.  Back to Calgary and to all of our friends and family here.

There has been much joy, laughter, and so, SO much love.  There has also been pain and stress and tears and moments where it felt as though we were going to rip each other to shreds.  Yes, there is always some darkness, but mostly there has been intense happiness.

I’ve renewed friendships, and made a couple of new ones.  I’ve crossed at least a dozen items from my Life List, pushed myself to the limits of what I thought I was capable of, and grown as a person. I’ve found myself, lost myself, and found myself again.

Recently I applied for University in Calgary.  I haven’t been a student in over a decade, but the prospect of returning to school is thrilling and terrifying all at once.  My return to school (and increased absence from home) is liable to rock the boat in a significant way, but we shan’t have to deal with that until well into next year.  I know that we shall pull together, as we always do, and make it work.

It’s been a year of change, as most of them are, but this one particularly so.  I feel stronger, physically and mentally, than I have in years prior, and that makes the struggle worth it in the end.  I want that trend to continue into the new year.  I want to keep getting better, as a person, and as a partner, and as a mother.

I want to reinvent myself over and over, and come out the better for it.

I’m still experimenting and tweaking my diet (and by diet I mean eating habits) in order to gain the approval of my colon.  There have been good days and bad days, but for the most part, I am only going once or twice a day, which is a huge improvement.  I’ve eliminated all refined grains, and cut out as many processed foods as possible.  I’m not experience gut aches any more, which is really nice.  Hopefully things continue to improve as I figure out what my triggers are.  I am still planning on getting things looked at by my doctor once we get our insurance straightened out.

This Friday Jack and I will be celebrating the anniversary of our engagement.  We’ve been together for almost 9 years now, and while we don’t usually have a big to-do over this anniversary, we are going to have a nice dinner out together to observe the occasion.  I will never forget the moment when he knelt in the snow, and asked me to be his wife.  It was dark, and the city lights twinkled behind us from the special spot he took me to.  It was a really wonderful proposal, and I’m so happy that he asked me to marry him all those years ago.

On Saturday night, after my pole dancing class (which I am LOVING, by the way) Aiden and I are attending our first play party here in Calgary.  We went to our first munch on Monday evening, and met some really friendly people.  I, for one, have felt welcomed by the community here, something I didn’t expect.  It’s been a very pleasant surprise.  Some of the community members whom we didn’t get a chance to talk to on Monday night stopped by where we were sitting to say goodbye and said that they hoped to get a chance to visit with us next time.  That was really nice.  I’m really looking forward to the party, as it’s been a long time.  The hosts are just about the most outgoing and good natured people you could meet.  I have a feeling it’s going to be a fantastic time.  I hope we can play a little

Aiden’s mum is coming to visit us next weekend.  I am a little nervous about that as she doesn’t know the truth about the situation.  Jack has generously agreed to make himself scarce for the two days that she is here, and Aiden and I have decided to go with the story that we are storing some of his things, if she asks.  I don’t know how I feel about it all, but I’ve missed her so much, and I can’t wait to see her.

It’s difficult to believe that Christmas is right around the corner.  I am hoping to get a lot of shopping done this weekend.  We haven’t bothered decorating yet.  Honestly, I think it’s very strange to decorate a house before the beginning of December, but perhaps that is because we always had real trees, and if you wanted them to last until New Year, you couldn’t set them up until the middle of the month.  I’m in no hurry to get anything put up, it will get done after we get through the impending mother visit.  We also keep our decorations up until Ukrainian Christmas, which is in January, so having the house decorated for over a month seems excessive.

We are very busy, but life is good.

Presently I am writing from our new place in Alberta.  We are still negotiating our way through a maze of boxes, as our things only arrived on Monday.

The trip to Alberta was long and wonderful and terrible and beautiful, all at the same time.  I doubt I will ever elaborate much beyond that, but there will be photos coming along eventually.  Northern Ontario is one of the most gorgeous places I’ve ever seen, second perhaps only to the mountains, and I hope to vacation there in the future and do a lot more hiking.

In the days leading up to the trip, Aiden and I managed to get in some camping, a little hiking, and a trip to Wonderland.  I have some list items to cross off, including having sex in a public washroom, while other people were in there!

The trip was hard on everyone, and in the days after we arrived Jack and I seemed to be at each other constantly.  We’d only just mended things when Aiden and I had a couple of rough days.  All in all the entire thing has been…highly emotional, to say thee very least.

It wasn’t all bad.  We got to take in a bit of Stampede, and the rodeo.  I took Aiden to the mountains one afternoon and we did a bit of hiking.  We celebrated Jack’s 35th birthday, and he and I went out for a lovely romantic dinner together.  Yesterday V came over and spent four hours organizing and unpacking the kitchen with me.

There is more to say, but unfortunately free time is at a premium today.  We are preparing for the kiddos, who come home tomorrow, and I want their rooms to be ready for them.

Hopefully a moment to blog will present itself soon.  I just wanted to let y’all know that we made it safe and sound.

445. Walk on the beach under the moonlight with someone I love

We hiked every day, completing around 12 kms (or 7.5 miles) worth of trails by the end of our trip.  The hiking grill and firebowl I bought some months back worked out extremely well.  We found remote rocks, right on the water, where we could cook our meal and enjoy a beer, without another soul in sight.  I wish I had known about Killbear months ago, as I am certain that Jack and the kids would have had a ball there with us.  It would have been lovely to have all gone together.

Over the course of the weekend we took over 400 photos, and on Monday I compiled the 200 best ones into a DVD slide-show set to music that we listed to during the trip.  Out of those 200, I’ve selected some of my favorites to include in this post, enjoy!

4 weeks. 28 days. Either way, the very thought induces both anxiety and excitement all at once.

In that time, we have to pack as many of our things as possible, plan and execute a birthday party for the eldest child, visit Wonderland and the Toronto zoo, attend a greyhound picnic, and a farewell soirée.  Not to mention the three-day camping trip that Aiden and I are going on, and the fact that Jack will be home for only half of the time between now and the move.  We also need to squeeze in some time with Aiden’s mum and dad before we leave, and finalize a thousand little details.

Despite the fact that there seems to be far more things to be done than time to do them, I can’t help but feel a rush of anticipation when I think about being back in Calgary.

The house we picked out is absolutely gorgeous, and could only be more perfect if we’d taken leave of our senses and decided to build again (which I swore I would never do after three separate and progressively terrible experiences).  V will be close enough that I can see her on a whim.  Family will be close enough to provide child-wrangling services whenever we have need.

I will never again have to endure feeling absolutely alone, because I had never experienced that feeling until we moved to Ontario.

Like the time that Jack was out of town and Sadie had to be admitted to the hospital, after we spent three hours waiting in the emergency room.  It was 7:30pm, and Luke hadn’t eaten supper, and Nia was the only person in the world I could call to come and fetch him and take him home.  If I hadn’t had her, I am not sure what I would have done.  There was nobody else could ask for help.

We have been here for almost exactly three years, and it’s been an interesting ride.  I can’t say that I will be sorry to leave, although there is a part of me that loves this place.

Images courtesy of ontarioparks.com

While I am somewhat sad that we will be missing LARP and our friends, I am really looking forward to this camping expedition.  We reserved a spot right on the beach, in an un-crowded camp ground.  You can see approximately where we will be set up on the map below; our site is somewhere in the vicinity of that green arrow (click to embiggen)

For those of you who are unfamiliar, Killbear Park is on the edge of Georgian Bay, which is a part of Lake Huron.

Aiden and I have camped together at LARP, and briefly at TEASE, but never recreationally. I am looking forward to a weekend away from the house and the kiddos, before we really get down to the nitty-grits of this moving business. With just over a month to go, there likely won’t be a lot of opportunities for rest and relaxation after the next two weekends, which is why I am taking full advantage of both this weekend in Calgary with Jack, and next weekend camping with Aiden.

Today we are waiting to find out if the offer has been accepted, for the house I mentioned here.  I am hoping and praying and crossing all of my appendages that they take it, so that we can have the inspection done this weekend and close the deal.  Looking for the right house has gotten terribly old, and I will be glad to have that stage of the process finished with.  For the time being, there are clothes to be folded, and more empty boxes to be filled, and packing lists to be made!

Speaking of the house hunt, some days back I received a rather unexpected note, from K no less.  He wanted to let me know about some houses that are up for sale in his area, that he thought I might like.  He also added that he would like to let bygones be bygones, and that he only wanted to offer a suggestion.  I thought about it for some time before responding.  We have a lot of…unpleasant history, but I’ve decided that it’s time to bury the hatchet.  It’s been over two years since the last time we spoke, and while I doubt we’re going to become the best of friends right away, I don’t feel the need to be a rude bitch either.

I thanked him for the tip, and we’ve exchanged a few messages back and forth, catching up a little with each other.  He skims my blog from time to time, so he already knew about Aiden, and obviously the fact that we are moving back to Alberta.  He’s in a long-term relationship now and seems very happy, and I am glad for him.

The long weekend has been somewhat uneventful.  Mainly I’ve spent it cleaning and packing, although yesterday Aiden and I went out for a couple of hours and hit the beach for some sun.  We played in the water (or more accurately, he tossed me in) and strolled around for a while.  It was nice to be outdoors and I enjoyed getting a break from the house.

In the evening we all went to watch the fireworks at a nearby horse track.  The kids seemed to enjoy themselves, and it was a pretty good display.

Next weekend I am going to Calgary with Jack to check out the house (assuming we get it) and to spend some time with V.  I can’t wait to see her again.  I miss her terribly.  We likely won’t have anything planned on Saturday, while V is at work, so Jack and I might drive out to Cochrane for ice cream at our favorite place, and check out the huge mall that was recently built north of Cow Town.  On Saturday evening the four of us (V, M, Jack, and myself) are going out on a double date for dinner.  I am hoping we can go to Barbeque Steak Pit in Bragg Creek, since I haven’t been there in ages and they make the best Chateaubriand I’ve ever had.  I am really looking forward to having some time alone with Jack, since we haven’t had a lot of that with the hassle of the move lately.  It’ll be nice to see the house as well, so that I can begin formulating decorating plans!

We should hear by Wednesday if the house is ours, and then the home inspection will take place on Sunday, so wish us luck with both!

Aiden and I went LARPing last weekend, despite the fact that I felt terribly guilty for leaving the house at all, under the current state of affairs (boxes everywhere, a mile-long “to do” list, no place for us to live on the other end).  It was especially lovely, however, to leave reality behind for a couple of days and pretend to be someone else.  Someone who is not moving across the country, or preparing a house for sale, or faced with 32 loads of unwashed laundry.  Despite the fact that it rained, and gusted, and SNOWED while we were out in the woods, we had a good time.  A cold and wet time, but worth it none the less.  Our 10 year old, 4-person tent was totaled by the severe wind, and so I am currently shopping around for something sturdier for the next event, which is in June.  I’ve got my eye on the Sierra Designs Zeta 4, which should stand up to anything we might subject it to.  Jack and I bought an 8-person tent a couple of years back, but it’s huge and not really ideal for the conditions we camp in during LARP events.  It’s wonderful for camping with the kids and the dogs and all of our gear, but for just Aiden, myself, and a pair of backpacks, it’s a bit much.

As I mentioned above, we are still on the hunt for a house.  The house that we loved, that we had conditionally purchased, did not pass muster.  The building inspection revealed around $10,000 worth of invasive work needed to bring the basement up to code.  This work would entail ripping out walls and ceilings, which is way more than I feel up to dealing with, and so we let it go, bringing us back to square one.

It’s easy to feel discouraged, because house hunting from 2,000 miles away is difficult enough as it is, and finding a house in the size and price range that we would like is daunting.  The uncertainty leads to stress, which has been wearing on all of us.  There have been days when it felt like we all might kill each other, but for the most part, I think we are pulling together to work it out.  Yesterday Aiden and I finished a number of projects that needed doing, while Jack took the kids grocery shopping and then washed dishes.  Everyone pitched in and we got a lot accomplished.

Hopefully this week, and all of the weeks to come, run similarly, and we finish everything that needs doing before we drive each other mad.

On Friday night Aiden went and picked up our friend, Dex, and the three of us went to see How To Train Your Dragon.  It was a SUPER cute movie, and we all really enjoyed it.  Jack and P took the kids to see it during her visit last month, and they kept telling us how fantastic it was, even for adults.

Saturday was comprised of cleaning out the garage and packing up boxes.  Not the most fun job ever, but Aiden and Dex pitched in while Jack occupied the children and worked on things in the house.  It was nice to make some progress anyway.  After cleaning up Jack wanted to take Dex out for dinner to celebrate his recent birthday, and so the six of us went for sushi at our favorite Japanese restaurant.  The food, as always, was delicious.

After dinner Aiden took Dex home while Jack and I watched part of a movie on TV and then went to bed early.

Sunday was Luke’s first communion, after which Aiden and I took the kids to meet his family for the first time.  I was anxious over the entire affair, but the kiddos were exceptionally well-behaved, and didn’t say anything awkward.  Aiden’s mother seemed thrilled to have them, and they got to meet his siblings and grandparents as well.  Everyone complimented me on how cute and well-behaved they were.  It went better than I expected, and I’ve had to promise that I would bring them back again.

The rugrats fell asleep in the back seat on the way home while Aiden and I talked about the impending move and how poorly I have been dealing with the stress of it all.  Jack remarked recently that he has been concerned about how sad I’ve seemed lately, and the only explanation I can come up with is anxiety over everything we need to get done before July gets here.  I haven’t been sleeping enough either, which negatively impacts my ability to deal with anything.  It’s getting pretty bad.  I feel like if I am not fighting with one of the guys, I am fighting with the other.  The kids grind my nerves much easier than usual.  I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed.  The first day I began packing, I literally stood there with an empty box and was at a loss for where to begin.  Just looking around made me tired.

I am glad that after pacing around a little, I just opened a drawer and began purging and sorting.  It seems as though it got the ball rolling, and I feel like I have more direction and a better game plan now.  Working on the garage helped, because we made a VISIBLE dent, which adds to the good feelings of accomplishment.  It’s difficult to get really excited about having done something when you can’t even tell that there was a lot of hard work poured into it.

I feel badly that the guys have been suffering through the brunt of my crazies.  I know I haven’t been easy to live with.  I am going to work on keeping my emotions in check, and taking better care of myself, because both of those things have been seriously lacking.  We only have 65 more days until the new house is ours, and I would rather have 65 days of hard work and pulling together as a family than 65 days of ripping peoples heads off at the slightest provocation.  I don’t like myself when I get like this, which only adds to the aggravation and frustration I feel.

Hopefully I can make it up to them, and remain extra-conscious of my emotional state over the next two months.  For now I am off to fill some more boxes.  Every time I tape one shut and add it to the growing stack, I feel a little bit better about everything

I’m certain my inexplicably foul mood has something to do with it.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed it would seem.  I am easily rubbed the wrong way, and I feel cranky and sad all at once.

I wish I could chalk it up to hormones, but my period is at least two weeks away.  Actually, I should be ovulating today, which I suppose might explain the moodiness.

The weekend was fairly good.  On Saturday I got to see The Wild Hunt with Aiden and Dex.  It was a great movie, and I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD.  Even if you’re not interested in LARP, but enjoy indie films or romantic tragedies, it’s worth seeing.  Right now it’s only being released at select AMC theaters, but braving Toronto traffic was totally worth the effort and aggravation.

After the movie we had lunch at Red Lobster before dropping Dex off at his place, and then it was on to Aiden’s parents house.  We had a really nice visit with them, and they took the news of our move surprisingly well.  Aiden’s twin brother moved to Edmonton last fall, and since my family is all out west, I don’t think our relocation came as any shock.  They did ask some questions about Jack that were a little awkward (since they think I am divorced) but fortunately Aiden and I had agreed on our “cover story” before we got there, so that we could at least be consistent with it.

We ate dinner there and then visited into the evening, before excusing ourselves to head for home.  I am going to miss Aiden’s family a lot after we move.  Probably more than I miss my own family while living out here.  Hopefully we can manage to fly out for visits a couple of times a year, and they have already mentioned coming out to visit us in the fall (more on how that will work closer to when it happens).

On the way home we stopped at Blockbuster and rented Up In The Air, so that we could watch it with Jack when we got home.  It was a really terrific story, although really quite sad in many places, and the ending is sort of bitter sweet, but I liked it enough that I would watch it again.

Sunday was something of a wasted day.  I spent a couple of hours playing Left 4 Dead II with Aiden, we had steak for supper, and mostly lounged around the house.  I would have liked to have gone out and done something, but I didn’t feel right doing so after leaving Jack with the kids all of Saturday.  Both Aiden and Jack seemed kind of…off, although for no specific reason that either of them shared with me (who really knows though, LOL, men can be terribly secretive).

Tomorrow a representative from our moving company is coming by the house to evaluate the amount of stuff we have and estimate how much time and manpower will be involved in getting our possessions from here to Calgary.  Normally that would be rather exciting, except for the fact that the house is a bit of a disaster and it feels like I’m the only one who bothers tidying it.  Hopefully I can at least straighten it up enough this afternoon and evening that I won’t be totally embarrassed to parade a stranger through our space.

I should probably get going on said cleaning.  Hopefully tomorrow I will feel more like myself again.

Not that the week has been particularly long or bothersome.  Actually it was quite a good week overall.  The final paperwork on the move was completed and we were finally able to share the news with our families.  They are understandably thrilled.  Jack and I went out on a date Monday night and enjoyed spending some one-on-one time together talking.  Tuesday night was the local kink munch, and Aiden and I planned to go, but on our way there we decided that we would rather just go for dinner alone together, so we hit up our favorite sushi joint and chatted over California rolls.

Tonight I think Aiden and I are going fabric shopping, as I need some lighter material to make a second cloak for LARP.  I am trying to work something out so that V can join us for the June event, since she’s planning to come out to help us with packing and the like, so I shall sew her a cloak as well, just in case.

Tomorrow Aiden and I are heading into the city early to see The Wild Hunt with Dex.  It’s a movie about LARPing, and I’ve been dying to see it for months.  I don’t think it’s a particularly accurate portrayal of LARP, but at least we are portrayed as attractive and wearing epic costumes:

After the movie we are meeting up with a woman who has offered to buy our Tease tickets, since we won’t be able to make it now with the move. I’m actually rather sad about that, but it is what it is, and I am sure there will be other things we can get up to this summer, like camping in the mountains.

We are planning to go visit Aiden’s parents in the afternoon so that we can tell them that we are moving. I’m a bit anxious about how the conversation will go (particularly explaining WHY exactly we are moving across the country, since we can’t exactly tell them the whole truth) but Aiden seems to feel that it will be ok, and he knows his parents better than I do.

On Sunday Aiden is taking the kids out to an indoor play center (like Chuck E. Cheese) for a while so that Jack and I can have some time to ourselves. We’ll probably do something super romantic like organize the garage or finish staining the railings Heh.

As for today, I have a ton of cleaning up to get done, so I’d better stop procrastinating. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Friday was sort of chaotic, due to the fact that last week was kind of rough and I completely neglected my normal routine of packing and preparing everything WELL in advance.  Aiden and I were both finishing up costuming on Friday morning, and then there was a mad dash to load everything and get out of here on time.

My costume is comprised of a really big brown cloak, which I made myself, brown or black draw-string pants, and whatever combination of tank top/t-shirt/long-sleeved sweater I can arrange.  Aiden and I are now both playing the same race (Darklings) which requires any visible skin to be painted black, and then yellow or gold veins are to be painted on top of the black.

Here is a photo of us from the event we just attended (I would be the shorter one with the shield):

The strange protrusion on the one side of my cloak is my sword.

At one point over the weekend Aiden and I went into a local Wal-Mart, in full costume, because I needed drier footwear.  You should have seem the looks we got, particularly from little kids, who seemed to be either afraid or in total awe.  It was funny.  Oddly enough, people don’t often seem to stop us to ask questions about why we are dressed up.

It was really fantastic getting away for a weekend and totally escaping from real life.  I didn’t have to answer any phone calls, check any e-mail, and I even turned Twitter off on my cell phone, so that I wouldn’t have to plow though dozens of updates the two times I day I bothered to check it.  I still carried it with me, in case Jack had an emergency, but I forgot it was even with me most of the time.

Friday night was a lot of fun.  We went adventuring with out friend Dex, and built a fire, and met some new people.  Aiden and I are playing a married couple in game now.  A very unhappily married couple I might add, so there was a lot of fun role play fighting and cursing at each other.

We turned in at around 4am and it was damned cold.  Fortunately it warmed up in the morning, and we were up by 10am to start the day.  Darklings are damaged by the sun, so there was a lot of wandering around with our hoods up.  We ended up adventuring a lot of the day with Aiden’s ex-girlfriend, which was unexpected, but actually a lot of fun.  I am glad that she and Aiden seem to have buried the hatchet as it were, because she LARPs with us and now it won’t be awkward.  We joked and laughed a lot, and I think were we not moving, she and I would likely become good friends eventually.

On Saturday night there was a major battle, after which Aiden and I happily went to bed.  It wasn’t as cold the second night, and I woke up feeling really well rested, even though I was stiff and sore from the night before.  When you are at LARP there generally isn’t a lot of time for cooking, and so we lived on bottled water, cold hot dogs, and granola bars pretty much the whole weekend (oh, and quite a few coffees) but next time I will be better prepared with sandwiches and whatever else I can make up ahead of time that we can eat without a lot of fuss.

I also learned that taking the time to stretch after battle is probably in ones best interest.  As is packing adequate blankets, and clean socks.  OMG you have no idea how many pairs of socks Aiden and I went through in just two days.  I would say that bringing five or more pairs for each person is about right.  No fewer than five, that’s for sure.

On Sunday there was one more battle, and then it was time to pack up and go home.  It’s kind of a rude shock going back to normal life after spending the weekend in a fantasy world.  I was really excited to have a shower though.

Aiden and I hadn’t really been intimate all weekend, for one because we were both beat tired whenever we were in bed, and for another because my period was just ending.  There’s also the matter of being covered in mud and black make-up, it just doesn’t inspire a lot of sexiness.

Fortunately once we were back home, and in the shower and mostly cleaned off, we were able to make up a bit for lost time, and had some fun under the hot water, and then later in bed together.

I can’t wait for the next event, in four more weeks.  I am planning to make another cloak in the mean time, because my brown one is lovely for the night time, being a super heavy wool blend, it kept me warm and cut the wind, but it was hot in the day time.  Particularly with having to keep the hood up all the time in the sun, it got a little warm.  I would like to make something a little lighter weight, maybe in dark grey or forest green, for day wear.  Plus one can never have too many cloaks in my opinion.

Anyway, it’s time to stop procrastinating and turn my attention to the remaining smelly laundry that needs washing and the camping gear that needs to be put away.  I’m hoping that Aiden and I can make it out to the local kink munch this evening, but it may be awkward if I don’t have any clean pants to wear.

Jack, quite touched by my unexpected generosity, offered to let Aiden and I go away overnight this coming weekend, but we have LARP, and I would rather “bank” those overnight opportunities for Alberta, where we can spend a weekend in the mountains.

Having P here has been lovely.  I don’t want to overstep when it comes to how much I share regarding her relationship with Jack, but from what I can tell, things are going really well.  She seems to be settling in for the long-haul, and it’s very apparent that her presence in his life makes Jack very happy.  She and I have a bit of a running joke going about the 12-passenger van we’ll have to buy once Aiden and I, and she and Jack, have children.

It’s been rather interesting living in the basement full-time with Aiden.  My clothes are strewn all over his room, and I’ve only ventured into my own room a couple of times to fetch items that I’d forgotten to bring down prior to P getting here.  The last time I went in there, a couple of days ago, I felt as though I was intruding into someone else’s space.  It was something of an unsettling sensation at first, since it’s my room, and normally I consider it something of a sanctuary, where I can go when I need time to myself.  So I thought about it some, and realized that it’s really just a room, and for that matter, in a couple of months I won’t even live in it anymore.  Kind of silly to get bent out of shape over something so trivial.  I did, however, come to realize that in the next house I will need some sort of space for myself, especially if P does end up moving in, because everyone should have an area of their own, that is just theirs.  Jack, Aiden, and P should also have their own spaces, because the more people that live together, the more difficult it becomes.  This has stirred some ideas regarding how we will divvy up living area in the next house, which I hope to discuss with the rest of the family at the next opportune time.

This week I really must get started on the pre-pack for the move.  I also need to get all of our stuff together for LARP, especially since we are supposed to get rain, UGH!  Wet weather always means packing extra clothes, etc.  Don’t tell Aiden, but I am almost beginning to wish we WERE going away overnight somewhere that didn’t involve camping and re-applying black face paint 45 times, and getting wet in the great outdoors.  I am sure it will be brilliant once we are there, but at the moment, it just isn’t sounding so hot, LOL.

First I began writing about a tantrum I had on Friday that culminated in me taking off my collar and leaving it on Aiden’s bed while he was at work.  The discussion that followed was rather uncomfortable for me, and just this morning I completed the two-page apology that will hopefully earn me a second chance at being Aiden’s slave.  I miss my collar.  I feel naked without its familiar weight around my neck.

Second I began writing about the dull and mostly shitastic weekend that I had, but it’s all water under the bridge now.

Third I began writing about P’s arrival, and the wonderful visit we’ve had thus far.  Yesterday we spent the day shopping together, and making plans for the future.  We talked about her relationship with Jack, and I assured her that I am indeed very ok with them being together, and that I hope it lasts.  Yes, I still have the odd twinge of discomfort in my guts, but it passes as quickly as it comes.  Kind of like a moment of unfounded anxiety, or having butterflies when you drive through just the right sort of dip in a road at just the right speed.  Any “weirdness” (I wouldn’t even go so far to call it jealousy or insecurity or anything like that) on my part is quickly and easily dispersed by the fact that they make each other so happy, and it makes me happy to see them together.

This is what compersion feels like.

Next week Aiden is going to be working graveyards, which means I will be sleeping alone at night.  My period is also due on Tuesday, which means I am going to have to be extra-aware of my emotional state and do what I can to keep my irrational craziness in check.  Aiden and I have LARP next weekend, so fortunately I will have that to look forward to.  Even though we don’t actually spend a lot of time together “in-game” there is still the car ride there and back for us to talk and be with each other.  We should be able to coordinate sleep schedules at the event as well so that we both get in a bit of cuddling time, and aren’t apart the entire weekend.  That’s the thing about LARP.  Even though it’s something we do together, we aren’t actually together while we are there.  In the game we don’t know each other, so it doesn’t make any reasonable sense in the story for us to be anywhere near each other.  If we were staying in this game for any period of time, yes eventually our characters would probably become pals, but for now we are essentially strangers.

It’s strange, I know.  Just smile and nod.

The paperwork for our relocation came though, and Jack signed off on it.  Now the whole thing just has to get one more signature (from someone in Jack’s office, whom is in charge of such things) and it’s all set in stone for us.  That should happen today or tomorrow.  Either way, by Friday everyone in our family will know that we are moving, and the minor details should begin to solidify (the exact moving timeline, help with the kids and with packing, the actual crossing of the country, etc.)

There seems to be so much to do, in what feels like very little time, but I know it will all work out as it should.  It always does.

For the time being I am going to enjoy my visit with P.  Aiden and I have plans to go hiking on Friday.  I’m going to pack a picnic, and later in the evening we have a family dinner to attend (on his side) to celebrate Granny’s birthday.  Saturday is my tattoo appointment, and also Easter dinner here at Chez Gibson.  I think we are going to have turkey, with all of the excessive trimmings, since I didn’t go all out for Christmas and I am kind of in the mood to celebrate what with all the great news we’ve had around here lately.

That reminds me, I’d better plan to do some baking tomorrow.  Maybe I will post some photos of food, or my new bras or panties.  MAYBE.

If I had a nickle for every time that Jack and I have exchanged such messages in the last few days, well I’d have at least a dollar.

Then it breaks down to the numbers.  Percentages to be exact.

“I think I’m 95/5 at the moment.  You?”

“60/40 maybe”

“Really?  Not 80/20?”

“Ok, maybe 75/25″

These are the obscure methods we use to express how we feel about moving back to Alberta.

We need more details before we can make an informed and solid decision, but the fact that Jack and I spent over an hour last night looking at houses in our old neighborhood perhaps gives some indication of which way we would like to go.

Likewise Aiden and I are already mulling over plans to start up a LARP in the Calgary area, since to my knowledge there are no existing games that we can join.

As much as I like Ontario, I miss home.  I miss V, and the mountains, and my friends.  There are things I will miss very much about Ontario, but the lure of the place where I grew up is stronger than anything holding me here.

I’m doing my best to keep my excitement in check until we find out what exactly the offer is.  Jack is going to discuss the specifics with the higher-ups on Monday.  In the mean time, our weekend will likely be spent making the first moves towards preparing the house for sale.  The garage needs organizing, Aiden still has some boxes of possessions that need sorting, things of that nature.

V and I have a phone date planned for this evening.  We spoke for a short while last night, so that I could fill her in a bit on what is going on, but we didn’t have time to talk about everything.  She has already offered to do whatever she can to help with the move, including making a trip out here to help me pack or get organised or anything else we might need.

Hopefully by early in the week this will all be a done deal.  I hate the not knowing.

Ugh, I hate how my period makes me moody and extra sensitive.

Perhaps the pinky-purple daisies (in the photo above) that Aiden brought me on Tuesday were a preventative measure.  You know, so that I wouldn’t rip his face off at the most minuscule of provocations.

I loathe women who use their cycle as an excuse to act like total nutbars, but I can’t deny that it does have some effect on my ability to deal with my emotions.  I take everything extra personally, I am more easily agitated, and I feel like bursting into tears every five minutes.

*Sigh* Stupid hormones.

Thanks to my IUD my periods are nearly non-existent.  The last one was light enough that a pantyliner was sufficient to do the trick (and I was a “super-plus mondo pad” kind of girl prior to the IUD).  Yesterday I had a tiny bit of spotting, and so far today, nothing.  I wouldn’t even know it was that time of the month if I didn’t keep track on my calendar, or feel like disemboweling one of the guys every time they ruffle my feathers.

I wish that the changes in my mood had stopped along with the monthly bleed, but if I have to take one or the other, give me the cranky-pants any day.  At least I can quell my inner dragon with exercise and eating right, but there is nothing to be done about blood gushing from your vagina except wait it out.

Speaking of eating right and exercising, with the recent development of nicer weather I dug my bike out of the garage this morning.  After pumping the tires back up and locating my helmet, I took it out for a 30-minute spin around the neighborhood.  It’s a gorgeous day, warm enough for bike shorts but still cool enough to prevent getting excessively hot and sweaty.  Now I just need to practice plenty and then nag… I mean, ENCOURAGE one of the boys to get a bike, so that I don’t have to ride alone all the time.

As it turns out, this weekend Aiden’s mum is out of town, and so instead of going to visit his parents for dinner, we are planning to take a hike together, weather permitting.  I should also start working on a cloak for LARP, and perhaps finish up the long sword I started.  I know, I know, I subject you to suck geekery these days.  Speaking of which…

The paper is just there as a size reference. The shield and the short sword I built myself, and the longbow was my Valentine’s gift from the guys.  The short sword is rather massive and heavy, but I love it.  Eventually I will save up for some fancy Calimacil weapons, but for now these will do.  I still have to build a long sword and two daggers (my characters is a fighter/warrior, so I need lots of things to hit people with).  More pictures to come, I am sure.  I know you guys are dying to see photos of my costume once it’s done

Hmmm, from photos of blow jobs and fucking, to duct tape weapons and LARP gear.  Could it be that my blog is going downhill?  Perish the thought *Cheeky Grin*

I didn’t feel any weirdness while he was with P.  Ok maybe a twinge on Sunday, but I was also feeling generally over-sensitive because I was tired and my period is due immediately, so my hormones are out of whack, and I had to miss LARP while Aiden went with our friend Dex.  Still, when I thought of him and her together, particularly the thought of them having sex, I felt…nothing.  No angst, no guts turning over in my stomach.  If anything I was just happy that the two of them were able to spend some time together, since it’s difficult with the distance.

I’m not going to pretend that having Aiden here doesn’t make sharing Jack far easier for me.  While I do believe that I have grown as a person, particularly in poly, and that I have worked though much of my jealousy and insecurity in relation to Jack, it’s more fun to share when one still has a warm body to curl up with at night.

As an added benefit, Jack found it easier to relax and enjoy his time with P knowing that I had Aiden here to keep me company, and to help me work through any uncomfortable feelings that may have cropped up.  It’s all win

The lovely P is already booking a trip out here (hopefully for Easter, for two weeks!!!) and I.CANNOT.WAIT to see her  It has been far, far too long since she and I were able to hang out.  Maybe we can collectively lure her into moving out to Ontario once she is finished school  There is still an extra bedroom in the house, hee hee.

This week and the coming weekend promises to be quite busy.  This afternoon I had a blood donation appointment, my fourth successful donation.  Afterwards I stopped by my favorite tattoo studio and booked an appointment for some new ink at the beginning of April.  It’s been almost three years since my last tattoo and I’ve been itching for a third for ages.  I’m pretty excited about it

Aiden and I are planning on attending the kink munch in our city this evening, which will be a nice opportunity to catch up with everyone.

This weekend we have plans with G and S of Horny Geek, which I am looking forward to.  I assume a lot of our conversation will revolve around LARP or kink (or both at the same time!) but I’m sure you expected as much.  At some point we are going to visit Aiden’s mum and dad as well, and tidy up the house, and likely work on some other projects.

I’m currently plowing my way through a copy of “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage” and while the subtitle does seem a tad laughable, all things considered, it’s actually filled with fantastic advice about negotiating your respective needs with a partner.  Most of the conflicts that occur between Jack and I, and Aiden and I, center around one or more of our individual needs not being met, and even if this particular book is heavy on the monogamy, they at least acknowledge that it is totally possible and not unexpected to fall in love with more than one person at a time.  The copy I am reading actually belongs to Aiden’s mum, whom had lent it to him at some juncture in the past.  I want to return it to her this weekend, so that she can pass it on to someone else she knows that needs it, but I am thinking of picking up a copy of my own.  In case I don’t have time to cajole the boys into doing some of the writing and conversation exercises it recommends before Sunday.

More on the book, and some thoughts on getting your needs met while meeting the needs of multiple partners in poly relationships.  Even if some of the suggestions don’t work for our arrangement, at least they have inspired some thoughtful pondering that will hopefully result in a good post or two!

While I normally harbor an unnatural love of Mondays, on this particular morning I am fighting a sinus/chest infection or something of that nature and so am not as peppy and upbeat as usual.

I did have a lovely weekend, however, and so that makes up for the fact that I’ve run myself somewhat into the ground and therefore am now slightly ill.

On Friday night I had plans to do coffee with my friends G and S (of Horny Geek).  The weather, however, had other ideas and unfortunately I had to cancel due to the roads being awful.  Hopefully we can reschedule for sometime soon, perhaps when the forecast is more agreeable.

Instead I went to bed rather early, read some, and then fell asleep until Aiden got home from work and woke me.  He and I had been at odds all week, as discussed in my previous post, and so we ended up having a bit of a spat and then talked it out late into the night.  After things had been settled out, we made love and then went to sleep for a scant three hours.

He had to work for a bit on Saturday morning, and so after seeing him off I did some writing and then helped Jack and the kiddos shovel out the driveway.  We have had quite a bit of snow recently and it has been perfect for snowballs, hee hee.

When Aiden arrived home shortly after noon, he and I were able to take a nap for a couple of hours, because we were both exhausted due to lack of sleep the night prior.  One of our friends from LARP was celebrating her birthday that night and Aiden wanted to go.  I asked if I could come along too, since she’s really more his friend than mine, although I kind of expected that she assumed he would bring me.  There was some miscommunication between he and I regarding what time he had wanted to leave for the party, and we ended up having another argument, although this time he was the one being stubborn.  Eventually we worked it out and although we left later than he had wanted to, we weren’t late by any stretch.

There was pre-drinking at the apartment of the birthday girl, who needs a name for simplicity sake.  Lets call her Anya.  I already knew all but two of the other guests (through LARP) and Anya seemed quite pleased to see me.  Everyone hung out for a bit and had some drinks before we walked over to a nearby gay bar in The Village.  Aiden and I hadn’t originally planned to spend the night, but it didn’t take much for Anya to convince him that we should just crash at her house.  We drank and danced a little, and just generally had a really great time.  I flirted shamelessly with the only other “straight” guy (and I use that term loosely in this case) in our little group, much to Aiden’s amusement.  He really isn’t my type, but I’m kind of a tease, and it was all in good fun.

When we were thoroughly intoxicated, we walked back to Anya’s, and hung out for a few minutes longer before everyone passed out.  Unfortunately Aiden and I were sleeping on a futon, which proved to be less that comfortable, and so after dozing for around three hours, I woke up and found it almost impossible to get back to sleep.  Aiden woke up shortly there-after and after a bit of whispered discussion, we decided to head home, even though everyone else was still sleeping and we couldn’t really say a proper goodbye.

The drive home seemed long and we were both completely exhausted.  Jack and the kids were already up when we got in, but after tucking Aiden into bed for a nap, Jack came up to our room and laid down with me and we fell back asleep until around noon.

After I got up I went to wake Aiden, as we still had to go over to his former apartment that afternoon to pick up the last of his things.  I crawled into his bed and we cuddled and sort of dozed and then had sex before getting up to shower.  I made brunch for everyone and then he and I headed out.

We moved a couple of pieces of furniture, to be stored at his parents place, and then loaded up the rest of his stuff.  The Olympic hockey game between Canada and the US was in it’s final moments, so we watched the tail-end of it with Aiden’s former roommate and had a coffee with him and his girlfriend who is moving in to the apartment now.  They have only really been dating since early January, so it’s kind of an interesting situation, but who knows, maybe they will be ok.

It was getting later, and so we bid them a good evening and grabbed something to eat on our way out of town.  Aiden was really tired, and so we didn’t even bother to unload his stuff when we got back to the house, I just sent him straight to bed.

Jack was feeling rather nauseous when we arrived, and so although it was technically still Aiden’s night to sleep with me, Jack asked if they could switch since he was feeling so unwell and wanted to be looked after.  I got him to take a Gravol and then we went to bed, and he is off work today because I’m pretty certain he has some form of the flu.  He is all achy and his temperature is slightly elevated this morning so he is going to spend the day in bed.  He is supposed to be flying out to Calgary for work this week and then spending the weekend with P, so it’s important that he recover quickly.

Even though I am fighting a cold or some sort of gross infection, I feel recharged.  The weekend was exhausting, but exactly what I needed

Last weekend I went out with friends on Friday night and saw Daybreakers (pretty good movie, but unless you’re really into non-sparkly vampires, I would wait for the DVD).  Afterwards I went to Aiden’s house and spent the night, and the following morning we attended a FetFair together, along with a friend of his who is just coming out in the scene.  Aiden bought two new floggers, one of rope and one of soft, buttery deer hide.

That evening we also went to a play party together, where we socialized and spent time with our friends (we didn’t play).  Recently Aiden has taken an interest in needle play, and so I found someone within our social circle, whom came highly recommended, to teach us.  Likely those lessons will begin within the next month, or as soon as our respective schedules allow.

On Sunday Aiden watched the younglings so that Jack and I could go out on a date and celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.  We did a little shopping and then had dinner at a restaurant in town that we’ve been meaning to try for the better part of a year.  It was really nice to get out with no kids.  I can’t properly remember the last time he and I went out like that.

Aiden hadn’t been feeling good over the previous week, and decided to take Monday off of work.  He’s had some stomach issues, and at first he assumed it was the flu or something of that nature, but it’s persisted for longer than a normal flu should.  He ended up taking Tuesday off as well and spent almost 10 hours waiting in emergency to see a doctor.  They did some blood work, which came back normal, and examined him, and then encouraged him to follow up with his family doctor to be tested more thoroughly.  So we don’t really know for sure what is going on with him yet, but his symptoms have eased off a bit since then.

As his car died back in late November, we decided to use his time here to our advantage and shop around for something new (to him).  We spent two days checking out various and assorted car lots, and reading through the most recent copy of the Lemon-Aid Guide, before he finally settled on a Chrysler Neon (yes, I know, but it will do for the time being).  It’s a standard, which he didn’t know how to drive, so I took it for a spin to try it out before he bought it.  I had almost forgotten how much more fun it is to drive a stick, heh.

We brought it home on Friday, and that evening I took him out and taught him to drive it.  He caught on really quickly (we’re still working on the roll-back issue when stopping on an incline) and I think he’s already spoiled, because on Saturday he complained that my automatic was boring to drive, LOL.

Speaking of Saturday, I went my first LARP event over the weekend.  I was anxious about it all last week, and I felt under-prepared, but off we went Saturday morning.

It wasn’t as awkward as I expected.  It was not one of their typical events, as due to it being winter, it largly took place indoors.  There was some excellent combat outside in the evening and during the morning and early afternoon the following day, but mainly it was RP (role-play) based in terms of character interaction.  That suited me as I’m still not very confident with a weapon (although I did actually participate in some of the combat, and I didn’t die) and it gave me a chance to meet and get to know some of the other characters.

I play a darkling, which is a kind of fae with black skin and gold veins (wearing lots and lots of black make-up was interesting).  They don’t like the sunlight and generally don’t interact a lot with other creatures.  That worked well for me as I could act as quiet and broody and I wanted, LOL.  I had a great time though and I can’t wait to go to another event.  There is also nothing quite like going through Tim Horton’s for coffee while you’re still 100% in costume.  We got some interesting looks (Aiden plays a goblin who is bright green and scampers around in chainmail and a loin cloth) but it was amusing.

After we got home on Sunday (the kids thought we looked fabulous as we were still in costume) we showered, ate supper, and got kids to bed.  Then Jack patiently tolerated Aiden and I re-telling stories from the weekend, even though I’m sure most of it was a vague mystery to him.  It was kind of strange really, because even though Aiden and I were together most of the weekend, I felt like I’d missed him, because IG (in game) we hardly know each other, and spent a lot of time doing separate things.  We didn’t even sleep together at the event because for one it was kind of “pass out where you can find space” and for another because you’re still technically in character while you are sleeping and darklings do not go around cuddling with strange goblins whom they hardly know.  Plus when I get in the game I don’t feel like I’m hanging out with Aiden, I’m hanging out with his character, so it’s kind of an unusual sensation.

536. LARP

In case anyone is curious, when we are in game together, we put our Master/slave relationship on hold.  As mentioned above, we are in character, and so I can be as mouthy and badly behaved as I like (and believe me, I took full advantage of that, HA HA!)  If anyone asks about my collar, I tell them that it’s OOG (out of game) as in not part of my darkling costume or persona.

This week will be spent finding Aiden a new job and moving some of his stuff into the house.  Blogging may be light during this transition time, as adding an extra person to the house and working their schedule into the rhythm of things can take some adjustment.

• Metal shoehorns will leave bruises with hardly any effort at all

• People get kind of excited when you serve Cornish hens and leave them whole.  Like “We get a WHOLE bird?  Each?”

• Kolach, while the most beautiful of breads, is less like bread and more like a giant pretzel

• Even candles that are 100% paraffin wax are sometimes still too hot for wax play

• You have to start really early in the morning to watch all six Star Wars movies in one day

• If you push hard enough on a Wartenberg wheel, it will totally draw blood

• My kids know that babies come out of the vagina, but have no idea what butter is

As you can see, we had no shortage of fun around here.

Our Ukrainian Christmas celebration on Friday night was a wonderful success.  Nia and Muse were able to join us for dinner, and the five of us enjoyed the meal at a leisurely pace.  The kutia, although kind of strange looking, was really tasty.

Making traditional Ukrainian Christmas bread was probably my favorite part of all the preparation, and it allowed me to cross something off of my list.

109. Bake homemade bread

It turned out beautifully, and although it does take a bit of time, making bread from scratch without any assistance is really satisfying.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get around to making fudge over the weekend, but there is always this coming weekend.  We were short on both time and snow, but it’s not the end of the world.

On Saturday morning I got up and left Jack to sleep in.  After feeding the kids and the dogs, I made coffee for Aiden and myself and took it down to his room to wake him.  He’s generally not much for mornings, so I crawled into bed beside him for a cuddle, and tried my best to suppress my obnoxious “IT’S MORNING!!! THIS IS THE BEST TIME OF DAY EVAR!” attitude.

We snuggled, and then we started kissing.  We hadn’t seen each other all week, and due to having company and dinner the night before, we hadn’t really spent any time alone together.  Aiden normally doesn’t wake up “in the mood” so I was kind of surprised, in the best sort of way, when kissing led to him pulling my pajamas off while I stroked his cock under the covers.

I took him in my mouth for a few moments while his fingers were between my thighs.  His cock was incredibly hard, and I was aching for it, so I begged him to fuck me.

When he slid into my pussy my breath caught in my throat.  I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer, so that his pubic bone was rubbing against my clit with each thrust.

It felt like we hadn’t been together in ages.  Everything but our panting, and the feel of his skin on mine just sort of faded into the background.

I bit down on his shoulder to keep from whimpering too loudly while he fucked me, until he groaned into my ear and I felt his cock twitch in my pussy while he came.

We cuddled a while longer, and drank our coffee, and then got up and put some clothes on before heading upstairs.  Jack got up too and I made breakfast, and we all ate together before Aiden and I headed out to run some errands.

While we were out we got Aiden’s passport photos done and then we stopped at this weird little store in search of a curved barbell for his PA piercing, which we found.  We also found a set of metal thumbcuffs there, which Aiden decided he should have, LOL.  We haven’t had a chance to try them yet, but I’m looking forward to it.

In the afternoon we all settled in to watch the Star Wars movies.  Unfortunately we started way too late in the day to watch all six of them.  The kids were up for the first two, and then they went to bed.  Aiden and I watched the third one with Jack and then we begged off to play a little before bed.

There was flogging and then a little strapping and then a lovely massage followed by a bit of wax play that unfortunately had to end quite prematurely as these are really not suitable for such applications.

After he had scraped off the worst of the wax with a knife, I had a quick shower and then returned to his room for snuggling and a bit of fooling around that ended with him coming on my face.  As tempted as I was to shower for a THIRD time that day, I was tired, and so excused myself to wash my face and then we cuddled up in bed and went to sleep.

Sunday morning came far too early.  I got up before either Jack or Aiden, fed children and hounds, and then made coffee and went back downstairs.  Aiden and I cuddled a little and then drank our coffee and got up for the day.

Breakfast was made once Jack was up, and then we watched Mantracker (such a good show!) before Aiden and I planned to leave for his place.

When we got into town we went to his place, and I tried to coax Tank to eat one of the mice that is currently living with him.  Stubborn little shit wouldn’t eat though, even as I herded the mice towards him and they crawled over his head.  I really do need to remember to take my camera one of these days to get some pictures of him.  Apparently at some point yesterday he killed one of the mice but didn’t even eat it.  He’s kind of a strange snake.

Aiden called his mom and she invited us over for dinner, and since we hadn’t really made any firm plans yet, we went over and had chili (it was delicious) and visited for almost three hours.

Then we picked up some groceries, and went back to his house to hang out until I had to leave.  I changed his PA jewelry for him, and this barbell isn’t really the answer, but it will do until something more suitable can be found.  Then we crawled into bed and cuddled, which somehow led to him fucking me with something like this until I thought I might make a terrible mess all over his bed.  Unfortunately being too concerned about the mess prevented that from happening, but I did have such an intense orgasm that my abdominal muscles were sore the next day.  After I had recovered, I sucked his cock until he came in my mouth, and then we cuddled for a few more minutes until I had to go.

All in all it was a really good weekend.  I’m looking forward to this coming weekend as well, since Aiden and I are going to a play party, and I have plans with friends, and Jack and I are going out on Sunday to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.

It’s difficult to believe that January is already almost half over!