Mine was productive, and yet relaxing.  Here, let me tell you about it.

Thursday night (yes, I am starting on Thursday) was the evening Jack and I set aside to celebrate the anniversary of our engagement (which was technically on Friday, see below for why we had it on Thursday instead).  We dressed up nice and went for a really delicious dinner at The Keg.  We shared a bottle of wine, reminisced about the old times, and had a very wonderful evening together.  Then we went home, had a celebratory roll in the hay as it were, and fell asleep all cuddled up with each other.

On Friday night Jack and the kids left to spend the weekend in Edmonton participating in Grey Cup festivities.  I was unable to join them due to the fact that pole dancing classes fall smack-dab in the middle of Saturday evening.  After seeing them off, Aiden and decided to run a couple of errands.  We wanted to get started on our Christmas shopping, and we also had to make a trip to the pharmacy for play piercing supplies.

Yes, you read that right, hee hee.

Aiden bought me 50 22g hypodermic needles, a sharps disposal container, some nitrile gloves, and alcohol prep pads.  Oh are we ever going to have some fun!

We also scouted out some great gifts for the kids at the funky store next to the pharmacy.  Then we went for a bite to eat before heading home to watch some TV and play StarCraft II.

Saturday morning found us braving the mall, where we picked up some Christmas gifts, and also a new game for the PS3 (Lost Planet 2).  The malls are already totally crazy, so I was happy to get the hell out of there after a couple of hours of shopping.

After we got home, Aiden decided to have a nap, and I decided to get out my needles and do a little practice run on a raw chicken.

Yes, you read that right too.

Raw chickens have a similar feel to human skin, although when you practice on chickens you end up piercing through the muscle meat, just due to the fact that the skin itself and the fat layer beneath are far thinner than that of human being, and so the main purpose of practicing on them is to get your spacing and technique correct.

Before I continue, let me assure everyone that while I am NOT a trained professional, I have some practical knowledge of play piercing by way of workshops, observing other piercers in action, extensive reading on the internet, and have re-read Play Piercing by Deborah Addington at least three times.  Does this make me qualified for play piercing?  Probably not, which is why I shall practice at length on chickens and myself before I put a needle to the skin of anyone else.

Even though I was only piercing a dead bird, I went through the motions of cleaning (or pretending to, as I was planning on feeding this bird to my dogs afterwards) and re-gloving, just as I would if I was piercing a human. It’s good to go through the motions, even on “dry runs” so that you get used to the routine involved.  Believe it or not, I did learn some things while piercing Mrs. Cluck here.  Mainly about handling sharps without poking yourself, how important it is to work from top to bottom and not the other way around, and that initially marking your entry and exit points is more effective and safer than trying to eye-ball it.

After cleaning up and putting away my gear, I left for pole dancing class, which was awesome.  I really improved my fireman spin and we learned some sexy transition moves.  It was good fun!

Once class was over I visited with V briefly before heading for home.  Aiden and I played a little Lost Planet 2 before getting ready for the play party.  He wasn’t feeling very good, and we debated about going, but decided to make an appearance anyway, even if we didn’t stay long.  We grabbed some supper on the way, and got there about half an hour after things had started.

It was a much smaller event than we are used to.  Maybe because it’s a relatively new event (this was only their second one) but the smaller size made it very comfortable.  We got to talk to almost everyone there, and made some new friends.  The dungeon they have set up is very nice, and on a different floor than the social area, which is awesome!  No distractions of people talking about work or kids while you are trying to focus on your scene.

We didn’t end up playing because we lost track of time and ended up visiting until after 1am!  Aiden wasn’t feeling so hot anyway, so I didn’t expect that we would play (my butt was still a little sore from a belting I got earlier in the week anyway, heh) and it was lovely just to be social.

I was happy to crawl into bed around 2am and get some sleep!

Sunday was pretty laid back.  We played video games and tidied up the house a bit.  Jack and the kids made it home around 4pm and then it was time to watch the game!  There were lots of snacks and we all watched the Grey Cup.  None of the teams I really care about were in it, so I sort of split my attention between the game and my computer, but it was fun anyway.

Once the game was over we put the kids to bed and Aiden and I played some StarCraft II in the living room while watching TV with Jack.  Aiden really likes The Walking Dead series, and I watch it with him, even though it gives me nightmares pretty much every time.  Last night I dreamed that the zombie apocalypse was just beginning and we were gathering supplies from the house before leaving town and heading north (for some reason I believe that going to where it is very cold is the best idea in the event of zombies.  I mean, they would freeze solid, and then you could just knock their heads off where they stood.  Sounds like a plan to me).  It wasn’t as scary as a dream I had the last time I watched it that involved trying to make a pipe bomb out of a metal water bottle while tossing undead off the roof of the building we were trapped on.

Why yes, I DO have an over-active imagination, why do you ask?

Anyway, after that Jack headed to bed and Aiden and I followed shortly after.

This morning Aiden helped me with cleaning up the house in preparation for his mother, who is arriving here on Saturday night.

All in all it was a really great weekend, some low points aside.  I am hoping to do my first actual play piercing on Aiden this coming weekend, so I shall endeavour to post some photos of that, and probably some more shots of my practice sessions in the mean time.

That reminds me, I should take some meat out of the freezer for supper tonight…

While there wasn’t anything particularly new or exciting, we DID meet some fabulous people from the local kink community and got the down-low on an upcoming play party that we plan to attend.

We saw a really fantastic coffee table that converted into a spanking bench in mere seconds.

My pole dancing school did some sexy demos on stage, and I got to say “I can do that!” a few times.

Aiden decided to do a little shopping in anticipation of our anniversary celebration in the hotel room later that evening.  He picked up a Door Jam Sex Swing, some rope, and a rabbit fur flogger.

Yes, I already have a sex swing, but this swing is super portable (we got to use it in our hotel) and doesn’t require fastening bolts into the ceiling, which is a perk.

The bunny flogger is extremely sensual, and soft, and oh-so-erotic when draped over ones naked flesh.  Mmmmmm.

We didn’t linger long at the show, as we had better things to do (namely squirreling our packages off to the hotel suite and setting out to screw each other senseless).  I have to say, with some sadness, that I was disappointed with the Calgary show, and I’m not sure that I will continue attending each year unless I volunteer at the dungeon again.  It’s just become very redundant.

That said, we DID enjoy ourselves and our new toys at least made it worth while (they added to the really fantastic time we had later that evening).

Next weekend Aiden and I are attending our first play party in Calgary, and I am looking forward to it with a mix of excitement and trepidation.  There is also a munch on Monday night that we are going to make an appearance at, and I hope we can make some new friends here in the community.

First I began writing about a tantrum I had on Friday that culminated in me taking off my collar and leaving it on Aiden’s bed while he was at work.  The discussion that followed was rather uncomfortable for me, and just this morning I completed the two-page apology that will hopefully earn me a second chance at being Aiden’s slave.  I miss my collar.  I feel naked without its familiar weight around my neck.

Second I began writing about the dull and mostly shitastic weekend that I had, but it’s all water under the bridge now.

Third I began writing about P’s arrival, and the wonderful visit we’ve had thus far.  Yesterday we spent the day shopping together, and making plans for the future.  We talked about her relationship with Jack, and I assured her that I am indeed very ok with them being together, and that I hope it lasts.  Yes, I still have the odd twinge of discomfort in my guts, but it passes as quickly as it comes.  Kind of like a moment of unfounded anxiety, or having butterflies when you drive through just the right sort of dip in a road at just the right speed.  Any “weirdness” (I wouldn’t even go so far to call it jealousy or insecurity or anything like that) on my part is quickly and easily dispersed by the fact that they make each other so happy, and it makes me happy to see them together.

This is what compersion feels like.

Next week Aiden is going to be working graveyards, which means I will be sleeping alone at night.  My period is also due on Tuesday, which means I am going to have to be extra-aware of my emotional state and do what I can to keep my irrational craziness in check.  Aiden and I have LARP next weekend, so fortunately I will have that to look forward to.  Even though we don’t actually spend a lot of time together “in-game” there is still the car ride there and back for us to talk and be with each other.  We should be able to coordinate sleep schedules at the event as well so that we both get in a bit of cuddling time, and aren’t apart the entire weekend.  That’s the thing about LARP.  Even though it’s something we do together, we aren’t actually together while we are there.  In the game we don’t know each other, so it doesn’t make any reasonable sense in the story for us to be anywhere near each other.  If we were staying in this game for any period of time, yes eventually our characters would probably become pals, but for now we are essentially strangers.

It’s strange, I know.  Just smile and nod.

The paperwork for our relocation came though, and Jack signed off on it.  Now the whole thing just has to get one more signature (from someone in Jack’s office, whom is in charge of such things) and it’s all set in stone for us.  That should happen today or tomorrow.  Either way, by Friday everyone in our family will know that we are moving, and the minor details should begin to solidify (the exact moving timeline, help with the kids and with packing, the actual crossing of the country, etc.)

There seems to be so much to do, in what feels like very little time, but I know it will all work out as it should.  It always does.

For the time being I am going to enjoy my visit with P.  Aiden and I have plans to go hiking on Friday.  I’m going to pack a picnic, and later in the evening we have a family dinner to attend (on his side) to celebrate Granny’s birthday.  Saturday is my tattoo appointment, and also Easter dinner here at Chez Gibson.  I think we are going to have turkey, with all of the excessive trimmings, since I didn’t go all out for Christmas and I am kind of in the mood to celebrate what with all the great news we’ve had around here lately.

That reminds me, I’d better plan to do some baking tomorrow.  Maybe I will post some photos of food, or my new bras or panties.  MAYBE.

I want to assure you all now that Jack had just as much input as Aiden and I, when it came to the contract.  He read the drafts and requested additions/subtractions as he saw fit.  Aiden and I both felt (and still feel) that although the contract is technically between him and I, that it affects Jack just as much, if not more so, and that his feelings on the matter would be of the utmost importance.

Currently the contract is up for renewal, however with Aiden just beginning a new job and settling in here with us, we’ve postponed renegotiating it for the time being.  When we do, Jack will again be asked to contribute his thoughts and feelings on how the trial period went, and what changes he would like to see, if any.  It’s obviously very important that we are all on the same page when it comes to where the boundaries lie, and what is and is not ok.

Sometimes Jack disagrees with the way in which Aiden and I conduct our relationship.  I won’t speak on his behalf, but for example there was one day when I had been feeling off, or at least more moody and emotional than usual, and I had a punishment coming to me for some infractions in the days prior.  Jack found it difficult to understand why Aiden would follow through with punishing me when he knew I was having a really shitty day, as he is more inclined to coddle and snuggle me when I’m not feeling like myself.

We talked about it, and I did my best to reassure him that not only was the punishment well earned on my part, but that it was important for Aiden to follow though on these things because otherwise it would be difficult for me to take him seriously as my Master.  Consistency is important, especially in the beginning, and despite feeling really terrible, I knew that and accepted it, although perhaps not as gracefully as I could have.

Jack gets it on a rational level, it’s just not his way.  Regardless, he did not interfere, and I believe that he does trust Aiden to look out for my best interests.  He knows that while I can be submissive, I am not passive, and that if I am really having an issue, I won’t hesitate to make it known.

Aiden isn’t really that inclined to order me around a lot either.  There are certain expectations when it comes to my behavior, which I am aware of.  Rather than ordering me to do something, he prefers to ASK that I do it, which leaves the onus on me to obey.  This may seem contradictory to the entire Master/slave relationship, but Aiden prefers that I not become the type to mindlessly follow orders, and would rather that I behave because I’ve made the choice to do so.  It’s kind of difficult for me to put into words, but by leaving me at least the illusion of a choice, I confirm my submission to him every time I do as I am asked.

There are times when Jack is resentful that I will do things for Aiden without argument, when I won’t necessarily do those things for him so willingly.  It’s not that I am intentionally being disagreeable, or dismissive of Jack, it’s just the difference in how our respective relationships are negotiated.  While it sometimes bothers him, there are also times when he uses it to his advantage.  He does enjoy the perks of the house being tidy more often than not, and of tasks being completed in a more timely manner.  When he points out to me specific things that I do more willingly for Aiden, I do make a note of it and then put more of a conscious effort into doing said thing for Jack without a ton of objections.

Division of time is perhaps the most difficult aspect of co-habitating.  While Aiden was looking for work, he and I were able to spend every day together.  Obviously Jack and I don’t often enjoy that luxury.  Now that Aiden is working again, things should be a little more fair.  Divvying up the weekends can be difficult, between LARP and kink events and other social engagements, I could be gone almost constantly, but that would be terribly unfair for Jack and the kids.  So we work at balancing.  I make sure to give Jack as much notice as possible regarding plans or events I would like to attend, and then we negotiate how to make the most of our time in a way that is workable for everyone.  This past weekend, for example, I spent most of Saturday with Jack and the kids, and Aiden went for lunch with some friends.  Saturday evening Aiden and I attended a birthday party, and got home quite late.  Sunday morning Aiden went to visit his parents, and afterwards to LARP, and I skipped LARP and spent the whole of Sunday at home with Jack and the young ones.

This coming weekend, Aiden will be out on Friday night until the wee hours I imagine, as he has plans in the city with his pals.  On Saturday he and I are going to drive out to his parents place, to celebrate his birthday with them and his siblings.  On Sunday Aiden is going to watch the kids for a while so that Jack and I can go out for V-Day brunch, and that evening we are all going to hang out and have fondue to celebrate as a group.  Monday will also be spent at home, celebrating Aiden’s birthday for a second time, as a family.

Those are just some examples of what our weekends look like around here.  Some are more low-key than others, but our schedules are generally crazy, LOL.  Fortunately I’m a planner, and both Aiden and Jack generally leave it up to me to keep track of our respective social engagements and to give them each adequate notice regarding what we are doing at any given time.  Slaves are really just glorified personal assistants with better perks, after all

When something isn’t really working for Jack, in terms of time or my relationship with Aiden, he’s really good about letting me know so that we can discuss it and make adjustments.  As long as the lines of communication remain open, we can generally find a workable solution that makes everyone happy.

Thank you again for the question(s) Tonya.  I hope you guys will keep them coming, if you are curious or require clarification on anything.  Please don’t be shy

While we were in town we had dinner with his parents, and he let them know that he is moving in with me.  They weren’t exactly surprised, since he forewarned them in October that he was looking for a job where I live.  I think that they like me enough that they don’t really mind him moving over an hour away, especially since they know we will visit as often as we can.

During the course of the conversation, Aiden’s mum mentioned us bringing the kids over for a visit sometime in the future.  His parents are aware of the kids, but they think I’m divorced, and don’t know that I live with anyone.  I expected that at some point they would want to meet my children, but I’m not really certain how to handle that situation.  Aiden just wants to roll with it and see how it goes.  If the kids make any remarks that raise questions, he will handle them, but I’m not a fan of being put on the spot.  More on that when it happens.

It’s been nice having Aiden around all the time.  We still have to move the bulk of his stuff, and his room is a disaster, but there really isn’t any rush.  He has until the end of February to relocate all of his possessions.  Transitions are never perfect of course, and we’ve rubbed each other the wrong way a couple of times already, but co-habitating with a new person always requires an adjustment process.  We are still working out some of the minor details, like where I spend the night.  The current sleeping schedule is alternating nights, which we are trying out for the time being, and if that doesn’t work I think we’ll try a 3-and-3 rotation.

The kids are quite thrilled that Aiden is here to stay, although they are slowly learning that while he’s super fun, he also won’t put up with disrespect or misbehaviour on their part.  He doesn’t mind babysitting either, which has allowed Jack and I to go out on a date, for the first time in ages.

In the chaos of moving and car shopping and all manner of other craziness we’ve been up to, the Dom/sub aspect of our relationship has been pushed onto the back burner, although I doubt that will last long.  Our contract comes up for renewal on February 4th, so more on that as we work out details and adjustments.

For now we are just getting into a reasonable routine and rhythm with an extra body in the house.  Much, much more to come on how exactly it’s all working out.

Typing that word in reference to myself still makes me cringe a bit, but not as badly as it did in the beginning.  I’ve grown accustomed to some aspects of wearing a collar 24/7, but many are still a struggle.

Asking for what I want is sometimes extremely difficult.  For example, I am not permitted to masturbate without permission, but rather than ask, I will often assume the answer will be no, and just not bother.  There are times when my submissive feelings embarrass me or make me feel uncomfortable.

Some things are becoming easier.  I’ve been more obedient, at least in terms of completing tasks set to me, and doing as I am told.  I’ve been less bratty and rebellious.  I’m adjusting, somewhat slowly, to the fact that I really don’t get to make my own decisions a lot of the time.

We’ve both had our moments of doubt that this would work.  There have been times when I wanted to take my collar off and throw it at his head.  I wanted to tell him that he makes a far better boyfriend than he does a Dominant and that I just would prefer a “normal” relationship.  He questioned how serious I was about being his slave.  He thought perhaps I just wanted a collar as a status symbol, without all of the commitment required.  There have been a couple of disagreements, I’ve had a tantrum or two, but we seem to find our way.

The main sticking point currently, as far as Aiden is concerned, is that I still haven’t really accepted the fact that my time is no longer my own.  I am so in the habit of doing as I please, when I please, that it’s difficult for me to remember that I must ask, or at least notify him before I leave the house, talk on the phone to my friends, or agree to social activities (among other things).  My time, at least what does not belong to Jack and the kids and my job, is all his, and I am supposed to ask how best to spend that time, and not just decide for myself.  My time is to be spent pleasing him, regardless of what that means.

He feels that when that finally clicks somewhere in my brain, I will become a far better slave, and I agree that he’s right.  Yes I’m still a bit of a brat.  My alligator-mouth writes cheques for my hummingbird-ass all the time, but he’s generally lenient unless I really get out of line.  He will tolerate playful unruliness, but he will not put up with blatant disrespect.  Sometimes I step over the boundaries before I can catch myself, but in my perception it is getting better.  He will often give me a stern look when I’m pushing my luck, which is fair warning.

Initially, I think I really pushed the envelope because I wanted to test him.  I wanted to see if he was really serious.  Then one week I *really* irritated him, and acted like a totally sassy bitch.  So he zip-tied me to an ironing board, told me not to pull it over, and then hit me with the “whippy stick” until I cried.  To really make his point, he didn’t stop when the tears started, but finished what he’d begun, and then fucked me in the ass until I begged him to stop and promised to do as I was told.

After that, I decided it would be in my best interest to keep my behavior in check.

I’m sure that makes him sound like a total dick to some of you, but it was a justified punishment.  I knew I was being terribly disobedient and stubborn, and I knew what would happen if my behavior continued.  He gave me plenty of warnings, which I dismissed.

Fortunately, since then, I have behaved well enough to really avoid any more significantly harsh punishments, but I’m certain it will probably not be the last.  I am, after all, only human.

The “Ironing Board Incident” did have one somewhat distressing side effect.  It kind of killed my desire to play at all for quite a few weeks.  I hadn’t really noticed it until Aiden brought it up during his time here after Christmas, because it sort of seemed as though we just hadn’t made time for play.  Once he mentioned it though, it sort of dawned on me that he had invited me to play a number of times, and I had declined each time, even though it wasn’t going to be punishment.

We talked about it some, and during the time he was here we did a bit of light playing, briefly, but it was enough to warm me up to the idea again.  I’m really hoping we find some time to play this weekend, as he’s promised me a really lovely scene if I’m good all week (which I am making my very best effort to accomplish).  I’m also hoping he might chain me to his bed by my collar one of these nights, as it’s sort of one of my pet fantasies.

Our current contract comes up for re-negotiation and renewal at the beginning of February, and it will be interesting to see what we decide to change, if anything.

Ok, in my case, it’s just about every day, but cut me some slack, I’m a beginner.

I forget to follow the rules, or sometimes I just don’t feel like it and disregard them on purpose.  I don’t really want to be disobedient, I just have a difficult time letting go of making my own decisions.  I’m stubborn, and sometimes I’d rather just do what I want and take whatever punishment that entails.

There’s really nothing that Aiden can do to FORCE me to obey him.  No punishment he might inflict on me can make me do what he says if I decide that I really don’t want to.  That’s not what this is supposed to be about.  I made an agreement to obey him when we entered into this contract and he fastened this collar around my neck, and I’m not holding up my end of the bargain.

He shouldn’t have to fight me every step of the way when this is something I wanted, something I asked for, and agreed to.

I do want it, by the way.  I just didn’t really expect it to be so difficult.  I know perhaps I haven’t been totally clear about the nature of this relationship, but Aiden and I are, for all intended purposes, in a 24/7 power exchange.  The collar never comes off.  There are times when the expectations and the rules change a little (such as when I am with Jack) but for the most part, I am to be obedient at all times, even when Aiden isn’t present.

For us that means that I do the tasks that he assigns me, WHEN he assigns them and not “when I feel like it”, which is something I have a hard time with.  It also means that I have to notify him before I leave the house, let him know where I am going, and in some situations I must ask permission before I can go.  I must ask permission to masturbate, and to stay up past my new bedtime, which is 10:30pm.  There are more, and there are also rules regarding everything from what time I must eat breakfast to how many times a week I must write in my journal.

It likely sounds horrible to some of you, and I wish I could adequately put into words why exactly I want it that way, but I do.  As bratty and disobedient I am, I really, really, really want things this way.

Having a Dominant is sort of like having a really hardcore personal trainer.  All of us have the capacity to read up on nutrition and exercise and put those things into practice.  Many of us, however, lack the long-term motivation to stick to it if we don’t have any external guidance or encouragement.  So we give someone money to kick our asses when we don’t think we have the drive to keep at it ourselves.  That’s kind of how it works in D/s relationships, in the most basic sense of it all, and the best ‘vanilla’ way I can explain it.

When Jack and I first began our polyamorous relationship, we drafted a list of rules.  Some of you, who have been reading here since the beginning, probably remember how very bad I was at following those rules.  Even though I had agreed to them and understood their necessity, I just couldn’t seem to force myself to follow them.  A few of my commenters speculated on my rebellious nature, drawing conclusions about my ability to comply with even the simplest of restrictions.

Eventually I “outgrew” the rebellious phase and realized that breaking the rules was only hurting myself, and that my reasons for breaking them, no matter how I justified them in the moment, were stupid.  Then I stopped breaking them, and things got much easier and less strained around here.

Now that I’ve drawn that parallel, I hope it will remind me that whatever my reasons for not obeying the rules which Aiden and I have agreed upon, they are probably stupid.  When I feel ridiculous for following simple instructions, I must remember that it really isn’t up to me, and he’s not asking me to do anything even mildly difficult.  When he asks me to do something, it is not for me to ask why*, but to simply obey to the best of my ability.

Where this need to push the envelope came from, I’m not certain.  Perhaps it’s simply part of my nature to test the boundaries to be certain that they really exist.

*While I always reserve the right to ask “why” when I don’t agree with, or understand an order, there are many, many times when I ask “why” and it’s not necessary.

That evening he took me out for dinner, and then we rented some movies (Serenity and Twilight, for those who are interested).  We spent Thursday together as well, minus a few hours I spent at work.  I got a little spoiled having him here, and when the alarm went off on Friday morning, I think I almost convinced him to just quite his job and stay with me.  Fortunately he had just enough willpower to disentangle himself from me and get some clothes on before I could pull him back to bed.

Which brings me ’round to the sleep sharing situation over here.  You may have noticed that Aiden spends quite a lot of time at our house.  In fact the basement bedroom has now come to be called “Aiden’s room” and his toothbrush has taken up permanent residence in the basement bathroom.  He leaves clothes here regularly, and my children have staked claim to his PS3 which has been set up in our living room since September.

Since we’re not yet prepared to start explaining relationship dynamics of this kind to our children, the sleeping situation presented an issue at first.  I didn’t want to have to give up sharing a bed with Aiden, just because he happens to be here more than I am at his house.  At the same time, Jack feels like it’s too soon for the kids to find out I spend every other night in the basement instead of in my own room.  The solution that we’ve come up with so far, is that depending on schedules, I spend more or less half the night in each bed, which sounds ridiculous and probably won’t work long-term, but for now it’s ok.

When Aiden has to leave for work in the early morning (around 4am) then I go to bed with him and when he leaves for work I get up as well and return to my own bed with Jack.  If Aiden doesn’t have to work in the morning sometimes I will set my alarm for 6am and then sneak upstairs before the children wake up.  Jack generally stays up later than Aiden does, so other nights I will go to bed with Aiden and cuddle with him until Jack is ready to go to bed.  It sounds kind of complicated, but we just sort of work it out as we go along, just like everything else.

During the initial round of collar-related negotiations Jack expressed discomfort with the idea of me wearing my collar all the time.  As such, Aiden made sure that Jack would also have access to a key for said collar, so that he could remove it as he wished, since I am never to remove it myself.  Quite surprisingly, after seeing it on, he’s decided that he likes it, and so it will only be removed when I am either going through airport security or on the rare occasion when he is taking me out on a date and simply wishes me to wear one of the necklaces he’s bought for me over the years.  I’m really, really grateful for how understanding and accommodating Jack has been through all of this.  He’s amazing, and I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him.

The first night that I wore my new collar to bed, it was kind of weird and mildly uncomfortable, but since then I never notice it at night.  The weight of it reminds me that it’s there during the day, but not constantly.  When I wore it to work on Thursday I was slightly conscientious of it, although nobody inquired about it.  I know that it’s only a matter of time before someone asks about it, but that doesn’t really bother me.

While the actual wearing of it has become normal, the agreements that I am bound to have not.  I struggle, a lot, and I’ve been punished a fair number of times already.  I forget to ask permission to do things, I speak disrespectfully at times, I fail to do the things that I am told.  Aiden has been generally forgiving, since he understands that this is a huge adjustment for me, but at the same time, he knows that I will never learn if he is too lenient.  He expects that I will be defiant, and disobedient, and rebellious, although not forever.  I know that there will always be a bratty streak in me, and that I will never be perfect, but hopefully with time and patience I will become close to it.  So far I can manage “fairly good” for short periods of time, LOL.

Giving up so much control isn’t something I am used to, nor do I find it comfortable.  I’m not the naturally submissive type, and I like being able to make my own decisions.  Everything from my exercise habits, to what time I go to bed are no longer up to me.  When Aiden is here I have to ask permission to leave the room.  Freedom to do anything without asking has become a privilege that I have to earn back, when I can prove to him that I can consistently follow directions and do as I am told.

Aiden has given me permission to share our contract and rules on the blog here, so I will hopefully add that, perhaps as a page of it’s own for easy referral, in the next few days.

For now I’d better get going, as I have a lot of chores to get done and if I don’t, I won’t be able to sit for a week.

Rather than go into a long and complicated explanation I will refer you here, to a page on D/s dynamics, and here, which is for those of you not familiar with BDSM in general.

For the past month or so, he and I have been negotiating something a little more serious than simply being play partners who also happen to be in a romantic relationship with each other.  I don’t remember exactly how it began, but I think he asked me if I’d ever considered being collared, which is essentially when a Dominant claims a submissive for their own, and that submissive more or less becomes property of the Dominant.  Commonly a collar is given to the submissive, as a mark of said ownership (hence the term collared or collaring).  The agreement surrounding the collaring is unique to each couple/group.  Sometimes the agreement is formalized in the form of a written contract.

Due to the nature of our arrangement the negotiation process has been a little longer and more involved for us.  The contract is currently in it’s third draft, and Jack has been involved in the process the entire time, as his feelings in this are perhaps the most important of all.

Today the collar itself arrived, after much anticipation on my part.  Aiden and I couldn’t come to an agreement on a collar, so I get my choice for ‘everyday wear’ which is this gorgeous circle of steel, care of House Of Collars.

Eventually he will also choose a second collar, more to his taste, that will be for me to wear to events and when he just feels like parading me around in something flashy.

Neither of us are entering into this lightly, and I feel like we’ve both reflected a great deal on what we are getting into.  The initial contract is going to be valid for a term of no longer than three months, during which we shall ‘work out the kinks’ (pardon the pun, LOL) and figure out where our balance is, and what works for us and what doesn’t.  After the three months has ended, we will re-negotiate and decide if we are ready for something a little more long-term, or if perhaps the ‘trial period’ needs to be extended.

The paper journal that I’ve mentioned writing in is part of our D/s dynamic.  I’m generally better at organizing my thoughts on paper, and I know sometimes Doms require their subs to keep a journal as a means of more open communication, which I suggested to Aiden.  He liked the idea, and though there aren’t a ton of entries yet, I feel like it is and will be a good method of sharing my thoughts with him, particularly when I can’t really talk to him because he’s at work or I’m away, etc.

While I’ve identified as kinky since I was 18, and I really enjoy playing and the dynamics of casual power exchange, I have no experience with being a “full-time submissive” or in our case, as close to full-time as is mutually agreeable to everyone.  I’m not accustomed to rules, or to having to ask permission for anything, or letting someone else make decisions for me on a regular basis.  It’s going to be a massive adjustment, and I have no doubt that I’m going to struggle, and make a lot of mistakes, and probably get angry and pissed off and frustrated as well.  I hold no delusions that we are going to live happily ever after in kinky bliss.  D/s relationships, like any other kind, require dedication, hard work, patience, and a good sense of humor.  At the same time, the rewards are worth it, and as bull-headed and terribly stubborn as I am, there is a desire in there somewhere to submit myself to the will of another, even though I’ll probably fight it, a lot.  Fortunately Aiden is prepared for that.

I’m sure the best and the worst of this new chapter will make it onto the blog.  I feel satisfied that I have, and continue to be, forthcoming about the struggles and the successes of our poly relationships, and I would like to share in a similar way when it comes to this new dynamic we are about to experience.  With Aiden’s permission I may share a copy of our contract here, and perhaps some of the entries from my journal along the way, if I feel like they would be of interest.

If BDSM and D/s relationships aren’t really your thing, worry not, there will still be lots of regular goodness around here too.

I got on the wrong one, but at least going the right direction, and took it to the next stop.  I figured out which train I needed then and caught the right one on my second attempt.  The skytrain ride was good.  I drank my coffee, sent some pictures to Aiden, and watched people getting on and off at various stops.  Eventually I got to where I was headed and waited at the station for padme and Master Anakin to pick me up.  I was a little nervous as we hadn’t seen each other in over a year, and also I wanted to make a good impression with Master Anakin.

I only had to wait a short time before they arrived and padme and I exchanged hugs, loaded my stuff into the back, and then off we went to the mall.  Padme had an appointment to get her makeup done in preparation for Rascal’s that evening, and so after Master Anakin dropped us off at the mall we visited for a few minutes before she had to go to her appointment, and then I wandered around the shops while I waited.  I came across a Body Mods kiosk, which is my absolute favorite place ever to buy body jewelry (even though I don’t currently have any piercings).  I looked at some of their captive bead rings for Aiden’s PA piercing because he mentioned wanting to go up a gauge.  The sales girl and I dug through three different boxes worth before I picked out a black ring that I felt would be the appropriate size, and what I thought was the right gauge.  Unfortunately as it turns out his current ring is NOT a 14g, but a 10g, which is what I bought, and so he really needs an 8g.  Irritating.  Anyone need a 10g captive bead ring?

After her appointment padme looked even lovelier than normal  She and Master Anakin took me back to their house for a bit before we headed out to do a little sight-seeing.  They surprised me by taking me to the Harbor Center, which is a tall tower in downtown that overlooks Stanley Park and the city, and the ocean, and the mountains.  It wasn’t the clearest day, but it didn’t matter, the view was beautiful.

Every time I am back out west I really enjoy seeing the mountains again. You have no idea how badly I miss living close to them.

We didn’t linger too long in the tower, as they wanted to take me to see Stanley Park while we still had daylight. Master Anakin drove us over to the sea wall and although it had started raining the leaves were still beautiful and the city looked kind of charming through all the mist.

After we’d driven through the park and seen everything we wanted to see, we went to a different part of the city where we planned to do a little shopping and have dinner. It really started coming down while we were walking up and down the street. Eventually we escaped the rain inside a sushi restaurant for dinner. The food was excellent and we all had a really good time eating and talking. We laughed a lot too.

After we were all full and happy, we skipped next door to The Cupcake Store, which padme and I were very excited about. I got myself a red velvet cupcake, which is my favorite kind, and had it boxed up to eat later on. We dashed through the rain and back to the car. Padme wanted to take me to Little Sisters, which is an adult store, before we went to Rascal’s. Let me tell you that Master Anakin is an excellent driver in the city. Driving in Vancouver seems a lot like driving in Toronto. It’s kind of an extreme sport unto itself, and even worse in the horrendous rain that was pouring down. The streets were like lakes and there were people running through water that was deeper than their shoes, it was kind of funny actually.

We browsed through the things at Little Sisters, and I saw about 20 books that I want to buy (of course) and some neat toys as well. They had quite a few BDSM toys there, and I was happy that Aiden wasn’t with me because I found the most horrible looking paddle, made out of a lexan-type material. It was really long and narrow with those holes that reduce wind resistance. I was almost compelled to call yellow just standing there looking at it.

It was getting close to time for Rascal’s so we dodged rain drops on our way back to the car and jumped in. Fortunately as we were driving we either got out of the rain or it stopped, because by the time we got to the appointed place, it had stopped.

We were a little early, so we waited outside and then in the entrance until we were allowed inside. They sure do an amazing job of decorating for Halloween there! It was really awesome I was super impressed!

The three of us found a table and then padme and I dashed off to the bathroom to get changed into our outfits. I was wearing a pink bob wig that she had bought for me to go with my pink tutu. Plus I had on a black top and stiletto heels. I wasn’t dressed AS anything specific, but I don’t think that matters. I also wore a leather collar that locks closed, at Aiden’s request, so that nobody would pester me about playing with them. We hadn’t really clearly negotiated my playing with others, but he did express discomfort with anything of the sexual nature, so I thought it best to stick to the safe side.

Padme looked really cute and sexy in her goth schoolgirl outfit. She and Master Anakin are so cute and sweet together. It’s completely clear to anyone who has spent any time with them how very in love they are with each other, even after almost 13 years together, and it’s inspiring to see

I was able to meet some of padme’s friends in the community, and we all had a drink together and checked out everyone else’s outfits and costumes. There was a vendor there selling some really nice looking toys, and Master Anakin bought one for padme as a birthday gift. It’s a small paddle with leather on one side and some sort of textured rubber on the other side. Apparently it’s quite stingy!

Eventually the two of them went to play, which I was so hoping they would, since I can certainly relate to not having sitting that often and wanting to take advantage of kid-free time. I chatted with one of the people I’d met that evening, and we watched a lot of the scenes and discussed BDSM in terms of the differences between communities from city to city. Rascal’s reminded me a lot of the play parties I’d been to here.

One scene was particularly beautiful to me. I won’t go into details, as it’s not mine to share, but at the end the Dom was sitting in a chair and she was knelt between his knees with her head against his stomach and he was holding her in his arms and stroking her hair. It was just a really special moment for them and I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse. That’s what it’s all about, if I had to sum up why I like this lifestyle with one image, it would be something like that. Then he made her lick his boots and that was pretty awesome too

Padme and Master Anakin played for quite a while, and from where I was it looked like she got quite a beating! Boy was her ass red when they eventually came back to the table!

We all sat and chatted some more, and watched some of the other people playing. Padme was busy telling me the names of people she knew, or that I might have heard her make reference to. It was nice to be able to put a few faces to names.

Eventually she begged Master Anakin to play a little more, and they set up on a spanking bench only a few feet from our table. I have to tell you, they play way heavier than anything I’ve ever done, and it was fascinating to watch. They were both clearly enjoying themselves though!

Once they were finally finished, we lingered a little longer, enjoying the atmosphere and then finally decided it was time to head home.

When we got back to their house we took some photos of our costumes and ate our cupcakes. NOM! Master Anakin had offered earlier to take the couch so that padme and I could sleep in their bed, but after their intense scene I thought it would be more polite to let him have his own bed. I also felt like I wanted to do some writing in my paper journal before I went to sleep, and I didn’t want to keep padme awake or seem rude. After they were upstairs in bed I scratched out a few pages of thoughts on the party that evening, and then fell asleep on the couch, which was very comfortable.

As an aside, it is funny to me in hindsight that I felt super comfortable around Master Anakin, even though I’d never met him before. I didn’t feel the least bit awkward walking around the house in just panties and a tank top (hopefully that didn’t make him feel awkward either). It’s just interesting how well I feel I know him after being best friends with his wife for so long and hearing so much about him, and talking online and on the phone a few times over the years.

Sunday morning came bright and early! Master Anakin made us some of the most delicious eggs I’ve ever eaten, and padme enjoyed a rare treat of not having to cook. It was just lovely sitting around the table having breakfast and coffee with them. One of my favorite moments of the trip really.

We all got cleaned up and dressed and I packed up my things. They wanted to take me to White Rock Beach before dropping me off at the airport that afternoon. The drive there was really nice, and just as I had wished, it was the one beautiful sunny day I had there. The whole time I had been saying that “I don’t care if it rains the whole time, as long as it’s nice on Sunday” because I really wanted to enjoy the beach. It was even warm enough to wear just a t-shirt.

They took me down to the pier and I looked out on the ocean. Even though I’d seen it other times on my trip, this was the first time I was close to it. “You know I haven’t seen the ocean in 10 years” I mentioned as we walked along. I actually hadn’t even realised that until just then. It made me sad in a way, because I love the ocean, I always have, and yet I rarely ever get to see it. Someday I’m going to live next to it though, it’s on my list.

Near the pier were a pair of seagulls, and one of them (the brown one) was really squawking and kept swimming in front of the other one and getting in his face and biting/pecking him. We watched them for a minute and then I said “Look, she’s hassling him, HA HA. Hmmm, reminds me of another brat I know” and I shot a meaningful look at padme. We all laughed at that, and padme gave me a hard time about getting her in trouble with Master Anakin a few times recently.

We took tons of photos. Master Anakin even snapped a picture of me taking a picture, which is so funny to me. He also took a picture of me the day before sending a photo to Aiden on my cell phone, LOL. I really appreciated that actually because I’m usually always the one holding the camera, so I hardly ever have photos of myself.

He took pictures of padme and I together at the pier. Then we went down to the beach and strolled along. They helped me collect shells and pretty rocks to take home with me.

529. Collect sea shells on the beach

It was a really wonderful time, and I never wanted it to end. I think I would be at the beach all the time if I lived closer. There is something so calming about the air and the waves.

After our walk on the beach we went for fish n chips at a place right there by the pier. The food was excellent, and we had a great conversation over our lunch. I knew it was getting closer to when I had to go, and as much as I missed Jack and Aiden and the kids, I was very sad to be leaving. I love Vancouver, I wish I could have stayed longer, but had my favorite people there too. Maybe some other time.

When we arrived at the airport some time later, they came in with me and we had a coffee together and watched the planes landing and taking off. Padme and I were both a little quieter, and the mood was a little sadder. Eventually they needed to go pick up their kiddos and I needed to get to my gate. We hugged goodbye, and I thanked them both profusely for their hospitality, and that was that. I went through security without issue and found my departure area. It seemed unreal that I was leaving when in many ways it felt like I’d only just gotten there. I missed padme and my siblings already, and it was painful to go.

The flight home was nice enough. I did some reading, worked on some writing for Aiden, and napped a little. When I landed in Toronto, I was glad that my luggage came down quickly. Aiden was waiting for me at the gate, although he had his back to the door, so I was able to sneak up and pinch his bum before he realized I was there.

It was so much colder in Toronto! I told him about my trip during the drive to my house, and then we talked about what he’d gotten up to over the weekend. I was happy to see him again, and I couldn’t wait to see Jack and the kids and my hounds.

I had such a good time on my trip, and I hope I don’t have to wait long to get back to Vancouver and the mountains and the ocean.