On the 3rd, we went to my mum’s where I spent a couple of days recovering, before finally getting home last night.  It was so lovely to sleep in a familiar bed, with company, while not feeling like some hideous mucous monster was going to explode out of my face.  I had a solid, although rather brief sleep.

Now that I feel (almost totally) healthy again, I can get back to making the most of this brand new year!  Lots of great things in store for us.

On Monday Jack and I are kicking off a fitness challenge, competing against each other to see who can lose a higher percent of body mass (not number of pounds).  My mum got us a Wii Fit and The Biggest Loser program with it, and we are doing a 12 week challenge to see who can get fittest first.  The winner gets a $500 prize, to spend on whatever they want (I plan to take a shopping spree at Mountain Equipment Co-op).  We are both REALLY excited!  I plan to kick his ass via a combination of healthy eating, hitting the gym, and a lot of outdoors activities.  I will be posting periodic updates on that I am sure, and of course, at the end of the 12 weeks, I will happily gloat about winning (hee hee).

Speaking of outdoors activities, this weekend I am putting together a little tobogganing party on Saturday afternoon.  It’s P’s birthday tomorrow, so we are sort of incorporating that in as part of the festivities.  Hot chocolate, cupcakes, and sliding down a hill sounds like a great way to spend a day.  Maybe afterwards we will all grab an early dinner out somewhere.

Later this month Jack and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary (10th year together) and all of the planning has been left up to him, so I am completely in the dark as to what we are doing, but I am excited about the surprise.

I’m planning to get in some snowshoeing this month, and also I’m on the hunt for a new job!  It will be nice to work out of the house again, and I want to be able to save up some money for University, and a few other exciting possibilities that are on the horizon.  I overhauled my resume while I was visiting my family, and this evening I plan on applying to some jobs online, and tomorrow I hope to get out and drop off applications.

2011 is looking SO exciting!  I don’t really make NY resolutions, but a few items I’m hoping to cross off my Life List this year include:

24. Take belly-dancing lessons

41. Take tango lessons

80. Play paintball

116. Eat at the revolving restaurant in the Calgary Tower

325. Make beef jerky from scratch

382. Make a scrapbook for someone as a gift

396. Go back to school

434. Make bannok

447. Ride The Mindbender at West Edmonton Mall

519. Camp in the winter

I love the feeling of a fresh year and a fresh start.  Here’s to another great year!

I was totally spoiled this year by both of my loves, and by the kiddos.  Jack got me this awesome dehydrator so that I can make beef jerky and dried meals for backpacking.  I can’t wait to try it!  Aiden got me a water purifying UV pen and a lightweight collapsing fishing rod for backpacking as well.  Plus a super cuddly hoodie.  Santa brought me a lovely gift box from Lush and a 24 pack of multi-colored Sharpie markers.  I also got some other hiking stuff, a movie, and some beautiful things for around the house (candle holders and photo frames).  I am such a lucky girl.

Supper was delicious, and mostly stress-free.  After we ate we all played board games and Munchkin until it was quite late.

We went to my mum’s yesterday to visit everyone.  She got me a Wii Fit for Christmas, which I am really excited about!  She made us turducken, which was really tummy, and I had a great visit with my siblings and family.  We played some great games and laughed until we could hardly breathe.  My aunt and my sister and I stayed up into the wee hours, drinking and giggling and telling stories.  I am so fortunate to have such great women in my life.

Today we relaxed and watched movies until it was time to leave.  I will be going back with the kids after New Years for a longer visit, which I look forward to.

Speaking of New Years, we still have a big party to pull off, but I can’t wait!

2010 is coming to a close but it’s been a lovely ending to a great year.  Wonder what 2011 will bring?

For quite some time now (ok, we are talking several YEARS here) my gut has been trying to tell me something, and I have diligently ignored it.  I’ve chalked up it’s plethora of issues to all manner of excuses, including stress, a “stomach bug”, and simple irritability.

Over the past month, it has become increasingly loud and obnoxious in it’s cries for attention.  And by cries of attention I mean constant stomach pain, accompanied by mucous-filled stool the consistency of sand, topped off with what can only be described as an oil slick, left lingering on the surface of the water after every visit to the bathroom.  And did I ever visit often!  Usually four or five times before lunch.  Generally I lost count after that.

It isn’t *always* this bad, but I would say that over the past few years, anything resembling “normal” bowel movements have been few and far between.

During my most recent commitment to clean eating, I noticed immediately a change in the way that my body processed food.  The stomach pain ceased, and after three or four days, I was having totally normal visits to the toilet.

I had expected that I would feel better once I began eating more healthfully, but it wasn’t until Aiden and I spent last weekend celebrating the anniversary of our collaring, and I indulged in a couple of meals that included refined grains and processed foods, that I really realized the connection.  Even though I only ate TWO meals that were on the indulgent side (brunch at Denny’s and a tasty chorizo cannelloni at The Old Spaghetti Factory) and I was back in the bathroom, where it looked like BP had another “woops” moment, right in my small intestines.

After our weekend, I got back on my clean eating plan, and things began to normalize again.  As of this morning, everything coming out looks like it should and I feel great.

While all of this back and forth has been going on in my digestive system, I’ve been reading and fretting, wondering if perhaps I have Celiac disease or something wrong with my pancreas.  Through a bit of dietary trial and error, the only real conclusion I’ve come to is that I have a sensitivity to refined grain products, processed foods, and foods with high fat/oil content.  It could be some sort of malabsorption problem, or irritable bowel syndrome (I’m thinking the latter, since I have all of the symptoms).  While I certainly DO intend on doing some follow-up with my doctor, for the time being I am sticking with whole grains, and avoiding fast/processed food.

For some reason, finding (or at least speculating) that this problem I have is an actual medical issue, makes it infinitely easier to stick with my improved eating habits.  Even if it’s just a self-diagnosed label at the moment, I feel like it gives me something valid to tell others and myself when it’s difficult to stick to clean foods.  My family is particularly bad for pushing foods that are far from healthy, and so with the holidays just around the corner, I feel that putting up the “I have _______ and can’t eat that” wall will make it much easier to decline gracefully.

The changes in diet and my increased exercise habits have had the delightful effect of shrinking my waist, and making me feel stronger both physically and mentally.  I’m fitting into smaller clothes, and plenty of people have remarked that they can tell I am losing weight (or at least inches).  It feels great to be headed into the holidays with a commitment to sticking to my goals and lots of support behind me (thanks boys, I couldn’t do it without you).  I know I will be a better, and fitter me, going into 2011.

Jack works shorter hours now, and seems very happy in his position here.  Even though it was a bit of a change from his previous experience, he has tackled the challenge with enthusiasm, and is genuinely pleased with his decision to take the transfer out here.

Aiden was recently promoted at his job, to a position he’s been gunning for since he started with this company.  It’s very exciting for him and I am so, so proud.  His co-workers were surprised at how quickly he moved up, but he’s very ambitious, so I didn’t find it the least bit shocking.  He works looooong hours, which irritates me at times, but it won’t be forever, and he really enjoys his job, so I can’t exactly blame him for taking all the overtime he can get (the money is nice too).

I’m still working at getting the house in order, but it’s coming along.  I’m also focusing on getting in better shape, and just last night Aiden commented that he can tell I am losing weight, which made me feel great!  I can tell that watching what I eat and walking the dogs several times a day is really making a difference, and I’ve already lost at least ten pounds this summer.  I’m planning to pick up a rec center pass this week so that I can use the pool, gym, and indoor running track that they offer.

Over the weekend Aiden and I drove to Edmonton to visit his twin brother and sister-in-law.  We had a really good visit with them, and went to West Edmonton Mall for a few hours on Saturday.  Aiden and his brother play Warhammer 40K and Aiden has been encouraging me to play, so he bought me the codex for Chaos Daemons.  I think the best part is getting to paint the miniatures, but I am sure playing will be a lot of fun too.  Jack says he wants to play too, which will be awesome!  Geekery abounds in the Gibson house.

This week should be fairly quiet.  I hope to get some work done on the house.  We have an appointment with our new family doctor, which is just in time for my annual physical.  I need to have my IUD checked, and there were some irregular cells on my last pap, so it’s important to have that looked at again.

Speaking of my IUD, I still love the hell out of that thing.  My periods are extremely light or non-existent, I have minimal PMS, no cramping, no suffering during my cycle at all.  It’s wonderful!

Recently V and I signed up for pole dancing classes together, and I am very excited about getting started at those.  It’s a 6-week level 1 class, but the studio offers up to level 5, which entails very advanced pole work.  There are also lap dancing classes that I would love to attend at some point.  Jack is already hatching plans for installing a pole in the house somewhere, so that V and I can “practice” here, LOL.  It will be a fun and sexy way to continue getting in shape.  I’m so glad to be close to V again so that I can do these sorts of activities with my very best pal.  She and I always have an awesome time working out with each other and I’ve missed our pool and gym time together.

I’m due for a waxing appointment next week, and Aiden has agreed to get waxed as well!  Jack is going to wait and see how it goes for Aiden before he agrees to the torture, LOL.  Maybe I will put up a couple of photos afterwards, if I’m allowed.  I’ve never seen a man get his bits waxed before, so it will be an interesting experience.  More on that next week.

Sunday morning was blessedly warmer than Saturday morning had been, and when we hauled ourselves out of our sleeping bags at 7:30 am there wasn’t any frost on the ground, in spite of the somewhat heavy rains that had gone on through the night. We’d had the good sense to keep our boots inside the tent on a garbage bag overnight, and so they were dry and not frozen.

As quickly as we could, we packed up our bags, our mats, and eventually the tent. Our new friends were already up for the day as well, and likewise had begun packing away their gear.

With our backpacks mostly loaded (aside from the food bags which were on the bear cables) we trudged over to the cooking area to make a coffee and eat some breakfast. The clouds were quite low, and the mist on the lake looked spectacular.

We boiled some water and drank our instant coffee (those little packets that Taster’s Choice makes are the cat’s ass in the woods) and ate logan bread with jam and peanut butter. Neither of us wanted to leave very badly.

Once we had bid our new friends goodbye, we hiked off, hitting the trail at about 9:15 am.

Let me tell you, going down that wretched hill was absolutely aces. It took us no time at all to get back to the main trail and start our way down towards the warden’s cabin.

We made excellent time. When we reached the warden’s cabin we had already shaved an hour off of the time it took us to make the same distance on day one. No real surprise there of course.

After resting briefly we carried on, making it to Larry’s Camp around lunch time. We made it almost 10 km in a period of three hours. That same 10 km took us six hours when we were going the other direction.

We at couscous and beef jerky for lunch, changed our socks, and then struck out for the ink pots. Our friends from camp passed by us while we were stopped, but we caught up to them again when we stopped to take photos.

The ink pots, as it were, are a series of six small, clear pools. They remain a constant temperature of 4°C all year round (they don’t freeze in the winter, oddly enough) and the bottoms consist of quicksand. Although the source of the water that fills them is unknown, you can see it bubbling up through the sand in many places along the bottom (we tried to capture it in the second photo below, but you really need a video camera to get the full effect).

Then it was time for one last climb, to get out of the meadow, and we would be back on the paved trail and catwalks. Being a weekend there were tons of people wandering in both directions along the way. Several of them stopped to remark on our massive backpacks and ask us where we had come from.

My feet were rather badly blistered (seven in total, and at least two of them were larger around than a quarter) and the last couple of km were slow, but we made it to the parking lot around 4 pm. It took us 6.5 hours to hike out, with 1.5 hours worth of breaks, so five hours of actual hiking (as compared to the seven we did to get up there). Not bad if you ask me.

We were sore and tired, but it felt amazing to have accomplished it. After throwing our packs in the back of the van, we headed for home, chatting all the way back about what an incredible experience we’d had and planning for next time (we hope to go back next summer for a couple of days and do some fishing). We also discussed our favorite parts of the trip (we both agreed that sitting in the sunshine by the edge of the lake on Saturday afternoon, and being together was the main highlight) and how sad we were that hiking season is over for this year.

After we got home we headed directly to the shower, leaving everything in the van. The hot water was lovely, and as much as I love being out in the woods, it was nice to be clean and warm. After we got dressed, we went out for dinner with Jack, and told him all about our trip. I’m so sad that he wasn’t able to come with us, it really wasn’t the same without him, but we already have plans for a week-long hiking trip next summer (and probably at least one long-weekend trip as well). Hopefully some of our friends (such as V, M, and X) will come along with us for the adventure!

I’m so glad we managed to get in one really great trip before summer slipped away. Now we have all winter to buy more equipment before next season starts!

On Saturday morning around 6 am I reluctantly extracted myself from the warm cocoon of my mummy sleeping bag, in order to, um, answer the call of nature as it were. The first indication that it was going to be a rough start to our second day was the fact that the ground was covered in half an inch of frost, and ice crystals (the result of frozen condensation) fell on my head as I unzipped the fly of our tent.

Fantastic.

As our boots (and really most of the clothing we’d worn the day before) had been soaked, we had left them outside of the tent. That was something of an unfortunate mistake, as the temperature had dipped to around -8°C overnight and my boots were now frozen solid. Literally. I couldn’t have gotten my feet into them if I’d wanted to (which I didn’t really want to, seeing as they had become blocks of ice).

So, that meant sprinting bare-foot for about 50 feet (mostly uphill) on the frosty ground in order to use the privy. At least the view from the toilet was excellent:

Click on any of the following to view full-size

By the time I dove back into the tent, I could no longer feel my toes.

“Maybe I’ll wait a bit longer to get up” Aiden remarked, while he watched me scramble to get socks on and wriggle back into my sleeping bag.

“You know who comes up to the mountains this late in the season?” I said, rubbing my feet in an effort to jump-start the circulation again “CRAZY PEOPLE! That’s who.”

The view from our tent somehow justified all of the cold and craziness:

We fell back asleep until somewhere around 9 am, Aiden could hold it no longer and had to go outside.

“GAH! The ground is still frozen!”

Indeed. Apparently I had failed to mention that it doesn’t really get decently warm up there until nearly noon. Meaning it would be a while longer before the ground or our boots were bearable.

We didn’t leave the tent again until around 11 am or so. By that time the sun had managed to rise over the eastern side of the ridge and melt the ice from our tent, and from the ground and foliage that it touched. We elected to stay in our pajamas, since they were as warm as anything else we had, and changing out of them meant exposing our skin to the chilly air, which was not the most appealing prospect.

Fortunately we were in good humor, and the day looked to be mostly sunny. Aiden packed our boots off and put them in a sunny spot, and we draped everything else in the most well-lit areas we could find and hoped that things would dry before the weather changed.

The lake was even more magnificent in the sunshine than it had been the night before.

The first order of business was coffee, and then a breakfast of logan bread and jam. The cooking area and fire pit are located a good distance from the tenting sites, in order to (hopefully) prevent bears from eating campers while they sleep, heh.

It was kind of wonderful and strange being the only two people out there, and knowing that civilization was so far away. I didn’t have cell phone service (although my phone does allow for emergency calls out there) and there were no other campers for at least 9 km in any direction. It was totally and completely peaceful.

After breakfast we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon basking in the sunshine and wandering across the logs in the lake. We even saw a couple of fish swimming along slowly in the shallows. That was really amazing (unfortunately no photos).

Having dealt with wet wood the night before while trying to start a fire, Aiden thought it would be a good idea to collect now-dry deadfall for burning that evening. The clouds overhead warned that there might be more precipitation, so while we still had sunshine, we trekked off along the lakeshore to forage.

We gathered as much as we could carry, and then stacked the wood in the driest spot we could find and then collected a little more until we were satisfied that we had enough for that night (and a little extra, because Aiden thought it would be polite to leave some for the next people who came).

Then we re-filled our Platypus bags and walked along the waters edge for a while, just when it began to hail. We ducked under some trees to watch for a while. It’s difficult to really capture it in photos, but the apparent “haze” in the following pictures is actually hail.

Fortunately it didn’t last long, and shortly after it quit, I heard someone shout in the distance.

The woman who had issued us our wilderness passes on Thursday had mentioned that another party was booked to arrive at our site that day, and sure enough, it was them. Two older men, an older woman, and a boy who was around 20. The men and then woman were all siblings and the boy was the son of one of the men. They were a jovial group, and had come up to the lake to do a little fishing.

Shortly after they arrived and began to set up camp, it started to rain, and so Aiden and I retreated to our tent and snacked on chocolate-covered coffee beans, beef jerky, and trail mix while we waited for the clouds to blow over.

When the sky cleared up a little the men went off to fish, just as Aiden and I were crawling out of our tent. We chatted with them briefly, and told them to let us know if they caught any fish that they didn’t want. I was wishing that I’d brought tinfoil or some other means of cooking said fish because they caught three of them that evening, but I couldn’t be bothered to muck around with cleaning and somehow cooking the damned things, so they went back into the lake.

We all ate dinner, and sat around the fire talking and laughing. They were thrilled that we had gone to the trouble of collecting firewood, and it was rather nice to be warm and dry before bed for a change. It was a great time. They are all avid hikers and regaled us with stories of The West Coast Trail (I think we might try it ourselves next summer) and visiting Lake Luellen in their youth. We learned a lot of useful things by listening to them.

Somewhere around 10 pm we reluctantly headed to bed, as we wanted to get an early start in the morning. We had 18 km to hike out the next day and although it was going to be mostly downhill, we wanted to allow ourselves plenty of time to make it out.

So the long-awaited and much-anticipated hiking trip went off with only minor glitches.  Namely, Jack became too ill to join us, and so it was just Aiden and I, and 36 km of heavily wooded trail.  Oh, and a grizzly bear.

We pulled into the trailhead parking lot after purchasing out wilderness passes in Banff.  Basically you pay a very reasonable fee to use the backcountry camping sites (it’s about $10/night/person) so that the trails and sites can remain maintained.  We decided to sleep in the back of the van, rather than unpacking all of our carefully organized gear at a campsite.  It was cramped, and sort of chilly, and I am pretty sure I only slept in sporadic spurts, adding up to no more than four hours in total.

Friday morning came very early.  We boiled some water for oatmeal in a bag (I’d packed instant oatmeal, pecan bits, and dried cranberries in heavy duty ziplock bags, which you then add boiling water to, stir, seal, and let sit for five minutes) and instant coffee.  A local construction worker drove past us, poked his head out of his truck window, and with a chuckle shouted “I like your kitchen”.

I’m sure we looked pretty funny with our tiny backpackers stove in the middle of the parking spot next to us, decked out in our rain gear and toques.  It was already drizzling and the forecast was abysmal, and Jack didn’t feel up to hoisting on his 50 lb backpack, so he reluctantly bowed out of the expedition.  So with somewhat reserved optimism, Aiden and I set out on the first leg of the hike, which was a 2.7 km stretch of catwalks and paved trail that led past a series of waterfalls.  We hit the trail at 8:30 am.

Click on any of the following to view full-size

After the paved portion of the trail came to an end, the uphill climbing became considerable.  The next goal was the ink pots, which were another 3.2 km in, and during most of that distance we were gaining elevation.  It was somewhere around 10:30 am when we arrived at the ink pots, and we were making good time (around 6 km in two hours).  Unfortunately it began raining quite hard, and we had to pause at the far end of the meadow to put on our rain gear.

As you can see, the clouds were pretty low, and we were getting progressively closer to the snow line.  At that point we were at 1645 m of elevation (or 5,397 feet) which means that we had gained around 700ft of elevation.  For every 1000ft of elevation gained, the air temperature drops approximately 6.5°C and it certainly felt like it.

After making our way through the valley, we continued upwards, although it wasn’t as steep.  We planned to break for lunch at the first set of backcountry camping spots, commonly known as “Larry’s Camp” which was roughly the half-way point of the hike (around 8.5 km in from the trailhead).  We made it there around 11:30 am, which was right on schedule.

We selected a spot and settled in for a rather chilly lunch.  We boiled water and ate freeze-dried hiking rations, followed by hot chocolate and changing our socks, which had been soaked through for some time.  It was cold and we were both tired and damp, but Aiden was determined to make it to Lake Luellen and who was I to argue?  We broke camp around 1 pm and hit the trail.

The next 4 km were relatively easy to navigate, and only took us an hour and a half to complete.  The climbing was gradual, and we were in better spirits, having warmed up due to moving around again.  A warden’s cabin indicated that we were just about 3/4 of the way through our journey, and we stopped for a bathroom break and to soak up a bit of the sun, which was shining intermittently.  The scenery we encountered was breathtaking.  Photos really do not do it justice.

Shortly after we left the warden’s cabin, somewhere around 2:45 pm, Aiden shouted from in front of me “What the fuck is that?!?!  I almost stepped on it!!!” and when I peeked around his gigantic backpack, on the trail in front of us was a mother grouse with several chicks.  Apparently he’d nearly squashed the poor thing while she had been foraging on the trail, because they didn’t seem the least bit bothered by our presence, nor in any particular hurry to get out of the way.

Grouse are delicious, by the way, but these ones were safe, as hunting is not permitted in the park.

Not long after we passed the grouse, I heard something to the left of the trail, making quite the racket.  After a moment of searching the forest, which was not particularly dense, I spotted something climbing a tree.  Initially I thought it might be a porcupine, but it was rather large.  A longer look resulted in the discovery that it was, in fact, a grizzly bear.  We must have startled it, because it shimmied up the tree, decided that it still didn’t feel particularly safe, scooted down the tree, and ran for it’s life.  It was still a cub, likely born sometime in March, and still under the care of it’s mother, so we didn’t bother to linger very long.  Neither of has opted to carry bear spray, and I didn’t fancy having an encounter with his parental unit.

The trail began to climb more steeply, and the hail began to fall on the already-muddy maze of rocks and tree roots we were navigating.  The next 2.5 hours were some of the longest of my life.  We pushed on, at times I was certain I couldn’t move another step, but Aiden encouraged me, and we took quite a few breaks along the way.  It was incredibly challenging, and there were moments when I wanted to just lay down and die, but we eventually made it to the junction where the trail breaks off to the lake, or continues on to Badger Pass and then some.

There was only 1 km left to go, but it turned out to be almost completely uphill, and very, very steep.  Aiden and I looked at each other and sighed.  We were both exhausted, but we dug deep and trudged up the trail, slowly, but steadily.  I can’t begin to describe to you how difficult and discouraging it all was.  We were both ready to cry when finally the trail turned a bend, and over the crest of the hill, we saw the blue-green depths of Lake Luellen.  That last km took us 45 minutes.  From beginning to end we’d gained a total of 2,200 ft of elevation.  The air was thinner, and the temperature was significantly lower, but we were happy to be there none the less.

The hike in took us 9.5 hours in all, which includes the 2.5 hours worth of breaks we took, so 7 hours of actual hiking.

We were soaked and cold and more exhausted than we’d ever been before in our lives, but we pitched our tent, and got a rather small fire going.  The lake was a smooth as glass, save for a pair of loons, which were gliding over the surface.  They came close to the shore to check us out, before resuming their business of diving for food.

I cooked poached eggs for supper, which we ate with logan bread by the fire.  The lake is not very far below the snow line, which means it gets bloody cold in the evening.  We didn’t linger long outdoors when it began to get dark, especially when dry clothes and our sleeping bags were waiting.

Stay tuned for tales from our second day in the mountains…

The countdown to the move is somewhere around the 38 day mark.  Meaning we will be leaving Ontario in just over a month.  Sometimes when I think about it, it seems surreal.  The days are passing so quickly now, I am sure that June will be a blur, and before we know it, we will be unpacking our things in the new place.  Craziness.

Generally stressful times lead to acting like I’ve completely lost my mind, due to a combination of sleeplessness and having too much on my plate, both literally and figuratively.  I’ve decided that I will not use moving as an excuse to eat anything I want, or to behave like an utter loon, or to lay around bemoaning the fact that I’m exhausted from packing and therefore do not have the energy to work out.  Summer has arrived, and although I have gone to the beach and braved frolicking in public in a swimsuit, it has been with much angst and trepidation.  I would like to be able to enjoy sunning myself and swimming without feeling self-conscious all the time, and so it’s back on the wagon of exercise and eating better.  I never use the word DIET, because I believe that the negative connotations it generally carries, only fuel the feelings of sadness and deprivation that many people buy into.  I don’t believe in dieting, but I do believe in making changes to ones lifestyle that facilitate being healthy.  Regular exercise also seems to even out my moods, and prevents a lot of unnecessary conflict, which in turn makes everyone happier, so it’s a win-win-win, all the way around.

Last night I sat down to add a few things to my calendar (and dayplanner, and Aiden’s calendar, and my Google calendar, and, well you get the idea) which is becoming increasingly full as the move draws nearer.  There are a number of things I wanted to accomplish before leaving Ontario, but I won’t get to all of them, which is ok.  I know for certain that Aiden and I will be back to visit his family at least once a year, which will give me an opportunity to cross a few more off.

Right now I am hoping to get to the zoo and pet a stingray, visit the CN tower, and experience Canada’s Wonderland.  Beyond that, well I am not holding my breath, LOL.

Ugh, I hate how my period makes me moody and extra sensitive.

Perhaps the pinky-purple daisies (in the photo above) that Aiden brought me on Tuesday were a preventative measure.  You know, so that I wouldn’t rip his face off at the most minuscule of provocations.

I loathe women who use their cycle as an excuse to act like total nutbars, but I can’t deny that it does have some effect on my ability to deal with my emotions.  I take everything extra personally, I am more easily agitated, and I feel like bursting into tears every five minutes.

*Sigh* Stupid hormones.

Thanks to my IUD my periods are nearly non-existent.  The last one was light enough that a pantyliner was sufficient to do the trick (and I was a “super-plus mondo pad” kind of girl prior to the IUD).  Yesterday I had a tiny bit of spotting, and so far today, nothing.  I wouldn’t even know it was that time of the month if I didn’t keep track on my calendar, or feel like disemboweling one of the guys every time they ruffle my feathers.

I wish that the changes in my mood had stopped along with the monthly bleed, but if I have to take one or the other, give me the cranky-pants any day.  At least I can quell my inner dragon with exercise and eating right, but there is nothing to be done about blood gushing from your vagina except wait it out.

Speaking of eating right and exercising, with the recent development of nicer weather I dug my bike out of the garage this morning.  After pumping the tires back up and locating my helmet, I took it out for a 30-minute spin around the neighborhood.  It’s a gorgeous day, warm enough for bike shorts but still cool enough to prevent getting excessively hot and sweaty.  Now I just need to practice plenty and then nag… I mean, ENCOURAGE one of the boys to get a bike, so that I don’t have to ride alone all the time.

As it turns out, this weekend Aiden’s mum is out of town, and so instead of going to visit his parents for dinner, we are planning to take a hike together, weather permitting.  I should also start working on a cloak for LARP, and perhaps finish up the long sword I started.  I know, I know, I subject you to suck geekery these days.  Speaking of which…

The paper is just there as a size reference. The shield and the short sword I built myself, and the longbow was my Valentine’s gift from the guys.  The short sword is rather massive and heavy, but I love it.  Eventually I will save up for some fancy Calimacil weapons, but for now these will do.  I still have to build a long sword and two daggers (my characters is a fighter/warrior, so I need lots of things to hit people with).  More pictures to come, I am sure.  I know you guys are dying to see photos of my costume once it’s done

Hmmm, from photos of blow jobs and fucking, to duct tape weapons and LARP gear.  Could it be that my blog is going downhill?  Perish the thought *Cheeky Grin*

Details and photos of the trip are pending, but I don’t have the time or inclination to upload the pictures and relate all of the stories just now.  Needless to say it was an excellent trip.  I got to spend time with my brothers and sister, and with one of my best friends in the whole world, the lovely padme, and her husband Master Anakin.

I miss the ocean already.  I hadn’t seen it in 10 years, which seems crazy to me now.  Walking on the beach and breathing in that salt air was one of my favorite parts of the trip.

All the time spent on planes and in airports gave me an excellent opportunity to catch up on some reading, and writing.  Aiden and I are working out the final details of our D/s contract (more on that to come, I promise).  There is also a paper journal I’ve taken to keeping, and Aiden asked me to do a bit of writing for him on why I want him to collar me (more on that too).  I managed to finish Viola Johnson’s book: To Love, To Obey, To Serve which was just amazing.  I have a borrowed copy, but I’m adding it to my want-list of books.  Flying is truly one of my favorite things, and even though I forgot my iPod and headphones, I hardly noticed between writing words and reading them.

While I was in Vancouver I had the pleasure of attending a play party, my first outside of SW Ontario, and got the opportunity to observe a completely separate ‘scene’ than the one I’m accustomed to.  That was fascinating, although the similarities are greater than the differences.  I will perhaps have more to say on the subject after the upcoming play party I’m attending with Aiden this Sunday.

This week is going to be incredibly busy, as I have chores to catch up on, tasks to complete for both of the men in my life, and then obligations to kids and dogs and friends as well.  On top of it all, I’m getting back to the pool, and to the gym.  In two hours I should be half-way through my first length of the pool, after rounding up my swim gear this morning.  If I have any complaints about swimming it’s that I have some of my best ideas while I’m paddling away through the water, and yet I forget a lot of them since I can’t write them down.  It’s the perfect time for thinking, as it’s a very solitary sort of activity, and doesn’t require much brain effort.  When I find a way to take notes while doing it, I will have nothing to gripe about, LOL.

A box of 3000 aluminum rings should be arriving on Friday, because I needed another hobby and Aiden wants some new chainmail.  I’m sure photos of the process and eventually the finished project will find their way onto the blog.  By the time I’m done I should be able to add yet another skill to my list of semi-useless talents, HA HA.

Thus far the IUD hasn’t given me much trouble.  I had some very light spotting while I was out on the coast, but nothing significant.  I’ve also noticed had a few acne outbreaks, which I am not usually prone to, and that is slightly annoying, but not unbearable.  I haven’t had any depression or changes in mood, which is the greatest relief of all.  It’s been almost three weeks since I had it inserted, so I expect if I were going to get depressed, it would have happened by now, as normally I am quite sensitive to shifts in hormones, and notice changes in my feelings within a week.

Jack and I decided to put it to the test this morning and he came inside me for the first time in over five years.  It was pretty hot, and hopefully that little bit of plastic does what it’s supposed to do.

So that’s a bit of a condensed update on my recent activities, and a few teasers regarding upcoming posts  I have a lot of writing to catch up on, LOL, for now I’m off to the pool!

In many ways I was ill prepared for what this month of restrictive eating would bring.  We were forced to deal with a number of situations that we had not planned for, which made sticking to the plan feel like an undertaking of mammoth proportions.  The untimely death of a family pet, an unexpected visit from family members who are neither particularly understanding or helpful, the beginning of a new job.

From these experiences, I have learned that there will never be a *right* time to drastically change eating habits, even temporarily.  Life doesn’t allow for much in the way of planning.  At the beginning of February it looked to be quiet and uneventful,  which was one of the main reason we chose that month for this raw foods experiment.  Of course, all hell broke loose not two weeks in.  The best laid plans and all that.  Don’t keep waiting for a time that will be just right for whatever it is you want to do, just dive in head first.  The only thing that you can really plan for is chaos.

This experience has only solidified my belief that any eating plan which relies heavily on willpower is absolutely doomed to fail you.  I ‘slipped’ more than once over the month, because I only invested in my own personal strength to get me through it.  There are days when you are going to falter.  Days when you are not going to be strong enough to resist the temptation.  You NEED to have plans in place to deal with those days when you just can’t force yourself to stick to your guns.  Or you need to build in allowances for such occurrences.  If I had it to do over I would have decided ahead of time how many ‘get out of jail free’ cards I was going to allow myself.  In fact, when I do this again (and I will) I am going to keep some physical representations of such cards, and that way when I have a moment, I can decide if it’s worth indulging.  When I’m out of cards, then that will be it.  I highly recommend that you give this particular tool a try, even if you are following a more traditional eating plan.  Allow yourself some leeway, because otherwise it’s easy to fall into feelings of resentment and rebellion, even though your restrictions are self-imposed.

Alternative plans could include journaling, talking to a supportive friend or family member, taking a walk, or anything else that you can think of that will distract or otherwise remind you of why you are doing this.  A simple tool that I found helpful was trying on clothes that I am still to big for.  No, this wasn’t just about getting into a smaller size, it was a personal challenge, but in the moments when you want to throw up your hands and give up, a little bit of a physical motivator doesn’t hurt.

In spite of these insights, as well as others, which I’ve blogged about here, I was reluctant to cross this item off the list.  For one, because I don’t feel that I did what I set out to accomplish over the course of this month.  Yes, I maintained a (mostly) raw diet, although I did slip more times than I wanted to.  I didn’t, however, have the experience with it that I had intended.  The first couple of weeks in particular, when I was resentful, difficult to be around, and generally a hostile and bitter person.  I’ve learned plenty, that much is true, but I don’t feel that I got from it what I wanted, which is why I intend to do it over again at some future juncture.  The next time will be different.  I have developed habits, recipes, and a vast number of tools over these last two weeks which will be of great benefit during my next raw experience.  During the next undertaking I intend to make a point of journaling daily, a tool that I love, but which I did not exercise nearly enough.  I will also put in place some of the allowances and plans I’ve mentioned above.

V has threatened me with much grief and bodily harm if I don’t go ahead and cross it off, and she made better arguments than I could, even though as I mentioned, I’ve been reluctant.  It’s so like me to make light of what I’ve done, or for my perfectionism to get in the way, so I know it’s good for me to go ahead and declare this list item accomplished.

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s also worth mentioning that over the course of the month I lost 10 lbs, 2% body fat, a clothing size, and 3.5 inches off of my waist.  I don’t want it to seem as though I am not proud of myself for what I’ve done, because I am, and I know that those pounds and inches didn’t just fall off magically.  It was the result of hard work and determination, and I have no intentions of undoing it all by jumping off the wagon into bad habits.  This is really only the beginning.  Cheers to getting fit and healthy this year, finally

That’s right.  When you are eating raw, you can have cheesecake for breakfast and still have room to spare in your skinny jeans.  In fact, I would say that most days, at least one of my meals consists entirely of dessert.  That may sound odd, but the desserts are so good for you, it’s difficult to believe.

The desserts are 100% raw, made from totally natural and healthy ingredients, and sweetened without sugars or anything high in fats.  V and I had actually been lacking when it comes to calories, so our tasty new creations have pushed us closer to the necessary range, which allows us to indulge as often as we wish.

We’ve also gotten far more creative in the kitchen, thanks to this amazing website, which is a veritable gold mine of delicious raw recipes.

Raw Chili Soup

Raw Blueberry Cheesecake

Raw Turtles

Many of these items will become regular staples of our kitchen, long after this month of raw foods is over. How can you not love a cheesecake that tastes and feels like regular cheesecake, without all of that fat and calories?

Granted, I’ve allowed myself a cup of coffee or two each day during this week, mostly because I felt like I needed it to cope with our house guests.  Lame, I know, but I’m not going to punish myself for it.  As Jack pointed out to me last night, I was quite ill-prepared for this raw foods business, and had I done more research ahead of time, I likely would have decided that coffee is not a ‘food’ and therefore, did not fall under the constraints of eating raw.  However, it’s worked in nicely to the cleansing process, and while I won’t write off this month over a few cups of coffee, V and I have both decided to give it our all for the final 10 days of February.  We’re going to be as close to totally raw as possible from today on.

A curious thing has happened that bears mentioning.  V hasn’t had a period this month.  It was due on Thursday, and yet there is no sign that it’s planning to make an appearance at all.  After some reading, we’ve come to the conclusion that this is sometimes a part of eating raw.  It’s not unheard of for women to continue ovulating regularly, and yet never menstruate, while they are following this lifestyle.  How much does that rock?  My next one is due at the end of the month and I am curious to see if I get it at all.  The complete lack of PMS, cramping, or all of that messy bleeding is just about enough incentive to eat raw for life.

It’s hard to believe that there are only 10 days left.  Already this has been the most difficult list item I’ve done, and perhaps the most challenging month I’ve had since our move to Ontario.  I’ve learned much about myself, diets, and my relationship with food, all of which I plan to share in my summary posts, when the month is over.

Now, I’m going to make some raw fettuccine alfredo (zucchini ‘noodles’ topped with a tasty raw alfredo sauce).  Photos to come in the next post

Last-minute company has arrived from out west, and they brought with them their 6 year old terror, who is the main reason I am awake and typing at 6am on a holiday Monday.  I can deal with high-energy kids, but he transforms my kids, who are actually very well behaved, into monsters.  They are only staying until Wednesday, which seems like ages away at this ungodly hour.  Raw foods be damned, I’m going to have to drink some coffee to make it through this day.  Yes, I know that my addiction is mainly psychological, but I don’t care.  I’m already tired and extremely grouchy, and if I’m going to make it through a day of doing touristy crap with a kid who listens about as well as a deaf mule, I need to give myself a break.

It’s not all bad news.  Jack comes home this afternoon, and I couldn’t be happier.  I’ve missed him so badly these past five days.  Yesterday morning he called me to wish me a Happy V-Day, and directed me to the hall closet, where upon the highest shelf, my Valentine’s card was hidden.  Since he couldn’t be here for it, he stowed said card away in a place where I would have to fetch a stool to retrieve it.  What a thoughtful and creative man I married   He’s also promised to take me out for a meal at one of my favorite restaurants, once February is over.  I’m actually hopeful that we can catch a dinner theater together, since that’s on my list.

Speaking of February, the raw foods diet has become much more bearable.  V and I have gotten quite creative in the kitchen, thanks to the vast resources available online.  The details, however, and more food porn, will have to wait for their own post.

At any rate, here are a couple of photos to make up for the lack of sexy around here   Happy Monday!

I feel resentful and deprived.  I wish that I’d not committed to going quite so raw.  I wish that I’d built in an allowance for even one cup of coffee a day.  If not the coffee, then maybe one cooked thing a week.

Why don’t I just go ahead and change the rules, you might wonder?  It is MY thing after all.  There aren’t any rules that I’ve not created on my own.  No strict guidelines that must be adhered to.

Something in me just won’t let me go changing my plan now.  I feel like if I do that, I’ll be a failure at this.

V seems to be adapting with ease, which makes me glad for her.  It also makes me feel that I’m weak, or that there is something wrong with me.  I feel like I should be able to breeze through this.  It’s only a month, after all.  How hard should it really be?

Jack has mentioned that I seem less happy.  V has made the same observation.  I know that it’s true.  Part of it can be chalked up to the flu, which has now transformed into a sinus infection.  Still, I know that I’m touchier than normal.  Less inclined to laugh.  Moodier.  Not my usual self by any stretch.

One one hand, I think I need to cut myself some slack.  I don’t want anyone to think that going raw overnight is supposed to be simple, or comfortable.  I never thought that this would be a walk in the park.  On the other hand, I don’t think that it’s healthy to become so miserable over a state of perceived ‘depravation’.

As Jack points out, I can quit any time that I want to.  Except that I can’t, because I’m too stubborn.  I can’t even give myself permission to have a cup of tea, because although most raw foodists still drink tea, or even coffee, I’ve decided to set a standard for myself that I now resent.

I don’t want to change the rules part way, just to make myself more comfortable.  It’s like I’m trying to punish myself.  It would seem that I feel this entire month should be a process of suffering, and that I shouldn’t make any exceptions to make it all a little more bearable.  WTF?

I really don’t want to go through the next three weeks by gritting my teeth and forcing myself to endure it.  I either need to find a way to embrace this raw foods thing, or I need to allow myself to make a few adjustments for my own mental health.

V and I have discovered a number of tasty recipes, and we’ve begun getting accustomed to the methods and ingredients involved in raw foods preparation.  Here are a few of the tasty things we’ve been eating recently:

Veggie Sandwiches On Raw Onion Bread

Raw Gardenburger

Raw Spirulina Pie

It’s becoming less of a struggle and more of normal way of eating. Yes, I still miss coffee, but I’m not thinking about as much.

The results are encouraging.  Yesterday I tried on a pair of pants that I bought the last time I lost weight, and they fit again!  I haven’t been able to put them on for a year and a half, and now I can wear them comfortably.  When I look in the mirror, I can see that I am getting smaller.  Trotting around in my ‘skinny’ pants gives me motivation to keep at it.

Cravings seem to be easing, and I haven’t noticed a decrease in energy levels or anything of that nature, which is encouraging.  Right now, it’s difficult to believe that it’s almost been a whole week.

I certainly hope it is.

Today has been a struggle for me.  I’m recovering from a bout of the flu, and all I’ve wanted since Sunday is a cup of coffee and a hot bowl of soup.  While it would be easy for me to justify abandoning this raw foods thing in light of feeling like three pails of dead cats, I haven’t given in.  Unfortunately, I haven’t eaten much today either because I just don’t want anything that I’m allowed to have.

For breakfast I had a cocktail of juiced spinach, oranges, and kiwis.  For lunch I had an apple.  For supper I’m having a whole orange bell pepper and a cup of raw cashews.  It’s not even that I feel hungry, because I don’t.  I attribute that to the flu, which generally kills my appetite considerably, but it’s difficult to know that I would be eating more if only I could eat what I want.

Already I’ve discovered how kind of warped my relationship with food has been.  I feel now as though all of the joy has been removed from the act of consuming food, and I’m only eating what I need to survive (actually less at the moment, but please know that I am not starving myself or anything).  It’s peculiar for me to feel so…indifferent about eating, when previously it was something I looked forward to.  Maybe this is a more normal relationship with food?  Eating because you need to sustain your body, and not because it’s the highlight of your afternoon, or your method of relieving stress after a difficult day?

That’s not to say that one should never take pleasure from eating, I just wonder if perhaps some of us get more excited about it than others?  Personally, I know that I don’t often eat because I’m actually hungry.  I eat for the flavour, for the comfort, for the sensation of it.  It has nothing to do with nourishment and everything to do with indulgence.  Clearly that’s not the way to go.  Neither is removing all sense of enjoyment.  As with all things in life, some sense of balance must be obtained.

This evening I discovered, quite painfully, what happens if you eat only a single apple over the course of the day.  I won’t get into details, but this discovery was made in the bathroom, when my spinach-colored crap was the consistency of thin soup.

Raw foods, by the way, does all sorts of exciting things to your feces.  I’m sure you wanted to know.

Really, I’m not trying to disgust you, I’m only attempting to keep a written record of how I feel, and what is going on with me during this extreme change in eating habits.  If you’re of a weak constitution, maybe skip these posts

Today I had my first ever set of passport photos taken.  It happened to be that I had a hair appointment in the morning, before which I discovered that I’d misplaced my debit card.  Fortunately I was still able to pay my stylist, and then I scooted over to my bank to get a replacement card.  While I was there I decided that I might as well have my passport pictures taken at the studio upstairs from my bank, especially since my freshly cut and styled hair was looking particularly marvelous.  The photos turned out great, even though I look oh-so-serious in them.  Shame they don’t let you smile at all.  Upon examining the pictures afterwards, I was delighted to realize that I’m looking much thinner in the face.  V told me that she noticed, and of course I look at myself every day, but it’s never quite the same as seeing a photo you know?

Anyway, I’m sending in a passport application ASAP, because The Infamous V and I are GOING TO VEGAS!!!  A few of her friends are planning a trip at the end of March, and she has invited me along for the party.  I’ve never been to Las Vegas before, but Jack has and I’ve heard nothing but fantastic stuff about it.

We haven’t booked our hotel yet, but now that I’m going for certain, we’re going to shop around for a good deal.  I’d absolutely love to stay somewhere really swanky, like Trump Hotel, but it depends on the rest of the group and what we can afford.  This is also excellent motivation to work my ass off during the next two months in preparation for buying cute outfits and possibly some new swimwear.

Speaking of which.

V and I are counting down the days to our month-long raw foods adventure.  Tomorrow night we plan to go out to a local pub for beer, wings, steak, and any other forbidden food that strikes our fancy.  We do not intend to go totally wild, but I would like to savor some dead animal before 28 days without.

We’re actually quite excited.  I bought us a juicer, and we’ve been drinking detoxifying beet juice beverages in the mornings, which has the exciting side effect of turning my pee a lovely shade of tomato, and don’t even get me started on what the other thing looks like.

I’ve also purchased a couple of recipe books, and we’re making a trip to Whole Foods Market on Saturday, to purchase necessary supplies and sundries.  It’s not all fruits and vegetables, as Whole Foods also carries raw crackers and cheeses, which saves V from having to drive into America to purchase raw milk, and then smuggling it back into Canada so that we could make cheese ourselves. 

Yes, we were actually going to do that, because we are insane.

The raw foods preparations and plenty of exercise has been the primary focus of January.  I’ve already lost a dress size, and even though I haven’t weighed in, I’m certain the body fat is beginning to make it’s reluctant departure.  I’ve maintained a regiment of no less than five workouts per week, which I intend to continue, probably for the rest of my life, since it’s becoming something I need to do.  I look forward to my workouts, and I savor them as time to be alone with myself, even when V is with me.  We generally don’t chat too much while we exercise, as we are both focused on what we are doing, and we get plenty of social time as it is.

I plan to share much of my raw foods experience here, and write more often about struggling with body acceptance and changing the way I live to support a longer and healthier existence.  At the very least, it’s lovely to have a record of where I began, so as to measure how far I’ve come.

V and I have taken up swimming, in addition to our land training.  I’ve worked out 7 times this week, sometimes swimming and hitting the gym in the same day.  We took Friday off and I felt sluggish and lethargic, which only reinforces my belief that at least some exercise every day is my best bet for success.  No, I don’t mean running myself into the ground without ever taking a break, but even taking a stroll for 30 minutes improves my mood and increases my energy.

Yesterday I was kicked out of the slow lane at lap swim, and you have no idea how pleased I was.

I used to swim often, taking lessons right through my younger years.  Our summers were always spent at the lake.  My mother was an avid swimmer, and instilled in us a love of the water.  It’s been wonderful getting back to the pool, donning our swim caps and goggles, despite the fact that neither of us feels completely comfortable frolicking about in a bathing suit.  We’re not there to pick up men or win a beauty contest, we just want to swim.

We’re gearing up for a month or raw foods in February.  The rules appear pretty simple at first.  Nothing cooked, nothing processed, just whole, natural, living foods.  I’ve rounded up a food dehydrator, so that we can make raw ‘breads’ and other fare.  I plan to go for sashimi at least a couple of times, since technically it’s allowed, and I quite love the taste and texture of raw fish.  No coffee of course, nor alcohol.  The coffee will likely be the hardest part of all, but I am sure I can manage for a month.  We will live primarily on fruits and vegetables, supplementing those with legumes and sprouts.  It’s going to be a fantastic detoxification process.  I’m really quite excited.

I’m also using the first of February to kick off 6 months of avoiding fast food, as per my list, and because I know it’s bad for me.  I’m defining fast food as anything that can be picked up at a drive-thru window, OR prepared and served in less than 20 minutes.  All of the obvious offenders of course, but I’m also including places like Subway, Quiznos, pizza joints, and Chinese takeout.  While most people wouldn’t consider those ‘fast food’ they aren’t classified as a place you go to sit down and really enjoy a meal, and thus, they are out of bounds.

This isn’t about getting down to some magic number on a scale.  Our weigh-ins include an analysis which covers body fat percentiles and BMI.  I’m not aiming for a goal weight, but for a specific body fat percentage within the acceptable range for my age.  Whatever I weigh when I get there will be the right weight for me, period.  I’m more concerned about feeling good and living longer than I am about how I look.  I’ve already made peace with my body, I just want to take better care of it, so that I  am physically capable of achieving all of my goals.

We made it through the holidays with only minimal strain, and all of that was self-induced. Leaving shopping until the last minute, indecision over what to buy for family and friends, that sort of thing. Still, we pulled it together, had a wonderful Christmas, and I feel pretty good about how everything went.

Jack spoiled me, as he is wont to do. I received a La Senza gift card (which I used yesterday to buy some gorgeous panties and lingerie, pictures to come, but you can see one of my recent purchases from there above). I also go a FoodSaver, which I’ve wanted for years, and a jewelry armoire, a beautiful photo tower/album cabinet, and a mini chopper.  V gave me a bath bomb from Lush, a really fabulous meat mallet, a grater/zester, and the movie 10 Things I Hate About You which is one of my all-time favs.  Yes, indeed, the way to my heart is through small kitchen appliances and accessories.

In return, I bought him a projector and screen, for his basement theatre room.  He was thrilled with it, which was totally worth the considerable dent it made in my savings account.  His parents also bought us a Wii, which I think will be fantastic to play on the 92 inch screen!

While she was here, Jack’s mom was also good enough to teach me how to make authentic Ukranian pirogi, which was on my list of things to do.  It was a lot of fun, and I was surprised how quickly we managed to make 140 of them!  Now that I have the technique down, V and I are already planning all of the stuffed pastas and other filling combinations we can make for ourselves, and they freeze beautifully.

462. Make pirogi from scratch

V arrives home today, and I can hardly stand the wait.  I bought her something really awesome for Christmas and I am DYING for her to open it.  I can’t say what it is yet, in case she peeks at my blog before she gets back here, but I just know she is going to be thrilled.  I know I mentioned before that she wasn’t going to be home until after New Years, but unfortunately she had to cut her trip short, due to her ferret, who has become quite ill over the past month.  We’re still not completely certain what is causing her to be so unwell, she has more tests coming up in January, but understandably, V didn’t want to be away from her too long, in case she gets worse before she gets better.

Since she’s going to be missing out on her original New Years plans, I’m planning for the three of us to have a fondue, and maybe we’ll rent some movies or kick each others asses at Wii, and have some drinks.  Perhaps we’ll play some Wii Tennis, and every time one misses the ball or hits it out of bounds, they must do a shot.  That could be fun, LOL.

Speaking of New Years, my most favorite of annual celebrations, I’ve decided yet again not to create a bunch of resolutions.  I’m just going to keep doing what I have been doing, and that is eating with my health in mind, exercising regularly, and continuing to work at self-betterment, one step at a time.  Part of this decision comes from my work in the fitness industry over the past couple of years.  Memberships at the gyms where I have been employed always spike in January and February.  Attendance is at an all-time high, only to taper down to ‘normal’ numbers by March and April.  Why do we all do this to ourselves?  You know what they say about paving the road with good intentions.  I don’t want to be one of those numbers.  I figure that if you can’t get yourself started at any other point in the year, there is not enough magic in that first month to last you for the next 11 of them.  V and I have helped, encouraged, and inspired each other to become more active, and we’ve been doing it consistently since September/October, so there really isn’t any need for half-hearted promises of better health in 2009.  We’re already doing it.

One thing I will resolve is to avoid being hit by a bus, which I should be able to manage just fine

Jack was off work the last part of this week, due to coming down with the flu, so I’ve been doting on him.  I’ve also greatly enjoyed the presence of my in-laws, who are the polar opposite of my own mother.  They are completely content to sync seamlessly into the natural rhythm and ways of our home, rather than fighting against it.  They encourage me and praise me constantly, assuring me that they will gladly entertain the child(ren) while I scratch my way through course assignments and notes for hours at a time.  They don’t act put out when I go to the gym, leaving a youngling or two in their care for an hour or so.  They just…are SO nice to be around!  It’s making this holiday season easier to cope with, rather than more difficult.

You’d think with all that help at hand, I’d have a ton of time to devote to writing, and I have, but I’ve used every second of it to catch up on homework.  While my mother was here I felt as though I needed to entertain her constantly, which meant I got next to no homework done, and I got behind a couple of assignments, so I’ve been working to catch up ever since.  This has left me virtually no time or inclination for blogging.  As much as I miss writing for pleasure, I really need to put this course first, because it’s going to help me get into University when I (hopefully) apply in February.

I still have Christmas shopping to do, and plenty of gifts to wrap, so a wise person would likely declare a hiatus for the holidays, and not worry about writing until after it’s all over.  I’m not going to do that, however, I’m also not going to pressure myself to post here, because it’s creating resentment in me towards this blog, and that’s not at all what I want.  I never want this place to become yet another chore on my ‘to do’ list, and recently that’s exactly what it’s begun to feel like.  I need to remind myself that the purpose of this site is not to entertain readers, or to attract a ton of traffic, although both of those things are awesome side benefits.  The purpose has always been to give me an outlet for thoughts, feelings, and events as I am inclined to write about them.  It’s my personal space for writing whatever I want, and I feel that I have been loosing sight of that and getting caught up in catering to an audience, which I swore to myself I would not do again.  That way of thinking led to the termination of my first sex blog, when I became too focused on producing posts that I hoped people would want to read, rather than posts that actually meant something to me.  This site deserves better than that, and so do I, and so does anyone reading this.  There are plenty of sites that put up really awesome content and articles about sexuality, tailored to inform and educate, and while I like to do my part in contributing to that, I also don’t want to let go of this blog being uniquely me.

All of the exercise and healthy eating and vitamins are certainly paying off.  I feel better, more energetic, and I look better, at least in my opinion.  I was evaluating myself in the mirror the other day, and I notice a difference in myself.  I am certainly leaner, although I refuse to weigh or measure myself more than once every six weeks, on the advice of a personal trainer friend of mine.  The other day I went through my closet and tried on a bunch of clothes that I bought when I was in better shape, and I can actually pull off just about all of them!  You have no idea how this thrills me.  By spring I will be able to wear every single piece of clothing I own, I am certain of it.

I’ve been keeping a food journal, which is not designed to help me count calories, or to induce guilt, but to create accountability.  I find that I reconsider eating junk food or holiday goodies when I know that I am going to have to write it down.  It’s also teaching me a lot about my eating habits.  This isn’t the first food journal I’ve kept, and the last time I was diligent about writing down what I ate, I lost 20 lbs without even exercising, over a period of about 3 months.  I know that it works for me, and my philosophy on healthy living is to find what works for you, and then stick to that.  Bouncing from fad diet to fad diet will only lead to disappointment and getting fatter.  I’ve shifted my thinking on weight loss as well.  In fact I’m reluctant to even use those words in relation to what I am doing.  This isn’t about peeling off the pounds for me.  It’s about being able to keep up with my kids, about setting a good example for them.  I want to be able to teach them how to ski, to swim, and to be active and healthy individuals.  I also want a long life expectancy, and to feel good for the rest of my existence.  I want to feel as strong physically as I do mentally, with the energy to tackle every day with enthusiasm and excitement.  I want to have periods that are cramp and PMS free.  I want to live a healthy life.

Sticking to this way of looking at food and exercise is not easy to do during a holiday that seems to revolve around excess, but I’m doing it.

While I felt far more prepared for Christmas last year, than I do now, it’s coming together better than I expected.  Five more nights until this crazy holiday is behind us.