Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Buy Cialis Without Prescription

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

Buy Cialis Without Prescription, I think that there comes a point when a person just becomes very tired of catering to what other people think and ceases caring about the opinions of anyone else. Generic Cialis, Well, almost anyone else, fast shipping Cialis. Cialis forum, Lets say they become more selective about it.

When Jack and I decided to become poly, where can i find Cialis online, Cialis gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, I don't think either of us realized that we would end up where we are currently. We entered into this "lifestyle" with the intention that what happened in our own bedroom (or in the bedrooms of our lovers, Cialis wiki, Kjøpe Cialis på nett, köpa Cialis online, as the case may be) would be our business and that nobody need ever know. Convenient and convincing cover stories became a part of planning outings or absences that would be spent with other significant others (we've used everything from "she's helping a friend move today" to "he isn't feeling particularly well and won't be coming with us this weekend"), Buy Cialis Without Prescription. That worked out just dandy, Cialis reviews, Purchase Cialis online, until poly spilled out of just the bedroom and into everyday life. Now it is becoming increasingly inconvenient and more trying to keep it all under cover, about Cialis. Discount Cialis, I used to fantasize about coming out to my mother, if only to piss her off, Cialis price. Cialis class, Now I wish that I could just tell the truth because I hate having to keep my relationship with Aiden a secret. Buy Cialis Without Prescription, I hate feeling like I'm doing something so wrong that we can't possibly tell people for fear of the repercussions. I dislike having to exclude him from "family activities" even though he is a part of our family, where can i buy Cialis online. What is Cialis, I don't want to have to live like this forever.

There is also the high level of paranoia I face every time I pack our kids off to spend time with my parents or Jack's parents, Cialis pics. Cialis canada, mexico, india, What if they say something suspicious. What if there are uncomfortable questions, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What if everyone finds out, canada, mexico, india. Cialis pictures, I don't care much about these things when it comes to my family, but Jack DOES care about them, Cialis long term, Ordering Cialis online, and because of that, I feel as though I must be on high alert, get Cialis. Order Cialis from mexican pharmacy, It's exhausting really. Part of me wishes we could just have it all out and stop living like we are part of the witness protection program, buy Cialis without prescription, Order Cialis online c.o.d, but I know that would make Jack extremely unhappy.

I suppose the trade off is that instead I Buy Cialis Without Prescription, am extremely unhappy. Well perhaps not extremely unhappy, buy Cialis without a prescription, Online buying Cialis, yet, but certainly discontent, Cialis brand name. Cialis cost, There is also the looming issue of future procreation. Aiden would like to have a child, where to buy Cialis, Cialis coupon, and I would like to have said child with him, and when that occurs, real brand Cialis online, Order Cialis no prescription, I am not entirely certain that we are going to be able to accommodate the lies. One suggestion being tossed around is that we tell everyone that the three of us got terribly drunk, Cialis no rx, Cialis street price, had a threesome, and I ended up pregnant.

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

I suppose it's sort of like being the child of gay parents in a time or place where it isn't accepted or approved of. You teach your children that it's ok to go against the grain and encourage them to ignore the ignorance and narrowmindedness of the world around them. Buy Cialis Without Prescription, I was raised in a family of racists rednecks and I turned out ok I think. We were poor and I got picked on a lot because I never had the cool clothes and I never fit in with the popular kids. I don't know if that's more or less horrible than being picked on because you live in a house with more than two parents, but who knows.

Jack and I have locked horns over this issue several times in the past months. In fact during one late-night conversation I was relatively certain that we would either have to file for divorce or return to monogamy, the situation seemed so impassable.

I am still not certain how to resolve any of this, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. I want to give up hiding because it feels so smothering and fraudulent to keep up the deception, just out of fear, and just for the sake of two other people (namely, Jack's parents). On the other hand, I want to be respectful of Jack and accommodating of his feelings on the matter. I want to support his decision not to come out, but at what cost to myself and to my own sense of being truthful.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Last Saturday morning I helped to host a kink brunch that is becoming a regular event in my area. Sparked by plans to get together in order to swap some toys, my co-hostess and I began inviting additional friends and before we really knew it there were upwards of 20 people planning to join us, and the Brunch Bunch was born. It was really nice to meet some new people, and visit with current friends over eggs and coffee. Deja was at the brunch and she asked me if I was planning to check out the Hamilton Sexapalooza later that afternoon, as she was volunteering in the Dungeon and needed a 'stunt bottom' for some demos. I actually hadn't planned on attending, due to the fact that Jack and I haven't been able to spend much time together as of late and I thought it might be rude of me to run off for most of Saturday to do my own thing. Still, the lure of being played on was tough to resist. After consulting with him regarding his feelings on the matter, and his insistence that I should go, I agreed. After we bid everyone at the brunch a good afternoon we stopped by my place so that I could grab some more suitable attire, and also toss a few toys in my toolbox. We arrived at the convention center and made our way to the Dungeon area. Admission is free for volunteers, which was a lovely perk. There were a lot of familiar faces in the Dungeon, and many had not been able to make it to brunch, so I especially enjoyed being able to spend a little time with them. Deja did some violet wand demonstrations on a few curious attendees, while I stood by and assisted. I answered questions from people in the crowd and showed off some of the toys that we had on hand for those who were interested. During a slow traffic period Deja and I took a stroll around the rest of the show and browsed some of the other booths. It was pretty small, as compared to Toronto or Calgary, with pretty much the same offerings. Nothing new under the sun when it comes to sex, but then again, I'm probably just hard to impress ;) Eventually we played. I was topless, belly-down on a spanking bench, with my short leather skirt leaving little to the imagination. She cropped the hell out of my back, followed by some light and then intense flogging. It wasn't really an intense scene for us, but any stretch, but I feel that we put on a good show. After the flogging there was more use of the crop, and then she asked to use the violet wand on me, and I consented, even though it makes me squirm. Naturally as soon as she began using it people started to line up to give it a try on their hands or arms. This is what it's all about at the show, so I didn't mind. I slipped back into my clothes and helped her to tidy things up once the mob had moved on. Even though we didn't play that hard my back bore a number of long and narrow welts, which have darked into purple and blue bruises in the days since. As late afternoon crept into evening I decided that I'd better head on home. I said goodbye to Deja and a few others before making my exit, toolbox in hand. "I need a toy-box like that" one vendor exclaimed as I walked past. I smiled over my shoulder and replied "Yes it's very handy, and it holds a lot!" Even though it's just a large standard toolbox, I've decorated it with sexy stickers to make it a little more fun. It's certainly handy for lugging all my crap around to play parties and the like. The remainder of my weekend was fairly quiet and relaxed. On Monday I found a message in my mailbox at a favorite dating site, from someone I hadn't talked to before. I clicked on his profile and almost shot coffee out of my nose at the shock I received when I saw the photo. I don't think I've ever seen anyone who looked so much like K. It was astounding really. They could practically be the same person, although after a closer look, and discussion about said photo with both Jack and V, we've come to the conclusion that this guy is better looking. At any rate, once the alarm had passed, I read over his page and was again alarmed to read that he's still a virgin. These days, at 23 years old (he's younger than K as well) that's a bit of an oddity, and so after reading his profile several more times I began to put the pieces together. Acute Social Anxiety. Oh Lawdy! Just what I need, another truckload of damaged goods. Now, don't get me wrong. I am certainly not putting down persons who suffer from anxiety disorders. I have a number of friends who all struggle with varying degrees of anxiety, and I love them all to pieces. I've learned much from each of them, and I would never dream of making light of this sort of condition. Friends are one thing, but dating someone who seems to be dealing with a lot of personal demons is another. Do I really want to go there, again, after I've already had my passport to that relationship region stamped a few times? Collected the key chains and shot glasses, bought the proverbial t-shirt. All that innocence though, just waiting to be corrupted, to be lead down the garden path and into the depths of depravity. Oh how I want to be the one to do it. We've spoken quite a bit since the initial message. His brand of angst has thus far prevented him from so much as kissing a person of the opposite sex. HE'S NEVER KISSED A GIRL! My Confliction, Let Me Show It To You. Can you see why I'm torn? On one hand he seems genuinely sweet thus far. He's also attractive and funny, and innocent and just begging to be dirtied up a bit. On the other hand, he's the first to admit that he's still working through a lot of his anxiety, and he'd younger, and I swore to myself that I would avoid the wee bebes. I'm pretty sure he's already become interested in me. For some reason I seem to have a way with the little lost puppies of the world. I feel as though should I put in any effort whatsoever I wouldn't have much trouble wooing him right into bed with me. The question is, should I do that or not? Please advise! *Title Courtesy Of My Spam Folder

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

Last night, when the clock struck 12:00am V and I celebrated the end of February (and our month of raw eating) with glasses of gin and pineapple juice, a bag of chips, and a rotisserie chicken. Yes, I went and bought one of those pre-cooked chickens because I'd been dying for meat and that was all I could think about at the time. In many ways I was ill prepared for what this month of restrictive eating would bring. We were forced to deal with a number of situations that we had not planned for, which made sticking to the plan feel like an undertaking of mammoth proportions. The untimely death of a family pet, an unexpected visit from family members who are neither particularly understanding or helpful, the beginning of a new job. From these experiences, I have learned that there will never be a *right* time to drastically change eating habits, even temporarily. Life doesn't allow for much in the way of planning. At the beginning of February it looked to be quiet and uneventful, which was one of the main reason we chose that month for this raw foods experiment. Of course, all hell broke loose not two weeks in. The best laid plans and all that. Don't keep waiting for a time that will be just right for whatever it is you want to do, just dive in head first. The only thing that you can really plan for is chaos. This experience has only solidified my belief that any eating plan which relies heavily on willpower is absolutely doomed to fail you. I 'slipped' more than once over the month, because I only invested in my own personal strength to get me through it. There are days when you are going to falter. Days when you are not going to be strong enough to resist the temptation. You NEED to have plans in place to deal with those days when you just can't force yourself to stick to your guns. Or you need to build in allowances for such occurrences. If I had it to do over I would have decided ahead of time how many 'get out of jail free' cards I was going to allow myself. In fact, when I do this again (and I will) I am going to keep some physical representations of such cards, and that way when I have a moment, I can decide if it's worth indulging. When I'm out of cards, then that will be it. I highly recommend that you give this particular tool a try, even if you are following a more traditional eating plan. Allow yourself some leeway, because otherwise it's easy to fall into feelings of resentment and rebellion, even though your restrictions are self-imposed. Alternative plans could include journaling, talking to a supportive friend or family member, taking a walk, or anything else that you can think of that will distract or otherwise remind you of why you are doing this. A simple tool that I found helpful was trying on clothes that I am still to big for. No, this wasn't just about getting into a smaller size, it was a personal challenge, but in the moments when you want to throw up your hands and give up, a little bit of a physical motivator doesn't hurt. In spite of these insights, as well as others, which I've blogged about here, I was reluctant to cross this item off the list. For one, because I don't feel that I did what I set out to accomplish over the course of this month. Yes, I maintained a (mostly) raw diet, although I did slip more times than I wanted to. I didn't, however, have the experience with it that I had intended. The first couple of weeks in particular, when I was resentful, difficult to be around, and generally a hostile and bitter person. I've learned plenty, that much is true, but I don't feel that I got from it what I wanted, which is why I intend to do it over again at some future juncture. The next time will be different. I have developed habits, recipes, and a vast number of tools over these last two weeks which will be of great benefit during my next raw experience. During the next undertaking I intend to make a point of journaling daily, a tool that I love, but which I did not exercise nearly enough. I will also put in place some of the allowances and plans I've mentioned above. V has threatened me with much grief and bodily harm if I don't go ahead and cross it off, and she made better arguments than I could, even though as I mentioned, I've been reluctant. It's so like me to make light of what I've done, or for my perfectionism to get in the way, so I know it's good for me to go ahead and declare this list item accomplished.

240. Eat raw for a month

It's also worth mentioning that over the course of the month I lost 10 lbs, 2% body fat, a clothing size, and 3.5 inches off of my waist. I don't want it to seem as though I am not proud of myself for what I've done, because I am, and I know that those pounds and inches didn't just fall off magically. It was the result of hard work and determination, and I have no intentions of undoing it all by jumping off the wagon into bad habits. This is really only the beginning. Cheers to getting fit and healthy this year, finally :)

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Ethics are a funny thing. Everyone has their own set, much like fingerprints. Generally, Jack and I agree with each other when it comes to morals and ethics, which is nice, and certainly makes life easier. Recently, a question arose that has us at odds with each other, and in an effort to perhaps gain perspectives that hadn't occurred to me before, I'm putting it out there to my readers. So here's a basic overview of the situtation we can't agree about:

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

Sorry if that was confusing, LOL. It boils down to the fact that I personally feel you are just as responsible for an affair as the married person, if you knowingly participate in deception of that persons spouse. I would never, ever date someone who I knew was married unless they could provide me with proof that their partner was ok with it. Even if it's just a brief conversation on the phone, or something of that nature. Even though she perhaps didn't directly participate in the lying, it seems to me that someone willing to get involved with someone under those conditions isn't the most honest or trustworthy of people. Yes, Jack and I are polyamorous, so is there any reason for him (or her) to lie? Maybe, maybe not. She could lie about all sorts of things, like her sexual history or her STI status. I trust Jack completely, but he's also only human, which means she could manipulate him or otherwise create a whole mess of trouble. I also doubt I could handle getting to know her, or even meeting her. I'll admit, I'm judgemental, and suspicious, particularly when it comes to things like this. I don't want to be her friend, I don't want to be in the same room as her, I don't care how 'nice' she seems. Jack feels that this is a little unreasonable on my part. After all, I've broken the rules, and I've cheated (not when we were married mind you, since I took my initial vows of monogamy very, very seriously) so shouldn't I try to be at least a little understanding? Perhaps I should be, even though I think it would be seriously difficult to understand where she is coming from, especially since I don't get the impression that she felt badly about what she was doing, or that he was cheating on his wife. The only reason she dumped him is because she wanted him for herself, and he wouldn't leave his wife. That doesn't inspire a lot of understanding in me, it just makes me think she's a home-wrecking wench. What do you guys think? Should I cut the girl some slack and give Jack my blessing to at least have coffee with her? Do you think I am right to be suspicious of her and her ability to be part of a responsible, ethical, non-monogamous relationship? I'm curious to hear any thoughts my readers feel like sharing :D Note: Often I don't make the time to respond to comments, however, since I want to create discussion and dialog, I will be responding to every comment on this post and expanding on thoughts or answering questions.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Jack and I ended up having to postpone our dinner plans at Susur until later this week. It was unfortunate, but not nearly the end of the world since we are indeed still going for supper there, we just have to wait a few days longer to do so. It's actually worked out for the best because I am getting over a head cold and if I'm going to spend 0 on a meal, I'd like to be able to taste it. I apologise as well for the password protected entry that I posted some days ago. I really do not intend to make a habit of such things, because I really enjoy being able to share parts of my life with all of you. That said, there were times over the past 2.5 years when I was unable to blog about particular people or topics due to the sensitive nature of the circumstances or individuals. This was distressing to me, because at the end of the day, blogging is something I do for myself, to work through thoughts or feelings, or even to keep an accurate recounting of events. Jack and I often refer back on the blog where there is discussion about a certain time or place and we can't remember what or when, we've even used it to figure out who was driving the vehicle when one of those pesky photo radar speeding tickets arrived in the mail. Perhaps this doesn't mean much to anyone who doesn't blog, but for me being unable to retell certain feelings or events due to people in my life who would read it means that there were a lot of really important words I never managed to type out. Yes, I could have kept them as separate word documents or even written them in my paper journal, but for some reason that just never materialized. Would it have under different circumstances? Had I been able to blog about it more openly would I have gotten around to really doing so? Maybe, maybe not. The point is that the option wasn't always there, and now that I have moved (to Wordpress publishing tools with paid hosting) I have a way to write what is on my mind and sometimes keep it to myself. I don't do this to exclude everyone, and if you feel strongly enough about reading it you're welcome to e-mail me about getting a password. I promise I won't do it often, since that's not what this site is about, but I can't promise I'll never take advantage of that particular option. On to more interesting tales now that I've cleared that up :) Last night Nia and I went to another Sex Party at Goodhandy's. We met up with her playmate, who clearly needs a name I'm thinking, before we went to the bar, since things never really get going until after 10pm. Before I continue lets come up with something to call said female friend...hmmm...Flavia. Makes me think of flavour, which I'm sure she has since Nia spends so much time between her legs. Hee Hee So Nia and Flavia and myself arrived at Goodhandy's and were immediately greeted by Todd, who remarked that now the party could really get started (since the party girls had arrived! Woot!). We got drinks and he encouraged us to go and watch the two very attractive young male models/porn stars who were masturbating on either side of the stage. Being quite keen to encourage them we did just that. An ex-boyfriend of Nia's from years and years ago also decided to join us on our night out, although I'm not going to bother giving him a name at this point, so we'll just call him Nia's ex. The four of us sat and chatted, and enjoyed our drinks, us girls frequently gazing at the naked eye candy on stage. While we were sitting there the lovely couple whom I played with at the last party came in to the club. They saw me right away and came over to give me hugs and say hello. She was wearing this very hot corset and I remarked on how fabulous she looked. I was hopeful that they would be inclined to play again later in the evening but I didn't want to be pushy. We agreed to run into each other again later, and off they went. Meanwhile Flavia and Nia and the ex-boyfriend decided to kick off the spontaneous orgy, or at least a very hot and public threesome for the enjoyment of the crowd. Some of the males who were watching got a little close, and had to be asked to back off a bit, but nobody had to be thrown out. Todd is particularly protective of anyone who chooses to play and asked me to let him know immediately if anyone was being bothersome to our group. In fact throughout the night the bouncers approached me several times to ensure that none of us were being harassed. It really adds to the atmosphere when you know that you can be comfortable and that the staff there take their jobs very seriously when it comes to ensuring that everyone is well behaved. One of the male models, who had since put on at least some of his clothes, approached me and introduced himself. He was really, really attractive, and I was very tempted to accept his invitation to get naked with him. As much as I wanted to say yes, especially when he asked so charmingly in that yummy accent of his, I politely declined. Don't ask me why, I just wasn't in the right state of mind I suppose, and having intercourse with strange men is not generally a service I provide, no matter how gorgeous they are. He wasn't the only one I turned down. Another of the regular models/porn stars, who was clearly drunk, approached me as well, introducing himself and asking if I wanted to play with him. I let him kiss me a little before I said no. Even though he was adorable I don't like to fuck drunk boys, especially as I said above, drunk boys I don't know. The male half of the couple I mentioned early happened to be standing next to me at the bar sometime later in the evening, and leaned over to ask me a question. The conversation went like this: Him: So my girlfriend wants to know if we're going to have Round 2 tonight? Me: I don't really know that it's up to me actually (meaning it was up to them) but I am pretty sure I wouldn't say no. Him: Alright, I'll tell her that Then I smiled and returned to my friends, expecting to see them sometime shortly thereafter. Unfortunately I didn't, although they caught up to me as they were leaving, and after giving me hugs she remarked that she hoped I could play next time. Confused I said that I could have played, but had assumed they didn't want to. He seemed surprised and asked me to clarify what I had said at the bar. When I told him that I'd meant to imply it was up to them, there were groans of disappointment all around. We had a bit of a laugh about it, although clearly we were all quite sad that the miscommunication had prevented a good time for all. "We've been talking about you for the past 29 days!" he remarked, smiling but obviously a tad frustrated over the entire situation. I reassured them, her in particular, that I had certainly not intended to reject that and that certainly I had been eager to play. Turns out neither of us wanted to be pushy about anything, and in the process, had missed out. She gave me her number and I promised that I would make my very best effort to attend the next party that they are able to come to as well (which unfortunately isn't until the end of June, due to other life commitments they have). We wished each other a good night and they left, followed shortly by the four of us. Nia was staying in Toronto with Flavia, and I assumed her ex was as well, so I bid them farewell and drove home to my husband, falling into bed exhausted sometime around 4am. The entire way home I stewed with annoyance over the missed opportunity, and debated in my head the proper thing to do at this juncture. She gave me her cell number, which I didn't ask for, she offered. I really want to call her in a day or two and apologise again for the miscommunication, and assure her that I wasn't rejecting them. Then I kind of want to ask if they ever play away from Goodhandy's? Like could we all meet up for coffee or something and maybe get to know each other better? Advice please! I have no idea what the best course of action is in this situation. I really, really want to see them again, since I find both of them very attractive (now that I had a chance to get a good look at him). To any couples out there who are swingers or poly, what would you like a girl you are clearly interested in to do if she and you were in this situation? The future of my interaction with them, and thus the potential for more hot stories about our fun, depends on you. Today was a day for relaxation and recovery. Jack took the kids and I into Mississauga to go to the new Earl's restaurant that just opened there. Earl's was one of our all time favorite places back in Alberta, so we were very excited to hear that one was being opened in Square One Mall this month. Before we had dinner Jack indulged me with a shopping spree at Lush. I picked up a couple of small chunks of Ice Blue and Sea Vegetable soaps, which I have heard are good for dreads, so that I could try them both and see which one I like better. After some more browsing I decided to pick up a couple of their massage bars, which I haven't had the opportunity to try yet. When you buy two of them you get a free tin to keep them in, so I went with Wiccy Magic Muscles (for all those sore spots after hitting the gym) and Fever, for those sensual massages I sometimes give to Jack before bed. Yum! The girls who worked there recommended I try the Mask Of Magnamintywhen I enquired about trying something new for my skin. I wouldn't say that I am prone to breakouts all the time, but I certainly notice them more before my period, so this is apparently just the treatment to have on hand for those times. No visit to Lush is complete without picking up some bath bombs for the mammoth tub we have. This time I picked up a Sex Bomb(so good, one of my favs) a couple of Waving Not Drowning and an All That Jaz. I had to pry myself out of there before I really got out of hand, but I was very pleased when I left with my bag of goodies. Dinner was really yummy, and afterwards we took the young ones for ice cream. It was actually a really nice way to end the weekend. I think I'm going to have a nice hot shower before crawling into bed tonight, since I've spent to much time writing about the weekend, and eaten up all the time I had intended to use for having a bath. This week I am hitting the gym every day, and Thursday night is Susur. I'm planning to call that nice couple once you guys give me some feedback on how to handle that conversation :P Or even if you don't, LOL, since I don't want to miss out again. Should be a fairly quiet week overall, and I'll keep you posted on developments for next weekend!

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Hello Shasta, I found your blog through researching some toys for the bedroom. I know this is a bit strange for the blog, but I'm a male asking a serious question because I am so terribly confused. My girlfriend and I are looking to get into some anal play, and she has this fantasy where she wants our roles reversed. She was to do me with a strap-on, and having used prostate stimulation toys before, I am quite open to it. The problem is that we have absolutely no idea where to begin. I've looked into harnesses and strap-ons, but everything confuses me. Basically I want something that she can wear that will be inserted to give her pleasure as well as myself pleasure. The Feeldoe fits this bill quite nicely, as it gives vaginal and clitoral stimulation (although you mentioned it was quite weak). I've not quite found any harnesses or full on belts that have a vaginal insert/clit stimulator built in, although I know that they exist. We are both students, so money is a little tight at the moment-- which is why we're asking for some advice before we put the money down for something. Any help would be appreciated!

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Do you have a question for Dear Shasta? Questions can be submitted via e-mail, or posted in the comments section below. Submitted questions will be answered in upcoming Dear Shasta segments. Questions can be on any topic you wish.

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

I was wondering if you could help me with something. I chose you because of knowing of your polygamous relationships, you'd be able to help. I am not a polygamous type of guy, have always been a single girl relationship seeker (although x-somes would be fun :) The reason I am emailing you is because I love my girlfriend, XXXXX. We've been going 26 months, and we've been through A LOT. There is this one girl though, her name is YYYY, and I swear to God, no matter what I do, I CANNOT get her out of my head. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen...EVER....and she's single... I have no idea what to do, and it's been giving me heartaches, because I have no idea. This have been going on since about Jan-Feb of last year. Thanks SG!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Let me ask you if you think XXXXX would be open to the idea of sharing you? Do you think, given the right circumstances, that she could be ok with you loving someone in addition to her? Keep in mind that if she absolutely cannot consider polyamory for your relationship, you are either going to have to leave her to pursue another relationship, or completely give up on YYYY. Either way you need to make a choice, to do what makes you happy. If you want to try polyamory with XXXXX the first thing you need to do is be completely honest with her about your thoughts and feelings regarding this other woman. Explain to her that while you love and adore her as much as ever, you are ALSO, at the same time, attracted to someone else. Be prepared, she is going to be seriously threatened and angry at first. It could potentially end your relationship. Is that worth it to you? Is it that important to you to be able to pursue other relationships? You need to ask yourself some hard questions before you go forward with this. Take Care! XOXO Shasta Do you have a question for Dear Shasta? Questions can be submitted via e-mail, or posted in the comments section below. Submitted questions will be answered in upcoming Dear Shasta segments. Questions can be on any topic you wish.

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Shasta,

Recently, a friend of mine's vibrator died. I'd like to get her a replacement, but I'm discriminating in my tastes. Only the best.

The poor girl needs relief. I may be her only hope.

I went through your reviews, and you have several that you rated highly, but...is there ones in particular, should be stuck on an island, that you would just *have* to have?

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Do you know what this blog needs? More anal toy reviews! Woohoo. To assist me on my quest to bring you the best in back door bedroom bling, Pleasure Me Now sent me the Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit. The idea behind this kit is to provide a variety of anal toys suitable for beginners, right up to more experienced individuals. Buying a sex toy kit is generally cheaper than buying toys individually, sort of like buying a boxed set of dinner wear, or wrenches. You get a good taste of several different toys you may not have otherwise considered. Plus if you are feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of styles and sizes available out there, this sampling will help you find out what you like or don't like. First, lets take a look at what this package offers. To begin with, a bottle of anal lube. Basically your run-of-the-mill water based lubricant. Anal lube is often of a thicker consistency than lube designed for vaginal use. Nothing to write home about here, similar to KY gel. I know that there are some anal lubes available that are designed to desensitize or numb the anal area, and I plead to you, NEVER USE THEM! If you are in pain during anal sex, you're doing it wrong. Seriously. Damage to your anus can easily occur if you are numbed to the discomfort, even minor tears to the opening can become infected and result in awkward visits to your doctor or hospital. This is easily avoided by passing on the desensitizing lubes and listening to your body's signals during any ass play. Next there is a set of anal beads, and these unassuming little gems are a load of fun. There is a well-known technique often recommended that involved rapidly pulling the string of beads out of your partners behind as they are climaxing. It's a totally incredible sensation. Highly recommended. As an aside, never, ever purchase anal beads with string between the beads. Unless it is well coated in silicone, it will harbour bacteria and other gross stuff. Bleh, just avoid it all together. Two butt plugs, in different sizes and shapes are also included. They are both quite small in size, perfect for beginners. These are the sorts of toys you should start with if you are new to anal play. Last, there is a very basic vibrator with two sleeves of different textures. This set is only recommended for people who have done a bit of anal play. The vibrator can be used on it's own (I would suggest that before trying it with a sleeve) and is easily covered by a condom. Speaking of condoms, I would encourage you to cover all of your anal toys with condoms. Feces, when transferred to your vagina can cause irritation and yeast infections. Transferred to your mouth it can cause E coli, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis E, pneumonia, and influenza. Please be careful when using toys for both your anus and vagina or mouth. I found the sleeves difficult to get on and off of the vibrator. I would advise sprinkling a little corn starch inside the sleeve before putting it onto the vibrator to assist with removal later on. This kit is certainly an excellent set for the curious and inexperienced. It's enough to get you started on your way to a long and fulfilling journey through the joys of anal pleasure. None of the items are too intimidating or scary, nor huge and unusual. This Product Receives:

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Hi,

I came across your blog a few days ago [and I've already read through most of it], and it feels a bit strange, e-mailing someone I've only heard of through a blog, but I was wondering if you could try helping me out.

From what I've read, this isn't really your thing, but my girlfriend has expressed interest in using a strap on [I'm female, by the way], and I've been doing some research online about different harnesses and such, but still have no idea what I'm looking for. So far the most intriguing option is the Feeldoe, which I know you've used.

If you've got any advice or tips or what have you to help me figure what I'm doing, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

I hadn't really planned to post anything today, but I am having a bit of a dilemma and I had hoped my insightful and wise friends out in the Land O' Blogs might have some thoughts to share.

See, I've been chatting a bit to this new guy, in the hope of establishing some sort of Friends With Benefits arrangement with him in the very near future. Thus far he seems agreeable to us hanging out, doing 'pals' type things, and also sleeping together if the mutual desire presents itself.

Which is excellent. At this point I am not looking for anything serious. I want someone I can have social time with and the sexual aspect is always a plus.

This male is, in a word, pretty. Actually gorgeous is a better word but I just like calling him pretty. He's incredibly good-looking, great body, fantastic smile...in a word, YUM!

Unfortunately he also seems a little...dumb. Not stupid mind you, just not very intellectual. A little blah in the brain pan you might say. He doesn't do a thing for me when it comes to intelligence.

This is a problem because smarts turn me on. Not the only thing that turns me on of course, but if we're going to spend any time talking, I'd prefer the other person have a good handle on intellectually stimulating conversation.

Now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here. Normally the lackluster content of our initial conversation would have earned him The Block And Delete. However, I realise that some people just do not communicate well online. Some people can't translate the thoughts into the written words very effectively. It goes the other way too, I've met people who were fantastic writers and yet having a conversation with them made me feel like I had to 'Dumb Down' so we could connect on some level. I am totally planning to meet him at least once so that I can get a better feel in real life.

Lets just say though, that he actually IS equally blah and duh in real life. Would it be wrong of me to tolerate him just so I can have [hopefully] awesome sex with such a pretty, pretty man? Should I just walk away even though he's so delicious I could eat him with a spoon? I mean, generally speaking, there are aspects of just about every person that we don't really adore completely. That doesn't mean we can't click with them in certain ways while just accepting their lesser traits as part of the overall package. Especially in situations where it's going to be a casual thing and there aren't any expectations of true love.

What do you guys think? I'll give you the run-down of course when we actually get together in real life, and this entire thing might be moot. Share your thoughts, I'm eager to hear them!

*Orson Scott Card

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

Before I get rolling on this let me say first that I do not really consider myself a feminist, nor have I ever claimed to be one. I'm not trying to say "Hooray for women, we are so great". I've never been able to identify with the feminist label, nor have I done a lot of research into what being a feminist entails. What I do know is that save for a select few, I have strongly disliked most of the women I've met who claim to be feminists, mainly due to their tendency to be victims of their life. Also, even though they claim to want equality, most of them seem to harbour a smug superiority complex towards men, which I find revolting. That aside, what makes for a strong woman? Many people have commented to me that they are inspired by my personal strength. While I find this highly flattering, it got me to wondering what it is about me that they perceive as strong? Don't worry, this post isn't going to be of the "Yay Me!" variety. Foremost I believe that strong women refuse to play the victim role in their lives, no matter what the circumstances. Even if they actually WERE a victim, suppose of a rape, they refuse to let that define them, or to control them forever after. The strong women I know tend to be independent (yet still vulnerable) with a solid self image and a clear sense of who they are. Well, as clear as any of us can get, LOL. They do not feed into co-dependant relationships, or allow themselves to stay in situations which force them to compromise excessively. Generally speaking they seem to live their lives to the fullest they know how. Doing the things that bring them joy and fulfillment without trampling others in the process. They create friendships and connections that are genuine, honest, and open. A strong woman will be upfront with you when you have pissed her off. Rather than avoiding the situation or pushing it aside in order to prevent conflict. She will address the situation at hand, speaking her truth while being accountable for her own experience. I'm really getting so tired of women who settle for less than complete happiness in life and in relationships. It's not impossible or unrealistic, and I find it sad and pathetic that any person (man or woman) would rather sit in their own shit, instead of getting up and doing something about it. Why sell yourself short? Don't you think you deserve the most out of life? Stop letting your partner, your family, or your friends convince you that you can't do it on your own. Don't let them tell you that you aren't capable of doing anything you want to do. A lot of what drives us to settle or not to strive harder to get what we want is fear. We all get scared sometimes, and if anyone tries to tell you different they are either full of shit, or delusional. Fear doesn't need to control you however. You know what my motto is? Fear is the opportunity to be courageous. It really is you know. Being afraid of something is the perfect reason to tough it out. Stand up, show your strength. Why do you think I get pretty much everything I want in life? Believe me, I do, but not through questionable means. People tell me all the time that they have never seen me fail at anything I have put my mind to. I can be terrified, which I know means I'll feel totally awesome when I come out the other side successful. What an awesome way to live, don't ya think? Of course just resigning yourself to mediocrity is less work. FAR less. You'd best stay on the porch if you're not up for a lot of pain and ugliness. Getting the most out of life isn't easy, but then again, nothing worth doing is. Knowing that is part of what makes a woman (or man for that matter) strong. You all know I get scared. You know I fall and doubt myself and cry and scream and rage. I want to give up sometimes, more often than I care to admit. Maybe the fact that I never do, the fact that no matter how down I am I always get back up, is why people remark on how strong I am. Maybe it's all an act right? I am sure people think that, but you can't fake real strength for long. You'll crack under the pressure if you're all talk and no walk. Real strength, the kind that comes from deep inside you, can't be pretend. You've gotta really believe it, and yourself.. Strong women are not manipulative, nor will they be pushed around. They will gracefully admit to being wrong, while fiercely defending what they feel to be right. Most of them are protective of the people they love and will not shy away from emotional situations. They speak their mind without being arrogant or overbearing. Being strong doesn't mean being pushy or insisting on having your way. It also doesn't mean being cruel, proud (in the negative sense) or haughty. Be proud of yourself, and who you are, but don't be a braggart or a snit. Strength comes not from a sense of superiority, but from fairness and equality when dealing with other people. Really strong people don't feel the need to prove themselves, ever, to anyone. They are comfortable and confident with themselves, regardless of the opinions of others. I know that I am not always everything I've discussed here. I don't think any of us are. People tell me that I am strong and instead of shrugging it off or trying to be modest, I say "Thank You" because I know that it's true. I AM a strong woman, and I won't pretend to be otherwise to avoid making people uncomfortable. I'm really proud to be who I am, and I embrace myself, warts and all. What I don't like, I'm working on turning around, without blaming my shit on anyone else. The only person who can make or break my life is ME. My wish is that all of the awesome women (and men) I know will be able to say those words and really mean it, to the depth of their soul. I know I do, do you? *Charles Stross

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Edit: You may have noticed the title change on this post. When I have posts sitting in draft, I generally assign them an arbitrary title until I post them. I put this one up so late last night that I forgot to insert the new title I wanted to use, LOL. Just wanted to avoid any confusion about it.

Most people here know that I am currently working at losing weight and getting fitter. Over the past three months I've dropped 20 pounds and I am feelin hotter than I have in ages. I wanted to share some of joy and success here with you.

Am I the thinnest or healthiest I've ever been? Hell no. Then again, 95% of what makes a woman sexy is confidence, the courage to be herself, and her attitude about HERSELF in general. Believe me ladies, no guy ever wants to listen to you gripe about your weight, your skin, your cellulite, or any other self image issue you have. As much as they might love you, the only person who can fix it is YOU!

I've not had an easy time losing the weight thus far. Jack is a notorious snacker, and my kids have to have access to a lot of things I can't eat (no, not junk, but a lot of starches like corn, potatoes, and pasta) They need full-fat foods since they are still growing and very active, unlike their mum, LOL. That means I have food right in my face that I love but I can't have. Guess what? I didn't bitch and gripe about it, since it's not THEIR fault their mother/wife has an issue with food. Why do you need to punish everyone around you just because you want to eat like a piggy? I don't believe in that. I believe in being in control of my life and what I put in my mouth (don't get pervy on me here).

The keys to success at weight loss are simple, at least the ones I use:

A) Put junk food into perspective. It was not designed to be eaten all the time. I still eat junk food, ice cream, chocolate, deep fried anything, etc and yet I still manage to lose weight. The trick is not to tell yourself that you can never eat those things again, it's to tell yourself you can only eat them in moderation. If you have a chocolate habit, allow yourself one small piece of chocolate per day. The 80 or so calories will NOT kill you, or make you get fat. If you love fried food, once a week eat as much of it as you want in one sitting. Had a really crap day? Go ahead and have a piece of cheesecake or a fudge sundae. That's my way of thinking. I don't feel deprived, I know I can eat any old thing I want as long as I keep it in moderation! Let's say I want to go out for dinner this week someplace I really love. I will set that meal up as my big splurge and eat really responsibly the rest of the week (both before and after). During that meal I give myself permission to have anything I want, without guilt, because I know I am making really healthy choices for all of the other 20 meals I had that week. I lose weight this way, and I don't have to be obsessing over all the things I'm 'not supposed to have'. Deprivation (either perceived or real) is the fastest way to fail.

B) I eat all the vegetables I want, whenever I want. I hate diets that try to restrict you down to very specific amounts of everything. Never restrict your veggies, eat as many as you possibly can, and eat them raw or cooked with little to no fat. I eat lots and lots of fresh cucumber, yellow and orange peppers, tomatoes, and greens. The only vegetables I restrict are corn, potatoes, and beans/legumes due to the high starch content. Otherwise I eat as much as I please.

C) Starches and carbs are not your enemy. They are vital to your survival. Go ahead and eat 1 or 2 starches per day, just make them Smart-Starches. Whole grain breads, whole wheat tortillas, garbanzo beans, black beans, corn, wild rice. All of those are great dietary options, and you can enjoy them without the guilt because they are good for you! Moderation remember, you don't need to eat 5 servings a day. Repeat after me: Two Will Do. That is my motto on starches and carbs.

D) Protein is good. You need to have some with every meal. I eat three servings of lean protein a day. Cut back or cut out red meat and pork. Eat more fish and seafood. Chose white meat chicken, and start eating turkey! I really love buying turkey cutlets at the grocery store and grilling them. Or I cut them up and make a little stir fry with some bok choy and bamboo shoots. Yum!

E) Fresh fruit is awesome. Eat it, twice a day, and I make sure I've had both servings before supper time. Apples, peaches, grapes, you name it. If you really feel you can't manage that, have some fruit juice. Make sure it's 100% real juice though, made from concentrate is OK but fresh squeezed is better. Buy juice that has to be refrigerated, that's your best bet to avoid preservatives and added junk. I often have a cup of juice in the morning with breakfast, especially if I am on the go.

F) Dairy is good, especially for your bones. I have two servings a day, optimally one for breakfast and one for lunch. I drink 1% milk, because skim is icky, and I buy light cheeses to add to wraps or other dishes. Although I don't quibble too much over reduced fat dairy, since I don't eat a ton of it and for the most part it's the healthy kind of fats. No processed cheese!

G) To make it really simple, go out and buy yourself a plate that looks like this. For breakfast just imagine it's divided into four and put one serving of each food group on it. For lunch I fill a small section with protein, the other with a starch and the remaining half with vegetables. For supper have a small section of protein and the rest should be veggies. That's just how I work it but you can mix it up. Basically I try to stick to the formula that supper should be the lightest meal of the day, consisting of only veggies and protein.

H) Drink your WATER! I cannot stress this enough! I easily retain 5 or 6 pounds of water alone when I am not getting in 64 oz per day. If you have a hard time drinking water get some Crystal Light. I prefer to add lemon myself. Make a point if drinking at least 16 oz of water per meal, and then add in the other two whenever is most convenient. DRINK YOUR WATER!!!

I) Reward yourself, but not with food. I generally set up big rewards at regular intervals (lets say for every 10 or 20 pounds you lose). Treat yourself to a day at the spa, a new set of gel nails, having your hair done or colored, a night out, or whatever it is you have been wanting and felt you didn't deserve. Clothes are also awesome, a new outfit to show of the awesome new body, or fun accessories to go with stuff you already have. Make it be just for you, spoil yourself a little. Avoid putting a tight time-frame on when you have to reach these goals. That way, if you don't make it to the goal in time you don't feel frustrated and disappointed with yourself, which will cause you to back-slide. Losing weight takes a LOT of time. Have some patience. I also like to reward myself for other healthy lifestyle changes. Say if you consistently go to the gym, three times a week, never missing a week or going less than three times. Reward yourself at the end of each month you do that. Get yourself a new purse, a book you've been wanting, or a coffee date with your best friend. Do something nice for you when you are sticking to your schedule!

J) Keep a food journal, or just a weight loss journal in general, or both! I write down every single thing I eat, every single day. This creates accountability, for me, your mileage may vary. I also track my water per day, and any extras I've had (like coffee or a treat). Having a written record will also help you identify areas you need to work on. Maybe you're not getting enough fruit, or skipping meals, or having too many 'treats'. Keeping a journal or blog to talk about your feelings or struggles you are having encourages success. You can also use it to write down rewards for yourself, short and long-term goals, and any other healthy living stuff you may want to remember. I also use mine for those great recipes you cut out of a magazine and may never look at again. There are lots of possibilities.

So, those are the 10 things I do in order to lose weight. I know it seems like a lot at first, but I wrote it all from having ingrained it into my lifestyle over the past three months. Eventually, you'll just 'know' and you won't have to be reading or focusing on your weight all the time. Hopefully I've inspired some of you! I know a number of my blog friends are working on weight issues right now so I wanted to post some help and encouragement for them.

Keep at it gals (and guys) because we're all in this together. I'm pullin for ya! We can do it!

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

I'm having a bit of a discussion in my head, and with Jack, and so I wanted to put it out here for a little talk amongst all us blogger peoples. Please understand that I am not upset with Jack, nor trying to attack him here. I am just looking for a little perspective on the situation at hand :D

First off, Jack gets a fair number of vacation days during the year. So far this year some of them have already been devoted to move stuff. He still has quite a number of them left and now there is some discussion as to what to use them for.

Exhibit A:

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

The other day I mentioned to Jack that maybe he could move three of those Septemeber vacation days that he had planned to take, and use them while V is here. My thinking on this is that her and I will have been seperated for about 3 months by then and I'd prefer not to spend all of her time here with kids in tow. Yes we will have Saturday and Sunday, but that's not a lot when you haven't seen someone in ages and there are a lot of things you want to show them. Jack also works LONG hours and gets up at the crack of dawn, so her and I might have 4 hours to ourselves late in the evenings, and then have to go to bed so that I could function as a parent the next day. It would be so nice to have Jay home to watch the kids, just for those days, so that I could take V all over Toronto and we could have some fun together. Besides, being a mom means no vacation days for me! Plus I can't call in sick, ever!

His side is that he was really looking forward to a week off here at the end of the summer. I can understand that, and I do feel pretty bad about asking him to give that up. I would never have mentioned it if it wasn't really important to me that I have some time with my friend, and a break for myself! Jack works so hard, busts his ass for us so that we can have everything we want. I mean it, he rarely says no to me if I want something. He spoils me rotten, and I know what a very lucky woman I am to have him.

So, to make it easier to get opinions I am putting it to a poll. Feel free to comment if you wish to expand on your opinion or offer us any suggestions on how to make it work so that we both get what we want!

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

I mentioned in my last post that I did not intend to tell The SmartAss about my blog. This is an issue I've been rolling around in my head for weeks.

Now that I live in a new city I have the option of keeping it secret. In Calgary it was hard because I started off telling people about it and then even if I didn't tell them it usually got found out through a mutual friend or it would get mentioned in passing at social gatherings and then all the people who didn't know would get very curious.

It's not that I really cared though, it was more or less just a problem when it came to writing about some of those people. When O was 'involved' with Jack (I use the term loosely because I could hardly call it a relationship) she requested that I not write about their relationship. I grudgingly went along with it because I don't like to disrespect people and their privacy. When I was first seeing LD he also asked me not to write about him, and again I reluctantly agreed. It was terribly annoying on both counts, but I didn't know what else to do under the circumstances. I didn't want to piss anyone off or deter them from being my friend, etc. At the same time, major stuff can happen and then I am at a loss for how to sort myself out. I've debated secret blogs and the like, but that seems...I dunno, like more hassle than I should have to go through.

After the thing with O and LD I decided that I would never allow anyone to dictate to me what I could or could not write here. That's not fair and I'll never agree to it again. It's not like I go around using people's real names or identifying them in any way so why should I have to watch what I say? If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't get involved with me.

Then there is another issue. All that aside, what if I want to go on a tear about a person? Like on the weekend when I made this post about not being able to write here, it was actually because Jack reads this blog, and I was feeling aggravated about something between him and I. I didn't want to just rip him apart to get out frustration, I was actually not sure how to communicate to him what I wanted and why I was upset about how things were going.

However, I didn't think that Jack would appreciate me doing that. Being only mediocre at verbal conversation under pressure, I use this blog as my sounding board to get all of my thoughts in a row. It gives me great self-perspective, and it's cathartic for me. When I can't or don't want to write I find other ways. Talking to friends, having some quiet time, writing in my journal to V, etc. Rarely I get caught between a rock and a hard place when all I want to do is write here and yet can't.

So it seems obvious, just don't tell anyone about this blog if I am going to be in a relationship of any type with them. However, if I am going to be at all close with someone, then I feel like I have to keep part of me a secret. A lot of work and effort goes into this place, and I am really proud of it. It also seems somewhat unethical to write at length about someone and not tell them. I mean having a private diary is one thing, but putting out out to the world like this is another. That's just my feelings of course, I know a lot of people who keep blogs which are secret from their spouse or friends or significant other. That's not really me though. The main reason that people are so comfortable being open with me, is that I do my best to be totally open and honest with them. I think that if someone I was close with found out way after the fact that I had been writing about them in secret on my secret blog, it would shatter that.

I'm not sure what to do now. It's easy to say "Well whatever you feel comfortable with" but I'm not sure I'll feel comfortable either way. There are pros and cons both ways so I am asking all of you for your thoughts.

If you were involved with someone and then found out later that they had been blogging about you for months would you feel like you had been lied to? Betrayed? Would you be hurt or angry?

Do you keep your blog a secret from significant others? How or why is that so? Do you think you would ever share it with them?

If people know about your blog do they give you a hard time about things you may or may not write about them? Do you allow people any input whatsoever? Why or why not?

So many questions! I was going to create a poll but there are just too many possible answers so I hope some of you will share with me in the comments or via e-mail.

Tonight I am going to a local Kink Munch* to try to meet some people and make some like-minded friends. Wish me luck :D Details tomorrow!

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

I've been reflecting a lot lately on my relationships with others. Specifically on friendships and the wide variety of friends I have, how they came to be, and what keeps us in a relationship with each other.

My extremely close friendship with V has often been the subject of envy and curiosity from others. I'm not sure if she gets this sort of thing as often as I do, but people have asked me how we manage it. People have commented to me that they wish they could have a best friend relationship like V and I have. It's something so special and I will admit I frequently take it for granted that other people have best friends like I do. This is far and wide not the case, and I can count far too many women (and men as well) who do not have a 'Bestest Best Friend' in their lives.

V and I have a relationship that parallels my relationship with Jack. She is one of the two soul mates I am so blessed to have in my life right now. That I love her is never a question, and I now bear a permanent mark as a tribute to that love and to our relationship. I refer to her often as my wife and spouse, because best friend just doesn't do our relationship justice. We are so close that I think if we could, we would share the same body. If one of us had been a man we would be living happily ever after as I write this. She and I have been a tight unit for 10 years now, and we have plans to grow old together, just like I have with Jack.

So, I thought maybe I'd let slip a few things that V and I make a consistent and conscious effort to do to keep our relationship as close as it is. I hope she doesn't mind me revealing them, but I think if other people can benefit and form closer relationship with their friends, then it'll be worth it.

Shasta And V's Guide To Being Bestest Best Friends

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

Hopefully that has given you some idea of how V and I make our friendship the way it is. It certainly doesn't just 'happen' by itself. We have both commited to being the very closest friends we possibly can.

I know that even if I were living in the middle of the Sahara Desert we would remain the best of friends. It's just a given at this point. We are going to be together for life, no question. She's my girl, she's got my back, and I have hers.

This video is for her, because hearing this song makes me happy, just like she does:

When The Night Feels My Song - Bedouin Soundclash

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

It's not by accident that I haven't written a very personal or detailed post about The Polyamory Experiment™ in about 4 months. That's a long time to go without the usual emotional angst and "Oh Woe Is Me" around here.

To be honest, I haven't felt like sharing that aspect of myself here. As always there is constant movement under the surface. Although the move has pushed it somewhat to the back burner, it lingers there, always scratching gently and waiting for my attention.

The truth is I go back and forth on how safe I feel exposing my soft underbelly here. Yes, it's my blog, that's what it's here for, but doing so also invites sometimes cruel criticism. That is the nature of blogging, I know this, which is why I allow comments, and don't moderate or delete them. However, when I don't feel like having to deal with that, or I am particularly sensitive, I just don't write about that here. I keep it fluffy and fun, because even when things are icky and raw, my life is still a fabulous adventure.

I have continued to fight and claw and struggle against my insecurities. I've talked until I have no words left. I've read and studied everything I can find on dealing with jealousy. I have spent a LOT of personal quiet time, just mulling everything over, churning it 'round in my brain until I develop a headache.

Progress has been made, although Jack has not yet had sex with another woman. Part of that is due to circumstance (he's been working like crazy for months) and part of it is due to his worry over potentially causing a tremendous fracture to our relationship.

Currently though we are right on the cusp of leaping off of that cliff and seeing what happens at the bottom.

As I was gathering my thoughts to write this, the most amazing thing happened. A new Polyamory Weekly podcast popped up on my BlogLines. Wouldn't you know, it was a special about jealousy! So I hit play and settled back to listen, and then began taking notes here in this post. I think that the Cunning Minx just changed my life, and the way that I process my jealous feelings. Please allow me to share with you what I wrote down from the show:

* * *

Dealing With Jealousy

Step One - Acknowledge The Feelings

"I feel jealous and insecure"

Say it out loud. Own those feelings verbally.

Step Two - What Does It Mean?

If Jack kisses another woman then:

I feel threatened. I feel that Jack is doing something with her that I wish he would do more of with me. Jack and I 'peck' all the time, but we generally don't spend a lot of time making out. When he does this with someone else, I feel less special and less desirable. I fear he would rather make out with someone else than me.

If Jack is sexually intimate with another woman then:

I become uncomfortable, because I am afraid that he will find her more physically attractive than me, and that he will prefer being with her over me. I wonder if she will be more sexually satisfying than I am, or better at handjobs/blowjobs. I fear not being good enough.

If Jack has sex with another woman then:

He may not want to have sex with me as often. He may want to spend more quality time with her than he does with me. I am afraid that he will find her prettier/sexier/more attractive. I fear being less desirable. I fear being ignored and neglected.

Step Three - Uncovering The Fear

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of how I look?

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

What Can The Partner Do?

- Create a safe place for the jealous party to express themselves

- Just listen at first. Let them work though it on their own a little. Give them at least 10 minutes of JUST LISTENING quietly. Hold their hand, nod, acknowledge them, but don't speak

- Give reassurance (reasons why you love them aside from sexual things or whatever is causing the insecurity)

A Closing Note:

Give yourself permission to freak out. Communicate to your partner that freaking out does not mean they have to STOP what they are doing, but that talking needs to happen ASAP. Then go though the above exercise with your partner and by yourself related to whatever is causing the freaking out.

* * *

See? Was that not an awesome exercise?? The best way to go about it is actually have your partner ask you the questions verbally. Answer them out loud, write down your answers if you like. That can actually be helpful for looking back on when your sweetie is out on the town and you are at home freaking out. Re-read your answers (as I intend to) and they may provide some comfort in the situation.

None of the stuff I wrote up there is new to me. I knew all that stuff already, but I think getting it out in that format really clicked with me on a more profound level than just going over it in my head.

It also forces you to rationalize your feelings rather than just running around with that gross feeling in your stomach going "OHNOZ! OHNOZ! I'm Jealous! OHNOZ" like a psychotic animal.

I am at the point where I feel that next step it to tell Jack to go for it, and push through any emotional distress to get to the other side. Who knows how I will feel once it occurs. Perhaps the build up and anxiety will all be for not, and my imagination is so much worse than the reality. Perhaps there will be a tremendous fall out and I will discover that really, poly is not for me. The fact is I don't KNOW for sure. There is only one way to find out, take the plunge.

I am sure there will be more on this, possibly lots more in the very near future. I am just going to close my eyes, hold on tight, and roll with it.

*Rockne S. O’Bannon

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

It's been over two months since I last wrote about The Great G-Spot Hunt here at Shasta Headquarters. The reason for the delay is because I've been trying everything I have read or seen on the Internet or in books to obtain one of those elusive G-Spot orgasms.

To no avail. I feel quite badly, especially for keeping the people at Eden Fantasys waiting for SO long. Hours spent poking, prodding, rubbing, twisting, and thrashing about in the name of sexual satisfaction! I did not discover the secret to unlocking the awesome power of the G-Spot.

What I have discovered, however, is that I do indeed HAVE a G-Spot. It also feels really good when an appropriately-shaped vibrator is pushed against it. Not good enough to push me over the edge it seems. On one hand I find this unfortunate, on the other I am not getting in a funk over it because:

A) I am still able to have clitoral orgasms, for which I am incredibly grateful

B) I am young yet, things may change as I get older

It's certainly been a great time experimenting at any rate! I hope that some of my readers who cannot seem to have G-Spot orgasms take heart. We are all built differently. Some women report disliking G-Spot stimulation altogether, some like it but it doesn't do a lot for them, and some have explosive orgasms thanks to this mysterious little wad of tissue. Please do not feel that you are somehow inadequate or 'doing it wrong' if the G-spot just isn't your thing. Sex and masturbation are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful and disappointing. According to the little medical research I've found on the subject, some women don't even have a G-Spot (as in the ball of tissue is not even there, this research was done on cadavers). Having a G-Spot is not the be-all or end-all of sex or stimulation.

Thank You Eden Fantasys for your encouragement and the donation of a toy and a book to assist in my quest! Greatly appreciated.

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Ok, I need some advice again.

The second time in a week, I must be losing my skills with men, LOL.

So Q and I had a good time (from my perspective) on the weekend. I want to see him again, but I didn't want to seem too over-eager.

I called him yesterday afternoon to ask him if he wanted to come out on Saturday night with me and a bunch of other people (for that Birthday Party I mentioned here the other day).

He wasn't home so I left him a message and asked him to give me a call back either way (if he wanted to come or not).

I haven't heard from him yet which to me feels...I dunno, odd.

It wouldn't be a problem, except, I really like him. A lot.

The fact that I am moving right away is extra depressing in this case because I've just now realised how great he is and nothing is going to come of it.

Do you think that there is weirdness now and he's no longer interested? Am I being crazy? Should I just never bother calling him again? Should I call him to see if he actually got the message?

BAH! Why can't I just NOT care if he's rejecting me in a spineless and immature way?!?

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Jack and I ended up having to postpone our dinner plans at Susur until later this week. It was unfortunate, but not nearly the end of the world since we are indeed still going for supper there, we just have to wait a few days longer to do so. It's actually worked out for the best because I am getting over a head cold and if I'm going to spend $140 on a meal, I'd like to be able to taste it. I apologise as well for the password protected entry that I posted some days ago. I really do not intend to make a habit of such things, because I really enjoy being able to share parts of my life with all of you. That said, there were times over the past 2.5 years when I was unable to blog about particular people or topics due to the sensitive nature of the circumstances or individuals. This was distressing to me, because at the end of the day, blogging is something I do for myself, to work through thoughts or feelings, or even to keep an accurate recounting of events. Jack and I often refer back on the blog where there is discussion about a certain time or place and we can't remember what or when, we've even used it to figure out who was driving the vehicle when one of those pesky photo radar speeding tickets arrived in the mail. Perhaps this doesn't mean much to anyone who doesn't blog, but for me being unable to retell certain feelings or events due to people in my life who would read it means that there were a lot of really important words I never managed to type out. Yes, I could have kept them as separate word documents or even written them in my paper journal, but for some reason that just never materialized. Would it have under different circumstances? Had I been able to blog about it more openly would I have gotten around to really doing so? Maybe, maybe not. The point is that the option wasn't always there, and now that I have moved (to Wordpress publishing tools with paid hosting) I have a way to write what is on my mind and sometimes keep it to myself. I don't do this to exclude everyone, and if you feel strongly enough about reading it you're welcome to e-mail me about getting a password. I promise I won't do it often, since that's not what this site is about, but I can't promise I'll never take advantage of that particular option. On to more interesting tales now that I've cleared that up :) Last night Nia and I went to another Sex Party at Goodhandy's. We met up with her playmate, who clearly needs a name I'm thinking, before we went to the bar, since things never really get going until after 10pm. Before I continue lets come up with something to call said female friend...hmmm...Flavia. Makes me think of flavour, which I'm sure she has since Nia spends so much time between her legs. Hee Hee So Nia and Flavia and myself arrived at Goodhandy's and were immediately greeted by Todd, who remarked that now the party could really get started (since the party girls had arrived! Woot!). We got drinks and he encouraged us to go and watch the two very attractive young male models/porn stars who were masturbating on either side of the stage. Being quite keen to encourage them we did just that. An ex-boyfriend of Nia's from years and years ago also decided to join us on our night out, although I'm not going to bother giving him a name at this point, so we'll just call him Nia's ex. The four of us sat and chatted, and enjoyed our drinks, us girls frequently gazing at the naked eye candy on stage. While we were sitting there the lovely couple whom I played with at the last party came in to the club. They saw me right away and came over to give me hugs and say hello. She was wearing this very hot corset and I remarked on how fabulous she looked. I was hopeful that they would be inclined to play again later in the evening but I didn't want to be pushy. We agreed to run into each other again later, and off they went. Meanwhile Flavia and Nia and the ex-boyfriend decided to kick off the spontaneous orgy, or at least a very hot and public threesome for the enjoyment of the crowd. Some of the males who were watching got a little close, and had to be asked to back off a bit, but nobody had to be thrown out. Todd is particularly protective of anyone who chooses to play and asked me to let him know immediately if anyone was being bothersome to our group. In fact throughout the night the bouncers approached me several times to ensure that none of us were being harassed. It really adds to the atmosphere when you know that you can be comfortable and that the staff there take their jobs very seriously when it comes to ensuring that everyone is well behaved. One of the male models, who had since put on at least some of his clothes, approached me and introduced himself. He was really, really attractive, and I was very tempted to accept his invitation to get naked with him. As much as I wanted to say yes, especially when he asked so charmingly in that yummy accent of his, I politely declined. Don't ask me why, I just wasn't in the right state of mind I suppose, and having intercourse with strange men is not generally a service I provide, no matter how gorgeous they are. He wasn't the only one I turned down. Another of the regular models/porn stars, who was clearly drunk, approached me as well, introducing himself and asking if I wanted to play with him. I let him kiss me a little before I said no. Even though he was adorable I don't like to fuck drunk boys, especially as I said above, drunk boys I don't know. The male half of the couple I mentioned early happened to be standing next to me at the bar sometime later in the evening, and leaned over to ask me a question. The conversation went like this: Him: So my girlfriend wants to know if we're going to have Round 2 tonight? Me: I don't really know that it's up to me actually (meaning it was up to them) but I am pretty sure I wouldn't say no. Him: Alright, I'll tell her that Then I smiled and returned to my friends, expecting to see them sometime shortly thereafter. Unfortunately I didn't, although they caught up to me as they were leaving, and after giving me hugs she remarked that she hoped I could play next time. Confused I said that I could have played, but had assumed they didn't want to. He seemed surprised and asked me to clarify what I had said at the bar. When I told him that I'd meant to imply it was up to them, there were groans of disappointment all around. We had a bit of a laugh about it, although clearly we were all quite sad that the miscommunication had prevented a good time for all. "We've been talking about you for the past 29 days!" he remarked, smiling but obviously a tad frustrated over the entire situation. I reassured them, her in particular, that I had certainly not intended to reject that and that certainly I had been eager to play. Turns out neither of us wanted to be pushy about anything, and in the process, had missed out. She gave me her number and I promised that I would make my very best effort to attend the next party that they are able to come to as well (which unfortunately isn't until the end of June, due to other life commitments they have). We wished each other a good night and they left, followed shortly by the four of us. Nia was staying in Toronto with Flavia, and I assumed her ex was as well, so I bid them farewell and drove home to my husband, falling into bed exhausted sometime around 4am. The entire way home I stewed with annoyance over the missed opportunity, and debated in my head the proper thing to do at this juncture. She gave me her cell number, which I didn't ask for, she offered. I really want to call her in a day or two and apologise again for the miscommunication, and assure her that I wasn't rejecting them. Then I kind of want to ask if they ever play away from Goodhandy's? Like could we all meet up for coffee or something and maybe get to know each other better? Advice please! I have no idea what the best course of action is in this situation. I really, really want to see them again, since I find both of them very attractive (now that I had a chance to get a good look at him). To any couples out there who are swingers or poly, what would you like a girl you are clearly interested in to do if she and you were in this situation? The future of my interaction with them, and thus the potential for more hot stories about our fun, depends on you. Today was a day for relaxation and recovery. Jack took the kids and I into Mississauga to go to the new Earl's restaurant that just opened there. Earl's was one of our all time favorite places back in Alberta, so we were very excited to hear that one was being opened in Square One Mall this month. Before we had dinner Jack indulged me with a shopping spree at Lush. I picked up a couple of small chunks of Ice Blue and Sea Vegetable soaps, which I have heard are good for dreads, so that I could try them both and see which one I like better. After some more browsing I decided to pick up a couple of their massage bars, which I haven't had the opportunity to try yet. When you buy two of them you get a free tin to keep them in, so I went with Wiccy Magic Muscles (for all those sore spots after hitting the gym) and Fever, for those sensual massages I sometimes give to Jack before bed. Yum! The girls who worked there recommended I try the Mask Of Magnamintywhen I enquired about trying something new for my skin. I wouldn't say that I am prone to breakouts all the time, but I certainly notice them more before my period, so this is apparently just the treatment to have on hand for those times. No visit to Lush is complete without picking up some bath bombs for the mammoth tub we have. This time I picked up a Sex Bomb(so good, one of my favs) a couple of Waving Not Drowning and an All That Jaz. I had to pry myself out of there before I really got out of hand, but I was very pleased when I left with my bag of goodies. Dinner was really yummy, and afterwards we took the young ones for ice cream. It was actually a really nice way to end the weekend. I think I'm going to have a nice hot shower before crawling into bed tonight, since I've spent to much time writing about the weekend, and eaten up all the time I had intended to use for having a bath. This week I am hitting the gym every day, and Thursday night is Susur. I'm planning to call that nice couple once you guys give me some feedback on how to handle that conversation :P Or even if you don't, LOL, since I don't want to miss out again. Should be a fairly quiet week overall, and I'll keep you posted on developments for next weekend!

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Shasta: Which Strap-On Is Best?

Shasta — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:37:00 +0000

Thank you for the e-mail, and I am flattered that you've taken the time to read through so much of my blog! Please don't feel strange, I get e-mails quite often from random blog readers :)

Ok, now for your question. When it comes to strap-ons I actually do have a bit of experience. I own a vac-u-lock harness system that I purchased for personal use ages before the blog came about. Having tried the feeldoe, and talked to a number of lesbian and bi-sexual women about it, I would encourage you to give it a try.

There are a number of harness systems that are compatible with the feeldoe. I would advise you to order a harness if you're going to be purchasing a feeldoe (especially the larger sizes). Here are three compatible harness systems for the feeldoe:

Corset Harness

Universal Harness

Velvet Vibrating Harness

The most important things to consider when shopping for strap-ons are how comfortable and adjustable the harness portion is, and how many attachments are available for it. With the vac-u-lock for instance, you must buy specific vac-u-lock attachments. With other harnesses, such as the above ones which operate with a ring holder, any dildo/vibe with a flared base will work with harness.

Your specific needs when it comes to the dildos you wish to use will likely play into which harness option you choose.

I hope that helps!

XOXO
Shasta

The Baby’s Blood Type? Human, Mostly.*

Shasta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:24:00 +0000

Sum Of All Fears: AND Patented.*

Shasta — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

I've been having a lot of conversations lately about personal strength and being a woman.

I’ve Got Layers…You Know, Like A Parfait

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Perhaps Canola Oil Wrestling Is In Order?

Shasta — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:26:00 +0000

V is coming out here for 5 days in October, to join me for The Sex Show. We are both really pumped about this since I will not have seen her for some time by then, and won't see here again after that until early January most likely. We are obvioulsy going crazy missing each other (observe the comments).

Exhibit B:

Jack was planning to take a week off in September, since our eldest starts school and since his job has been psychotic all summer, learning all the new stuff, it would be a nice break for him. I know he's been really needing some time off to relax a bit and the next opportunity to do so is some months away (in November).

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick.*

Shasta — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:23:00 +0000

*Munches have become a way to meet like-minded kinky folk in an informal and hassle-free environment. Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant or coffee shop or similar environment. - Society Of Janus Website

*Neal Stephenson

I’m On The Rocky Road Heading Down Off The Mountain Slope

Shasta — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

1. Work on your communication skills: Just like in marriage, friendships require communication. Never assume that it's just going to 'come naturally'. V and I have in the past experienced difficulty communicating with each other. We were sometimes too embarrassed or afraid of causing conflict to be forthcoming with each other. I recall the time we had a brief discussion about abortion and I didn't want to create waves so I didn't bother saying much about my anti-choice thinking as opposed to her pro-choice stance. It bugged me for a few days afterwards and eventually it occurred to me that V would want me to be true to myself. She would want me to feel confident enough to share my difference of opinion with her and know that regardless we would still love each other and be best friends. So I told her my opinions and we have gently agreed to disagree on that particular topic. We are able to accept and respect the opinion of the other and not let it get in the way of our relationship. Having good communication is essential to any great relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2. Romance each other: V and I often go to great lengths to make each other feel special and appreciated. The previous two years she happened to be single on Valentine's Days and because both Jack and I love her, we wanted to include her in our plans. We did not do this because we felt 'sorry' for her, we did it because she is a part of our family and we love her and since the holiday is centered around love, doesn't it make sense to have both of my loves with me for dinner? Had she been in a relationship I would assume that her significant other would likely want to do something special to celebrate THEIR relationship, but I would have extended the invitation to them anyway. Think of things you would do for someone you are dating and then do those things for your friend. V and I have gone on many dates, made each other dinner, taken each other out. We court each other, we make the other feel significant, special, and appreciated.

3. Call each other on wrongs: It's bound to happen that people you care about are going to have some habit or way of doing things that either you don't agree with or that annoys you greatly. They are also going to make some really dumb choices or refuse to get themselves out of situations that are making them unhappy. Your job is to lovingly point these things out to them and help them see what it is that is happening in a more objective way. For instance, there have been times when V took issue with some of my parenting methods. It wasn't extreme at any rate, but things that I did which she disagreed with. So, she told me. I was understandably upset and she was prepared for that. I cried a little and then thanked her profusely for caring enough about me and my family to point out these things to me. The behaviour was worked on and it all came out well. There was also V's chronic habit of being late. We would make plans and then she wouldn't show up on time. We aren't talking 10 minutes, but hours late. It got to the point that I would invite her to things and not expect to see her until several hours after the appointed time. Not good. I didn't want her to get all upset, so I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Finally I got brave and laid it out to her. The constant lateness not only made me feel disregarded and unimportant (like my time wasn't valuable to her at all) but I knew it couldn't be making her feel very good to be always breaking her agreements with people. She felt terrible initially. She said it was both hardest and best to hear it from me because she loved and respected me so much that it hurt that much more to know she had caused me these feelings. However, since bringing it up she has committed herself to being more punctual, and we both feel loads better.
I know know how hard it can be to tell someone something negative about themselves, but if you love and respect them you owe it to them to point out the behaviour. There are also instances when a person needs to be yanked out of their own shit. When V's relationship with M was headed downhill it started to seriously show even before I knew that things were amiss. She would call me and I could hear it in her voice, she was not herself. We would get together and for the first part of our time she would act sad/irritated/not herself. V is one of the bubbliest, happy-go-lucky, and enjoyable people I know, this is why her being sullen is very strange. After a month or so of this I just out and said "What the hell is going on? You're miserable, I can tell, please share with me". So she unloaded about her relationship troubles. It's not that she had been with-holding from me, I think she was mostly just trying to get by without acknowledging how bad it had become. Once I told her that it was obvious to me she started to look at it more objectively and came to the realization that she was really unhappy.
A little known fact regarding the three of us (Jack, V, and I) is that in the beginning of my relationship with Jack he and Vi did NOT get along. I think he was threatened by how close she and I were and worried that if V didn't approve of him I would dump him. Jack dislikes feeling that he must earn approval from anyone. V I think felt that Jack was too demanding of my time and perhaps a touch controlling. This rift between them caused me a great deal of stress.
When I told her that Jack and I were planning to get married she was the only person who didn't squeal with joy. In fact she was more interested in making sure I was doing this for the right reasons rather than congratulating us on the upcoming nuptials. I think to some degree she was also a little worried that if I married Jack, she would never see me again! Regardless she still stood beside me on my wedding day and delivered the most fantastic speech at our reception.
I truly know that our refusal to hold anything back from each other is the biggest reason we are as close as we are, which is probably why this particular point is so long-winded, LOL.

4. Make time for each other regularly: There was a time when V and I lived in the same city and yet rarely saw each other. In fact I went my entire second pregnancy without ever seeing her. Mind you during that time I was busy having babies and adjusting to a new marriage and there just never seemed to be time. It was also the most isolated and alone I had ever felt in my life. I didn't make my friends a priority. I remember so many times that Jack would encourage me to call V or see her but I was caught up in my own shit and depression that I couldn't bring myself to be around anyone. We did do things sometimes. When Luke was a year old V and I spent a weekend camping with A out in Saskatchewan. However, it was rare. One day, shortly after Sadie was born V and I were on the phone and I said "This is so stupid. We live in the same city and we never get together. Something has to change" and she agreed. We decided to commit to getting together once a month. Before long that evolved into approximately once a week. Recently we went three weeks without seeing each other (due to crazy circumstances) and it just about killed us.
Things might have continued as they were back then had we not made a mutual commitment to make each other a priority. Life is busy, it's so easy to just put things off. Put off time with friends, recreation, anything that isn't vital to survival. We got tired of putting each other off. Tired of saying "Maybe next month we can make plans". The greatest gift you can give your friends is time with you. One-on-one time included, because you can't reach the level of intimacy that V and I have if you are constantly around other people. Being faced with our separation we have agreed to talk on the phone regularly to try and ease the pain of being apart. We will do what we can to get through the next year until she moves in with us, and just the thought of seeing her every day makes my heart feel like it might burst with happiness.

5. Have specific activities or 'traditions' that are just for the two of you: This once can be precarious if one or both of you are in serious relationships with others. I want to give an example before I launch into a better explanation of this one. V and I keep a diary to each other. We have a notebook that we use to write letters to each other. This special method of communication between us was started years ago, when we were first friends. Being in high school together it was often difficult to share thoughts during classes, so we had a notebook and essentially wrote each other notes in it. I remember fondly, skidding that little notebook up and down the isles of the desks during class. After we left school V kept the notebook, although at times we have sat down together and re-read it.
Some years ago we decided to revive the concept. I bought a notebook and wrote letters to her in it. I kept it like I a diary to her for a few weeks and then I would give it to her to read and write in for a few weeks, and then it came back to me and back and forth like that. In this way we were able to share thoughts with each other when we couldn't always see each other or talk on the phone.
Jack has been forbidden to ever read the pages of these books, even though it is often laying about unattended. This is not because I have written things in there that I am keeping from him, since Jack and I have a marriage of full disclosure (I will explain what that means shortly, since it applies to V and I as well). However, V shares things with me that she may not be comfortable with Jack knowing. It is not my place to share her private thoughts with him. Likewise her boyfriends are not permitted to read it for the same reasons. Issues if privacy aside, it's also because that book is just OURS. A special 'secret' between V and I that we do not share with anyone else. Jack and I have special things between us that we have agreed not to share with anyone else as well. I am not speaking about deep dark secrets or things of that nature, but places we go or things we do together that we do not do with anyone else. Neither V nor I keep a diary like this with anyone else. It's unlikely that either of us ever will. It's ours, plain and simple.
Having specific activities/places/traditions for just the two of you creates a special sort of bond. It doesn't have to be amazing or elaborate. V and I drink the same beverage when we go out. Even though other people around us might also have it, and we also drink other things on occasion, it's still something small that is special to us. We habitually order for each other because we know what the other likes. That might not seem all that great to anyone else, but we have assigned it significance. Cooking together is another. V is the only person who has earned the right to be in my kitchen with me when I am cooking. I turn into SUPER ANAL RETENTIVE person when I am cooking and generally anyone else who tried to get near me will have to duck out of the way of the spatulas and spoons hurtling towards them. She and I work exceptionally well together and I would say that in many situations we read each others thoughts and just know what to do and how to do it in complimentary ways.
As I said, many things will not seem spectacular or notable to other people, which is perhaps part of the magic of it. To the two of you they will be special while outsiders remain oblivious.

6. Have a relationship of Full Disclosure: I think this one is perhaps harder for others than it has been for us. V and I keep absolutely nothing from each other. She knows every dirty little secret, every scandalous detail, every minuscule moment of my life. I can say with complete confidence that it goes both ways. We tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING. Within reason of course. I don't call her every day to tell her what I had for breakfast, but if she asked me I'd certainly share, LOL. I have talked to her about things that I never thought I would talk to anyone about, and she embraces all of my skeletons and shortcomings with the kind of love and acceptance that most people can only dream about. She's my safe place, no matter what. That's also the sort of relationship I have with Jack, which is one of the main reasons we have such a close and successful marriage.
People just either have to accept that if they tell me something, I am most likely going to talk to both Jack and V about it, or they should not share with me. That's just the way it rolls. Jack has never asked me to keep something a secret from V, nor has V ever asked me to keep a secret from Jack. We have an agreed mutual understanding that it just won't happen. I am generally up front with other people about this arrangement so that they can make an educated choice about sharing secrets or personal information with me. That said if someone still chooses to talk to me about something delicate and personal, I AM able to assure them that it will stay between me and my two significant others. Neither V nor Jack would ever blabber something I had told them in confidence. This probably sounds insane to people, but I don't think you can have the sort of relationship that V and I have if you withhold things from each other.

7. Ask each other for favours: This one probably seems strange. How will asking each other for help make you closer friends? I know many people who are reluctant to ask other people for help. They are too proud, too embarrassed, too whatever. Admitting that you need help makes you vulnerable. It also gives your friend the opportunity to do something nice for you, which in turn makes them feel good. I don't know about you but I like helping my friends. That can be difficult to do if they never ask for help or give you the opportunity to do so. Be vulnerable to your friends, admit that you need help and then graciously accept their generosity when they say yes! Likewise if someone asks you for help be honest with them. If you really can't do it explain why. Otherwise embrace the opportunity to do something for your friend that they can't do for themselves (or which is highly inconvenient to them).
That said, don't enable your friend to be useless. If they are asking for help with something you know very well they can do themselves, gently point that out to them and ask them why they are reluctant to do the task for themselves.

8. Don't keep tabs: V and I do a lot of activities together. We have a very loose arrangement for who pays for what. Generally, whoever has money at that moment pays the lions share of the cost. We've been doing this for years. I have no idea who has paid more or less often. Neither of us care to keep track. There have been times when I was broke flat and she paid. Sometimes I pay and she drives me around the city to all of our destinations and I don't have to chip for gas. We each contribute what we can and we never resent the other if they are in a tight spot. We have both been there.
This does not just include money but extends to all of the ways in which we do things for each other. Why bother to keep track or try to make either party feel indebted to the other?? We never wanted lack of money get in the way of doing things together, so it became something of an unspoken agreement. I can't count the times that we knew things were tight for the the other and just picked up the phone to say "Lets go for drinks and nibbles, my treat" so that the broke person didn't have to say "I can't go because I can't afford it".
When we are both broke, we just do things that don't cost money, like hang out at each others house and talk. That's one of our most favorite things to do and even when we can afford to go out we'll often just hang out and talk.

9. Compliment each other: I'm not talking about just blowing smoke up their ass. V has a lot of awesome talents, and so do I. Particularly when one of us is feeling down the other is quick to remind that person of all their great skills and attributes. V and I both suffer insecurity when it comes to our weight, and I'm not about to bullshit her and say "What are you talking about? You're totally skinny" because she's not, neither am I, but we are working towards being healthy. She IS a gorgeous woman, which is not a lie, and I can also remind her that she has a beautiful face, adorable little feet (I always tease her about her little 'elf shoes' since my feet are several sizes larger than hers) and than any part of her she dislikes she can do something about. If I tried to give her some crap untrue compliment it would just make her feel like I don't respect her enough to be honest. I make my very best effort to always tell her how adored and appreciated she is and to point out the very best things about her, and she does the same and then some for me.

10. Be there for each other as much as you can possibly manage: Lots of times people will say "Oh yeah, call me anytime" and only half-way mean it. Or even if they do mean it, people never bother to take them up on it. V and I have both called each other at totally INSANE times of the day because we needed someone and she is really the only person I can think of who would be happy to talk to me at 4am. She has rearranged her schedule for me when I was in real distress. We've met with each other come hell or high water during hard times. Even if it meant 45 minutes each way just to give her a hug I have no problem doing that for her because I know she would and has done it for me. If we really can't see each other in person (like for the next year) then we will do what we can to support and love each other over the phone. It's just one of those things that you do for your closest friend. These sorts of things are not extended to all of my friends because as much as I care about all of the people in my life there are different levels of what you will and will not do for them.

It’s Behind You! Hurry Before It*

Shasta — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:46:00 +0000

No. Jack is not a shallow or superficial. I know that he loves me because of the person I am and the wonderful qualities I bring to our relationship. I would not be with him if I felt he only loved me for my looks.

Do I believe that Jack is with me because of what I offer him in bed?

No. While sex is a vital and important part of our marriage, it is not the be-all/end-all. The frequency/intensity/length ebbs and flows, as is normal in relationships. During times when our sex is less frequent, I do not feel that he loves me any less than when we are having more sex.

Do I think that if Jack finds a partner who is prettier or thinner, that will make our relationship less special?

To be totally honest with myself, no. Jack admires other women, he watches porn, and flirts. There are women out there who are certainly thinner than I. There are also women who are prettier. Him looking at them and finding them attractive does not mean that he then looks at me and finds me ugly. We have been together for almost 7 years, if that was going to happen, it would have occurred LONG ago. When I look at a particularly attractive man, it does not make my love and affection for Jack any less real or special.

Is it possible that Jack is with me for reasons besides how I look?

Absolutely.

What are those reasons?

I am a fun, dynamic, and interesting person. Jack is more of an introvert, while I am an extrovert, and he adores how I draw him out of himself. I am very supportive of him, I encourage him, and I rub his back when he wakes up in the morning, which he loves. I take care of our home and our children. I do his laundry. I am strong for him when he needs me to be his rock. I love him with all of my being. He loves and admires my drive to do the things I set my mind to. He appreciates that I am tough, independent, and sexually adventurous. He adores my soft side, and that I tuck love notes into his socks when he travels for work. He loves that I claim to hate getting flowers, yet he can see how pleased I am when he surprises me with them... I could go on for a long time, but I am sure that gives you a good idea.

In light of those things, is it reasonable to assume that someone else could replace me?

No. Even if he loved and cared for someone as MUCH as he loves and cares for me, she would be different things to him than I am. I am special. No one it me, and I cannot be replaced.

What value do I add to his life?

I bring him great joy and happiness. I hold him up when he feels like life is crushing him. I provide companionship. I fulfill his need for physical touch. I make him laugh. I make him think. I have very intellectual conversations with him. I assist him in fulfilling his life purpose. I am his best friend. There are more, but I can add more later, when it's not 1 o'clock in the morning, LOL.

Has Jack ever said/done/implied anything that would lead me to believe that he would leave me if he meets someone more physically attractive than I am?

No. Those words didn't come from him. My source of low self-esteem related to my body image comes from years and years of being teased and called fat as a child. I also come from a family of overweight people who have been obsessing over their weight for my entire life. My mom especially has never held back when she felt I was getting too fat. While I don't feel at all that Jack would leave me, I fear not being good enough or thin enough. I was never thin enough for my mother. I was never thin enough or pretty enough to be popular in school or with the boys. I feel like I am not good enough because of my body. Jack has never once called me fat or implied that I need to lose weight. He is VERY supportive of my weight loss when that is what I want. When it is not what I want, he is supportive of that as well.

"G" Marks The Spot: Part Two

Shasta — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:02:00 +0000

I Hope Someday Things Will Get Better

Shasta — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:33:00 +0000

Victory Is Mine!

Shasta — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Stiletto Diaries™ » Advice

Shasta — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:26:58 +0000

That seems somewhat workable in theory, but what of the innocent child, Buy Cialis Without Prescription. What are people going to say to him or her about the situation as he or she gets older.

Likewise, what are people going to say to my current children.

How does one manage to remain true to themselves and to their own needs, while continuing to honor the needs of the people they love.

Her Panties Will Come Off So Fast*

Shasta — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:12:04 +0000

Raw Foods – A Summary

Shasta — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:48:16 +0000

240. Eat raw for a month

It’s Tragic That There Is No Cure For Stupid

Shasta — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:01:59 +0000

Jack befriends girl. Girl is dating a married man. Married man's wife is not aware that her husband is dating girl. Girl obviously knows that wife doesn't know and doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her boyfriend is having an affair on his wife, with her. Married man keeps telling girl that he will leave his wife. Eventually it becomes clear that he has no intentions of doing so and girl dumps him. Girl casually expresses interest in Jack. Shasta feels HIGHLY uncomfortable with Jack pursuing said girl, because she was party to a situation that Shasta feels was highly unethical. Shasta thinks that being part of an affair speaks volumes about a person, their ethics, and their attitude towards honesty and relationships. Shasta trusts Jack but certainly does not trust girl and feels she does not want to be friends, let alone part of a relationship with said girl. Jack disagrees and feels that since girl wasn't married herself, she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Jack also insists that since HE is trustworthy, Shasta has nothing to worry about were he to get involved with girl.

I’ll Be Their Unicorn Any Day

Shasta — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:07:11 +0000

Dear Shasta: How Do I Get The Most Bang For My Buck?

Shasta — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Thank you for the excellent e-mail :D I always love hearing from my readers. Your question is a good one! I think that I would totally recommend the feeldoe for you two. You can purchase accompanying harnesses that also come with their own vibrating bullets. Here are a couple that are feeldoe compatible and include their own vibrating bullet (generally in a pouch of some sort): Corset Harness Velvet Vibrating Harness There are other harnesses out there that you can attach dildos to and all that, but honestly, I don't think they are as good as the feeldoe. The only drawback is that you can't use silicone lubricant with silicone toys (like the feeldoe) so if that's a big problem, let me know and I can find you something else. Since money is an issue (as it is for most of us) I would suggest you invest in the slim blue feeldoe and try it without a harness to begin with. Some people find it perfectly wonderful just as it is. If you feel you need a harness, then you can purchase that next, when you can afford it :) Hopefully that information is useful to you. Let me know if you have any other questions! XOXO Shasta

Dear Shasta: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Poly?

Shasta — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Hi Shasta!!

Thanks for the e-mail :) First off, one correction: Polygamous means many spouses (usually associated with one man marrying more than one person). My relationship style is Polyamory, which means many loves. These relationships do not have to be really serious, but generally feelings on some level are involved. Just wanted to clear that up :)

Dear Shasta: If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island…?

Shasta — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Thank you for the note :)

Hmmmm, trapped on a desert island. Well it really depends on what sort of stimulation she likes? Does she prefer clitoral? Penetration? Both? G-spot?

The rabbit is very popular, although prone to burning out if you use it for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If you did want to go with a rabbit, I would suggest you go with the iVibe by Doc Johnson or any rabbit manufactured by them.

Also, my love of Fun Factory toys is no secret. Considered some of the best made toys in the world, just about anything they make (besides the layaspots, which seem to often malfunction) is excellent.

Personally, if I had to choose only three toys to keep from my collection, these would be my top choices:

iVibe Rabbit Vibrator

Galan II G-Spot Vibrator

The Cone

I had almost completely forgotten about The Cone, but amongst my pals, it's a huge hit (in fact I'm not even sure who has the thing right now, since I like to share the love).

Hopefully one of those will be the right fit for your friend.

XOXO
Shasta

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit Review

Shasta — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 +0000