Thank you for the wonderful comment, and for your encouragement Having to be secretive in front of the children DOES enhance the pleasure a little, Hee Hee. It’s pretty much exactly the same as the situation you described, LOL.

I agree with you about telling the kids too much. I grew up sort of quickly as well, due to a combination of circumstances. My mother was the eldest girl of 8 children, and her mother treated her like a tiny adult and put her in charge of the younger siblings from early on. That was just the way it was back then, and my mother, at 50 years old, is still rather bitter that she never had the chance to be a child. Unfortunately, as that is all she knew, and I being the eldest in my family (3 younger sibs) I was raised in similar fashion. I can clearly remember changing my younger brothers diapers, by myself, and he’s only 5 years younger than I am.

I don’t want them dealing with issues that are far beyond their years, until it’s absolutely unavoidable. They are the primary reason we are not ‘out’ to our families, for exactly this reason. I want to protect them from it for as long as I can.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment

XO
Shasta

My only comment really is this: don’t tell the kids too much. I mean you know where to draw the line, you’re the mom, but I’m all for innocence being kept a bit longer. Maybe that’s just because of my own upbringing though. There was no polyamory, but my parents never treated me like a kid – they treated me like a friend and I ended up being the parent for most of my youth. Honestly, some times it’s just better for kids to be sheltered behind a little innocence. What I wouldn’t have given for my parents to just let me be fucking kid some times! Kids grow up way too fast (I sure as fuck did) and then there’s not enough innocent kid moments to look back on. Okay, thats enough of my soapbox.

Yep, that’s totally true about kids. I’m sure Luke’s main motivation for wanting Aiden to live with us is so that he has someone to play video games with all the time.

It’s good to hear a more objective opinion on the power dynamics aspect of our relationship. As you are able to observe us together somewhat frequently, I value your insights. I think that in so many ways we’ve set up our lives in such a way that our kids are willing to accommodate and accept most anything without a lot of questions. As mentioned, the constant playfulness around here leaves a lot of room for subtle exchanges that the children will chalk up to normal adult interaction. I doubt that they will catch on until they are older, and by then perhaps we will be ready for the questions that are bound to come up.

XO
Shasta

Some people simply have more submissive personalities than others. I’ve seen women (and men) in perfectly vanilla marriages, where one partner almost always defaults to the other. In my relationship with Jack, I often do things that could be considered “submissive” such as always fetching his food/drinks, going out of my way to make his life easier, letting him make the majority of the decisions, etc. I do these things because as much as I am not really a naturally submissive person, I do take great joy in showing my affection for someone through acts of service.

I use subservient and submissive interchangeably, where perhaps you think of them differently.

Hopefully that clarifies a little more?

XO
Shasta

But kids accepting subservient behavior by anyone sorta squicks me … is that what you really meant to write?

my view of the power dynamics is this: yes, Shasta asks for things in front of the kids, but as she’s mentioned, she’s a rather bratty sub. on top of it, i tease Aiden mercilessly, which is as per the status quo in the Gibson household. good-natured teasing is pretty much continual, and most of Shasta/Aiden’s exchanges could easily be mistaken as such playfulness if one didn’t know the difference.

xo nia <3

You’re likely quite right about that, if the issue ever really needs explaining.

Aiden feels that it would be terribly inappropriate to expose the kids to our power dynamic in any obvious way, so we are pretty careful. If I need to ask him permission for something, I will text him, even if we are in the same room. He is quite effective at saying a lot with just a look, which eliminates a lot of the need for verbal communication. This is useful in a lot of situations, not the least of which include the children.

I don’t think that we are overt enough to raise any questions. As with most things, I am sure my children will just accept most subservient behavior on my part as normal, and won’t bother questioning it until they are much older, at which time it will be easier to explain.

Thank you for commenting, and for the question I will likely expand some more on this in future posts regarding poly and the children!

XO
Shasta

You know, it’s the most common question I am asked regarding the poly dynamics here. I think that it would be simple to be poly if we didn’t have children, but they throw a wrench into things in some ways, and I believe that many people are interested in how we handle it all.

Thank you for the supportive words. I think like most parents, I am always concerned with doing right by my children. I want to protect them, but at the same time, raise them to be strong and independent and open-minded.

I agree that children generally don’t bother asking questions when they don’t care about the answer. When they are curious enough to be interested then they ask. Plain and simple

Thanks for stopping in to comment!

XO
Shasta

Do you ask Aiden’s permission for things that adults don’t usually ask permission for while the kids are about in the house?

I think you’re handling the best way possible. The kids will let you know when they’re ready to know more. At least that’s been my experience.