anyways, i feel like this conversation has almost become its own post so i’m going to bed. i miss you so much!!

You don’t need to be the bad guy! LOL

Besides, then she would blame you for corrupting me or something and hold a grudge until the end of eternity and I already have to deal with that when it comes to V. Not a fun show, let me tell ya.

I’m thinking I might try coming out to my Aunt before anyone else (the one that you met). Not in the immediate future, but I think she would be the most receptive, and perhaps she could help me in dealing with the rest of my family.

This is why I wish poly were more acceptable, or at least more widely heard of. It might not soften the blow, but at least is wouldn’t require a long and complicated explanation, LOL.

XO
Shasta

Isn’t she awesome? We’ve already talked to them quite a bit about how it’s ok for women to want to marry women and men to want to marry men. I love it how she always marries a girl when she plays that game. I think it’s fantastic that they are queer positive, and it reassures me that I am doing right by them (and now boy child believes in reincarnation, LOL).

I don’t think that it will be a stretch for them to understand poly. I don’t want them to have to keep it a secret though (because they really can’t for that matter). Plus I want them to be able to understand that many people will think it’s wrong, but that sometimes in life you have to go against the grain to make the best choices for YOURSELF.

I don’t think there is an easy or perfect way to go about any of this, but we shall do our best to handle it as well as we can manage. Hopefully my mother can come around to being as tollerant as yours.

XO
Shasta

The older I get (don’t I sound sage at the age of *almost* 27) the more I realise that life is too short to go about living in hiding. Why would I want to keep somebody I love a dirty little secret?

If only our families could look at it that way.

As for the “other” getting more of a stake in things, I agree that it’s only fair, provided that respect abounds. I don’t feel comfortable with the idea that my additional partners will ALWAYS be ‘secondary’. In fact I hate the entire primary/secondary model of poly. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think of each partner as having the potential to eventually become another ‘primary’ in my life, but just as Jack and I did not get to where we are overnight, nor will it happen immediately with the other people I date.

Thank you for your comment Always pleased to have you weigh in around here.

XO
Shasta

I think I would wait at least until I was dating someone whom I felt had serious long-term potential. Then I would talk to my parents about poly, but allow for them to adjust before mentioning an additional partner. Really I may just have to wait until my kids are old enough to understand, in case the fallout is severe.

Agreed though, it’s kind of like waiting to bring up poly with your partner until you actually want to date someone specific, LOL.

XO
Shasta

Do you suppose they really HAVE to always come second? I mean, I’d like to think that as a ‘secondary’ relationship develops eventually it’s going to get to the point where both partners are of equal importance. At least if the ‘primary’ relationship people are open to that possibility, which I believe we are. I do think that if a significant other invests emotionally there should be a lot of consideration given to their feelings, because it’s not fair to treat them as though they are just disposable, or less important than the other two people in the relationship. Perhaps that’s just me.

You make an excellent point though Thank you for your thoughts!

XO
Shasta

I know exactly what you mean. The effort just isn’t always there. Or you feel like they don’t regard it as a ‘real’ relationship.

You make a good point about asking a lot of additional partners. I suppose, were roles reversed, I might feel the same, I can’t say for sure. I do think there must be a way though, for everyone to be happy. I mean I really don’t mind if they have other partners to fulfill needs that I can’t possibly meet. I just wish that it didn’t (usually) have to come down to a choice between the ‘other woman’ and me.

Not getting what I want isn’t something I accept very easily so I suppose I’ll just keep at it until I find it or lose the will to live, whichever comes first

XO
Shasta

Well thank you I think at least initially, these are the LEAST of ones worries when it comes to poly. Once you settle into it though, the ‘little things’ that hadn’t perhaps meant anything before begin coming to the surface.

XO
Shasta

In life there is never perfection, only perhaps the hope of getting close. I would never say that striving for monogamy is stupid, although I don’t get the sense that you’re implying that I did. My primary wish is that poly was more widely accepted, so that we didn’t have to hide from our families, so that it isn’t such a struggle to let go of the ‘mono mindset’ that has been instilled in so many of us. Poly is NOT for everyone.

I don’t necessarily think that either are unsustainable, but perhaps a shift in our expecations of relationships is in order.

Thank you for commenting

XO
Shasta

I think the sad reality of it all is that what you want and what you get are always going to be two different things when dating as a poly person. Cause you’re asking a lot of your non-husband partners, and even though everything might seems super cool, it’s very challenging to play so outside of the relationship norm that we’ve been fed since babies.