Stiletto Diaries™

Metrosexuals Notwithstanding, Quiche Still Lacks Something.*

Posted on December 22nd, 2006 in Does All Her Own Stunts, Emotional Angst, Made In Alberta, Mating And Relating, Polyamory

I thought I’d better post an update of sorts, before SD goes on hiatus for Christmas (don’t worry, I’ll be back and better than ever in the New Year).

The past week has been rough. Lots of up and down. Way too much going to bed at night feeling like I may never sleep right again.

Jack has been very fantastic through it all. He has quietly accepted my lashing out, reacting only with love and reassurance for me. He hasn’t been reactionary, pouty, or spiteful even once. He’s so much better at this than I was. I love him, and I am so fortunate to have him in my life.

It is getting better though, a little at a time. A good friend gave me a reality check the other day, telling me quite bluntly that I am being totally lame, not to mention a hypocrite, LOL. Some people might find that harsh, but he’s not one to mince words, and I adore him for his honesty and ability to tell me just what I need to hear, even thought I might not like it. It’s true too. After all the hours and days I have spent preaching and rationalizing and explaining to people how this poly thing works, you think I could take my own advice, LOL. When I stop wallowing in my feelings and just use my head, everything is ok. I will not be a slave to my emotions.

Everyone has been there just when I needed them. V, who may not be poly but understands how it works better than most, is always there to give me love and encouragement. I know I can call her at any hour of the day and she will listen to me patiently and help me work thought my feelings. K is always there to remind me how special and wonderful I am. Sometimes I forget, but he’s very good at pointing out all the best things about me. There is also LD who will give me a ’5 minute phone hug’ any old time I need it. I am truly blessed to have so many really fantastic people in my life. I could never get through this without them.

It’s a tough road, this poly life. We seem to go through extreme fluxes of horrible times and insanely wonderful times. Yesterday was the anniversary of the first time that Jack and I ever spoke. Our first meeting if you will, even if it was just online. We reflected on the past 6 years, and the one thing that can be said is that it hasn’t been dull thus far. The Poly Experiment™ might only be a year old, but trust me, that was just one of many bright ideas I’ve had along the way. I often comment that Jack and I are so perfect for each other because I keep him from being bored and he keeps me…out of jail, LOL. Being thoughtful and really the best man I could ever ask for, he remembered that yesterday was special and presented me with beautiful flowers upon my arrival at home. It was the perfect reminder that no matter what else he might have going on, I will still be special, and certainly not forgotten or pushed aside.

The world also happens to look substantially brighter when one is planning the most spectacular party of the year! Last night V and I went shopping for clothing to wear to my New Year’s Eve party. We went to Adam N Eve’s off of McLeaod Trail here in Cow Town.

I bought a pleather miniskirt to wear with this silky tank top I own. The top looks like lingerie, and with the skirt it’s extra sexy. V bought a top to wear with a denim mini skirt, and possibly fish nets. It’s going to be a hot party. We’re expecting lots of people, it’s going to be fantastic. V and I have been pumped up about it for weeks.

So, all in all, things are alright. Jack is being super accommodating and I am fighting myself tooth and nail not to take advantage of that. It’s not easy, every time he offers to call the whole thing off I have to bite my tongue not to say “YES! I JUST WANT THINGS TO BE FRICKING NORMAL AGAIN”. But, I won’t. That’s not fair to anyone, least of all me. If I don’t force myself to grow and work through this, I’ll be failing myself, and all the things that have become important to me over the past year or so.

I totally forgot about HNT this week, oh well, sometimes life gets in the way.

I’m hoping to get up one more toy review, and possibly the next part of my story, before the blog goes into temporary hibernation. I’ll only be away from Christmas Day until sometime shortly before or after New Year’s. I probably won’t have time to blog until January 2nd.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! I promise to post at least one more time before I go away for the holidays

*David Brin