Comments on: Enlightenment Can Be Heavy* http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: feminista http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> By: Anonymous http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> By: padme http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> By: Alex http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Comments on: Enlightenment Can Be Heavy* http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: feminista http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> By: Anonymous http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> By: padme http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> By: Alex http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> Comments on: Enlightenment Can Be Heavy* http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: feminista http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> By: Anonymous http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> By: padme http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> By: Alex http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> Comments on: Enlightenment Can Be Heavy* http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: feminista http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> By: Anonymous http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> By: padme http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> By: Alex http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> Comments on: Enlightenment Can Be Heavy* http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/ My Life, With Appearances By Other People Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:28:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: feminista http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-563 feminista Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:37:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-563 I'm reading an interesting book "From Eve to Dawn" (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What's really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn't happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still "jealous" couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not "evolutionary", but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I'd always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren't. I just thought I'd share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe). I’m reading an interesting book “From Eve to Dawn” (a three series set) that I got for my birthday. The first books is about the first cultures, specifically those that were egalitarian or matrilinial (meaning mothers were seen as the more important of the sex, and children belonged to them). What’s really interesting is that most of these cultures have a very loose idea of monogamy. Marriage exists, but only for the purposes of child rearing and economic security. In most of these cultures, polygamy is more than acceptable, yet it can still be the grounds for divorce if one partner isn’t happy or has asked the other to be faithful. There are still “jealous” couples who remained monogamous and happy. To me that was the completely clear sign that poly people are not “evolutionary”, but it truly is simply the way some people are, like monogamy. I’d always sort of thought if people were raised in a culture were polygamy was norm or acceptable to all, everyone would practice it to some extent. It seems to be something like being gay, some people are, some people aren’t. I just thought I’d share my little historical findings with you about how some people are just born to be boring and monogamous (hehehe).

]]> By: Anonymous http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-562 Anonymous Sun, 18 Jun 2006 12:14:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-562 The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much. The idea of K being jealous if you bring someone else into the picture is really just too much.

]]> By: padme http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-560 padme Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:35:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-560 SG,<br/>I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I'm stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital. <br/>Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid's that every day. <br/>I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS<br/>~padme<br/>xoxoxoxo SG,
I hope you catch a break soon. :) I hope last night was fun to get out with V and k. I’m stuck at home this weekend. Just waiting for my kitty to get back from the animal hospital.
Great blog post..I liked what you said about the fathers. mine never told me either that he loved me growing up. I tell my kid’s that every day.
I hope your having a good weekend. BIG HUGS
~padme
xoxoxoxo

]]> By: Alex http://shastagibson.com/2006/06/16/enlightenment-can-be-heavy/comment-page-1/#comment-559 Alex Sat, 17 Jun 2006 15:54:00 +0000 http://shastagibson.com/?p=138#comment-559 You really can't catch a break, can you? :)<br/><br/>You have done a good job dissecting what you want and taking the lumps that it takes to get there, learning all the while. K has not done that. Having read (and commented) on his blog and read your descriptions as well, it is clear that K is a good man but someone who is drastically inexperienced in relationships, especially healthy ones, and that he is in WAY over his head in this situation.<br/><br/>You have already broken the rules you set with Jack to accomodate your relationship with K, and now you are considering throwing away all the hard-earned realizations you've come to about what you want in order to accomodate him. That, in the end, is never going to work.<br/><br/>You are entitled to have your relationships the way you want them, and the definition of the right partner is one who wants them that same way. Unfortunately in life we meet people who we care about but who don't share our values, goals and relationship parameters, and we have to let them go. Hard and painful, but ultimately the right thing because it won't work out in the end. <br/><br/>If you go down the road with K you are sacrificing yourself, Jack AND him, because you're not being true to any of the three of you and you can only fake that for so long. You really can’t catch a break, can you? :)

You have done a good job dissecting what you want and taking the lumps that it takes to get there, learning all the while. K has not done that. Having read (and commented) on his blog and read your descriptions as well, it is clear that K is a good man but someone who is drastically inexperienced in relationships, especially healthy ones, and that he is in WAY over his head in this situation.

You have already broken the rules you set with Jack to accomodate your relationship with K, and now you are considering throwing away all the hard-earned realizations you’ve come to about what you want in order to accomodate him. That, in the end, is never going to work.

You are entitled to have your relationships the way you want them, and the definition of the right partner is one who wants them that same way. Unfortunately in life we meet people who we care about but who don’t share our values, goals and relationship parameters, and we have to let them go. Hard and painful, but ultimately the right thing because it won’t work out in the end.

If you go down the road with K you are sacrificing yourself, Jack AND him, because you’re not being true to any of the three of you and you can only fake that for so long.

]]>