Stiletto Diaries™

The Best Laid Plans…

Posted on April 21st, 2006 in Brazilian Waxing, Does All Her Own Stunts, Emotional Angst, Mating And Relating, Polyamory

Today’s post is likely just going to be a random collection of nothing. I am still sick as hell and coherent thought seems to be escaping me. I know that I wanted to write something of substance, but we’ll see how it goes.

K and I have continued to be under restrictions imposed by Jack. Jack and I have been trying to figure out some solutions to the issue (the issue being that Jack can’t seem to come to terms with my relationship with K). Honestly I feel like I’ve been banging my head against the wall for weeks. It’s distressing and frustrating and I just want it to stop.

Jack doesn’t seem to want to fix it. He refuses to read either of the books I have that would likely help him deal with his emotional issues, nor will he take the time to read anything online (there are plenty of resources, some of which are listed in my sidebar). To me it feels like he isn’t willing to do any work for this, simply because he was not prepared for any of this to happen (were any of us?). So, that leaves us at a loss for solutions. He isn’t going to be able to just ‘get over’ all his feelings, and he won’t try to do anything about them, but he doesn’t want me to break up with K, so that leaves us with…??? I have no idea, I am out of answers.

I love Jack, I don’t want to compromise my marriage. I also love K and I don’t want to lose him. It seems like Jack is punishing me because I have K and he has, thus far, not been successful at meeting any other women.

Anyway, I’m kind of to the point of feeling defeated. I don’t want to keep dragging this out as we are all miserable and there just doesn’t seem to be any way to make it better.

K and I went for dinner Wednesday night and then talked a while about the situation. I basically just said that things were not improving, and that it is very likely our relationship (as in K and I) would be over, at least in the romantic/sexual sense. He and I will remain friends, but that will be it. It’s hard for me to think about that, since I love K and enjoy being with him. It just can’t continue with Jack being upset/jealous/resentful/etc a good part of the time. I know that poly isn’t easy, but I don’t think that it should be like this.

If we don’t come up with a practical solution, or at least make some progress in the right direction in the VERY near future, I am totally done with the whole open thing until we figure out how to avoid this happening again. I don’t plan on limiting Jack at all, in fact I will continue to encourage him to have outside relationships. For myself, I won’t be seeing anyone else until I think that I can do so without a repeat performance of this mess. Not to mention I probably won’t be interested in anyone else for quite some time while I try to get over my feelings for K.

Ok, enough with the depressing for the moment.

In other news I made an appointment for my first ever Brazilian wax! There are few things and exciting as knowing that someone will be spreading hot wax on your genitals and then ripping hundreds of your hairs out by the root, LOL. I’m actually pretty scared, and V won’t come with me because the appointment is Sunday morning and she is planning to get drunk Saturday night.

I’m sure it’ll make for an interesting blog post, perhaps accompanied by some photos of my hairless, and probably bright red pussy (no promises though, LOL).

Jack thinks I’m crazy to pay $50 bucks to let some sadistic lady torture me, but I think that it will be worth it, and I’m sure he won’t be complaining once he sees the results.

There isn’t much else to report. I hope that everyone has a great weekend